Jiser you give some greta advice but you do not do what you tell everyone else we know that. You say strict no contact and missbeach in your case you must not contact him at all and I think you are still a chance with him. You must not contact him though because if you do contact him well how is that getting him to want you.

A MUST is if you want him back think of it likethis if you didn't want a guy and he kept calling you what would you do you would probably say something like you're a nice guy but we can just be friends. But look when you have a guy who is not caling you sit there and hope that he does. So let him sit there hoping you respond and when you don't he will realise he must contact you if he really wants you.

People don't think clearly I hear on here so often "I DONT WANT HIM TO THINK IVE MOVED ON AND NOT CONTACT ME IF HE WANTED ME BACK"

Well wake up girlfriend you know he is with some other girl and moved on but you are still contacting him arnt you.

THE FACTS ARE WHEN YOU MOVE ON THIS IS WHEN HE WILL WANT YOU BACK IT THE WAY IT IS , HE FINDS OUT SOME OTHER GUY MIGNT HAVE YOU AND DECIDES HE WANTS IN ON THE ACTION AGAIN AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE DECIDE You're the ONE FOR HIMA AND YOU WATCH HIM CHASE YOU DOWN. BETTER YET I THINK YOU SHOULD REPLY TO THAT MESSAGE AND SAY!!

THE LAST WEK HAS BEEN THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOURVE BEEN GETTING SPANKED SIDEWAYS" HE Won't BELIEVE IT HE WILL BE DREADING THE DAY HE LEFT AND WANTING YOU BACK THIS SOUNDS BAD BUT IM A GUY HIS A GUY ALL HE WILL THINK ABOUT IS HOW SEXY YOU ARE AND HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO BE SLAPPING UP AGAINST YOU AGAIN! 1

YOURVE GOT NOTHING ONLOSE GIVE IT A GO. NOW

JUST REMEMBER ONE THING HE IS MISSING YOU PEOPLE DO Not not MESSAGE YOU IF THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED. ONLY OCCASIONALLY SOME PEOPLE JUST WANT TO CHECK IN BUT YOU WILL FIND THIS WILL USUALLY BE THE PEOPLE WHO GOT DUMPED AND MOVED ON AND ARE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW And the MESSAGE THE PERSON TO SHOW THEY MOVED ON TO SOMEONE BETTER.

Your situation here he is definitely wondering what your doing he is probably sitting there now waiting hoping dreaming of a reply. He wouldn't message unless he was thinking abot you GEEEZ you wouldn't message some guy you didn't give a about would you

THINK ABOUT THIS YOU MESSAGE WHEN YOU CARE AND WONDER OR ELSE YOU Wouldn't EVEN THINK ABOUT MESSAGING!!

DO NOT MESSAGE BACK HE WILL MESSAGE AGAIN AND NEXT TIME IT WILL Probably BE MORE LIKE "Hay babe you wanna catch up some time!!!!"

Let us kow what happens...

Damn, I don't know. You're a guy, so let me ask you. Im sorry, I've seen this girl, and it's a downgrade. And the jealousy message is another thing. But here's the thing, when I was talking to him, he found out about my rebound and it Didn't BOTHER HIM. But this new message comes after 9 days no contact. BUT the last time we talked, he said he was over it. What he's got with this girl is bothering me though, they hang out and talk all the time. BUT she's a skank, its practically tattooed on her forehead. AND Im 3 years with him, and a lot better looking etc, not that looks are key here, but Im trying to paint a picture.

I don't think Im going to message him because it pushed him away before. I want to see if he'll say more in the next few days, but Ive got my money on he won't he seems so sure. I need more. www.myspace.com/missbeach2 here's my myspace, anyone whose answered I will friend, you've all been good to me on here!

Any Ideas on this. The guy that left me is not in college like me, no ambition, not that funny, not that BIG of a catch. I mean, I was comfortable and love him, but he's not the one.

So this brings me to my topic. When someone breaks up with us, is it true when I say that most of the time, It's probably about feeling like the losing party that makes us want to get back with them? Like the rejection causes us to yearn for them to take us back?

Is it losing the upperhand, or feeling helpless that makes us want their affections again? I think this is true in many causes, please if you think you may be one of these causes, post a response and be honest with yourself.

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Originally Posted by missbeach123

Any Ideas on this. The guy that left me is not in college like me, no ambition, not that funny, not that BIG of a catch. I mean, I was comfortable and love him, but he's not the one.

So this brings me to my topic. When someone breaks up with us, is it true when I say that most of the time, It's probably about feeling like the losing party that makes us want to get back with them? Like the rejection causes us to yearn for them to take us back?

Is it losing the upperhand, or feeling helpless that makes us want their affections again? I think this is true in many causes, please if you think you may be one of these causes, post a response and be honest with yourself.

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Yes this is exactly how I feel, I'm not going to lie I really liked this girl and got all the excuses in the book to not see me or keep her distance but for some reason I thught she liked me, well she said she did. My ego has suffered a dent and I know ask myself what is wrong with me, am I ugly, boring etc. its also the fear of no finding someone good enough or better than what you though you had.

That is not my case bt I definitely believe that everyone likes to win and when you get dumped you feel automaticllylike you have lose. That is why when you are about to get dumped and you know it you either get in first or you agree and say yes definatel need a break we both need to clear our heads. Therefor this puts no pressure and puts you on a level playing field. Alo means your ex has no control feels just like you its as if you both ended it.

I do not like losing and Yes in the past I have thought well I want her back and that was probably cause I felt like I lost. But well my latest ex was 3 1/2 years when it's that longb missbeac you can't really say you are upset and feel like you lost the game because in hindsight you have lost more than the game youhave lost time.

In relationships which only go for a few months definitely the one who gets dumped thinks they lost but the onger it goes the less winning and losingbcome into it and I beleve with a longer rrlationship it is more along the lines of resentment of someone you new so well doing this too you.

Yeah I get you, Mckenzie, I was in a 3 year run too. It is major resentment, but also, I've been told it seems Im acting out of a need to 'win' . Not that I really truly want him back, but because I want to have some kind of satisfaction of being desired by him, by him making the mistake. Im not sure if I want HIM or I want him to regret things so I have the upperhand.

Well my relationship before this one was 4 years and when I got dumped I definitely was angry and the fact was I just actually really wanted to have the control and felt like I had lost. The relationship was stuffed though we were both young ad she was so insecur I was on with heaps of girls and there was always drama but I wasliving the moment and it was a huge ride and I will never forget the times we spent together those were some great days of my life and so much fun I had.

My latest relationship was much better though in terms f honest andn love we shared many things and I learnt so much about TRUST and being a good human being to others and treating everyone well. Learned this from a girl who was only 18 when I met her but had an amzing hea on her and new what she wanted. So intelligent and attractive the relationsip was such a succes. But in the end of the relationship she is now 22 she decides she doent knnow how she feelssaidshe never loved some the way she feels about me and isn't sure if that's enough how she feels so she broke it off. Hurt me a lot she was someone who I found a lot from and like no one I had met before.Still hurts now afte 2 and a half months... ont know if I will eve fully get over er he biggest problem is I hadn't met anyway who captivated me like her. I did not let hr know this for a long time but in the end yourfeelings come out and well she went te other way.

Just when I thought she was so honest and great wellm she did nothing wrong and the bad thing is in the end she had no one else she just wanted some time on her own and I guess realised I it wasn't right. Took a hell of a long time to work that out. Lot of years wasted to know that... probably more pissed off that I cared and gave her so much well in the end like they say made her too much of my life.


Thought she was more caring than to hurt me like this but then again she said I didn't want to hurt you I just had to do what was right for me. Girls have such funny minds wind he clock back a week before the breakup and she's saying how we are destined to be together and she misses me so much and loves me. Wel week later byebyebye!! \

I like my ex a lot, I love her laugh, we got on great, I miss the play fights, the hugs, the talks etc sex hah, but she had no ambition as said above, she was ultimately boring, never wanted to do anything, never wanted to go away for a weekend, was never up for much, wasn't very nice to me, lol I guess it is rejection in a way like I am in indqaute but I think I am the catch not my ex.

It is not unusual to be stuck, when you do yourself the deservice of just remembering the good times and all the love. That has to hurt. Let get real and play the whole tape next time you think of that ex, and remember the bad things he did and said, or have you selectively forgotten?? For a month or two it will hurt that's a given, but you will slowly come out of that funk, if you do the right things, and heal those emotions and accomplish the goal of building a life with out him. If he hurt you once, it is insanity to go back for more. He may be a great kisser and sweet lover, but he loves skanks. Let him have them, and get a real man who doesn't cheat.

Take your advice and Ill take mine. Its fail proof

I don't know, I got my money on no more texts. He's got a new girl to sleep with. I think maybe when he thinks I actually could be gone things will change but I don't want to bank on him anymore, Its not worth it. I guess its only speculation, I wish I was a mind reader.

After all these questions and good advice, aren't you ready for something good in your life. Please stop trying to analyze his motives, and just read all the posts here of those confused people who are holding out hope for their long gone exes, and you'll see how much time they wasted instead of getting happy and healthy and having fun in their lives. If you read those posts, they have a common thread of doing so well, then calling the ex and being confused again, and starting all over. That's what all exes do, string you along and give you false hope, so YOU can't move on and leave them in their own confusion. As long as your weak and confused, you can be manipulated into sticking around till they find whatever it is they think they want. Stop wasting time, and get some fun and happiness and let the ex be confused while you strut your quality. Life is to short to waste on yesterday. Just review all your questions you've posted, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

After all these questions and good advice, aren't you ready for something good in your life. Please stop trying to analyze his motives, and just read all the posts here of those confused people who are holding out hope for their long gone exes, and you'll see how much time they wasted instead of getting happy and healthy and having fun in their lives. If you read those posts, they have a common thread of doing so well, then calling the ex and being confused again, and starting all over. Thats what all exes do, string you along and give you false hope, so YOU can't move on and leave them in their own confusion. As long as your weak and confused, you can be manipulated into sticking around till they find whatever it is they think they want. Stop wasting time, and get some fun and happiness and let the ex be confused while you strut your quality. Life is to short to waste on yesterday. Just review all your questions you've posted, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

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Darn, I really wish I could have rated this answer but I had to spead the rep.

This is perfect tal.

Listen to what tal has said here, please!!

It is bang on 100% good advice!!

Give up on the false hope and analyzing already..

Happens to the best of us, but you must let go.

I think its easily and often overlooked that really WINNING in life is to just be truly happy
Happiness is a personal decision, even if it requires you to shift your perspective or stretch the grey matter to understand the positive that has come from what seems negative at the time, with these things held firmly in mind you can never lose, ever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by missbeach123

Any Ideas on this. The guy that left me is not in college like me, no ambition, not that funny, not that BIG of a catch. I mean, I was comfortable and love him, but he's not the one.

So this brings me to my topic. When someone breaks up with us, is it true when I say that most of the time, It's probably about feeling like the losing party that makes us want to get back with them? Like the rejection causes us to yearn for them to take us back?

Is it losing the upperhand, or feeling helpless that makes us want their affections again? I think this is true in many causes, please if you think you may be one of these causes, post a response and be honest with yourself.

---

I think its like this.

If you are the one left behind, regardless of the quality you think you hold, right or wrong you feel rejected and question if it is something about you that led to the breakup. Why, why, why?! Must be me, all about me and me alone.

You don't for one second believe that it could be the one who ended it or just the end of an era, the end of a relationship that is nobody's fault.

There may or may not be blame on either sides but its tough being the one left behind, that's for sure. I think a lot of what you have suggested above is quite true in some ways.

Moving on and letting go is the way forward and IN TIME you will feel so much better..

In time.

Thanks Geoff, Some times I wonder if I had a cell phone, and could text, and have a myspace, and emails, would I have been in the same boat as so many here, with all the break ups I had? Naw, After That first one, I was ready to accept it was over, and have never went back, for the extra misery and pain. But that first break up was a MoFu>

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Thanks Geoff, Some times I wonder if I had a cell phone, and could text, and have a myspace, and emails, would I have been in the same boat as so many here, with all the break ups I had?? Naw, After That first one, I was ready to accept it was over, and have never went back, for the extra misery and pain. But that first break up was a MoFu>

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LOL!

Modern technology has a part to play in all this eh?.

True though... text, mobile, email, myspace, yourspace, itsplace is the silent sniper to all those trying to heal.

Stay away from it all..

By the way, yourspace and itsplace is all made up but I wouldn't mind placing a bet on some computer geek (no offense intended) on coming up with some competitive website to the myspace c**p. (no offense intended, wink wink, nudge nudge)...

SPACE IS THE PLACE .COM, Where you can share and care. and make me rich.