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Originally Posted by chris08

I reckon still deep down he wants her back but wants everything to be oh so rosey and perfect like it once was but he can't see it happening, or worried about being hurt again. A decision needs to be made asap otherwise more n more of these topics from chris are going to come up and he's just going to be going round in one big circle, you don't need that, she's still controlling your life and feelings and it aint fair. Someone needs to ask her what the hell's she playing at, why she's ringing your family etc. Very strange girl !

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Just because her parents want her back with you, will not make her want to be with you. She's going through that phase that some women go through after recently breaking up with someone where they think it may be a mistake because now they are actually feeling what life is like without you. It does not mean that she would be happy getting back with you and furthermore it probably will pass. Since she isn't sure you need to keep the space in my opinion. Stop thinking about her. She has your phone number and she can call you. Don't think about that though, just move on. Good luck.

Yea I don't think she wants me back trust you me I no this. I think she's just going through the stages were she could feel lonenly or that it might be a mistake. I no it's a faze and will pass and she will move on. It kind of made me feel a little good that I meant something but I do not expect anythign trust me I'm not stupid!.

Its over I no this.

chris28, there are six pages concerning this post and basically you have answered the same every time, only different wording, but it all means the same. You need to get a life and put this behind you. What good does it do here. I wish I could do a spreadsheet with all these posts to see how many are the same.

It appears, from reaading your descriiption, this g/f of yours needs a head check, she doesn't sound all there.

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Originally Posted by tickle

chris28, there are six pages concerning this post and basically you have answered the same every time, only different wording, but it all means the same. You need to get a life and put this behind you. What good does it do here. I wish I could do a spreadsheet with all these posts to see how many are the same.

It appears, from reaading your descriiption, this g/f of yours needs a head check, she doesnt sound all there.

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Strong answer... stronge, but true.

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Originally Posted by chris08

Strong answer... stronge, but true.

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Maybee so maybee not. But its what keeps me going NC

I could be worse I think

Okie well I guess maybee some of the comments folks made were right, in regards to what's my ex is doing by calling my family. At first it made me feel better that she was thinking about me and wondering or doubting her choice. Se what made me think like this is the way she is the way she acts and things she does mimic her mom. So I think a small party of me was happy once I heard her mom loved me and thinks she made a wrong choice. I guess it gave me a gliimor of hope. So it probably was not the best that I heard all that info. I have not called her and do not intend to this postings is what held me stay strong. At this point were me and her are at I'm sure if I called and talked to her we would be back togethor I no her. I just know that its not right now. She would have to call me. And again I no her so I no she will not. I guess what I'm here today for and to say is that if she made the right choice in her mind or she feels she's doing the right thing for both of us why questions your friends and ask did I make the right choice or her mom or my family. If u feel you made the right choice why re-confirm it with other. Now let me remind you this is someone who never asks for advise allways follows her feelings and desires why now wonder or doubt yourself. That's what I do not get or understand?? Hmmmmmmmm I don't no sorry for repeating the same things sometimes but it makes me understand things better at times.

Bushg is right! °°°°°°°°°°°°°

You tell us that she 'abuses' you by talking to your family... In actuality, you wouldn't want it any other way. You are still so stuck on her and that is in fact your only way of conact. You claim NO CONTACT, but that's not what you are going through. You'd probably go nuts if you did not hear about her escapades and dialogues every day.

Grow up, start NO CONTACT for real this time.. and leave once someone talks about her.

You are not going on with your life.. Your are going through denial and it's been to darned long now, it's time for YOU to go to the next stage, no matter what she is going through - you shoul not care!

Stop speculations about her and the interaction with friends and family.
Start planning and setting goals for yourself. Did you get that shampoo I suggesed yet? Did you do anything else these past few weeks for yourself without an inkling of a thought about what she would say or do about your choices?

Chris... it is now time for you to get a life, make new friends, and maybe even take a trip on the weekend far away from family too. What you need now is time with Yourself alone, in a new and different surrounding to see if you can survive being just with YOU on your mind, and nothing else.

See if you can do it... I dare you!

Get back with me on Monday and let me know if you were brave enough to get along with Yourself for a change.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

He started a different thread - same story line. He does need professional counseling. I do not mean that in a negative way either. He needs someone to help him through letting go.

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

He started a different thread - same story line. He does need professional counseling. I do not mean that in a negative way either. He needs someone to help him through letting go.

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Yes I might need professional help I don't no not everyone is on top of there game like you people I guess.

If you read what everyone is saying then you will be nearer to the top of the game, your falling deeper and deeper and before you know it your going to be in deep depression. Stop stressing over her man it's not healthy, it's not worth it, how many years of life have you got left mate? LOTS. She will come back to you if it's meant to be! A lot of people are giving strong answers like telling you to grow up, they are not having a go at you or being nasty about it, remember that they are just doing the right thing. I've had them tell me to grow up and it's working. This girl is killing you, she's destroying your mind and you need to stop this. Are you going to be man enough to stop it right now? Stand up to it, show us how strong you are. Show everyone in your life how strong you are. Tell yourself you won't let this girl destroy you any further. Start by re-reading every post since day 1. There's plenty of advice there. Am I not right with what I said?

Chris28, it is not about being on top of our game as much as seeing what this is doing to you and wanting to see you get past all this. Some of us are older than you and have been through this kind of experience.

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Chris28, it is not about being on top of our game as much as seeing what this is doing to you and wanting to see you get past all this. Some of us are older than you and have been through this kind of experience.

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Got the 'spread it' message..

Some of us have been through this experience more than once, and we are still alive to tell about it. If we were not emotional we would not be human. Don't you just envy the other aminals on this planet sometimes?

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_18.gif

Well yes sometimes I wish I was a bug or a cat were I didn't have as much feelings. I am the type of person who believes most things people say and I am way to trusting. I treat people like I want to be treated sometimes over extend myself because I lack a certain level of self confidence. Also as far as this girl goes meaning my ex yes I love her but I don't think my major problem is getting over her or letting go its more of the fact that I'm scared of not finding someone else. Now I will say I did see a future and I thought she was the one even with all the issues I saw past it all cause my feelings were strong for her. But since she dumped me I would be able to move on cause I don't have a choice just scared of being without anyone. Then when I found out she was asking "Did I do the wrong thing??" or " people my mom, my friend " tell me I did the wrong thing... """

Makes me wonder what if!!


That's how I feel and am feeling at this moment

I am 65 and have a lot of /what ifs', but you know, I got through all of them and they don't matter now cause I moved way past all of the 'what ifs'. If we can't make mistakes throughout our life, we don't grow into the better people we should be. We all learn by the ones we make. That's what life is all about, taking chances, chris28. Have a great life, my dear, and take one day at a time. You may never find the right person, then again, you may, its all a gamble and sometimes we win big time!

Chris28..

Being alone is not a trait that is natural for humans and yes we do fear it. But.. being alone for a while and getting to know yourself better can be a blessing. It can sort things out, can help you overcome your fears and will make you stronger. There is truth in what people say about those that always need people around them - because they cannot stand the one person they should know better and like better than anyone else - YOURSELF.

Once you like who you are there is no longer a need to feel inferior - that's the goal.

Again, good luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif When I'm alone I take out a journal and write to myself, how I felt about the day, what made me happy or upset, what I should have done, and still want to do.. makes for some interesting reading to remind me of who I am. Try it - it certainly cannot hurt or lie to you.

Once in awhile it is good to be alone and get reacquainted with one's self. Call it whatever you want - soul searching, redefining one's goals in life, affirming the good, exposing the negative... whatever works. If you cannot tolerate being alone you are not in the right place to be in a relationship.

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Originally Posted by chris28

I treat people like i want to be treated sometimes over extend myself because I lack a certain level of self confidence.

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A few weeks or months of being alone and self-sufficient could do wonders for your self-confidence. Once you know that you can be healthy and happy on your own, you won't be as likely to get into unsatisfying relationships for fear of solitude. Being emotionally involved with the wrong person is WAY worse than being alone, so you really need to get over this fear of it. Like Chery says, we've all got that fear, but with age and experience, most of us learn to deal with it, usually by having one or a few unsatisfying relationships. As the old saying goes...

"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment"

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Originally Posted by chris28

Well yes sometimes i wish i was a bug or a cat were i didnt have as much feelings. I am the type of person who believes most things people say and I am way to trusting. I treat people like i want to be treated sometimes over extend myself because I lack a certain level of self confidence. Also as far as this girl goes meaning my ex yes I love her but I dont think my major problem is getting over her or letting go its more of the fact that im scared of not finding someone else. Now I will say I did see a future and I thought she was the one even with all the issues I saw past it all cause my feelings were strong for her. But since she dumped me i would be able to move on cause I dont have a choice just scared of being without anyone. Then when i found out she was asking "Did I do the wrong thing??" or " people my mom, my friend " tell me I did the wrong thing..."""

Makes me wonder what if!!!!


thats how I feel and am feeling at this moment

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These things have a degree of subjectiveness. For example you could also look at this way. She messes you up emotionally by breaking up with you. Then rather than do the right thing and leave you alone to recover she comes back and hits you one more time, while you are down no less, by intervening in your life through your people. Then she tries to make you look like a emotionally weak individual simply to camouflage her own weak persona. I've often wondered if the ones we feel the strongest attraction to are really the best ones for us. Obviously sometimes they are, but is it a prerequisite that you yourself are of a healthy and sound mind to be attracted to the right person? It's very subjective. I think it's quite natural for you to fear being alone and that because you fear being alone you may lack the ability to be attracted to the right person for you. I'm pondering that for myself you know? Godspeed!

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

These things have a degree of subjectiveness. For example you could also look at this way. She messes you up emotionally by breaking up with you. Then rather than do the right thing and leave you alone to recover she comes back and hits you one more time, while you are down no less, by intervening in your life through your people. Then she tries to make you look like a emotionally weak individual simply to camouflage her own weak persona. I've often wondered if the ones we feel the strongest attraction to are really the best ones for us. Obviously sometimes they are, but is it a prerequisite that you yourself are of a healthy and sound mind to be attracted to the right person? It's very subjective. I think it's quite natural for you to fear being alone and that because you fear being alone you may lack the ability to be attracted to the right person for you. I'm pondering that for myself you know? Godspeed!

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You made so much sense there. Matter a fact to confuse you more read my new post I just made I met up with her today... It made me more confused