We spoke about it again today. I told her if there was a ray of hope I would stick around and she said she couldn't promise and didn't know if it was there. And she said she couldn't tell me if I should stay or not because she doesn't know. I told her how I felt and my regrets. She said wishes I saw then what I see now.

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Originally Posted by hellonasty

We spoke about it again today. I told her if there was a ray of hope i would stick around and she said she couldn't promise and didn't know if it was there. and she said she couldnt tell me if i should stay or not because she doesn't know. I told her how i felt and my regrets. She said wishes i saw then what i see now.

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Typical reaction from the female species.

I get the feeling you don't like females?

Me and my girl are in the same place. You have to put yourself in check. It's important to not forget who you are... don't let the anger and hostility take over, that's not going to get you anywhere.

I can understand where you are coming from, and it sucks because I've also all but lost a girlfriend of 5 years and an engagement over a bunch of BS. Like a very wise man recently told me, be the good guy and forget the nice guy.

That's rough, sorry to hear it. At least I'm not alone :(.

I think we just decided that it would be best if I left the place for a little while so we can both get our space.

Good. That's the first step.

What's your next step?

(suggestion: get on the list of things "YOU want to accomplish")

Next is probably getting my license. I'm about 15 years too late.. better late than never :)
After that I'm probably going to join some sort of a gym. Unless this no eating diet I'm on takes me back to my old weight.

Is it normal for someone to call all the time and let you know what they are doing and if you want to do dinner etc, even though they are the ones that wanted a break? I can't figure this out. Like more than every she is calling saying "hey, i'm just out with x and x and we're grabbing some food. ill be back soon". I'm like, you wanted the f'ing break... why are you letting me know you're every move? Is it to make me feel better? Is she doing me a favor because she knows I'm hurting?

Have you always been prone to over exaggeration?? Was it you who have decided to move, because she was neutral, and didn't beg you to stay?

License... good idea.

Gym... even better. The amount of stress you relieve... is absolutely insane.

Calling all the time? Yes. My ex called me (and even told me she would) once a day for about a week or so until tal kicked my butt... then I told her not to call. I explained to her that she wanted the break up, so we should break up.

It can be pretty easy... just don't pick up.

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I think we just decided that it would be best if I left the place for a little while so we can both get our space.

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Details and explain the we.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Details and explain the we.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Have you always been prone to over exaggeration???? Was it you who have decided to move, because she was neutral, and didn't beg you to stay??

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Yes, I exaggerate-- it's a bad habit. I've been told I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill on this. But her sister and myself both agree that she is being very self-destructive with herself and our relationship. More or less, yes. I was looking for a glint of hope and a reason to stay. I asked if she just wanted her space I would stick around and give it but if she wanted to breakup than I would have to leave. She says she just wanted a 'break' but we can't seem to settle down so maybe it would be best to stay at different places for awhile. Until SHE decides whether to be together.

Your hopeless and frustrating!!

You sound like you are taking a lot of the blame for what is happening in your relationship. Maybe to the point of guilt and that isn't helping the situation. There are these two magic words said in a very heart felt way that can change things instantaniously. These magic words are, "I am sorry." That doesn't mean that by saying you are sorry that you are admitting that you are the sole cause of the problem, it just means that you are sorry that there is a problem and what can you do together to make it better? Allow her to open up what she is really feeling about what is happening without getting offensive or hurt by what she says and just listen to her. If she feels that she is really being listened to by you then the thought of "wanting space" aka "running away" from the problem may turn into some deep heart felt compassion for what you are both going through being together continuously as living together, running a business together and wrapping your whole identities around each other. Sometimes once this happens you forget who you are as an individual, as a man, as a woman, as a lover, as a friend. I do hope that it all turns out well for you both but if she is adement about having some of her own space....don't deny her that...let her have her space. Infact encourage it. You might be thinking that is like giving up but in reality it isn't. Human beings will always love themselves more then anything else, human beings will also want what they can't have....by this I mean if you deny her the space she is wanting you will only make her want it more, If you encourage it, it loses its appeal and makes her wonder why you are letting her have it. It may make her think twice about it. In the meantime, go about your life with enthusiasm, do things for yourself that you wish you could do. Hire someone to help out with your business so there is more time to do things you want to do for yourselves and for each other.

Nice try Janmarie, he just can't see its so many little things he can do to help his female, but he would rather go sit on a pity pot as he is so insecure and selfish!!

The worst part is he doesn't want to change, or try.

I could be wrong, maybe he went fishing??

Well if she wants space well leave her and find yourself another one and forget her

As far as leaving the house, Don't do it. If she needs a break let her make arrangements to sleep elsewhere. She seems like she is close with her sister, well let her live over there while she is figuring things out. Don't be a about it, ask her nicely or even hint at the idea and she may suggest it herself.

As far as the office goes give her a week paid vacation. You can pick up the slack and that will consume some of your time while she is away from you. You need to get out of the fog and see what the big picture is. There is allot more to loose than 'just' a relationship here. I say 'just a relationship' because when I think back about the house I lost, the pets I lost, the friends I lost I realize that when I lost those things I was in 'just a relationship'

Take some time to yourself and protect you and your belongings. And stop having the 'talk' with her, makes you look like a . And she is not lesbian. Get it yet?
Hope this helps.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Nice try Janmarie, he just can't see its so many little things he can do to help his female, but he would rather go sit on a pity pot as he is so insecure and selfish!!!!!

The worst part is he doesn't want to change, or try.

I could be wrong, maybe he went fishing?????

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If he went fishing then it is probably a good thing to do to clear his head. Hopefully :)

I didn't go fishing- I don't really fish. Although I wish I did right about now.

I've been trying to deal with all of this the last few days- and it hasn't really been going well.

She's asked for space but I really haven't given it to her-- I continuously have this lapses of judgement where I do all the wrong things. It's really bad. I can see it happening as if I'm watching myself from above.

Early next week I'm heading to a friends house for a week and a half. I hope this helps smooth over things somewhat and gives her her breathing room to reflect and for me to get my head back.

Guys have been doing this for centuries, and that's what you need is to clear your head and refresh your brain and see things in a different perspective.

Seeing a doctor may help also, as you may have something else going on, as you sound compulsive, but a doctor can see, if your honest with him.

These situations can really screw with your head. I went almost 3 days solid without sleeping. Not a good idea to be in that state and still live with the person. She told me yesterday (before I crossed the line, again) that she thought we would be able to try again. But now , she's not so sure. She's very angry with me. I hope she can get passed it.

Talaniman, you're right. I made an appointment with a Psychologist. He came very highly recommended and has a huge waiting list. Luckily I got in as I close to a few of his clients. We'll see how that pans out.