When are you going to see she is manipulating you and using you for the money bags you have?

She isn't going to 'snap' out of it. She doesn't 'love' you. She sure as hell doesn't 'care' for you. Or Im missing something somewhere?

Honestly I don't think that brick wall you're butting your head against is going to go away anytime soon. Best you wake up and smell the roses because she's laughing at you and having a right ole' time at your expense.

You've been given solid advice from Homegirl & Answerme with getting it legalised. And the justice system in CA is as fair as any other I know of. I lived there for a while and knew of two families going through similar to what you are and one of the father's won.

So I guess it really does come down to you and what you take to the table and how badly you want full custody. So far I'd guess30/70 her favour. You've no fire in your belly to win it. You want to pacify her and try and save her the problems of being able to tough it out financially.

Who the hell cares? Hes your son. Fight for him. If it was me.. I wouldn't give a flying donkey's what my ex had to do to survive or try to defend.. I would fight and give the shirt off my back for my child. Damn anyone who'd want to use her against me. Family, friends or foes.

Stop thinking of her as when she was with you. That's not her anymore.

You are not together. You are not responsible for her anymore. You are responsible for you and your child.

If you allow your child to stay in this environment for the sake of money then I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself first.

OR

You are using the financial side of things as an excuse to not move forward. Hoping that things will work out and knowing if you take this first step you will be rejected for good?

You got it kaka67 on the second part... I just keep hoping she turns around and realizes what she's leaving behind her.. I know, I'm an idiot. Right now I have so much anger and sadness all the time just thinking about her with another guy. I think about it constantly and it really hurts every minute. That is the only thing that would make me have a tough time for accepting her back. Right now if she wants to watch him at her parets.. its a good environment there and she said if I asked for another day with him she would give it to me rather than threatening with court. I'm just so confused... Two different friends of mine got engaged in the last day (was odd to see one couple in Idaho, and one here) and I think to myself constantly.. just 2 months ago I thought I'd be engaged to this girl right now. It's the biggest mind f_ck thinking about it.. Just really bummed and hurt and mad all at once.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by josh284

I just keep hoping

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Yeah I think we all know about hope. Been there with the hoping myself.

But you got to take her on her actions now. Not what sweet things she said to you once upon a time... That's over. That's done.

I don't think anyone expects you to be a prize pric* to her as it is not needed but people just want you to put yourself and your child first for once. That means looking after yourself physically, mentally and financially.

You have to come to terms with the fact its over. Once you do that then the sensible, unemotional you will make the decisions needed :)

You two are not on the same page, probably was not at the beginning either. You were an older guy hung up on her and as an 18 year old she was I flattered, infatuated, then pregnant and now she is a spoiled 22 year old wanting to have fun.
That party is over. There is a child though.
Get the visitation situation with him settled and get over her.

You want to really be a good dad? Stop putting her, and her needs before your son, and YOU.

We all have feelings dude, and this is your first experience with this parenthood thing. Heck you probably still finding out what you, and your own human limits are.

Stop worrying about her and her cars or dates or whatever, you worry about getting your own head together because that's what your son needs most from you now, and whether its 50% custody, Or whatever the courts decide, you are still 100% dad, and parent. Get this in writing through the courts, so you will have rules and guideline clearly defined that you both have to live within.

She needs anything beyond that (car, job whatever), let her get them on her own.

You cannot control another, ( good or bad, now matter how well intentioned) so stop trying. Once you get that through your head, you will find decisions based on facts, and not just feelings, a lot simpler to make.

Well.. I know I haven't posted on here in a long time but wanted to get everyone's opinion. Things continued down the path they had and her parents kicked her out of the house and made her go live in their rental house and get a job which she did... well, then a month later I found out she moved my son into another county with her boyfriend.. which I found out throuhgh a friend. I then filed an emergency hearing asking for full custody as well as drug testing and the where abouts that my son is living. Well... after her mom telling me I needed to get temp full custody, guess who shows up? Her mom and a lawyer in which they got everything I asked for denied by the judge and we were sent to mediation. It really pissed me off because I had heard she was just doing drugs a few days prior and an insider told me she begged her parents for a lawyer which she got. They also sat across from me in court and asked me to pay 3k in lawyer fees for the 5 minute hearing which was insane and also cover all her attorney fees... when I didn't even have one. So.. we went to mediation and met with the mediator whom was pretty grumpy to say the least. I brought all my documentation and tried to go through it in which he called me a manipulator when I was just trying to show that there is a pattern of bad behavior on her part. He then yelled at her for only wanting our son on the week days when she puts him in daycare and doesn't work (she only held her job for about 2 weeks I would guess)_ and our son has been in daycare for 6 months now. She then argued with him about the drug testing that I was requesting and she wouldn't agree to it until the mediatior said the judge will likely ask for it. Finally she did... then came discussing jobs in which she said she's not working nor plans to... and the mediator asked if you just expect to not work and him pay for everything.. that's not fair. She actually asked.. I just have to show I'm looking for a job right? I couldn't believe it... he then asked us some questions and recommended a 50/50 and denied again my right to know where my son lives. I then decided it was time to find out and paid for some investigative work to be done... found out she lives on Joshua Court (which is my name and very fitting for the situation) and was probably to embarresed to tell the courts. The other thing I found out is her boyfriend had his house raided just as a friend had told me she thought had happened... which was true and he was charged with controlled substance. He got a lawyer, then entered a guilty plea in march and is getting sentenced on July 22nd which my lawyer knows about. I've written a letter recently to the courts and am going to be letting the mediator know that there is still a pattern going on and this **** is a bit ridiculous that they would allow me not to know and have him living where he is without even looking into it. I've debated taking my journal and submitting it to the court as well as sending it out to everyone in her family as well as her bf's just because I want everyone to know what a piece of **** she is. Its actually pretty amazing what an investigator can find out these days... My lawyer is telling me we can't go back into court until she keeps messing up which she has by not letting me have him on my court ordered time with him on my birthday, and showing up an hour late with him and not allowing me to talk to him on the phone during court ordered time... now they are after more child support and due to me making more the last year than I am now, between my child support payment and my house payment, I'm not going to have any money for untilities, expenses or anything and apparently they don't take in to account that she has no expenses. I feel like this is just going the absolutely wrong way...

You are just getting started in the legal system, and you should hang in there, no matter how its seems to go. You must overcome many obstacles before you get to your final goal, custody of your son. Don't be discouraged, no matter what they throw at you to quit. They will throw everything and the kitchen sink. Expected it, deal with it, and persevere.

It's a process, that takes its own time. Your son will be grateful someday you took the time.

Well... we got the police report of the raid on the boyfriends house (now husband) apparently as of this last weekend. Also.. she failed a drug test... I sure hope this court system starts working in my favor. This last year has been HHHHEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL!!

I hope things work out for you.
Thanks for keeping us posted.

You just keep hanging in there.

You, I just keep wondering if its ever going to pay off going through all this court stuff. I asked people on this legal forum if they ever thought I'd have a chance at full custody based on all these things and I got rude responses saying no and one person even said I don't think either of you are responsible enough to have a child... I was appolled.

Try our law forum, and stick with facts, not feelings.