Entire story merged

No trust = No relationship

If you can't find it in yourself to start trusting him again, then this relationship is going to end one way or another.

I think you need to change your thought processes. You keep looking for problems until you find them or let your imagination create them.

So now, he only has to be 'by' the computer to trigger you being 'sad'?

Don't give your imagination permission to leap to conclusions. Tell yourself that it is no different than if he picked up a novel or turned on the radio.

Keep reminding yourself that he isn't with any of the other women you get jealous about. He has chosen to be with you.

What are you doing to help yourself feel more secure? Are you just sitting back and letting your mind play games instead of doing anything?

Have you checked into counseling?

OP,

Your man: Doesn't even drink, the most respectful man you've met

You: Control freak, someone has trust issues, don't understand men well

I wonder why he is still with you?

It's not easy to meet nice men like that, you don't know how to appreciate! I am sorry but I don't think you deserve him any more!

I have looked into counseling but I really don't want to do it, and I have no time whatsoever.

I just went into his account on Facebook and he never talks to anyone except if it is for a reason. I just read a message that he sent to his already married xgf. He said that he was thinking about her and decided to say hi if she didn't mind.

As I was reading this tears started building up

I usually don't go into his provate things anymore... because I realized it was really wrong and he needs his privacy. I should respect that

Im getting upset over nothing and I shouldn't of went into his account because I was curious.

I have repeated millions of times on this site that - Please don't hack into other's email account/facebook account/whoever's space/twitter etc!

Give people some privacy!

OP, just think how you would deal with the possible fact that he leaves you! If I were him, I have alrady left you! ( And I am a woman myself)!!
The fact that he started talking to his ex married girlfriend doesn't surprise me! You are driving him away!

Ok so I don't want to sound mean so please don't think that, I have experienced what you are going through just not to this degree.
You need to speak to a neutral party, a counselor.. who can hear your thoughts and fears and talk you through them. It helped me. I had a horrible relationship years back so when I met my current BF I was an insecure nightmare at times. I got help and here we are 2 years later and light years away from where I was.

The problem is your whole world right now is obsessing over him, wondering who he is looking at, talking to, thinking about. JUST STOP! He is with you then he cares. Trust me he will lose interest the more you push, nag, and obsess. No one wants to date a person like that because they make a new relationship that should be fun too much work. If he always has to convince you he only has eyes for you what fun is that? Then dating becomes a job.

Now you are snooping in his Facebook? Why? Did it make you feel any better or just give your obsessive thoughts more fuel for the fire?

As far as time for counseling you do have it, look at all the time you sit around obsessing or snooping in his Facebook or crying over what you find. There is at least a half an hour session right there in time. Only you can change you, he can't, and you have all ready decided in your unwillingness to talk to someone and figure out where this issue is from that you really don't want to change. My only advice then is prepare yourself for the day you push too much and he leaves.

If you continue this way it is only a matter of time.

You are out of control and need some help to get it back!

Please do so!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by flowerybeauty

i have looked into councelling but i really dont want to do it, and i have no time whatsoever.

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So, you want to put more effort into destroying yourself, him, and the relationship than you do into working on your insecurities and building a better relationship.

That speaks volumes for where your mind is at. I will continue to try to help you, but neither I nor anyone else on this site or the entire internet can do more than point you in the right direction. YOU have to be the one who wants to change and grow into a stronger more secure person and YOU have to be the one to take the steps necessary.

I suggest you find time for counselling, you need help with this.

UPDATE ON COUNSELLING:

Hey everyone just in case some are curious I went to find a self help group and I came across this group near my house. I decided to go and check it out. My boyfriend asked me where I was going but I told him I was unable to tell him

I went to the meeting and I really enjoyed it but some people are so mentally disturbed that it was fascinating to talk to them and to put an input in. It made me feel like an amazing person for putting my input in and talking to these people.

Here's the problem: "these"people
They were truly fantastic people but I cannot see myself being there in group therapy with them revealing "my not as significant in comparison to their problems"
I came out of there feeling like a totally brand new and refreshed person

Is that even possible for me to feel this way even though I really got nothing of my own problems solved?

I am glad you went to the meeting. I think this is what you need. Your story may not be as dramatic as some of the others, but I would bet their stories started the same way yours has.

Give it a couple of more meetings. Share your story with them. Don't worry about who has a worse story. Give them a chance to help you before you get to the point they are at. See what tips you can learn from them as you find out how much you already know by giving help. Find ways to put those tips into practice.

Be honest with your boyfriend so that he doesn't start thinking that you are the one seeing someone else. He deserves to know that you are trying and to be given the chance to give you his support in this. It is part of communication and partnership.

I am very proud of you for taking this step. :)

Good move, and I agree with Cat give it another couple of sessions.

You feel good to know your not alone, and maybe your story is not as dramatic as theirs, the help and support can give you the solutions you need to overcome your circumstances, so keep going, if nothing else, just to listen, and learn.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by flowerybeauty

UPDATE ON COUNSELLING:

Hey everyone just in case some are curious i went to find a self help group and i came across this group near my house. I decided to go and check it out. My bf asked me where i was going but i told him i was unable to tell him

I went to the meeting and i really enjoyed it but some people are so mentally disturbed that it was fascinating to talk to them and to put an input in. It made me feel like an amazing person for putting my input in and talking to these people.

Here's the problem: "these"people
they were truly fantastic people but i cannot see myself being there in group therapy with them revealing "my not as significant in comparison to their problems"
I came out of there feeling like a totally brand new and refreshed person

Is that even possible for me to feel this way even though i really got nothing of my own problems solved?

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This is like me saying that I'm quitting AA because I'm not as bad of an alcoholic as the rest of the group. We all have our own personal "bottoms".

This issue is important to YOU, and this group therapy will help you with YOUR problem. Have you thought about the fact that you might be helping the other people in there, who may look at you as an inspiration?

And yes, you should tell your boyfriend where you are going. It will make him see that you love him, and want to get better. And not make him wonder what's going on.

Good for you. You should be proud of yourself.

Is it possible to regain your individuality after being attached to someone, while still being together with them?

My boyfriend worked at a place filled with such gorgeous women flaunting themselves all the time. Then he quit and then he came back after a couple of weeks. I am happy that he is back to work but I have this really bad feeling in my gut about him going back there. Hes a good guy and its not a big deal with him, but now I can't resist to call him and think that he's like checking the women out

This sounds crazy but I'm wondering is it possible after along time?
I have friends, I'm really busy and I do go out when I get the chance. And yet I still feel like I care too much about it.

Your just going to have to trust him unless you have reason otherwise not to. You'll drive yourself crazy over it if you don't.

A man working with no women can still cheat, if a man wants to cheat he will, if he does not, he won't

I know he won't do anything at all, he's a good guy. I want to regain my individuality with him so I'm not so attached to him and don't always have to know what he is doing.

Stop worrying about it, that's one place to start.

I think the question is, do you trust him?

No trust = no relationship

Focus on your own life and build your own career, while he does the same.