Well said Talinman. Also Missk sounds like you've been there and done that and have a T-shirt torove it.

Missk put it perfectly. That's why I did not jump on that.

See I kind of look at relationship you have to be her friend 80% of the time - make her laugh always, tease her (tease her karaoke)... talk. Don't bring up the relationshp - especially now. NO Pressure. Did I say make her laugh? Treat her like one of the guys - she'll love you for it.

20% is romance.

Well after the concert on Tuesday and karaoke on Wed there was no contact on Thurs or Fri. I brought my friend to my hang out as his car is in the shop. I was leaving to go to another place and as I walked out the door there she was coming in. We talked a little and I gave her an extra long hug on purpose to see if she would embrace that long as well and she did. She asked where I was going and I told her I was going to watch our favorite band play. She said OK and we kissed once and I was gone. I had to go back there later to pick my friend up. Well I returned around 12:30 with the drummers wife that followed me there because she wanted to go. She is also friends with my girl. She was quizzing her on what I was doing over at the other place.I ended up dancing with(my girl) a couple of times and we hung out together and had a good time amongst our friendslike we always have. When it was time to go she asked me if I wanted to go to her house and I said OK but I just want to hold you and she said that's fine with her. So I brought my friend home and went to her house and that's exactly what we did. I know I probably shouldn't have gone there but I couldn't help it because I miss us so much. Why did she ask me to go there and then she probably won't contact me for no telling how long after?

It confuses and hurts me but at the same time it's worth it just to be able to hold her for one night. What do I need to do?

Quote:

---

What do I need to do?

---

Get on with your life. This was only one night.

She is totally playing you. You have got to let go. Set a goal for yourself to stay away for at least a week. If you don't keep your goal then you can't even trust yourself. It is not worth it to hold her for one night if you are right back to where you started. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question "What do I need to do?" She has you right where she wants you. Is that what you want? Because if it is then fine, but if not, then you better put your foot down and do what you think is right. It doesn't matter if you had sex or just held each other-she's playing you-because you are so bothered right now. If you keep giving in every time you are not going to get stronger and gain the respect that you want and deserve. I am not sure what else to say at this point. Sometimes it is easier to get across by talking than typing.

Man honestly you should have held yourself back and this time you should have played hard to get Don't!! MAKE Yourself CONVIENTENT! For her she got what she needed! Now! Your back in the same process of waiting for her again play it cool now no touching!

It's a GAME! We all know these people still have feelings for us! They will always miss us! And they know they have us! Its hard for us but its time for all of us in this situation to flip the cards WE NEED TO PLAY OUR CARDS RIGHT NOW.



I really think people in a long relathiship minium 1yr +. They have to miss us... they do not as much as we miss them but they do... and we keep messin up because we always think they feel the same as we do... I got to try now so do you were all here it sucks but there's notthin wrong in trying to flip the GAME around

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lost Guy

Hello Everyone,
This my first time on this site and it has helped me just by reading the comments that you gave to others. Everyones situation is a little different so I decided to sign up. Three weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years told me that she needed time and

space. We broke up 1 time about 2 years ago but reconciled about 4 months after and have been together ever since. Last time we broke up I almost immediately started seeing another woman. I know it's not right but at the time it helped. She was so

heartbroke that she almost had a nervous breakdown. Well this time I decided to take it like a man and deal with all of the pain and emotions and I am literally dying inside and she is actually taking it a lot better. She still misses me and I know it hurts her. I have

lost 10 pounds the first two weeks that I didn't really have to lose in the first place. All I think about is her all day. I poured my heart out which was probably a mistake, and now I am taking advice that I have read. Leave her alone! It is so hard but it's what I am doing.

A few days after we broke up I got 2 tickets to a concert which happens to be an artist that we both like so I asked her to go and she said yes. The concert is tomorrow but I did not call her because of the "leave her alone clause" but she called me yesterday so I brought

the concert up. She kinda acted like she was really unsure about going and asked if my new room mate would want to go instead. Already assuming this may happen I asked him and he does not want to go and I told her that. So she said ok I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act. I have moved some of my stuff out but she told me that I

don't have to move everything out right now as it is her house. She says she's not looking for anyone she just needs time. I have other questions and more details but this is an immediate concern as the concert is tomorrow. This goes against the leave her alone advise but she agreed to go. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

Bless your heart babe.. just read your question how did it go at the concert.. are u OK.. love and hugs

OK I see that I am getting played. I don't know why she would do this to me. She knows that I am hurting and yet she still does this. Why? What do I do when she shows up to my hang out again?

Stop trying to figure out why. It does not matter why. We all have the why questions but sometimes they should not or can not be answered. In this case NO CONTACT. If she shows up at the hang out. Cold shoulder. Pretend she is not even there.

Joe

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lost Guy

OK I see that I am getting played. I don't know why she would do this to me. She knows that I am hurting and yet she still does this. Why? What do I do when she shows up to my hang out again?

---

Be friendly polite and busy. The time for talk is over and now get some action in your game. No Contact and be busy with your own life. Don't waste time tryingto get answers as you are mostly to blame for your feelings being hurt. Trying to change someone else's mind to get what you want is a foolish waste of energy and can never work out the way you want it to.

I know what I need to do (no contact). I just can't understand how she could hurt and treat me this way after the years we've had together. Most of my stuff is still at her house

And I still have keys. Its been 4 weeks tomorrow. How much time should I give her? This is a living hell for me. Why can't I just forget it for a while and let some time pass? It's on

My mind all the time even after 4 weeks! Nothing I do is complete without her and that really bites. She handed me my heart back in pieces and each piece is still loving her. Why?

Love hurts... It is hard to understand... sometimes people just need a break for whatever reason... it is not you-it's her-it may have nothing to do with you... the more you accept this for what it is, the easier it will be for you... like your friends said she still loves you so just take a deep breath, relax, and don't ponder so much-stay bust.

People are selfish sometimes-it takes a step back to realize and evaluate your life-maybe this is what she is doing. So just keep on being the fun guy for a while-yes it's been four weeks but it was only a week or so you were with her. You haven't given her a chance to really miss you. Just be strong and remember these things take time. Just my opinion.

Great Advice MissK. What do you suggest I do when she shows up at my hang out? I've gotten mixed reviews thus far. I know that I need to let her miss me. But why does she continue to go to a place that I will probably be? Should I stop going there for a while? I have a few friends there that just hanging around with them helps me get through this to some degree.

Don't go where she goes then ;P

Honestly no contact helps so much! It helped me and I havet talked to her for two days! Haha you I know that's a little bit... but its such a relief! It will be so much eaiser on you if you don't even go to that hang out forget it! Don't go! Do your own thang... just like you I never gave my girl the chance to miss me... you've been through so much let her do what she's got to do... it hurts but its so much more easier w/ no contact listen to everyone were in this w/ you were basically on your side.. we don't know her, were going to tell you what we feel is right... I would basically not see her for lets say 3 weeks straight! If she calls or texts you make it short that's all! Don't be convienent for her at all!

And ask yourself question when you miss her...

Like if she's having fun why can't I?
If she's happy I should be to..


If you truly do love and care for her... let her be.. she's happy you should be too now... she will miss you no matter what others say they will you guys prob been through so much.. and its your turn to give her that space to miss you..

I agree with Jiser-don't go where she goes. The more time you spend away, the stronger you will be.

You might want to put your foot down. Go get all your stuff and just say I can't handle this anymore. I need to move on.

I know it's kind of an ultimatum... but you do need an answer, maybe closure.

This will also show having a spine and showing her you are more than willing to move on.

It seems right now she wants her cake and eat it to. It's not fair to you.