Confused,
I know exactly what you are going through. Last year, my boyfriend of a yeaer broke up with me out of the blue, saying all the same stuff your boyfriend told you. He just didn’t know what was wrong with the relationship, he didn't feel the passion, etc. We had no contact for 6 months. I knew through a friend he dated someone for a month during that time.
During those 6 months, I was exactly like you. I was depressed, lost 20 pounds, slept and cried, and was really miserable. Every day was a struggle just to get through. Looking back it was a blur. I had a brief 2 month relationship, but I wasn’t nearly ready. It was just a distraction. Every day I acknowledged that I was depressed and wanted him back.
Then, out the blue, my ex called and wanted me back. He begged, said he had changed, etc. I wasn’t going to get hurt again, so I was sure to ask him all the “are you ready for a commitment,” “have you changed,” “what was wrong with us the first time,” “did you leave me for someone else,” questions. After he gave me all the answers I needed to hear, I took him back.
Things were great for three months. Then, one day he was a little distant. At the end of that week, he asked me for space and time, told me he was depressed, that he thought his medications were making him feel lethargic. He didn’t want a breakup.
Two weeks went by. He wasn’t calling, wasn’t returning calls, etc. Finally, I told him that we had to break up. There was no way I could support someone who wasn’t even talking to me. And eventually, if he was ignoring me, I wouldn’t even LIKE him as a person, much less love him anymore. If he needed me and wanted me to support him through the depression than that would be great. He STILL didn’t want to break up. He asked for a break. I said NO. Really, what was the point? We had all but broken up anyway.
So, it’s been two weeks without contact. Tonight I went over to his house to see if he wanted to go for a walk. I figured that as his friend, I would encourage my depressed, lethargic sad ex-boyfriend to get out of the house. Well, depression has been suiting him just fine. He was clean shaven, looked nice, dressed up, his car was freshly washed, and obviously he was anxious to have me leave his house. Turns out he had a date with someone he’s been seeing for several weeks, since before the break-UP.
The whole point of this is to tell you that
1. he’ll come back to you. That’s a given. He will call, and if you let him into you life by returning the calls, then you may even get back together, whether right or wrong
2. Sometimes a breakup needs a couple times to stick. Sometimes we just keep trying to make something work when it never will. It's not illegal to give the relationship another try, you just have to know you might get burned again.
3. Everything you’re feeling is natural. Every day is a challenge but remember that you are the normal one and you WILL get through this. You can't change him and what he does. You can only change how you will deal with him.
4. This happens to almost everyone. You and I are not the one people on earth to go through it.
So, put on some “hopelessly devoted to you,” cry your eyes out tonight ONLY, then tomorrow, put on Gloria Gaynor’s “ I will Survive,” (or the Cake remake of it which is much more angry), and move on with your life. That’s what I’m going to do.
Hang in there