Man NC is hard I still find myself thinking about her all the damn time sometimes I will sit there just replaying the train wreck in my head and thinking of what I couldv'e done to stop it. My life besides this baggage I have atm is truly doing great I got assigned as a WaMu Computer Specialist to convert them to chase... I make more then any one of my friends my age and yet I still feel like none of that matters without love in my life... I can handle everything that life throws at me responsibly besides relationships all my insecurities and issues are focused in this one category I still feel like I should have done more and that I had so many shortcomings as a boyfriend and it makes me unable to form new relationships while I still feel like this.

If you define yourself by having a female then your in trouble.

Another thing is what the frakk are you taking the blame for? It's a common thing for young people to grow up, and change, and do their own thing.

You weren't a bad boyfriend, you just grew apart because of life split you up.

If you stop sitting on the pity pot with that "O woe is me" crap, you will get with some reality and see what's around you, and make a life for yourself.

I occupy all my time with responsible things right now some people deal with heartbreak in negative ways and I can see that... sometimes things are so bad around me that its very tempting just to get wasted or w/e and forget about lifes problems for a couple hours...

But I'm the type that is very logical and sees the end of a path before I have stepped foot on that path. Any type of abuse would never lead towards a positive outcome so I stay away from it.

Being as logical as me is a two sided coin however because a lot of times if a problem can't be solved through simple analysis then I beat myself over the head until I'm just worn out over it and give up... unfourtanetly even though I realize that thinking about the break up will only bring a negative outcome I can help but do it anyway like I said life to me is bearable in every category besides the troubles and insecurites I have with relationships

All right something is bothering me now... those stupid words " i love you i just dont think im in love with you"... hurt so deep

Please someone treat me like a younger individual who just had his heart crushed and help me make sense of those words to the best of your knowledge by what you have read in my posts...

This is the one that keeps me awake at night.. and I really want to fully let go but its sooo hard

I am not a hardened relationship expert this is my first true love and that line I can't help but let it bother me.

There is a difference between love and "in love." One is a more deep, intimate feeling, the other is a natural, care about you feeling. She cares about you as a person, and not as a partner. People fall out of love all of the time. It happened to me, and I am sure it will happen again. It is easy to say "don't take it personal," but when it comes to the heart, we always take it personal. It hurts, but you will be fine in time.

Those words hurt, they are supposed to. And your supposed to learn to deal with how they make you feel.

I know that this website is meant for support but it still hurts people have told me those feelings will go away but dammmm I'm not equipped for this

No one is equipped for it, that's why they call it "heart break" the most powerful muscle in the body, it's the only one you give to someone else with the power to shatter it. It takes courage and the willingness to be hurt, we know it may happen but we still give it out in hopes the next one we give it to won't hurt it but will guard it as they would guard their own

Why couldn't this girl have decided to try and make it work with me instead of choosing to live how she is nothing makes any sense and my confidence is still shattered.

Your confidence is going to be broken, many times in life, but it is up to you to rebuild it. This is life, no take backs, no regrets, live EVERY DAY!! Things happen for a reason, and if you don't see that, we are here to help you see that. I know EXACTLY how you feel, and yes it sucks, big time. You know why we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up. Time to start taking those steps to get back on your feet again. You need help, so we are your crutches for now, in time, though, you will not need us and you will be walking on your own, true to yourself.

Hmm I see I just got to look at it as something that is temporary maybe everything in life does happen for a reason its just that sometimes I wish I could make my own fate come true or just be able to predict it...

The logical side of me tells me not to try to get back with her but the emotional broken side of me tells me that's what I need. But I know someone going through what she's going through isn't able to maintain a healthy long term relationship correct?

What she is able to do does NOT MATTER!! It is what you are able to do, from this day forward, that matters. She is irrelevant in your life, period.

So everything in her life is going terrible right now everything in mine is going great... I got promoted to an assistant lead and now make $20 per hr and I'm only 20... she has become a huge pothead burnout with no goals ambitions or productivity in her life... I still feel depressed over such a worthless girl is wrong with me its like I put all my effort into something just to see it fail... I'm the type of person that when I put my mind towards something it always succeeds but with this it took two so it was out of my control... I just think about what could have been done different and what she is doing...

You will think about those thing that you could have done, or should have done. You must remember, those decisions were made in the past, and there is nothing you can do about it now. Also, even if you did what you thought you should have done, chances are the same thing would have happened eventually. She made the choice to walk away, not you. She must live with her decision, and you must continue on the path you are on.

I'm glad to hear everything is going well. You are doing great! You can't worry about her and her life. You should only concentrate on your life.

So I am at a point where I am just constantly finding myself angry at people.. bad choices my friends doing things that aren't good for them and even relatives and everyone else. The drugs the sex the booze its all getting to me and nothing good ever comes out of it. I find find myself the most mad at my ex for deciding to do what she is doing, I showed her a better way yet I can't make anyone do anything. This has been going on for a month now and I just want out of this town.

Is there a different way to look at this should I view things in a different perspective I want to venture out and do new things I want to gain my confidence back in my life and not be broken anymore please someone help to support me in this struggle tell me things ask me questions I need this support thank you.

You need to find a new social circle away from your ex.

Get out there, on your own, and start meeting people and talking to them. While you're out maybe try talking to some girls to see if any of them are dating material.

You will be amazed at how much fun you can have doing things by yourself. Being alone actually forces you to talk to others and in turn can be very beneficial, especially to more shy/reserved types, like myself.

One thing I haven't been able to get over is that even though part of me knows that we could never have been without a solid foundation to build on why did I want the relationship to work and she wanted out? I feel as if I did something wrong or more like I was inadaquate? Its really been a real confidence killer.

Many of us have made the mistake of tying our happiness to our partners, and when the partner has a change of feelings, so does our happiness, confidence, and self esteem.

Its normal, as this is how we learn to cope with those feelings, and do better for ourselves, down the road. We learn a lot about ourselves, and how to handle adversity.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by drinkmenow8

One thing i havent been able to get over is that even though part of me knows that we could never have been without a solid foundation to build on why did i want the relationship to work and she wanted out? i feel as if i did something wrong or more like i was inadaquate? its really been a real confidence killer.

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My confidence was absolutely shot when I broke up with my ex. It is only natural. When something or someone rejects you, it is usually going to sting, especially when we cared for them. As Tal stated, it is what you do now, after the break up, that will ultimately change who you are. Heartbreak leads to one hell of a shock to one's moral, and it is almost a starting point of a true foundation being built that creates a better and stronger YOU.

Threads merged

soooo I have question I'm in a confusing situation and don't really understand what's going on and would like some advice. I live in California and I am into IT type of stuff me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up ( its in my other thread) it was hard at first I even did all that stupid stufff guys do after a break up * yea you know * anywayyyssss... I got a job working for a computer company up north san jose 200 miles away from where I live and its definetely been NC for like 3-4 months. I am back from my job for a week atm and something weird happened my ex gave me a call.. we didn't talk about anything important pretty much small talk and I got to admit I rubbed the whole getting the job thing in her face a little =P just because I don't have all my feelings under control 100% I'm only human. Anyway she wanted to hang out really bad... so I was like okay she probably wants to tell me something I didn't know what though.. so I decide to go pick her up. I was going to go to the local museum for a class project but they were closed so we went and shot some pool for an hour I got to admit it was actually kind of fun but weird cause we didn't talk about anything.

What do you think she wanted to tell me if anything? What is her goal? And most importantly what is my next move?