Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend not making time for me

You've made your decision,I suggest you stick to it.

Moving on and healing should be your goals now.

That will take time and patience,but you'll
Get there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Thats reasonable, if it works for you.

That stubborn, and unwilling to compromise.

Still willing, and still working. Even though its far from what you want which is a weekend. Which she is just not giving up.
.

You should see this a different way, and go with facts not just hurt feelings. Its hard for stubborn people to compromise, and get what they want from a stubborn partner.

Thats also a red flag, because sometimes partners are not willing to give up their positions, and what they want, even though they have alternatives, that work for them, when they are still holding that position.

While its true, her position was different days, what you wanted was a weekend here, or there. She didn't compromise on that at all, so whatever crumbs she threw at you, where not true compromises. She just wanted to placate you and still get exactly what she wants.

Now neither of you is in conflict, except you have second thoughts about the break up, which is normal.

So she is compromising but its still far from what I asked for.

I agree that Im being stubborn but mainly because the issue seems strange to me. All of my friends spend most weekends with their partners. I do not.

If her and I see each other through the week but on weekends we both totally do our own thing. Well, I can't see any point in that.

I'd be willing to compromise if I got 2 weekends out of 4 but that doesn't seem possible.

Every time I speak up about this she keeps using the terms 'hissyfit' 'awkward' 'moaning' to describe what Im doing.

Other than these timing issues, there's nothing else that is wrong between us. Can you really end a relationship because 1 thing isn't going to your liking?

I think my biggest mistake was not speaking up when it started happening. At the time I just thought oh well I don't get to see her on weekends but I see her through the week for the most part so its cool. After a lot of months had passed it suddenly didn't feel fair anymore. She was spending her best nights out with her friends. I suddenly started speaking up and that didn't sit well.

Well Im having a pretty terrible day today guys so I thought I'd come here and post.

I was out with my friends yesterday evening and I was talking quietly to one of them who knows my situation well. He said cutting her off like this seems to be making me miserable.

Im still not sure Im on the right track because Im not solid in my decision to do this.

My friend said perhaps Im asking for more than one person can give. He himself doesn't necessarily see his girlfriend just the two of them every weekend. He does however either meet up with her and her friends, or she will meet with him and his friends.

This isn't really an option for us because I have geniune reasons I don't like her friends and ever since I told her this, she claimed not to like mine...

Sorry for bothering you guys. I just feel like Im having a weak moment and feel like calling her to talk, even though I know that isn't in my best interest.

Nothing wrong with going through those weak moments. Its normal, and expected. Stay busy with doing your own thing, and you'll be fine.

Sometimes we have to figure out what our thing is, but that in itself is a good thing.

She actually called me home phone again yesterday. I picked up since we have no caller ID like I mentioned. She asked me to please hear her out and that all she wants is to meet me and talk things through. Said she's upset about things too and realises that things haven't been going well the past couple of months.

My friend also said that he saw a picture of her and her friend full of smiles in a bar posted on her Facebook. So she obviously isn't that torn up about the situation. I certainly haven't been walking round full of smiles and people have definitely noticed!

I feel really mad at her! Is this normal?

Anybody can throw on a fake smile from time to time. I have had a similar situation with yours, now looking on my past relationship... the whole "time" thing. I mean, I think you need to take sometime and make sure this is what you really want to do. I understand, you shouldn't necessarily be the "number one" priority in my mind... but you should be a priority. My current girlfriend, in university... puts her schooling first. And I am MORE than fine with that, but she makes time and effort into seeing me.

Honestly, Id meet with her face to face.. let her do the talking. You did nothing wrong, nothing to apologize for, etc... be all ears, hear her out and see what she says. Talking face to face is the easiest, you can see their tone of voice, body language, etc... and can tell if someone is being genuine and sincere. Through a text, even a phone call you sometimes mistake what someone truly means.

Make this the last chance kind of thing, see what she says... and go from there. If it doesn't pan out this time, go NC... and stay there.

Okay stop worrying if your feelings are normal or not. They are yours, and you have to cope with them. We all have to cope with our own feelings, in a positive way.

What should have you paying attention, is when you stop taking her crap, then she gets willing to talk. Now you don't have to. But you do have to put your life back together without her, and then you will have no reason to be angry, or even care.

I think you have done things her way long enough to know it wasn't working for you.

Thanks guys,

As for meeting up. Its funny how she suddenly has time to meet up now that Ive shown I could careless anymore. Yet while it was all good, getting a hold of her was like trying to get a hold of the president.

She said on the phone I'll meet you on any day you want. Haha I almost burst out laughing.

Ironic, none the less. Get this out of the way and meet right away, tonight if possible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BWK10

Ironic, none the less. Get this out of the way and meet right away, tonight if possible.

Ive thought about this some what and Ive asked her to meet tonight.

Im going to let her do the talking.

Im going to ask for what I want from her and if she can't provide it, then I'll tell her Im moving on.

Certainly funny though. Since Ive started creating 'all this fuss' as she refers to it, she told me she hasn't wanted to see me much because Im 'making a big deal' out of it and its putting her off seeing me. That's odd because all Im doing is sharing my opinion and going against what she wants. It was fine when I agreed, she was glad to see me then.

I'll let you guys know the result.

Thanks