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Oh sweetie. It is hard and there is nothing really anyone can say to make you feel better inside (you know, that sick feeling in your gut)-Just stay sober and keep yourself busy.Quote:
Originally Posted by jc105
When me and my guy broke up, I stayed drunk for about 10 months. Now that we've been back together, I would like the opportunity to still stay drunk... but can't happen. Only **** happens babe. But you will be OK no matter what.
Acceptance, letting go and moving on with your life. You cannot go back only forwards and eventually the one true love you thought you would never find walks into your life!
You have to be content with yourself and your life, function as a whole person, not just half of one.
You should have shut all contact. When you cantact someone after THEY HAVE broken with you come across as needs, insecure, desperate - VERY UNATTRACTIVE, NON-MANLY, WUSS comunications. Rightly or wrongly. This how women perceive that.
In MOST cases with women - 'Space' = break. No question.
Learn from this.
I met and dated my husband when I was 15 and he was 17 we fell in "love" hard but he broke it off with no real reason after a few months. Over the next few years of high school we talked about getting together a few times but nothing really happened. Then after high school I didn't see him for 2 years. As soon as life and I little push from me, brought us to each other we knew what we had to do and got married a few months later. For us it took 6 years and about 4 tries to be "ready" for each other, but worth it. I'd say yea let them go and if the love is there they will come back... but, every once in a while give it a little push.
No don't push a little. Like WildCat said if you chase they run (or something like that)-It is soooooooooo true.
You know a lot of people are going to tell you what you "should" do-even though some of them may never have been in your situation, or aren't in a situation like yours currently.
Go with your heart. You don't have to stop loving someone because they don't love you (you know what I mean). Just don't make it to where they are the only person you will ever love.
Please don't turn into a jerk because of this situation. Yes, girls are attracted to jerks, and yes they even stay with the jerks for a long time, maybe even forever, but it is never a happy relationship and who wants to live like that?
If you want to be happy-be nice. And respectful. I see that you are getting a lot of "advice" to hide your feelings, and act like you don't care because you might come off as weak or whatever, but no matter what, those feelings aren't going to go away by ignoring them...
Women like jerks a lot better than nice guys because they don't worry about sparing jerks feelings. Be a good guy and things won't matter.
The thing that is mostly wrong with the world today is that there are too many men out there who think they understand women, and too many women who think they understand men;hence, in the end, we are all back to square one.
I disagree, I don't like jerks! It is true that being a nice guy, sometimes you get walked all over, you just have to be a SMART nice guy. JC105, please don't change who you are just because this girl couldn't see it. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I do agree that a "break" usually does mean the "end", however, because I too have said this to an ex and meant forerver. It is just a nice way of saying it.
I don't think though that the saying that "nice guys finish last" is true, it may seem like that is true sometimes, but really, if you stay true to yourself, and who YOU are, in the end, you will finish first. It is when we loose ourselves and start trying to be what everyone else wants us to be, when we truly finish last. Who wants to be like everyone else? NOT ME!
JC105, I can tell that you seem to be a good guy and a caring person, and I know she screwed you, but there is someone out there, you just have to live your life and move on. I know it's hard, believe me, but it is true that Indepence is sexy to a woman, and if you live and breath independence, you will attract the right kind of woman! :)
Here's to the good guys!! :) :)
Yeah I talked to her last night for a few hours. Wildcat though she is with the guy she has known for a couple years so I can't resent that. But the conclusion that I have come to is that she isn't the same person. Not the person I was in love with, not the person I remember. She didn't even look that good, not that I ever really cared, but it would've been harder if she was looking better.
I wasn't needy with her that isn't how our relationship was. She knows why I needed to speak with her, we both needed a little more closure in the relationship. I have no misconceptions in that we will be getting back together anytime soon. She may love her new life and marry the man she is with now, maybe not. But she isn't the girl I loved, she is a woman I know. It hurts to say because now the hope I had of getting back my girl is gone. That girl no longer exists. The thing that kills is that she resents me for not being what she needed. She wanted to be put on a pedestal, and left to her freedom. I didn't put her on a pedestal because that isn't what she wanted when we met, and she couldn't be free while she lived in the same house as me. Not because I didn't let her but because she didn't feel comfortable in the situation.
I did not give off a needy persona to her. She knows how I feel about her and I told her she wasn't the same person I loved.
Life is sad, because the person I loved changed into someone else. Even worse I did the same to her...
Oh CGirl, She didn't screw me. I was wrong for keeping her around and not appreciating her. I only resent myself. Also I have no urge to speak to her now so I am glad I talked to her, now just the dull pain remains.
That is what one of my exs keeps doing. Sending me messages saying "I still love you"Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
"I remember the first time we met"
"We used to have good times"
I have not replied to any of them and finally got a message last night saying
"How did I know you were not going to answer" - Think he finally getting the hint ;)
Jc105, hang in there though, I know what you mean about having to have closure. That is important, and that is something I never had in the last long term relationship I had before my husband, and I think that is why it took me so long to get over him, even though I was actually the one that ended things, I just kept thinking to myself, what if I made this huge mistake. It took a long time to see that actually I didn't and it was a good decision in the long run. You will be OK, and so will she, and life will go on and there IS someone out there for you, as there is for everyone.
Yeah I am pretty confident in that. Knowing that she went straight to another guy makes me see her as way less independent then I thought she was. I really don't think I love or like her anymore. I just wasn't talking to the girl I fell in love with.
Still sad though when I think about when we were younger and how much fun we had. Lifes a trip.
Oh and to answer my own question...
'Will they come back... '
NO! - Assume not and move on. No purpose in even speaking with them. If they feel that badly about you, then accept that its over a leave them alone. You will both be happier if it is not dragged out.
The problem with getting back together with someone that hurt you is TRUST. Relationships are built on trust, and when someone truly hurts you it can be hard to move past that. I think a lot of getting back together has to do with the break up itself. If things end nasty, I wouldn't say there is a good chance of you working things out.
You can get them back... but there still has to some trust and respect, no cheating (I have a feeling she was cheating on you in the end - sorry for that - you need to see the truth in her - THEY WILL NEVER TELL YOU THEY CHEATED), NO ABUSE, no pedestal worshiping.
Genrally though, there is some form of the above happening.
Cgirl, you're pretty darn smart.
"It is when we loose ourselves and start trying to be what everyone else wants us to be, when we truely finish last." Awesome - that happens SOOOOOOOOOOOO much.
No, I NEVER advocate being a jerk. It's a waste of time being a jerk - WHY would anyonetry to be this?
She may have, couldn't care. I prefer to remember the girl I met. I won't hate her, she's just gone.
That is so true. It's easy to get "back together" with someone-but without the trust, as WildCat says-there is nothing really there.Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffatl
I'm not sure if I trust her or not. She should definitely trust me, but it doesn't matter, the girl is dead to me now.
We had a great thing at one time, but life has happened and its over. Like I said before the girl I met a couple days ago isn't the girl I loved. She isn't coming back.
I understand what you are saying. Things are different for everybody, and it is hard to take advice from people who are not going through what you are going through. There is no easy way. Just time itself is all you have to get through this and you will.Quote:
Originally Posted by jc105
I send you lots of hugs...
You need trust and respect... without these you have nothing.
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