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Originally Posted by scotsfilmmaker

Hi steve,

only discovered this forum a week ago, but what a great forum! Learnt a great deal about breakups, wish I used this forum when I broke up with my EX in June 2005, trouble is, we still see each other and I`ve tried to get back with her justI like you Steve, but I am trying to make little or no contact with her. (maybe I`ll post my break-up situation as well?, which was quite bad, but I like you did see a future in this woman)

All the best Steve, may the rest of 2007 be a good year for you to meet a wonderful and sensitive woman! :p

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Please post your question. You'll be surprised how helpful it can be for you! Its up to you but don't be shy. We are all here to help and remember that we have all been in your position ourselves before so we don't judge!

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

Me and my girlfriend have been with each for on an off 2 an half years. We spend a lot of time with each other and share lots of things in common, our relationship bar a few issues was extremely healthy, we both love each other, care for each other, both faithful and have lots of laughs, shes my best friend. we've broken up a few times not for long tho seems almost bipolar, i go through a bad time and dont want to be with her, few days time were together and same with her. We have been on 3 major holidays and enjoyed all of them an got lots of things that remind each other of us. We talked about growing up together and future plans, we talked form the heart an mean it. With her career she may have to move away at the end of the year and thinks its best if we break up. Its a shock and i hate the fact of breaking up. She doens't not love me, and nothing has gone wrong, just she says she wants space thing is, she isnt the srt of person that actaully wants space, i know her. she doenst like breaks and we have boken up i kills me that i have no say other than to try and get along with her decision. it feels like i have lost half of me, i have talked to her but dont want to pester her, she seems strong and serious that it is the right thing. It isnt we're great together. I want to be with her more than anything else. The only thing i think i can do is give her her space. No one else measure up to her, i dont want to be with anyone else. i believe i have found the one but she doenst want to be with me right now.

Can anybody give me some info, cheer me up, give me some stats, some general . psychology, some life experience.

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What you need is to get her attention. Look tomorrows valentines day get her something mad nice like flowers or roses and see what happens if she's not cool with it forget about her and find another girl

Hey Steve,
Giving you a women's point of view, when couples regardless of who initiates the break, starts the "I need time away" thing, just means she is not really totally happy and is letting you down gently. She realizes your not the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with and wants to keep her options open. She probably still loves you no doubt, but maby it's in a best friend sort of way, not a soul mate way. It will take time for you to get over her, but it will get easier. The best way to get over her is to start a new relationship even if it's just on a friendly basis with another girl. I guarantee you if she does come back it will happen again.
Good luck!
Toby

Why are people so cowardly that they have to rely on the 'I need time away' line when it's just as hurtful as airing out grievances? In fact it is even more hurtful because it gives the other party a false sense of hope.

It's not gentle to screw around with people's emotions!

I agree the I need space thing is bollox, it is painful as fcuk sometimes! But I'm over it for the time being, about a months later down the line, I also agree getting another girl even as mate there is good.

Hey she keeps calling me.. . This means..? I'm not answering on automatic reject but its nearly 2 months and she is calling me practically every day. Up to 4 times an on weekends like fri sat nights anything up to 12. I don't get it. Surely if she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't call. I told her not to call, told her she was blocked.

Any suggestions as to why she still calls, or why someone in her position would?

Well the only way to find out why she is calling is to answer and ask her.

But if your happy not to know and you want to continue moving forward without her in your life then you don't have to answer.

You could always answer the phone, tell her you don't want her calling anymore because she is in your past and your moving forward and ask that she do the same and leave you alone.

Up to you though. You can keep ignoring the calls and soon enough she will get the idea and stop calling. Or if you really want to know why, answer and ask her!

She calls me 2weeks ago and tells me she has feelings, an how she's been thinking of us being emotional shed a tear about things we've done when we went on holiday to greece. Saying that she feels that something's missing, someone 2 talk to and to be there for her, in a different way to her friends. She sent me emails with pictures in from out past detailing how nice they looked of 'us'. She sent me a few texts with stuff - which were somewhat reassuring and comforting but when we went for a cycle las week she was v touchy/feely but then later on said that she doesn't want to jump back into anything an that she's enjoying her space. Different to what she said, and how was interperated. Speaking and seeing her I realise that I still like her - but I don't want to get messed about. She hasn't been with anyone else since, she isn't a player or messes intentionally I think she's confused, but she thinks she knows all and loves to be in control.

So she wants the pleasure of your company as a friend. Can you handle that?

Yes, that's what's been happening but not if she's starts seeing someone else I'm thinking

So your still holding out hope for more than friendship? You still have those feelings for her?

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

she calls me 2weeks ago and tells me she has feelings, an how shes been thinking of us being emotional shed a tear about things we've done when we went on holiday to greece. sayin that she feels that somethings missing, someone 2 talk to and to be there for her, in a different way to her friends. she sent me emails with pictures in from out past detailing how nice they looked of 'us'. she sent me a few txts with stuff - which were somewhat reassuring and comforting but when we went for a cycle las week she was v touchy/feely but then later on said that she doesnt want to jump back into anything an that shes enjoyin her space. different to what she said, and how was interperated. jus speakin and seeing her i realise that i still like her - but i dont want to get messed about. she hasnt been with anyone else since, she isnt a player or messes intentionally i think shes confused, but she thinks she knows all and loves to be in control.

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Steve, focus on the last line of your post here, "she thinks she knows all and loves to be in control." And... that's okay with you?

Uhhggg, I'm bothered by her phone call to you on so many levels! She throws on the sweet, lovey look how nice of a couple we made, sends pictures and texts and then SKREEEECH... she says she doesn't want to jump back into anything. Then why did she say what she said on the phone? To me, that was total "emotional tampon" behavior. She's still unstable over the break and she will take you down with her if she has to so you can break her fall. I still think that while in this stage, communication only serves to confuse and weaken.

Yes 20%, 80% no I agree completely what 'momincali' said above, lol its strange out you people can put into text so well. Anyway I told her other day I was over' her indecisive behaviour so I didn't want to speak to her anymore, got a little anoyd and haven't, she's seen pics of me with another girl on myspace and rang me up las week wishing me good life an hope everythin goes well an tha we look comfy together! 'sounded like she had a drink'. Then later on apparently 'our song' came on when she was out - so sent me a text! (I didn't reply).

Wow seems a long time since I've been on here - but I thought I would write back with an update just to thank everybody that gave me advice. People on this site are awesome and do really know their stuff. Thanks to everybody

To end my story - I stopped calling her and ignored her, when she called I rejected her calls - met with her 5 months later and told her how great life was - left it there. Got on with life, got very busy in work and didn't even realize I wasn't thinking about her. She saw me with other girls and realized what she had lost and got her head straight - she made many attempts to regain my trust and faith - which I granted to her on a friend basis over 2 months before then allowing her to try make things work again. I made sure I was in control and it seemed a sensible decision. I was still attracted to her and she is a great person. Since our reuniting she is a changed person - in many ways, and makes effort on regular occasions to apologize for everything she has done to me - she also respects me for somewhat sticking through it. And I wouldn't have done it this exact way if it wasn't for the people giving me advice on her. Thank you

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

wow seems a long time since i've been on here - but i thought i would write back with an update just to thank everybody that gave me advice. people on this site are awesome and do really know their stuff. thanks to everybody

to end my story - i stopped calling her and ignored her, when she called i rejected her calls - met with her 5 months later and told her how great life was - left it there. got on with life, got very busy in work and didn't even realize i wasn't thinking about her. she saw me with other girls and realized what she had lost and got her head straight - she made many attempts to regain my trust and faith - which i granted to her on a friend basis over 2 months before then allowing her to try make things work again. i made sure i was in control and it seemed a sensible decision. i was still attracted to her and she is a great person. since our reuniting she is a changed person - in many ways, and makes effort on regular occasions to apologize for everything she has done to me - she also respects me for somewhat sticking through it. and i wouldn't have done it this exact way if it wasnt for the people giving me advice on her. thank you

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WOW! Congrats!

GOOD LUCK! I would say I hope my situation ends the same but I think that would be counter Productive for me right now lol!

Yo yo yo! What if we are in the same school. Its kind of impossible if we don't see each other.