I'm sure there are lots of things she's hiding from me at this point. I have just been hoping they didn't involve other guys. You guys seem sure though she lineing up other guys and comparing them to me to see who's better as we speak. I just have a hard time believing she would just drop me outright for a new guy when she's been very dependent and needy of me for the past 2 years. I haven't seemed the clingy one in this relationship till just now when she took herself out of my life. And I didn't mind her being needy of me. I love being needed. Right now I have a bruised ego from rejection, I feel worthless cause no one "needs me", I feel lonely because I'm not with her (other friends have been POOR substitutes), and I miss her terribly as my best friend and lover. I hate not having her, now I'm the clingy needy one (though doing my best not to let her see that), and I hate the thought of her not wanting me and not needing me. I'm sure you see a whole slew of problems in these emotions, I see them too. But its how I feel and the way she was towards me up until the last second I actually saw her in person. It took 2 days before her *visible* attitude towards me changed.

All great inovations are built on rejection... Don't let this change your attitude or yourself esteem...

This is why you healing is more important, so you can see through those emotions that are still fresh and intense.

I'm trying my best to focus on me, but it's easier said than done. Part of me just wants the situation to be over but the other part of me tells me the only way that's going to happen is if I end things. I don't want to do it. I don't want it to be done. I don't want it to be over, and officially its not. The only way I have hope of that result (I know HOPE is a BAD thing) is if I play her game. I just think at least with No Contact, I can play her game by my rules. I've been reading the Break Up Survival Guide Post and trying to develop a strategy. (Makes me feel like Im actually doing something) We didn't have any problems that were beyond repair and it didn't seem as though we "grew apart." Just the only way those few problems (nothing major really) have to be fixed by us as a team. I'm willing to be in a team with her to work on them. The question is, is she still willing to be on the team with me. Only she knows. In this aspect the balls in her court and there's nothing I can do about it.

I just thought it interresting and I don't know why I thought of this, but because I work graveyard shift and she works simi-normally my no contact days are weird. From her perspective, its been 2 days since last contact. From mine its about to be 3 when I go to bed. I'll be ending my 3rd day when she's beginning it. I don't know why I thought of this of all things but I thought I'd put it out there. She's had Saturday and Sunday without me contacting her. I've had Friday Night, Saturday Night, and Sunday Night since my day is starting at 6pm and ending at 9am. My day used to start at 3-4pm while with her. Now I have a ton of time to sleep and am sleeping horribly. I got 11 whole hours last night though after taking a sleep aid that I didn't know would put me into that much of a coma.

Well I feel SICK right now. SICK. Its another guy for sure, but she hasn't come out and told me. I did something sick to find out. I logged on to her Facebook account (cause I know the password I set it up for her) and went to her inbox. One of her friends asked her how she was doing and she replied not good. She said that she was starting to have feelings for one of her coworkers and asked for a month break from her boyfriend (me) to clear her head.

SJB you need to stop! Look at what you're doing to yourself! You need to stop logging onto her Facebook. You're going to have a thing called a restraining order put on you, I know the urge to sign on to her account will be there but you need to resist. Because look at where it got you, what part of ignorance is bliss did you just not understand! You told us the first time, that she wasn't the type of girl to just have feelings for someone else, now you were proved wrong. Now you can start to move on and realize that perfect girl image of her has been SHATTERED! All you are doing now is not allowing yourself to move on, while she on the other hand is. But hey, if you're comfortable with being the back up plan, that's fine

I may have done something borderline stalker to find out, but I found out. I can't confront her because of the way I found out. She's been lying to me. She said it wasn't another guy. You guys said it was. YOU WERE RIGHT! I feel like absolute but at least I know. I just don't know how to end things. I want to but I desperatly don't want to all at the same time.

If you read the background to my situation you will see, I was EXACTLY how you were. But since finding this site, I have come a long way, in a good way. Sure I still have my bad days and will be posting something that happened at work yesterday as soon as I get done this just because I feel better talking to the people on this forum about it than anyone else. But don't beat yourself up over what you did, it happened, you can't change it. We all make mistakes, no one on this forum will tell you otherwise. But it won't be easy to move on, my ex has a new boyfriend and I don't know if it's true, but a friend of mine told me yesterday that the quicker your ex moves on to someone new, the more she is simply trying to push her feelings for you out of her heart. She will realize she let a good thing get away, fate works both ways my friend. We will always be here for you

Was it a mistake for me to seek out the truth? To get an answer? To know one way or another? Or should I have left myself with false hopes letting her string me along? "Break" my... I'm not sorry for finding the truth, I'm just shaken up that it was my worst fear...

No it was a mistake in how you did it. What you need to realize is, it's her life now. You're no longer a part of it, The sooner you realize it will never be the same. The less you will care what she does. You have to realize that the image of the great girl you once knew, has been altered, which should aid in moving on. If she contacts you, tell her not to talk to you anymore, she asked for this space so tell her you want space as well

Yeah it hurts, but the good news is, you have all the control back, and have no need to take her calls or make any contact whatsoever. Start right now at this moment, to heal and put this in the past and look to the future. Cry if you must but put you first from now on. Don't be like the stubborn nog heads, who feel they need closure, or want to try one more time, or need to TALK TO HER, forget it! Go No Contact now, and leave anything with her name on it alone.

I got to end things... I can't bring myself to do it. I don't even know what to tell her when I do. I can't tell her what I know or how I know it. What can I do?

Just simply tell her that after looking back on the past couple months you realized that you have grown apart from her and think that going our separate ways would be best for both of us. Wish her well in whatever she does and then say your goodbyes and leave it at that. None of that closure crap, I need to send her this e-mail to know its really over. When they person says "we need to break, or break up" its over. There is no hidden message that says "I want you to chase me to hell and I will take you back" it means, GOODBYE

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

I gotta end things... I can't bring myself to do it. I dont even know what to tell her when I do. I can't tell her what I know or how I know it. What can I do?

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I disappear from her existence, just me though.:D

Quote:

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I don't even know what to tell her when I do.

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Then tell her nothing, you owe her nothing. She'll figure it out.

Man I hate it when people can't enforce boundaries. Thinking a coworker is hot and nice is one thing... but this broad obviously has loose boundaries, and she shouldn't have gotten that close to him to develop feelings in the first place. You don't need someone like that, keep telling yourself that. Use all this in the future... the next time around you should take your time. Stay away from chicks with boundary or codependancy issues. With some observation you can usually see what types get attached too quickly. Just keep telling yourself that there is someone else out there that won't do that to you, that will be better for you.

I just ended it... or she did... I don't know... She didn't want to let it go at I don't think we should be together anymore. And I made the mistake of talking to her about it... Anyway it ended with her hanging up on me after telling me it was my fault she wanted the break because I had stopped listening to her... then the usual crap about how she is young and doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship at this age. I asked her if she had feelings for someone else, and she said she had thought she did but realized she didn't really quickly and in fact was just enjoying being alone and doing what she wants to do. Of course it was too late to say, oh lets do the break thing again, and probably for the best. She said she was just stringing me along but not in the sense that I thought and that is wasn't fair on me. We went back and forth and I pushed her away I know and she said it was best that we end things and hung up on me and that she didn't want to work things out with me. So I started dumping her had trouble with the follow through and she finished it. I feel like sh!t. I'll talk to you guys later.

There is the closure you "needed" my friend. Now you can move on from here, learn from your mistakes in the relationship and start to work on some alone time. Become happy with yourself as a single person. That's the biggest thing, don't jump into another relationship for the comfort or because you feel alone. It will all be better and one day you will look back and laugh about how you acted. While I do still want my ex back, I look back to how I acted the first 2 weeks after we broke up and I was such a little b!tch and laugh at myself now for how I acted, which probably pushed any thoughts in her mind that I could do better.

Dude I've read this story a 1,000 times and went through it myself back in September. Read my post. I know it's long, but it's essentially the same journey you are on right now. It's taken me all the way until NOW to be comfortable with the fact that it's completely over and to just stop... caring so much I guess. Definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, and I guarantee it will be the same for you. But you will get through it.

I'm still struggling sometimes, just as you will. For example just yesterday, after days of not thinking about her, I randomly started to. I started to think that here I am, over 5 months later and I'm still single and can't find a girl even though I've been trying for sure, whereas she found a new boyfriend almost immediately and has been dating him for a couple of months. She's all but forgotten about me now. It sucks, because in a way I feel like she's robbed me of having a relationship and being in "girlfriend mode," which I feel like is the best version of myself, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel like she's royally screwed up my life, because when she said she wanted a "break" I had to move 30 minutes away, hang out with all new people, switch my job location, and lose my best friend and lover all in one. And it pisses me off because I'm not particularly good at meeting new girls, and it's going to take me forever to find a new one.

Fact is though, that none of it matters anymore. I know she's not the same person I started dating in 2003, and even if she wanted to get back together (which I'm sure she never will) I just don't think it would work right now. And eventually, I'll get a new girl. And the new people I've met as a result of my move are mostly cool. Point is, I'm gettin' by, and so will you. Sounds to me like you've done much better than I did. And don't worry about snooping that one time... but wouldn't do it any more. I did it too, and soon as I found out there was another guy it gave me the kick in the @$$ I needed to stop talking to her. Keep with the NC and you'll be much much better off.