Yeah I told her about this right after that talk with my mom. She was pretty upset of course, especially since she's been wanting to meet my mom soon. Haha, don't think she is so pumped up about that anymore. Guess I'll hold off on introducing them, in the meantime just watch that movie.

Btw. talaniman, thanks for your responses on the other thread, helped a lot.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jake448

Yeah i told her about this right after that talk with my mom. She was pretty upset of course, especially since she's been wanting to meet my mom soon. Haha, dont think she is so pumped up about that anymore. Guess I'll hold off on introducing them, in the meantime just watch that movie.

Btw. talaniman, thanks for your responses on the other thread, helped a lot.

---

I am pretty sure her parents are going to have a problem with her dating you ,especially if you two want to get married.Indian parents usually want their children( especially their daughters) to get married within their own race.

Good Luck

I think your mom has a prejudice over indians. Try and get her to think outside the box. How does you family react with asians, blacks and latinos? Is this only a problem with your girl friend or this sort of thing happens with any other cultures?

Coz lets face it, if your girl was white, I'm not sure how much of taunting you would get from your mom...

Lastly, don't give up on your girl.

Well, its been about 5 months since I posted here and its now been a year and a half that me and my girlfriend have been dating. For the last few weeks, she hasn't been answering my calls a lot and couldn't see me. She has been saying that she is very busy with school and that's all. Yesterday I had a serious conversation with her and asked her what is going on. She told me that for the last few days, she has been having feelings for another guy, that she has been talking to as friends for about a month in her class. She wasn't sure what those feelings were and said she still loves me. She kept saying I do not deserve her. She said that guy does not have her number, all they did was talk at school, she said he has a great personality and looks and all. Anyway, the problem is, the same thing happened to us about 5 months ago with a different guy, about whom she didn't tell me for over a month. It ended with her telling me and cutting things off with the other guy. Prior to that old incident however, I did not treat her very well a lot of times and often did not give her the attention she deserved, so I figured it was partially my fault. Now, I am very confused, because our relationship has been great for the last several months and now this happens. I told her to do whatever she wants and I am not holding her back from anything. How should I be reacting about this? Is this normal for couples to have those feelings once in a while, that go away or are we just prolonging the inevitable?

Ask yourself how much you love her? Do you love her enough to realize that she might not be that happy with you and that you have to let her go? Or do you love her in a way where she has to be with you to make you happy, regardless of how she feels?

How do you know she won't find another guy to be attracted to 5 months later? And then again and again.

I think it's time to let her go and move on.

I agree. By saying " I have feelings for another guy, but still love you" is like saying " Why don't you just sit on the back burner till I get it figured out if this one wants me". Sorry to sound so brash, but that is what it kind of sounds like to me. By her stringing you along, you could be missing out on meeting someone that could bring you a healthy relationship without all the drama. Maybe its just time to call it "game over". Just to add a little humor, the best way to get over an old girlfriend is to get under a new one. Best of luck you.

The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

Since you feel compelled to blame yourself for her straying ways instead of laying the responsibility on her ,where it truly lies,she will most likely always be on the look-out.

The fact that she told you this guy has a great personality and is good looking is a red flag!

She is being disrespectful and if you continue with her,expect more of the same.

In answer to your last question,yes,I do think you are prolonging the inevitable.

This is so hard, because I love her so much. Yesterday she barely called me at all and did not return my call either. However, I saw her log into Facebook for a bit. I know she takes studies extremely seriously and she is studying almost nonstop right now, but I don't understand how she can't find a minute to give me a call or even text me. The other guy is out of the picture, I told her its fine whatever she felt, everybody has doubts once in a while and she told me right away, so I am glad that she did that. I told her that I've felt that way before it does not mean anything.
So today I called her, asked her why she never called me back, she said she was very tired and fell asleep. She says she's been extremely stressed with the exams and even threw up last night. I told her that I think we should end it, of course she started crying and begging me to just go through this until exams are over because she is not thinking straight right now. In the middle of the conversation on the phone, she said she had to go throw up again. She says she loves me so much and she knows she has been acting bad and kept saying she is sorry. I don't know what to say to her. I know she is extremely stressed out from school and all, that is what happened last semester too. Ahh, I don't know, I keep going back and forth too because she is like this. Since I live 2 hours away from her, its hard to tell the extent to which she is stressed right now or whether she is just saying it to keep me from breaking it off. Whenever I try to break off with her, it almost feels as if I am punishing a person for being in a temporary condition that they are in involuntary at the moment (stress) and start feeling so guilty myself for not bearing through it. Ah..

First off, you need to back off. She does not need additional pressure from you. She's in her exam period so leave her alone while she studies. At least wait until she's done with her exams before having the "us" conversation.

While she's busy with school, you can spend this time figuring out your feelings for her.

Just leave each other alone until the time is right to talk again.

Yes, be patient. You can't rush these things, it will just give her unnecessary added stress and pressure. You don't want her to do badly in school because of your forceful behavior right?

Just be supportive. Wish her luck in her exams and assure her that she can do it. Tell her to keep up the hard work, etc. And then back off her let her do her thing and you work on yourself.

Learn patience and restraint.

Sorry to sound harsh.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by I wish

Yes, be patient. You can't rush these things, it will just give her unnecessary added stress and pressure. You don't want her to do badly in school because of your forceful behavior right?

Just be supportive. Wish her luck in her exams and assure her that she can do it. Tell her to keep up the hard work, etc. And then back off her let her do her thing and you work on yourself.

Learn patience and restraint.

Sorry to sound harsh.

---

This is so true. These things can't be rushed, especially if she is in the middle of exams. Give it time. Anything can be said in the heat of the moment, but time tells the real story. My best to both of you.

I don't why you keep letting yourself go through emotional hurricane. She did this to you before and doing it again.

She sounds very selfish and she shouldn't be in a committed relationship right now especially since she doesn't know how to control her actions when a cute guy comes her way.

Since she wants to be free then let her and move on. Hopefully you meet someone better in the future that wants you and only you. I mean I am in a committed relationship and human, I find guys attracted but when I reflect on what me and my fiancé have I know I don't want to throw what we have and work so hard on away.

Well guys just to give an update, today I broke up with her. She told me she was driving to walmart to meet up with her mom, she didn't call me for a long time. I logged into her Facebook and noticed a conversation between her and her friend(guy, different guy then above), he was asking her to come hang out with him and friends. Anyway, I realized that she lied to me, I called her house, her mom said she is at university (her usual excuse). Eventually, she called back at 12 at night and said she is going to cvs to get some medication for her dad. She kept lying about stuff. I asked her why she is lying and she kept acting as if there's nothing she is lying about. I told her that I know she wasn't at home because I called her friend. She said OK I lied to you because I was afraid you would get mad, but we just went to hang out for a few minutes and then I left and been at home since. I proceeded to tell her that I know she wasn't at home for a fact, when she admitted to that as well and said she's been with them. I told her that I'll come to see her since she was driving home and she said she is already turning into her neighboorhood already. That was a consecutive lie number 3 since she was parked at a gas station crying and the guy that was hanging out with was parked beside her, supposedly to "pick up his phone charger", which most likely like number 4 that I did not bother investigating. I told her I hope she realizes what she ruined and since this is not the first time she lied to me in similar manner, I told her that I hope she changes her habits if she ever wants to be with a guy who loves her. So that's the end of the story, now I feel like crap but feel relieved at the same time. Sorry for the complete lack of punctuation, I don't normally write like this.

Good on you Jake.
You are much better for it being away from a lying cheat :)

This was pretty much a sleepless night for me, kind of makes me wonder how she slept knowing she caused all this. I would have great difficulty living with myself knowing that you have been given several second chances several times already after she lied in the past, and of course yesterday, she begged me to give her another chance. I think she still loves me, but her personality filled with lies is something I cannot endure anymore. Only so many second chances I could give her. After not seeing her for several weeks, I so badly wanted to meet her last night, she said she can't because she is sick and her mom won't let her out. I am pretty sure she hasn't cheated on me, its just plain lies. Just hurts me how a person I've been with for so long and loved so much can do this and keep repeating how much she loves me. Yesterday she begged me not do this, she kept saying how sorry she was, but I could see no other route. Now it sucks for me too, I don't have a girlfriend and probably going to be somewhat lonely...

Sure she loves you in her own warped sense of what love is AND you need to keep in mind that she loves the attention of other guys more than she loves you. Don't fall for the begging. Some people seem to just have lying and cheating in their blood. Very likely she will take your going back with her as a sign of naïve and vulnerable so she will think she can pull anything over on you.

Being alone can be good. Use it to your advantage by getting involved in activities, hobbies, sports. Live life and someone will eventually come along.

Okay, you don't have girlfriend but in reality you didn't need her as a girlfriend either. Sometimes your better off being alone even though you might see it now.

Sometimes people don't have the thing we called a conscience. However, even though you might not want to, you need to forgive her because while your only sleepness nights, she isn't. While your unhappy, she is happy and moving on with her life. When you forgive her your be letting go of the hurt, anger, frustration she cause and a sign that your ready to let go.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by liz28

you need to forgive her because while your only sleepness nights, she isn't. While your unhappy, she is happy and moving on with her life. When you forgive her your be letting go of the hurt, anger, frustration she cause and a sign that your ready to let go.

---

Exactly what I tell people that have (unforgiving) hurts. They do more harm to themselves physically and mentally holding themselves back while the one they are upset about is living, laughing, having a good time and getting a good night sleep.
The best thing to do is move on and have a life. When people see you are down and out they feel glad they got away from you. When they see you are getting on with your life and enjoying it they see what they missed out on. So in a sense making a life for yourself is the best medicine.

Yeah, you think I should ask her if she is feeling allright on Facebook? She has never cheated on me, she just lies. I am not even so much mad as I am upset and I still love her so much. I told her never to call me again yesterday and that we shouldn't be friends because talking to her will be a constant reminder. She is seriously the best thing that's happened to me so far in life (I am 21), somewhere in my mind I keep wanting to get back with her, keep wanting for things to work like they worked before, remember us being so happy with one another... but then I remember that if I did not notice her conversation with that guy yesterday on Facebook, she would have acted normally with me the next day and loved me as if nothing had happened. I hope she rethinks her lying behavior after some time alone, but who knows, maybe by that time I will be over her and I won't even want to be with her. Right now, there is not even a slight chance that I would give in to be with her anytime soon, I am probably as unhappy alone as I was for the past week or two with her.

Well, its been almost a week and I can pretty much say I have no grudges against her anymore, my period of being mad is over. She has been acting very immature lately about all this, simply trying to get back with me again. She did not even think things through. I told her yesterday that reminding me of all the memories and being persistent isn't going to make me go back to her. Told her she needs to focus on changing herself and recognize why she does the things she does instead of blindly trying to return things to normal because same things will occur again. I really miss her right now for some reason, we still talk just as friends.