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Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be doing my thing, and see what happens with that, and not even worry what he is doing, because if he were that interested, he would let you know.

Thats what most guys would do, except the ones that think their game is too tight to work for a ladies attention, and company.

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Exactly, and why would you want a guy who's game is too tight!

All right.. so things are already going back to the way they were..
I reallyy believe I was right about him becoming distant so he can go to miami and have fun

you didn't make a lot of noise about his break plans or put a lot of pressure on him... you've shown clear interest...

time to see how much he is willing to chase. Period.

decide on a timeframe... 3-4 weeks with limited effort initiated by you? Meaning you aren't avoiding him, but you aren't the one keeping the lines open. If he shows interest, you can show some back... quid pro quo... something for something... but no more talk about "blowing it" and no more thinking about how to not make the wrong move...

one of the best relationships I ever had started a little rough. I was certain she was into me... it was complicated in part because of the environment... id just graduated and was teaching at the university where id been a student... she was still a student, not in my classes or program. I had a LOT of friends and people I knew still in school... so the teacher/student relationship was a sticking point... nothing against it in my contract, and, again, she wasn't in my program at all so no favortism issues... but still... it was tricky at best.

so I showed clear interest... no pretense, just flat out told her I'm interested. She, much to my surprise, hesitated. Id known her to be a s^%(kicker who took names at will. Long story short... I backed off. Was cordial. Kind. Friendly. Didn't play head games.

we started dating that next summer during break, probably four months after my initial push. Lasted almost two years. That was a blast of a relationship... probably the two best in a row of any relationship I've had... and its not like she wasn't interested before... timing was just off a bit. She had to process it and decide when shed be willing to chase back.

I know that's more complicated, and I don't care to talk about the particular details of my situation, but my takeaway is I was clearly interested, I showed clear interest, I backed off when her response wasn't what I wanted, and she responded when she was ready...

and if she never came around, it wouldve been just a poor fit anyway. Again... when it comes to how willing someone is to chase or put in some effort, id rather know sooner than later. If you back off and he fades away... it was going to happen anyway most likely...

Maybe his idea of friendship is different from yours so stop chasing the dude. Friends don't chase each other. Nor justify there actions.

Maybe he doesn't see you as g/f material, I mean that's what you really want. I really don't think he will give you the kind of attention you want. He just "checks his traps" when he calls or texts you. That means he checks out a lot of females, and your one.

You leave him alone and stop forcing something that you shouldn't.

Seems his keeping his distance makes you more determined. Let him have his distance, you have a life without him.

So you guys are just being friends now and he is not showing interest? Well I feel like he is just categorizing your friendship. I mean there are girls he calls and chills with a lot and there might be girls that he texts to see what's up and invite them to hang out at a party. I mean it isn't a big deal to just be one of those girls. At least you have him as a friend. I mean your happiness is important and don't be insecure anymore. I was when I was younger, but I ma just relaxing and hanging out with friends and my boo. I mean like everyone said "don't chase". He is just not ready for a relationship. And you don't have to wait for him. One day he will realize how much he missed out on you. I mean it is his loss not yours.

UPDATE:
He texted me today at like 5 pm and we talked for a bit.. he called me babe again a few times and also during the conversation he mentioned that he feels he's not good enough for me..

? hmm

Don't know what to make of that other than its not particularly a great thing to hear...

He either believes it, which means he's insecure or has very different expectations of what he thinks you deserve/want vs what he can/is willing to give (guilt about the trip? History of hurting people?)

Or

He doesn't really believe that and he's using smoke and mirrors to keep you off balance.

Don't know.

I guess the "best" of all that would be if he is just feeling guilty for being a bad, bad boy on break whether he had "permission" or not (I know its not like that)...

Uhm...

I still think I wouldn't work too hard...

Hmmm... a damn cute girl shows interest in a boy, doesn't smother him, and puts up with some of his dumb guy distance and other noise without too much drama...

That's a dream for most men.

If its me, id be trying to escalate the tension (the good kind) a bit by doing a little more work than texting and putting myself down.

But... who knows? Maybe he is making it up as he goes and really isn't planning anything.

Its not bad at all to roll with it... unless it bores you to tears cause he just won't step up a bit.

It just smacks of the "its not you, its me" line... without knowing much more...

He is fishing for your reaction, whether you are going to stroke his ego, and reveal a level of interest, or have pity on him, to disarm you. Stay neutral, and pay attention.
Let him do the work.

its not bad at all to roll with it... unless it bores you to tears cause he just wont step up a bit.

That's exactlyyy what's going on..
I'm almost completely over him now.. :/
Cause at this point its almost strictly his good looks.

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Originally Posted by coruzzi2

cause at this point its almost strictly his good looks.

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a favorite card my ex once saw...

front of the card is the pic of the young, tanned, shirtless male stud with the washboard abs and penetrating eyes... the text reads something like

"yeah, he looks great. and you know..."

on the inside

"that somebody, somewhere is tied of putting up with his sh!t"...

=)

Hi,
I know you will not agree with me, but it seems you re anxious to have a boy friend to have a serious relationship with. He has not arrived yet, and be patient.
This boy does not have enough interest for you or put an effort for you as much you deserved. It means he is not right, but careless teaser. Pass him, and spend your time and energy for more valuable activities.

You are very pretty girl as I can see, and one day right person will show up, and cherish you with full attention you are looking for. Do you go to church? Do some fun outdoor stuff in summer. You can meet some nice people there and be socialized.

Please do not chase boys if they are not that into you. It turns them off. Be cool, and make yourself beautiful and desirable. Most of time, making yourself “sweet, but hard to get” works much better than asking a boy directly if he is interested in you or not in long run. Your day will come soon, and you will be blossom. Relax.

When you have boy friend though, you still have to make yourself the top priority. You should not put your life on the rollercoaster ride depends on what they say what they do to you. You are just worth it no matter they pay attention to you ot not. I guess you already know. :)
Good Luck!

Kay so today I went NC to see how much effort he puts in on his own.. and to test if he gives a &%#! That I do talk to him..


From 11 to 5pm, he texted me 3 or 4 times now..

Hmm..

Now you're playing games.

What you guys have been telling me is to let him put in more effort..

Or see if he will.

NC is to stop confusion and heal, not a dating strategy. And you certainly don't do it as a testing tool.

Ignoring some one to see how much effort they put in is a game, and a poor substitute for talking and listening, and paying attention to confirm what they say, and what they do, matches.

That doesn't mean your always available as we get busy sometimes, and never be so into someone you can't see the obvious.

Just lighten up and relax and leave the gimmicks out of the equation, and let this flow naturally.