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Ok I need help you all can look at what has happened with my ex on my past post. Yesterday I removed her from my friend list on Facebook because I found myself looking at her profile too much and it was setting me back on the road to recovery. I just got a text from her today saying "can't be my friend on facebook?" What should I do or say or even respond? Is this going to drive her nuts and push her farther away I would like her back but I don't want to play games anymore?
You should leave it alone. She is the one playing games not you. You are trying to heal by going no contact. If you write back its just going to turn into something that will cause you to backslide.
Have you read Ash's survival guide? Here is the link
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html
He's got great advice and it should really help.
Stay strong!! We have all been there and I know how hard it can be.
I would go on as planned, don't email her back or anything. Don't worry if that pushes her away because it's not about her it's about you trying to heal. If she keeps e-mailing then tell her no we are no longer together I don't want to be friends.
Just tell her this same thing. Make her realize that you're on the road to recovery and that you cannot continue to communicate with her in any way or form, whether it be one-way or two-way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Flyguy1784
Umm I haven't said anything but just got another text from her saying "Is this you cutting me out completly? If thats the case please let me know. I didn't think you never wanted to talk again"
Did you read the survival guide?? Click on that link mister! It will let you know all you need to know. Ash did an awesome job.
Yeah I am reading it right now
She's playing head games with you. My ex did this before. She said can we be friends I said NO. She got really upset then I said OK. But I told her give me time to get over you. She said how long I said at least a year. She didn't like those words either we said goodbye to each other then a couple days later she came over and said she made a mistake and wanted me back.
So I should just let her stir on this for sometime? Silence is golden! I think she is starting to realize I won't be put on a backburner and it is scared the piss out of her.
Knowing what I know now with my ex yes. I told my ex on our first breakup to leave me alone and don't call. Not to be mean but as much as I hurt I couldn't just be friends with her. As much as I wanted to beg for her back I couldn't. I kept telling myself why would I beg for someone back if they don't want you to begin with. IF she wants you back let her beg. And I do believe you scared her. If you tell her to leave you alone I bet you'll scare her even more. But it's still not about her it's about you healing.
Well if I tell her to leave me alone and scare her how does that not drive her even farther away? I have made so much progress in the past months my therapist relased me today and said I have fixed the problems of my past and she thought I was ready to go. Yes I want her back but I want her to beg for me back but at the same time I am having a blast in the single world right now and don't want to get burnt like this again in the future.
Dude... Trust me.
She doesn't know if it's day or night right now...
FlyGuy is putting the pants back on and it's making her queasy.
People ALWAYS feel if they stand their ground they are being "mean" if they hold their ground. They are not.
And don't be - if you ever get together she'll remember that... but Nc is not mean.as long as it was explained up front what you are doing..
Her issues: Trust and space
Your issue: Making her feel those and keeping sane.
SO: She has her space... As for trust: make it clear WHat you are doing: taking your time.
After that - enough said.
You can contact her (politely) when you feel the time is right. Not now
PS - do you really want her?? Be sure.
Yes I do want her back I made a lot of mistakes and so did she but I really want to work together for a better relationship. There were so many good times and it was the best 3 years of my life.
What would you rather do let her keep contacting you and let her keep you thinking of her. Regardless if she want you back she will come back. And if you think your pushing her away your not. Actually you might push her back into your arms again. But I agree with ash DO you really want her back. Sounds like you don't so if that's the case who cares if you push her away.
Don't bother replying. Delete her, delete everything to do with her. Recode your memories as such and learn to let go. That will be a powerful lesson for future relationships/friendships. Better to learn young and now than in the future.
Its hard to stick with NC but do it and you'll feel much better. IGNORE IT !
It sounds like what you really want is her begging on her knees to take her back. Dude, that's NOT healthy. Why would you want someone to degrade themselves. I think the only reason you want her back is to get the satisfaction of knowing that she can't live without you.
What you really want is an ego boost not a relationship.
I can tell you from the girls side of things she is freaking out because you aren't jumping every time she says so. She is losing power and control and you are thinking that by picking it up as she loses it that there is going to be a balance. It sounds like both of you are fighting for control. No one wins in that kind of situation. So you should take Jiser's advice and run far away.
No its not that I want her to come back begging I have been the one begging trying to get her to give me a second chance. The last two weeks I have not contacted her trying to heal myself from the pain I don't want her to degrade herself I just want to help heal the hurt she has and rebuild the trust that we had for each other. But with this no contact thing I can't say anything to her until she tells me she wants to give it another try. I don't want to be put on the backburner its not fair and its not healthy that is why I have started to move on. I think she is now seeing what she has done she put me on a string thinking that I wouldn't go anywhere and once she had her fun she could come back to me. At the first two weeks of this I was jumping at everything she said but since then I have respected her and given her the space she wanted.
It might sounds like I want an ego boost but I don't need that I know that I have been happy with myself the past month and don't need her to make me happy but I want her in my life because she brings so much joy to my life and there was a real connection between us. I just want her to want to be with me fully, I want her to know in her heart that I am what she wants. That is what I think of her I want to be with her but she asked for the break and I had to respect that and try to put the feelings I had for her away.
Flyguy, stay on your path for you. As you heal you will be in a better position to make good decisions, and see things clearly and realistically. Nothing else really matters as it is important for you to be healthy, and then you can know what it is you really want. No hurry. Take the time you need. And remind me again why you two aren't together? Oh that's right SHE dumped YOU! Heal and pay attention, as you will see what you failed to see while your mind was clouded by love and grief
I know she dumped me just don't understand why it seems like she is crawling back now.
You are in the driver's seat.
Rent "swingers" and if time get out of town (the brain thinks differently in new places).
Btw/how old are you all?
What is her job?
The incomparable advice of T will pull you through this ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ash123
We are both 23 she is working for a relocation agency and I am working for Northwest Airlines in the flight operations department.
Swingers... T?
I think I know what you were sayin' G :-)
-----
Anyway FlyGuy, you are both young... and finding yourselves. Let her know that you are finding YOURSELF.
Trust the process of time and healing... And just take your hands off the wheel...
Yeah I have been doing very well with taking my hands of the wheel this was just a bump I didn't think was coming because I have been looking at our relationship as over. I know I have no control she is the one that wanted to break up so I don't think I am going to respond at all I am going to just keep moving forward and live for me.
Honestly, I think you are in a fine position. Move on...
My guess: she will circle back... especially if you are her first, IF you were cordial and made it clear why you are keeping quiet for now.
Yeah the last time we talked she told me that there is no "us" right now and she just wants her space. So I responded with OK there is no "us" so that means I need to move on and in order to do that I can not contact you and then I said you can't contact me like this you can't just call to talk I can't handle that. So she knows why I am doing this just strange she tells me she wants me out of her life then when I start taking her out of mine... freak out!
She loves you dawg' -
Bummer for you. Bummer for her.
She's just trying to make some big decisions... She needs 100% unconditional (and frankly, irrational and impossible) love... She wants you to love her whether she's gone or not and to have her cake and eat it too. She's not being mean, just awakening to the realities of life. Bummer... You've done all you can do. About the time you are waking up to see some girl's toothbrush in your bathroom - you'll probably get an email.
Great point... it is hard to think about right now but seems so true. I can't keep these feelings for her if she isn't going to show me her feelings the longer this goes on the more I put them away into a hidden box in the back of my mind.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ash123
So funny story went out on the town last night we old college friends that were in town my ex found out some how that I stayed in town this weekend. So my friends who have not talked to her in months started getting text from her last night asking where we were going to be. One of my friends without me knowing till this morning sent her a text telling her don't even think about coming here you have done enough damage. Didn't run into her the night ended up being a great night just found it funny how when the dumped start standing their ground and stop playing games the dumpers start to regret their decision.
That is funny and you havesome good friends around you. Be aware that her feelings hasn't changed, but she is intent on keeping you confused so you cannot get healthy and get over her. Like throwing a bone to a starving dog. Dog sticks around hoping for more. Don't be her dog.
Yeh you do. Leave it in the past.
Hey everyone its going great everyday is getting better. She has been texting me every few days I have yet to respond and don't know if I ever want to again. I have been keeping so busy and other girls are coming out of every corner kind of fun. This site has been a major help!
That's good! I had a good night last night, one of the best in years actually. Lots of reflecting and getting in touch with myself by myself. It was nice. I listed to songs on YouTube all night. I played you got lucky babe from tom petty over and over. Lol
Ive been NC for 4 days and have not heard from her yet.
I want her to text me but then again I don't. Ive really been thinking about things that she has done over the years and how controlling she was.
Excellent.
Hold on to one thing: focus on what's healthy.
Exercise. Your life. Women that are honest.
Your Ex is on ice....like a beer.
You can get it when you are done with work.
Or never... Stay away for now.
Don't let her go because it sounds like she loves you a lot! And if you let her go you might not find anyone else like her. You should call her.
He has to go. He already knows he loves her. But he can't be putting himself on hold for her, she left. Will a new girl bring her back? Good chance, but she wanted the space not him
There is no point in trying to get her back now, she wants to go do her own thing and that is fine. Why love someone when they don't return your love yeah it sounds like she loves me but actions speak louder then words and her actions are showing me that she has no clue what she wants. So I am living each day and having a blast doing there are new girls coming out of the blue and it is so much fun also I think there is something developing with one of my really good friends. She has started to be way more flirtatious with me ever since the breakup so life is great no point in setting myself back... she lost me!
Dude, you took the advice and made it happen.
If only everyone could focus like you have - and use the advice given...
Nice work.
Got a text from the Ex last night saying "I just want you to know that I still think about the good things and I miss them so much they make me cry when I go to sleep don't call I just wanted you to know that"... I didn't call and then 15 minutes later got another text saying I need some more time but if we are meant to be together we will be. Funny thing is I was out with that really good friend I talked about last post so I was in no mood to deal with it. I let it go for the night and sent her a text back this morning saying "yeah all that line means is I don't want to be with you I don't think you are what I want and I think there is better out there but I want to give you a little hope and not be mean in case I can't find anyone better...I don't need this I have another great opportunity on my doorstep this was you call live with it....I am" I know it was harsh but I can't do it anymore I will not have her try to put me on the back burner.
Mate you are still trying to justify to her whayt her messages are. STOP doing this why are you even replying like that Your reply should have just said. "DONT WORRY ABOUT IT" or Even better why are you still respondn g to this absoulute crap which she throws at you GO SILEN do not take any more of this she is feeing off any small responses and by repling in your way I can read exacly what your saying,
I hobestly believe if she said she wants to start fresh you would II CAN TELL THIS FROM YOUR Response TO HER Message. You know why cause you tell her that yo have and opportunity at your doorstep and even if this isright youwould not be tellingher this you would just be sayingo yourself id rather this new one sowhy am I even thinking of ex cause that's what will happen. When you don't ant her then you reallly won't reply..
So cut it now next time you get a message check it then delete and sauy to yourself she still wants me she keeps messaging me... if she really wants you back start totally ignoring her and you will get your answer veryquickly...
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