Thanks to all of you for giving your support... the urge is really strong... couldn't sleep from past few days... still I haven't give in... I m still on NC... 9 years is a big time... which I have given to him... but now... not anymore... I won't compromise in any way... I m trying and hopefully will get over this one day... he tried to contact me few days back late at night... but I ignored his calls... and few fake interview calls... and I'm having a strong feeling... it was him only behind those calls... he knows where my workplace is... and I'm trying to change for that too...

Yes, I can see you are trying and I now if you just hold on to it you can overcome anything! I trust you, you can do it. :)

Bunnnymck- can you suggest which author is best for the said book?

Is this the book written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo... the one you talked about..? I m ready to do anything to get over this reallly.....

Hi Friends

Something strange is going on... as I told you earlier too... he tried to contact late at night few days back... but I ignored his calls... now... he came up online... but didn't say a single word to me... its been 2 days now... he came online and went off in evening before reaching home... earlier when something was going on between us... some issue or fight... he used to block me... it was his habit... but this time... he didn't block me... didn't even try to talk to me... should I take it as he has accepted that its over... or something is going on in his mind... his behaviour has made me think of him... its unusual... please throw some light over it... thanks...
I am feeling emotionally unstable with his attitude...i know i should not...but its like i m losing the strength which i gained after so much effort....what to do...i don't want to make any mistake now...

Block, delete, or cancel being notified he is online, and then his behavior will not e seen by you and send you into such a confusion. Why you have not done this already is what's confusing.

I thought of blocking him... and did it too... but for 5 minutes only... then I unblocked him... I don't know what it was which made me do that... but I simply couldn't and I myself went offline and didn't log in for many days... so that I can't see him... and when I went online... it was his behaviour... which I explained already... I don't know... something inside me stops me blocking him... I know its not right for me... but this is the fact... its true I don't want to get into this... want to come out of this forever... but... do I need to see a psychiatrist to deal with this issue?. I want to leave him... but deep inside my heart... may be he is still there... its a difficult situation for me... thankfully... NC is still on... I have started taking pills at night to get proper sleep... and day time... I m at work... and have wonderful colleagues/ friends... somewhere... my heart aches... I lost my first love... I never wanted to be with him again when he dumped me heartlessly and married to that woman... but he convinced me somehow... and before I could understand and take a decision... I was in this relationship with him with his benefits... and my losses... anyway... that's what I need to forget... I m in need of serious help... my sub-conscious still wants him... and its his life reality... which makes me to run far away from him... I m fighting with myself... but I have promised myself... I m ready to suffer like this... but I will not be in such a compromising relationship... I won't compromise now... not anymore... it hurts... hurts lot...

I am sensitive to your pain but BLOCK him now and skip the drama and misery YOU are causing yourself. Its cheaper than a shrink.

I'm doing it Tal... Blocking him...

This has gone on far too long. The OP needs professional help, more than we can give. Therefore, this thread is now closed.

To the OP... Please seek professional counseling.

I encourage you to start a new thread broken_heart, if you need further encouragement from your friends.