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Originally Posted by Sienna123

Oh I certainly agree. We had a long talk and there are things that have undoubtedly changed for me. Yes, the attention is nice now and his groveling but while he was gone, he did a loan assumption with another lady "because she was in dire straits". I knew he was thinking of doing this back in March. I talked him out of it and he's now gone ahead and done it. This alone sealed his fate as far as I am concerned. How can I ever be with a man who is responsible for another woman's mortgage for however many years! This jeopardizes our future to built something, get credit, etc. While I personally won't be responsible for her loan, it's the combined picture loan companies will look at if we apply for credit. He said his actions put him second in his own life. Yes, it did and it put me third. Right now I am putting together the words to tell him that I believe our dreams won't be realized due to his track record with me and now this loan assumption. I just see too many obstacles and issues.

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What dreams, Sienna, look at what he did - pulled back from you, updated his dating profile, signed a mortgage with another woman - there is no need to put together the words, it's pretty simple. Tell him he had his chance and blew it, and be done with it. This is just so stupid - to sign on someone's mortgage, on top of everything, he is very irresponsible. Who is this woman, his ex-wife?

LOL. I did tell him that now that he is assuming the loan (she took her ex hubbys name off as a result of the divorce decree) that he may as well move in with her since he will be responsible for payment should she default.

She is someone he met that is a born again Christian woman that was on the verge of losing her home and she has 5 children - one of which is very sickly. He said as a Christian man he couldn't keep listening to her talk about how she was going to be homeless so he had to do something to help. He tried getting her to find a new place, financial assistance, etc. but time was running out and her ex wanted her out. Sooo, he stepped up to be the hero and is signing the assumption paperwork.

I am not going to be blind and enter into a fantasy relationship with him and have this hanging over my head. Too many problems as it was and now this.

Well, the update is this. He did not qualify to assume the loan so it is a non-issue for that. However, looking beyond his qualifications, I have to look at the overall stupidity of even having considered putting us at risk for this. While he was trying to be Christian and unselfish by helping another, he put her first, himself second and now me third. Totally unacceptable. I deserve someone stable in all ways.

Well duh!
He showed you where you were in the scheme of things a while ago.
Why are you still entertaining this?
And it could be that was a tale. Him seeing what you would say, how you would take it.

What I don't understand is why your even talking about the possibility of you getting back together is blown.

Whether or not he tried to get this loan. He still hurt you. He still ignored you. He didn't care about your feelings when he did what he did. Why would you want him back? Or even THINK about taking him back?

He did not treat you right!

OR
Do you like being treated badly? Do you like the way he treated you? Is that why you want to run back?

Because he will do it all again.

IF you want to continue this life style with him sure go ahead. But when he does it again remember I said I told you so.

Aimee, I never got back with him. I just said he contacted me and is talking. I also said that I deserve someone stable. Just as a side note, I have been dating and my friend knows that. I won't need any "I told you so's"

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well duh!
He showed you where you were in the scheme of things a while ago.
Why are you still entertaining this?
And it could be that was a tale. Him seeing what you would say, how you would take it.

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Thanks Homegirl50

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Originally Posted by Shadowburn

What dreams, Sienna, look at what he did - pulled back from you, updated his dating profile, signed a mortgage with another woman - there is no need to put together the words, it's pretty simple. Tell him he had his chance and blew it, and be done with it. This is just so stupid - to sign on someone's mortgage, on top of everything, he is very irresponsible. Who is this woman, his ex-wife?

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Thanks Shadowburn

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Originally Posted by aimee_tt

What i dont understand is why your even talking about the possibility of you getting back together is blown.

Wether or not he tried to get this loan. He still hurt you. He still ignored you. He didnt care about your feelings when he did what he did. Why would you want him back? Or even THINK about taking him back?

He did not treat you right!

OR
Do you like being treated badly? Do you like the way he treated you? Is that why you want to run back?

Because he will do it all again.

IF you want to continue this life style with him sure go ahead. But when he does it again remember I said I told you so.

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Thanks Aimee_tt. Input appreciated

I didn't say you were back with him I said you were considering it.

Look at your other post, Asking what would happen with his estate if you married him...

Im just saying, what he has done now he will do again. Why even think about going back. Ive been reading this for a while now and I though you were moving on. But it looks like you have taken a giant leap backwards.

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Posted by Sienna123


Name deletion and loan assumption

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I just reunited with my ex-boyfriend and he informed me that he offered and is in the process of putting his name on a lady friends mortgage as she needed to remove her ex-husbands name per the divorce decree. So my ex didn't want her to lose the home due to the situation of her having 5 children and one with specific health concerns.

So my question is this. He says his name is not on the deed. I know he is responsible for any payments this lady won't be able to make but if I marry him, do I automatically assume this responsibility as well? Does it affect my credit? What about if he as my husband passes away? Am I responsible for the payments should she not be able to make it? Please tell me everything I need to know that will negatively affect me.

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I can certainly see the confusion.

For purposes of asking the assumption question, I posed the question as such.

MY CHOICE, is that I moved on. The advice I got was great and did my own research on things. I'm in such a better place now and the healing is just about done. I've had my first date this weekend with a brand new person.

Thanks everyone and God Bless.

You are just breaking completely away. I'm glad you are moving on, just don't leap too quickly.
I wish you the best.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Homegirl 50 again.

There is never a need to replace one fellow with another, just to have someone to fill the hole in your soul. Have fun, but go slow, and protect your heart.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are just breaking completely away. I'm glad you are moving on, just don't leap too quickly.
I wish you the best.

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Thank you Homegirl. I feel I am in such a better place now.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Homegirl 50 again.

There is never a need to replace one fellow with another, just to have someone to fill the hole in your soul. Have fun, but go slow, and protect your heart.

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Thank you Talaniman. There is no replacing anyone because we are all unique. Yes, I am taking it slow and know that I do what is best for me and put myself first. When a man truly loves a woman, he will come running to her and make her first in his life. I thank God for that clarity now.