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My ex is STILL bothering me, STILL contacting, STILL wanting me back after 7 months .
And guess what I'm doing wrong? I'm answering him EVERY time he emails me.. and it's not getting me anywhere
You don't owe her an explanation of any sort, continue the no contact and keep moving forward..
You know how I like to think of it? Starting contact with an ex is like picking at an old scab, all you have left is a bloody mess..
Stay strong and good luck my friend
Keep NC dude... sounds like you are doing great.
She will get the message... and hopefully will back off... I know her emailing you would probably piss you off since it shows she's got the nerve to wonder if you want to come back. You just have to show her your not stupid and your not coming back... NC will give her that message..
Good luck
Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
While I agree with what everyone else has said, I also think its okay for you to express how you feel to her.
It sounds to me that you're completely over her. You are not initiating contact because you want to get back together, but because you want her to stop bothering you. So I think it is your choice, whether you spell it out for her.
I disagree with you Kaitou because I think she is doing this in order to get a reaction out of him, be it positive or negative. Giving her what she wants provides opportunity for communication and by the same token, some sort of a relationship to be established, even if it is a relationship based on simply two exes expressing how they feel to each other. Regardless of whether they feel the same or differently, they are still communicating with each other.
I think the best solution is no relationship whatsoever, i.e. no contact.
Hey all,
Once again, thanks for the help... Well I contacted my ISP, I asked if they could block her emails on their server before they were sent to my outlook, they said no problem so I guess that takes care of that.
What a wild journey it has been... and I can confidently say I am almost there... And I really mean it when I say it was the most emotionally challenging thing I have ever faced.
I'll admit it was pretty tempting to just let her have it and let her know who inconsiderate and vindictive she has been through all this and how this is totally her loss. But I think silence will speak louder in this case, and frankly I don't even want her to know she had that effect on me.
I guess NC is NC, from beginning to forever... It really is the only way to go about a break up...
Good for you.
I can't help but feel that NC for some of you is like a battle with your ex. That is if you contact your ex at all, then you lose. Because you're showing your ex, that he/she is having an effect on you.
Because for me NC is different. NC is for me. NC is for when I know I can't handle communication with that person. NC is for when I'm still upset at the situation or still angry with the situation.
But once, I've gotten over the situation. That is I am no longer angry or upset. That is I can look at it an appreciate the lessons I learnt from it. I wouldn't mind telling my ex exactly how I feel. Because I always wanted him to know. Not because I want him to feel guilty, not because I want revenge, not because I want him back.
But because I just want to let him know. And frankly I don't care if he knows exactly how I felt over an email. Because I won't ever see him again anyway. He is not part of my life anymore.. so why would I care how he sees me.
Yeah sure he has an effect on me, but I'm not scared of admitting it or letting him know, because you know what.. the fact that he is contacting me, shows that I have an effect on him too.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, whether you lose the battle or not, depends on how you perceive the situation..
For me NC is a battle with myself, to test my strength, to test how well I know myself...
I guess I'm just the type of person that is not scared of laying it all out there. I have told my ex exactly how his actions were inconsiderate, but in a very diplomatic manner. I look back at them, and I don't regret anything I said, because I've simply stated the situation and the facts. And I got a feeling he wanted to know as well, because he kept contacting me. As if he needed closure as well..
I hope this made sense :S
Edit:.. oh but then of course, NC is also for not contacting that person, because he/she is just not worth your time.
Hey kaitou,
I definitely understand what you are saying.
Don't get me wrong though, my NC was definitely for me and still is... A part of me actually feels bad that I ignore her (how I can feel bad for her after all this beats me)
What you said about not caring what they think about you because you will never see them again makes a lot of sense to me. I suppose its just a personal victory for me, and if that makes me feel good than that's reason enough. And if you don't say anything there is no room for their rebuttal.
Closure would be nice but in time my want for that will fade, as will all my feelings for her... I just have to trust in that, and I think total NC is the fastest way to get there. I'll definitely be preaching that on this site and to all my friends that go through this in the future.
Hey Northern Nice Guy,
You are definitely someone I look up to in this situation in getting your "love locked down" (had to. Kanye reference. Catchy- song). And it seems like you're doing very well.
You know, you can only be unhappy so long in a relationship until you realize that your partner is never going to change. If you're putting more effort into the deal than they are, it's not worth it.
And it looks like she realized how good she had it. She lost.
But the thing that amazes me most is that you have stuck by your guns with this one, and not gone back because you remember how it was and how it would never change. I wish, that if someday my ex contacted me (which she probably will, she's done it 3 times before), I would have the wisdom to say... not worth it. And keep it locked down.
Any tips?
P.s. If you're ever in Ohio, hit me up on here. We can swap stories, drink beers, and chase skirts.
No contact... she should give up after a few tries.
She'll realize that you're over it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by southerngalps
Oops... missed the second page.
That is great that they were able to block her emails. You won't have to do anything :)
Hey yoso,
Well I can't say my NC was all that great in the early days.. But eventually the games and bull$hit get to you and you realize that responding to them gets you no where but feeling bad.
If anything just take what everyone else here has said as gold, because its all from experience. NC is the only way to go, so do your best to stick to it.
And funny you say that about Ohio, I will actually be there in march to visit some friends. Sounds like a plan to me.
You done good!
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