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Originally Posted by friend4u178

By keeping in contact with her your just prolonging the inevitable , she's made up her mind and has only agreed to the 10 day thing because its what YOU wanted. The more you contact her now the more she knows she has control of the situation and the more it will push her away.

This makes her feel less guilty for breaking up with you but unfortunately the answer will be the same in 10 days.

Go strict No Contact and if its meant to be she will eventually come back. Sorry Pal but thats the way it works , we see it happen day in day out here.

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ELF5905
I agree no contact I'm a women the worst thing you can do is be BUG-ABOO that will turn any women off

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Originally Posted by punture

This I agree... it feels like there's one obstancle after another to get this thing happening. Perhpas much harder than anticipated.



Well, I don't think she is doing it because she is lonely... but perhaps because I'm so insistence.

Anyways, any tips on how to try to get her to open up? I'm planning on just asking occasionally if she wants to go on a date or just hangout, and if she declines then I won't pursue it any further. I'll just ask her again later. I don't want her to feel negative toward this approach and end up telling me that she can't do it anymore. I want to probe and poke her just enough to see if she is willing to open up a bit, and if she isn't, then stop.
Also, I was thinking that perhaps roses and a nicely writte letter could help me here. Since she is saying that there is not enough time to go on a proper date, I can go to her house at night and just pass her the letter and the flowers. Quick meeting that really doesn't take much time. I think this won't offend her because technically we are still going out and I mean a boyfriend can prepare a surprise for her girlfriend right?.
I know this could be cheesy, but I also thought of putting candles around me in a heart shape and me stand inside with the flowers and reading her the letter.
I just want to do something that will evoke her emotions. Perhaps reminding her of our earlier days (where I did such cheesy things).

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Man you are coming across so needy your going to push her away further , we've told you what to do and that is give her the space she asked for. You didn't even give her the 10 days that she only agreed to to apease you. The more you push her the more she'll pull away. Keep some dignity and go NC.

You are going over board with this romance thing this is 2009 men don't to that anymore either she wants you or she don't you should relax wait until she comes around I agree with previous email you are to needy let up!

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Man you are coming across so needy your going to push her away further , we've told you what to do and that is give her the space she asked for. You didn't even give her the 10 days that she only agreed to to apease you. The more you push her the more she'll pull away. Keep some dignity and go NC.

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When you go NC, do you tell that person that you would want to end all contact with her, essentially forever?
For example, she said that, "can I call you if I really miss you and if I something to tell you?" and I said no... and that I needed time to sort all of these and move on.
Obvious implication of this is... perhaps at one point, she might be willing to give me a call to let me know that she would discuss about the relationship again, but realized that I said that and decides not to?

I'm not having a false hope here. Trust me... there is a reason why I told her to not contact me FOREVER. However, that doesn't mean that if she is serious about getting back together, then I would want her to let me know so that at that time I can make a better decision.

See you should've listen to us from the beginning because I already knew what the outcome was going be.

You say your not living on false hope but you are because you don't want to let go.

Let say you go NC and start your healing. 9 months from now you done healed and starting something with someone new. Then out of the blue she calls you and is ready to discuss your relationship will you listen and run back to her?

NC is for you not her. If she is lonely then she must find ways to deal with it. Your hurting and you don't need to hear about her life and what is new and don't even agree to this. This is just another part of her game and her way of having you around as her lifeboat.

People especially females know how much you care for them and when and how to use it to their advantage. She knows you still love and care for her and would most likely do anything for a second chance.

So don't partially go NC completely go NC. It is the only way unless you wanted stay stuck.

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Originally Posted by liz28

See you should've listen to us from the begining because I already knew what the outcome was going be.

You say your not living on false hope but you are because you don't want to let go.

Let say you go NC and start your healing. 9 months from now you done healed and starting something with someone new. Then out of the blue she calls you and is ready to discuss your relationship will you listen and run back to her?

NC is for you not her. If she is lonely then she must find ways to deal with it. Your hurting and you don't need to hear about her life and what is new and don't even agree to this. This is just another part of her game and her way of having you around as her lifeboat.

People especially females know how much you care for them and when and how to use it to their advantage. She knows you still love and care for her and would most likely do anything for a second chance.

So don't partially go NC completely go NC. It is the only way unless you wanted stay stuck.

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Thank you for your consistently well-thought advices.
I have implemented complete NC, but right now, I have no intention of turning her down if she does come back because I want to be in the relationship.

However, if she doesn't come back to me fast enough, I will move on. As you say, after 9 months, I would have moved on ahead and would have something new going on for me. If she comes back to me then... I would have to reject her (unless she is starting fresh with me). For example, I would have to reject her if she comes back saying, "I was an idiot 9 months ago... let's have a go at this again." Unless I still have a strong feelings for her, I would say no... On the other hand, if she approaches me as almost a stranger, getting to know me again, then I would have no problem seeing if my feelings for her would develop again.

It all depends on my state of mind at the moment. But for now, I'm going ahead with NC.

These are red flags as to where your feelings are at, they show you haven't started the healing process, and overcome the shock of the break up.

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I have no intention of turning her down if she does come back because I want to be in the relationship.

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she might be willing to give me a call to let me know that she would discuss about the relationship again, but realized that I said that and decides not to?**

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Recognize these are subtle forms of false hope. Leaving the back door open so to speak, and will slow your healing down, or sabotage the whole process.

Its amazing that for the most part, after you have healed, and rebuilt your life, I doubt seriously if you will want to go back, or want her back as a romantic interest..

** this is just fear.

Got to spread it Tal, but that's exactly what happened with me(if the OP needs proof) I moved on, healed and finally got to living my life the way I want. She came back asking for another chance, I was already with someone(now my fiance) and things couldn't be better

Your age - 20?

The best solution for a break-up isn't getting back together, or wanting someone to 'take you back'. It's a sales pitch for all the lonely hearts out there who just want to end the pain and not learn from the experience.

That is not the best solution and when you have gained some life experience you will understand that it definitely isn't the answer for a lot of relationships. Continuing dysfunction is not a solution.

Face reality.Its over.The 10 day thing was just a way to have to not see you. She was hoping that you won't call.If she wants 10 days that's so stupid.She doesn't want you.Dont call and get on with your life.Did you ever hear the old sayng that there are many fish in the sea.Find someone that really cares about you and that wants to be with you all the time.

It's been 10 days since the break-up.
I've been keeping myself busy by exercising and hanging out with my friends. I was able to get in touch with some of my "girl" friends that I lost contact of.

I'm not sure if it is right for me to start dating again. I have the urge to move on, but at the same time I'm afraid that if I go out with someone, it would be more like a rebound...

Any suggestions as to what I should be doing right now?

Don't start dating till you're sure you're ready but that don't mean don't communicate with girls. Keep them around as friends for now. Try get to know but don't jump the gun

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Originally Posted by punture

It's been 10 days since the break-up.
I've been keeping myself busy by exercising and hanging out with my friends. I was able to get in touch with some of my "girl" friends that I lost contact of.

I'm not sure if it is right for me to start dating again. I have the urge to move on, but at the same time I'm afraid that if I go out with someone, it would be more like a rebound...

Any suggestions as to what I should be doing right now?

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Elf... I suggest you move on there was a reason why you broke up the 1st time don't waste your time. Leave the past in the Past! Take it from me I have experience I would not them again that's Dead weight! THere is someone better

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I'm not sure if it is right for me to start dating again.

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Dates with expectations of romance and connection- No, your not ready.

Dates for fun and friendship- Now that's a lot different, and highly recommended.

Actually they are the same, its your attitude going in, that makes the difference.

Thanks talaniman.

You know.. after concentrating on one woman for 2 years, it is quite hard to approach new girls and try to get to know them. Sigh... It's kind of sad... lol

Don't see it as sad, take it as a challenge to be a more social person, and gain some personal skills. Its never easy to make adjustments, but start with what you like to do, and go from there.

Its easier to get to know people who have the same interests as you do, that applies to men or woman. Don't make it about your needs to have someone, as far as females go, but just see them as someone to know, and learn about.

I think you will find out a lot you didn't know about yourself.