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Originally Posted by chuff

So does everybody that has read your posts and so do your true friends. I have had to deal with being the "nice guy" my whole life, putting women before myself, and not even realizing what I'm doing until it's to late. It has caused me a lot of pain but I have to tell you as much pain as I've gone through, I'm glad it wound up that way, because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.

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Thanks glad you guys can see the geniuene side of my heart... I only 23yrs old but I've been the "NICE GUY" for the longest, just like you putting woman before myself... and because of that action the "PAIN" I went through. But it was all for the good. I mean I made my mistakes in the relationship but she should know that my heart is genuiene (Crazy thing is that her family saw how genuiene my heart is but she didn't)...but I guess she doesn't see that or she just thinks I'm just over reacting.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.

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I didn't feel appreciated by her at all. After a while it was as if she just didn't care...

Yea I do deserve better...

I need yall's help on this one. I am participating in a church event which is the same event that my ex-girlfriend (The girl whom all my postings have been about... hurt and confusion) is participating in. I thought about just not doing it, but I need to... you know. I can't allow her to hinder me in participating in anything that she may be apart of. I am going to have probably interact with her. Maybe communicate. You know??

But here's the catch, I 've been on NO CONTACT with her for the past couple of months. And back when I was trying to communicate with her she kept ignoring me... she told me that she needed space and time to think things over. While in reality her mind was already made up. I know she views me as being weak... and insecure... and when she see me... shes probably gon think that "Here he go...he gon try and come TALK to me!"...

She hasn't seen me a long time. What should I do just pretend that she isn't there??

If you see her, aknowledge her, but be quick and be polite. Short and sweet, and then move on, as if it doesn't even bother you. First class baby! All the way. Don't make it a point to talk to her, but also don't make it a point to make things awkward. Casual and friendly...

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Originally Posted by kctiger

If you see her, aknowledge her, but be quick and be polite. Short and sweet, and then move on, as if it doesn't even bother you. First class baby!! All the way. Don't make it a point to talk to her, but also don't make it a point to make things awkward. Casual and friendly...

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Yea... if I see her I will speak, keep it quick and polite. Short and sweet, then move on. Its crazy because she is going to be expecting for me to come say something to her. Because I took things very hard. And I was basically chasing her. All I did was give her a self-esteem boost... it feels. She didn't understand why I was hurt. The event calls for that church group to do a stageplay... which will be fun for me because of my personality... I like being silly... Its gon feel so awkward. Its next week and every time I think about about it... I get nervous... or maybe I'm thinking way into it.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

think about about it...I get nervous...or maybe I'm thinking way into it.

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No... you, over analyze things? Never! :)

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Originally Posted by kctiger

No....you, over analyze things?? Never! :)

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Yea... you right... thinking way into it. Its not that crucial..!

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

I know she views me as being weak...and insecure...and when she see me...shes prolly gon think that "Here he go...he gon try and come TALK to me!"...

She hasn't seen me a long time. What should I do just pretend that she isn't there???

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And now is when you get to see the value of NC. She is expecting exactly what you described, so you have to give her exactly what the opposite. You have an advantage here in that you know this is coming. If you have practice in front of mirror, but when you get there smile all the time, smile if she's not there yet, smile if she's not standing in front of you, smile if she's not in the room. For one, smiling has been shown to actually make you happy, and more important, women communicate through emotions, if you are smiling she will notice or someone will tell her. That will make her wonder what you are so damn happy about.

Do not approach her, but if she approaches you do not get upset... even if you feel it inside, keep smiling and be polite and be short. If possible, be the one to end the conversation, as that will send the message you are no longer needing to speak with her since you can walk away. Then do it.

She is never going to admit this to you, but if you are happy and short with her, then she's going to wonder what the hell is going on? What she expects is for you to be nervous and kiss her butt, not wanting to upset her. You have to give her a confident, happy, and free spirit who is in complete control. You may not feel that way inside, but pretend and it will come true. If you have to practice in front of a mirror, but this is now you time, take it and through the game back at her.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

Yea...if I see her I will speak, keep it quick and polite. Short and sweet, then move on. Its crazy because she is going to be expecting for me to come say something to her. Because I took things very hard. And I was basically chasing her. All I did was give her a self-esteem boost...it feels. She didn't understand why I was hurt. The event calls for that church group to do a stageplay...which will be fun for me because of my personality...I like being silly...Its gon feel so awkward. Its next week and everytime I think about about it...I get nervous...or maybe I'm thinking way into it.

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Dude, you are talking yourself out down, when this is you chance to prove to not only her, but more important to you, that you are the one driving here. Talk yourself up, even thouh we are not there you have a whole board that is behind you against one selfish girl. The odds are on your side, you have to start believing it and accepting it.

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Its crazy because she is going to be expecting for me to come say something to her

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Back to lesson ONE! It doesn't matter what she wants, expects, or is thinking about... what you do is what counts, nothing else is relevant, and this is your time to put your most appealing self forward, and charm everyone out of their socks, and enjoy yourself.

She gets treated like everyone else, no better, no worse, but be brief, polite, busy, and emotionally unavailable. That simple, and nothing to sweat over. Be yourself. Her chance is over, so wave hello, and keep it moving.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Dude, you are talking yourself out down, when this is you chance to prove to not only her, but more important to you, that you are the one driving here. Talk yourself up, even thouh we are not there you have a whole board that is behind you against one selfish girl. The odds are on your side, you have to start believing it and accepting it.

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Yea... I need to stop talking myself down. Yeah I need to take this opportunity and be confident, and let my personality and charm do the talking... and have fun doing it. Glad you guys are supporting me. I can do this..!

So you think she is selfish..

Who cares what people think she is? I can tell you what she isn't:
1.Your Girlfriend
2.Someone that you should care about
3.Someone that is even remotely relevant in your life

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

So you think she is selfish...?

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Let's take this in reverse. Hell yeah I think she's selfish but you know what? It doesn't matter. We don't worry about the ex's. Their problems belong to them now. This is the attitude you must start accepting. She's selfish, your thoughtful, charming, kind, considerate and to good for her. The good guy odds are stacked in your corner, start accepting them and don't worry about the selfish... you can't change them so let them become her own problems.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

Yea...I need to stop talking myself down. Yeah I need to take this opportunity and be confident, and let my personality and charm do the talking...and have fun doing it. Glad you guys are supporting me. I can do this...!!!

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While we are happy to support you, the truth is you've had this all along, you just have to start accepting that your confidence has been hiding behind the emotional pain. It's nothing we are giving you, it's yours at all times to take, you just have to use it.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Let's take this in reverse. Hell yeah I think she's selfish but you know what? It doesn't matter. We don't worry about the ex's. Their problems belong to them now. This is the attitude you must start accepting. She's selfish, your thoughtful, charming, kind, considerate and to good for her. The good guy odds are stacked in your corner, start accepting them and don't worry about the selfish...you can't change them so let them become her own problems.


While we are happy to support you, the truth is you've had this all along, you just have to start accepting that your confidence has been hiding behind the emotional pain. It's nothing we are giving you, it's yours at all times to take, you just have to use it.

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I like that way you put that chuff... I do have the those qualities... So I had them all along..?

But you know... I know she is not my girlfriend anymore and that her problems are for her to deal with but she still enters my mind at times. Whatever is going on in her life... its for her to deal with and learn from. I know. Still going through the process, in due time I know she won't enter my mind anymore...

As for as being thoughtful, charming, kind, and considerate... I really try to up hold those qualities.

And as for as being too good for her. For some I feel like at times that I'm losing out on something not being with her... even though I know there are other GOOD, and CLASSY girls out there... you know?

Hey man its so easy to become bitter angry and shut off due to bad relationships
But the only one that really suffers is you amd future relationships

Hardest thing to do in this life is to be yourself

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Hey man its so easy to become bitter angry and shut off due to bad relationships
But the only one that really suffers is you amd future relationships

Hardest thing to do in this life is to be yourself

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Hey man its so easy to become bitter angry and shut off due to bad relationships
But the only one that really suffers is you amd future relationships

Hardest thing to do in this life is to be yourself

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Yea... its just I wish I wouldn't have took things as HARD as I DID..! I hate I reacted that way... I was chasing her hard... and pushed her away...

But you are right... Ima be the only one who suffers from putting myself down. What I should do is pick myself up... dust myself off... turn a blind eye to my ex meaning whatever her views of me are, they are not relevent to me, or what she may have told someone else. I do have self-worth, and I am a catch... she just didn't see that or maybe I did something to mess up the relationship or the situation....that doesn't matter anymore. I don't have to prove anything to her, or explain my hurts to her or anything. I know how good of a guy I am, and how good of a heart I indeed have. Yes I admit I made mistakes in the relationship that maybe turned her off or whatever. But you know I am HUMAN, and I HAVE SURELY LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES, WHETHER SHE SEES THAT OR NOT IT DOESNT MATTER. For the longest I felt like I had PROVE to her... that I loved her, or that I cared for her... not anymore... She doesn't matter to me anymore...

But you know being yourself shouldn't be so hard if you LOVE yourself enough...

its tough over the holidays :)

if it makes you feel any better.
ill be all alone for X-mass

no family no friends no girlfriend

as I am away from all of them working.

So be thankful that you got yourself and close people that will always stand by your side ;)

regards

Hey guys, just like I told you guys... I saw my ex-girlfriend this past weekend. When I walked into the room, everybody was speaking to me saying hi. At that particular time her back was turned to me, then she turned around and looked at me, didn't say anything but she looked. But her mom spoke and gave me a hug.

So after that we started the rehearsal. During the rehearsal she looked my way a couple of times. So after rehearsal she quickly went outside trying to get something out the car but I didn't approach or say anything to her (you know why should I have after all the times I tried to talk to her and she ignored my messages). But her brother spoke to me. And her mom yelled at me telling me bye.

But after her brother spoke to me, she walked back into the church, and then when I was driving off she walked back outside.

But I didn't say anything to her, I did GOOD not looking at her when I noticed she glanced over.

But she didn't say anything to me or anything.

She did look at me a few times but those looks probably didn't mean anything. So I won't BUY too much in to that.

But during the rehearsal I was thinking to myself when I did look at her... "Wow, I can't believe I chased her SOOO HARD, and reacted the way I did, I put her on a pedestal. This is the same girl that was CRYING when she first told me that she LOVED ME...then once time passed by after she went off to school, she doesn't answer when I asked her do she love me... told me I was TOO EXCITED... she didn't care enough about me to understand why was I as hurt as I was... she told me I ask too many questions because of the fact I was trying to understand why she changed and switched on me... I was only asking because I actually cared about how she felt, but she was annoyed by the fact, and kept telling me I DONT KNOW" It felt kind of weird at first but I quickly got over that.

But I was being myself laughing and being silly...

But here's the thing... the performance is January 31. So rehearsals are every Saturday until then. SO IMA HAVE TO SEE EVERY WEEK...

So should I keep doing what I'm doing??

Why not, and remember she has to see you too, and you'll be the one having fun.

Yes.

Dude, I wish you could see what the everybody else sees from that last encounter. You are winning.

This is not exactly a game, but she was expecting a certain behavior from you and you gave her the exact opposite.

Also, you know when her mom talked to her later she said, "did you say hello to sweet guy 23" and her response was "no." Then her mom said, "why not, he's such a great guy." Her own mother gave you a hug. Her mother is always going to choose her... hey it's her mother you can't blame her for that, but her mother didn't dis-own you so to speak, in fact she was thrilled to see you. Do not think for one second that wasn't noticed by the ex.

You asked what do you do and the answer is you keep doing the same thing. You keep your distance and if she comes to you, then you smile, say hello, and excuse yourself politely. DO NOT get mad or sad, because if you get mad or sad she's going know she still has control over your emotions... and even if she does you can NOT let her know that.

When you hear that women are emotional, this is what that means. She's thinking with her emotions (and so are you to be honest) and to show her that you've moved forward, you must be polite (and yes, this part sucks), happy, mysterious, and quick as in get away from her quickly. If you start talking to her and you pull off the rest, she's going to know your still interested. So excuse yourself and go. Because all this is going to is confuse her and make her start thinking emotionally, such as "why isn't he talking to me?" and "is he over me?" and "why is my mom giving him a hug?"

She's had her emotional way with you, it's your turn now, and silence with a touch of happiness is the way to show her who's ahead in this.