Ask Me Help Desk - What would you do

I don't see that the answers to these questions matter. I think the basic question/problem is rape/no rape, tell/don't tell. While the other answers might be informative and perhaps interesting, I think they are more about keeping yourself healthy and safe and less about whether to tell the fiancé and whether to see a Physician.

Would I race to the Doctor? Yes, of course, condom or no condom.

But again, I don't see that those answers add anything to the discussion.

I guess I was only asking them because this is a person she has been around and may be around for a long time. If this "crap" was planned or he got a ride after the rape happened from the other best friend (the girl) then you can see how it was ALL planned out. I think that would help me tell the fiancé. And help me decide to stay the heck away from all of the bad ones. And I didn't know if the doctor stuff or pregnant stuff was something she had thought about yet.

I love a good conspiracy theory, even when it's about rape.

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Originally Posted by achampio21

Um yes I did. But would you admit to cheating if you could make it sound like someone else fault.

?:D

I really doubt that the OP made up this story to cover up cheating. If that was the case I don't believe she would've came to this site for support and answers on what about this situation.

Whatever. I just thought I could throw in my two cents worth. Conspiracy theory or not that s*** happens all the time. And I know for a fact that there are women out there that love to screw around and then make up stories to get everyone but her in trouble and she gets all kinds of attention when she was just as wrong as everyone else. So the fact that her story is unfinished makes me wonder...

But you do what you do. The guy is the devil and she is completely innocent. But if it was your boyfriend/husband or if it was your son that had "raped" her would you feel the same way??

And I didn't say the OP was making up the story, I am only entertaining the idea that maybe all the facts aren't there.

Well thankfully you aren't in the law enforcement profession, likely every victim could be treated like a criminal on the off chance they might be.

I believe that given all of the information that was supplied, she IS a victim. That if this jerk was my son/brother/boyfriend, I would turn him in myself for taking advantage of someone who was passed out, which is a sick and twisted mind that does that with no remorse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by achampio21

And I didn't say the OP was making up the story, I am only intertaining the idea that maybe all the facts aren't there.

Entertain the idea on your own thread, there is no reason to question her motives when she is clearly a victim and when this is a sensitive subject.

>Thread Closed<

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Ok but I will leave you with these thoughts... if she didn't do anything wrong why is she so scared of telling her fiancé, or going to the police??

That's often the case in sexual assault. Victims are afraid to seek help from any one, and the attitude of you and a few others bears out the reason that things are the way they are.

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Police could prove he did it, and she could take proof to fiancé. Then she would have to swear off sleepovers with any other man but him and maybe have a sit down with her "best girlfriend".

It wasn't a sleepover, but a favor to a trusted person, and that's also usually the case, as most sexual assaults, are committed by people known to them, and most victims don't have the clarity of thought, after this happens to know how to preserve any evidence, you know why, shock is one reason, shame is another, especially when they are blaming themselves.

What do you suggest she do, where should she turn? She came here, so help, and not add to the problem.

This is why sexual assault is so under reported. Why should she be a victim again, by those who doubt?

No question this guy is a scumbag.

I'm sure someone already suggested this, but the fact you remember so little could because you were slipped the Spanish Fly.

If not for yourself, then report this rape for others who may be his victims in the future.

It's surprising, but I bet a little less than half of the women we all know have been raped, some more brutally than others. I can think of at least 10 and one is my ex-girlfriend, and as far as I know, none of them reported their cases either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

No question this guy is a scumbag.

I'm sure someone already suggested this, but the fact you remember so little could because you were slipped the Spanish Fly.

If not for yourself, then report this rape for others who may be his victims in the future.

It's surprising, but I bet a little less than half of the women we all know have been raped, some more brutally than others. I can think of at least 10 and one is my ex-girlfriend, and as far as I know, none of them reported their cases either.

So true. I only have a handful of friends that haven't been raped, but many many more that have and none of them reported it, including me.

It's hard, you're made to look like the perp instead of the victim, they dredge up everything you ever did in your past and make it look like you asked for it. Most times the rape is a he said she said scenario and it makes it even harder to prove.

Even if the guy does get convicted, here in Canada he's likely to get a maximum prison sentence of 4 years, they're usually out in 1 year, back on the streets, looking for their next victim.

So why bother? Well, maybe to spare someone else the pain and heartache, the loss of trust, the fear that will remain with you forever. But, is it a good enough reason to put yourself through a trial?

We've already seen it here, people who doubt her, people who think she asked for it, so, imagine a court room where all of your past is brought into play.