Ask Me Help Desk - I lost my love

Quote:

Originally Posted by miller3

I have told her that and at this time anything i say goes in one ear and out the other. She says she has givin me chances before, and which she did not. She is really not her self and my talking to her is not helping. She knows how i feel.

Since she is not willing to give you another chance, it's time you did.

You deserve the chance to be happy. You deserve the chance to have fun.

If you two got back together now, she would still be the one who blames you for all that went wrong, complaining about everything past and present. She probably would not forgive or forget and agree to start over. So, why put yourself through that pain and heartache over and over??

The best for you would be to start anew, get over her, go through the healing process and start enjoying life again instead of pining away over someone who does not appreciate you.

So, dear, let it all out, vent, get angry, and then start your healing. We will help you all we can.

Again, good luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gifP.S. She may know how you feel... but it does not seem to me that she cares. Do you really deserve this kind of treatment?

It's that she is very mad at me and what happened to us. She is at the stage with angry that I am all to blame and I have done so much bad to her and treated her bad. She is confused and her mom is in her ear all the time to leave me. I can't blame her for feeling like she does. She needs time to think and at first I did not give her time and pushed myself on her. I want to give her time now to come to me if she ever will. All I can do it wish and wait because she was good to me and showed it every day. We just ran into a lot of issues and it brought the worse out of me. I did hate the fact that she let her mom control her and that played a big part in my anger and our break up.

I'm 57 years old, have a daughter who is 33 - and I don't like the guy she is with, but love her and my grandson. She knows this and loves me for who I am. She is a very independent young lady and loves her man and baby. She manages to keep her relationship happy and her mother happy. But I know that if I complained about him about anything, she would promptly but lovingly put me in my place and let me know that her private life is none of my concern. And she would be absolutely right. I don't have to like him, I don't have to live with him - SHE does. She is happy and I am happy for her. I am a proud mother and I know my place.

What I'm conveying here is - when the right man comes along, we women don't care what Mom says or does.. But if we don't want to be with the guy anymore, then Mom as as good an excuse as any to keep him at a distance until something better comes along. It is in our control - not Mom's and not the man's. Do you see what I'm saying? She is placing you in the position to take the blame - and you are accepting this position because you have her on a pedastal.

Wake up, smell the coffee, and face the fact that you are being used. If she wanted to, she could have stopped you from getting angry over her relationship with her mother. She could have consoled you and reassured you of her loyalty and still have maintained her mother-daughter relationship. She could have spent time with her Mom and still have made the time with you 'quality' time shared with you alone and you would have had no need whatsoever to be jealous of her mother's influence.

Take it from this woman, dear - get over her and heal. Then find a woman who appreciates you and loves you the way you deserve in good times and in bad times, as long as you have quality time when you are together.

Now, get up and take that first step to healing so that you'll be ready when the right woman comes along.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_19.gif Stop the guilt-trip already and don't make anymore lame excuses for the way you've been treated.

Quote:

Originally Posted by miller3

well written!

Thanks dear. I just hope that it helps you to know that you are not alone and that we will help you any way we can. I promise, you will survive and that some day, you will be able to help someone else on their way in life. That's just the way life is - our experience either makes us or breaks us.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_33_13.gif

Yes, I speak very straightforward. I don't name call, I don't use nice frilly words and I never bother "consoling" since you can get that from real life friends. I respond clearly and thoughtfully to what YOU write. I truly want you to be happy and successful. Everyone who fully aborbs the intent of my posts knows that to be true.

It is an unfortunate technique that you employ here. You find one big thing you disagree with in my answer and respond to that rather than bothering to focus on the whole thing or even the main point. I say it is unfortunate because it means you stop listening the moment you hear something you don't like. Nitpicking individual points while ignoring the thesis is sort of wasting time, don't you think?

So, ignore away, it's not us/me that is hurt when you do that, it's just more pain for you in the long run.

So, once again, the main point you ignored (based on your post): Relationship GROWTH takes two sacrificially committed people. You make one. There is no two. She isn't vested in this the way you are, you know that and are hoping you can "change her mind". That's not going to happen, and your unhappiness over the ending of this relationship won't start to heal until AFTER you accept that and start the journey to your next one.

BTW, the next one might be THE ONE you're looking for, so I sincerely hope you don't prolong the wait too much.

Quote:

Originally Posted by miller3

Ok.... long story short my ex and i have been over for 2 months today. We were engaged and she broke it over. We were together 2 years and engaged 4 months. I have tried to work things out with her but it has gotten worse by me trying to see and talk to her. She recently said she is not sure if she loves me and keeps saying things like it will not work out and i have treated her bad, and i should have thought how it might be like without her maybe then i would have treated her better. I really do not think i treated her bad. We have had bad times these last few months of our relationship but i did not think it was worth breaking up over.

She says she was unhappy. Anyway i talked to her last on saturday and suggested we try to work things out. We live 4 hours away, so i said i would start to fly in every weekened for a few months and we could hang out as friends and see were that goes. She said " i am not giving you every weekend, i said fine you make out the details. She said she does not know. Few min later she rushed to get off the phone. I asked when can we talk again and she said she will call me in a mean voice like she was mad. Her mom does nto want us together but i got along great with her dad and other family. Her mom said she does not like me because she does not know me and i did not get to know hwe mom. I think she has alot of people in her ear on what to do and that is why i was pushing her a little. I have not talked to her since sat but i sent her a 15 page letter yesterday that explains alot of what i wanted to say to her but she never gave me a chance to say it. She new about the letter i was sending.

It seems she does not miss me or even car. I think she feels like that because i am up her but every day texting and e-mailing her and so it does not give her time to miss me and think because i think she is confused. What should i do i really love her and care but i want her to miss me and i know time will be a factor. She know i am flying up there on the 16th of this month to see a friend. Shoule i call her that day if she does not call. She knows i will be there.

Two years huh? Long time really you probably don't have near enough room on this page to fit it all in do you? Look that's a long time and engagement too! That's a lot in that period! True love or not maybe she's just a little overwhelmed. If she's got a voice in her ear and that voice is a mom with a strong daughter mother bond whom also doesn't like you wow! Moms are so biased, she will just fuel her fears. So let her go, she is a sensible adult you just got to go away for a bit and trust she will come to her senses. Because of she doesn't she just may not of been the one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Yes, I speak very straightforward. I don't name call, I don't use nice frilly words and I never bother "consoling" since you can get that from real life friends. I respond clearly and thoughtfully to what YOU write. I truly want you to be happy and successful. Everyone who fully aborbs the intent of my posts knows that to be true.

BTW, the next one might be THE ONE you're looking for, so I sincerely hope you don't prolong the wait too much.

Dear JB.. we do know that your straightforwardness is from the heart and that you mean to help. Those in pain go through stages of hurt, denial, confusion, reaching for straws, etc. The poster is currently in the denial and self-blame stage, IMO.. but I'm sure your wise words will be remembered by him when his head is a little clearer. That's all we on this site can expect and hope for when we give our advice.

Sometimes we get ignored. Sometimes we don't even get responses back after all our efforts. But, these are few and far between the ones we do get through to, so keep up the good work.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

It will be okay. You should buy her flowers and ask her out again.

I give the worst opinions, don't listen to me.

My love hated me and she moved way