Hey wtd, I am in a very similar situation now, except for me its been only 4 days since the start of it. We are both 20, but we have been together for a little over 4 years. She broke up with me on the premise that we needed time apart to experience other things because we have only really been with each other. This was way out in left field for me and hit me like a ton of bricks because I thought everything was great. She said that I am her best friend and that she loves me but this has to happen. Her fear (or so she said) was that she would wake up one day when she's older and realize I am not the one. She explained how she felt through an email and since then I haven't communicated with her (she thought it would be best that we don't communicate for at least a week).

Since you were kind of in my shoes already what would you do different if you went back in time to the week it happened? Would you take her back now if given the chance? Would you take her back after knowing that she began seeing another man after the breakup? EVERYBODY says no contact whatsoever, but after searching this site for hours I did not cross one that the couples ended up back together. I can't imagine the thought of her being with anybody else and I have absolutely no desire to be with anybody but her. I hope for the best but fear for the worst, any incite you (or anybody else who cares to comment) could share on the situation would be much appreciated.

To be honest mate it doesn't make much difference what I or anybody else says because you want to be with her more than anything in the world and nothing people say will make a difference to what you will do - some people call it making mistakes like not doing NC - but I don't think it's a mistake personally otherwise you will just never know -you know the girl more than anyone (at least we thught we new them right.. werent expecting the break so we didn't know them as well as we thought lol) and you have to go through it yourself I think at least once in your life.

As for my experience: I am 100% whatever I would have done would have made no differnce to getting her back or not. Our (exs) I know it hurts saying that - have thought about this for one hell of a long time, in the back of there minds then all of a sudden they wake up and make it a reality. I really don't think you have any control over getting her back or not. I tried sending roses, taking her out to our favourite restaurant, giving her space, not giving her space, writing her love letters, I even tried consoling her saying.. it was all my fault you were right to have this break in the hope she would go 'aww how understanding maybe I made a mistake' but nope that just made me feel like crap for taking the blame.

So after I did the mushy stuff (over first 2 or 3 weeks) I tried NC - I did it to give her space and to be honest with myself I still am - but no matter it still helps me a little - and a little is all you can hope for. I think the longest I've gone without talking/txt/seeing her is about 3 weeks and that was tough. Its amazing how this girl and I'm sure you got this too - was going lets spend the rest of our lives together blah blah and then the next minute bang.

Now if I did it all again.. with the knowledge of trying what I did so far... I would have sent some flowers and letter saying how I felt, that I will not contact her, and she's is only to contact me if she changes her mind- but that I am going to move on - sticking to that will be HARD!! Because you will think it will slowly make her come back to you - it really won't! She has already made her decision and she took ages to make it - I can't stress that nothing you do will make a difference to her coming back to you - I really believe that - but it gets your feelings down - so that maybe like 3months+ it leaves the door open maybe? Who knows. I tell you this if she ever gets with another bloke I would never ever go back there becus then she is defintely not the person I thought she was.

My advice to you is what everyone else on this board will say - keep busy - it helps only in the fact that your mind is taking off her for at least a few periods. Of cause in the first 3 weeks absolutely nothing will take your mind off it - you just have to grit your teeth.
Lol I really don't think I'm being much help am I? I'm sorry I think your looking for a quick fix and my experience has told me there is none :(

Thank you for your advice wtd. I understand that there is no quick fix, I just want to do the best I can with the whole situation. I don't want to give up hope but I don't want to set myself up for disaster. I think I will try sending flowers to her in a week or so with a note and leave it at that. Life happens and I'm trying not to beat myself up over things I can not control. Reading these forums is really helping me out a lot. Im just disappointed that there are no success stories. I just hope there is not other guy in the equation (we go to separate schools not too far away) because then I could never take her back and will end up angry. Im going to take it easy, keep busy, and focus on myself for now. Thanks again.

Latest: So its been 3 weeks since I last saw my ex (again) 2.5 months total split time. She txtd me today saying her mum has done the questionairres for me (I needed them for my project) and how would I like to get them (no x, very plain msg). I replied I can pick them up or she can drop them off (she said she would drop them off 3 weeks ago). She texts back that's fine she can drop them off. Again very plain message no x... straight to the point. Why the holy crap did I say she could drop them off... someone hit me over the head with a hammer I keep making the same mistakes. Anyway she's coming around on Tuesday night which will b odd as she's not been at my home in 2.5 months + my mum really not to keen on her now after all the heartache. Anyway.. I have a potential job in the USA for up too 3 years starting in October and Im also planning a trip to Thailand/Austrailia for 2-3 months this summer. My counselor thinks I should ask my girlfriend how she feels about me going away.. I think this tues will be a good opportunity as its been eating me up. No good will come of it of cause, I'm not expecting her to say NOOOOOO Don't GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! But I guess I just want to show her I am moving on... I don't need her in my life - I still want her in my life - but I don't NEED her in my life. I got a 1st in my module from last semester - the one I was working on right when she first said about splitting up with me - so this proves I don't need her. She always got top marks and I always looked up to her for getting such good marks and wanted to do the same.
Anyway... this Tuesday... im not lookingforward to it. It will probably set me back. Sucker u say? Yep... Oh one more thing... once again she didn't reply to the latest text I sent her. Basically when she said about would tues night be OK - I text back saying yes but can you come round early because I'm out later. Im not cancelling my night because that ***** wants to mess my head up again. So now ill have a messed up night but still going to Salsa... muhaha birng on the pain. I wander if I'm a masachist. Hmmz

Suck it up, and be nice about it. Its your actions that started the latest ball rolling, so cope with it be nice, brief, and remember to say thanks. If it's a big deal you made it one, so handle it. You've been doing great, and no reason to think it won't stay that way.

Well, the ex came around... and as I expected it was horrible... but at least I have some sort of closure now. Basically I told her I will be going travelling for 2 -3 months, then moving to america for up to 3 years... and told her I was having trouble deciding on this because I still don't know what's happening with us. She said she does not no what to say... she does not want to get back together and that is all she knows. I told her I have no more reason to contact her now.. since I have the information from her mother, and that it is highly unlikely I will see her for the foreseeable future. She still says she loves me/in love me, and the reason she does not want to try again is because she felt I did not care for her when we were together, and she would always put me first and I would not put her first and she thinks I will never change. I am a psychologist... people always change if they have the motivation... stupid woman <cough>. Anyway, In conclusion then, I have some answers to why the relationship went wrong, I have some closure in that she does not want to get back together, and I have something to look forward to in that I will be going travelling soon and moving away. Still, it hurts a hell of a lot and feels similar to when we first broke up yet... not that bad. I knew this moment would come and it has. I must look to the future, and the future does not include this woman. Coming to terms with this will take time, but I can see a light at the end of tunnel. On a lighter note.. so far I got 3 1sts back and 1 2.1 from my modules last term... which was right at the time when the ex split up with me.. im absolutely amazed but v happy about it.

Thanks for all the help and listening to me.

Wish you the best, and remember it gets better. Don't lose the site either.

I don't think she wants to hurt you but doesn't want to be a girlfriend anymore, a relationship never ends for only one reason whatever reason they gave is usually just a catalyst, and most girls get a little freaked out by the letters and phone calls and all that. I'm not saying no contact I'm saying put it on her terms, tell her to call you if she wants when she wants but otherwise give her space, if she decides she wants you cool, if not sorry, but woman don't like being put on the spot and if she wasn't sue she wanted to be with you before asking her is likely to annoy her and do you no good.

I was doing so dam good! Started flirting with girls again, feeling good about myself, I was getting interest from other girls. Then last night I drove past my ex's house - I have to because it's on the way back from karate and I think I saw her, I'm pretty sure she sees me and tries to hide her face. She was walking to meet some bloke. I can't shake the image of him being the reason we split up now... is she seeing this guy?. Was she lying about the reasons she said to split up and is this is the real reason? All these stupid questions. I don't understand why, I was feeling so good about things before. AHHHH! Som1 slap me.

It doesn't matter at the end of the day. For whatever reason she leaves you she left you. Yes the other guy factor is a blow to the ego, but I have learnt that most girls go off when something else comes along. At least the ones that don't want to be alone

But don't jump to anything whatever she does not its not your problem.
And things are never as they seem :)


Regards

Just thought I'd let you all know how I'm doing.

I'm doing absolutely fantastic! Work is going great, my life is great. I met this girl at the wknd who seems to b amazing - gorgeus, intelligent, same interests, is very very keen on me. Anyway we r going on a date nxt week/wknd so il let u know how it goes. I'm not expecting anything substantial to happen as in relationship wise but its just feels so good to be in this situation again! I've got my confidence back - I'm fine just talking to random girls again which took me friken ages to do properly again. Salsa is going good, gym is fun, karate is great - I'm defintely getting a lot more interest now from everyone.

Yes I still think about my ex sometimes every day but I feel like I am well and truly over the whole.. oh one day she will come back to me malochy. I do not need her - that's taken me a while to realise! I still miss her, especially her friendship - we were best mates for best part of 3.5yrs. But I am not wanting to be friends with her yet... maybe one day I'm not sure. I really don't know but I know I'm going to be absolutely fine and great and there is going to be more amazing girls out there to get to know :)

Happy me!

Im really glad to hear your doing well! :)

There is life after a brake up and it's a good one ;)


Keep the faith!

Regards

Wow, I just finished reading your post. I'm really glad that you got your confidence back and is having fun again!

I hope it's safe to say that the worst is over, and it will only get easier now.

You're only 25 the best is yet to come!

I went out for a date with that girl on Thursday - as she was txtin me quite a bit and seemed pretty keen! It was absolutely fantastic - we went out for a few drinks, ended up back at her place talking etc... till 6am. Then snuggled up in bed till 3pm the next day. Im going ice skating with her tonight.

As for the ex... actually when I was kissing this girl sometimes I was thinking this is different to my ex, I'm not sure if that is a sign I'm not ready for a relationship but it did confuse me. I really think this is just a matter of well, this is the first girl I've kissed whose not been my ex in 4 years! So of course I'm going to compare a little bit. Strangely I feel completely relaxed in person with this girl but really nervous when I call her.. I never used to get nervous talking to potentials... so I don't get it lol. I really like this girl and looking forward to seeing where this goes, although I'm fully aware of a girls potential 180degree change of feelings so I'm not trying to build my hopes up. I am just going to take things slowly and treat it a date at a time I think. But I feel as giddy as a little school girl :)

Hey wot2do it is good to hear from your doing well. You seem to be getting back on track so keep it up. Best of wishes with this new girl.

Hello everyone - I thought I would share how things are going in my life. Things are going amazingly with this new girl... we are now seeing each other, and we get on so well its great! She's knows I'm probably moving to USA in October and she's got no idea where she's going to live at the moment could be anywhere after June when she finishes uni so I'm trying not to get to attached! Also in the back of my mind is the fact this girl may change her mind about me to at one point... im determined not to make a girl my world again. But at the moment things really couldn't be better. I soon finish my course then I'm free to travel or whatever I want for the summer. I was totally determined to go travelling around Thailand before I met this girl... I'm worried I won't do that instead spending time with her, which will eventually be futile because obviously we can't last if I go to the USA... At least I don't think we can? That sadans me actually.

The main thing is I'm having fun and I'm very happy. I'm much more conscious about not forgetting about my friends and to carry on my routines e.g. gym, salsa, karate - which is a hell of a lot more difficult than I thought. I can't believe how much time I'm spending with this girl who I didn't even know a month ago.

As for the ex: well I have no idea what she is up to. I don't ask anymore. I think about her every couple of days, what she's up to, is she OK etc.. but its not in a longing for her way - really just curiosity, and perhaps a little saddness seeing how she was my best friend and I hate losing friends. I am very optimistic for the future!

Quote:

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NC does not always work!

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Are you related to the guy that wrote this?? :cool:

Its amazing how low I was at that point. Defintely a life changing experience which I think many people have to go through in order to grow.

It does make me feel good, to be able to see others grow, and change.