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Originally Posted by kiki_doki

But above you are assuming that all guys are strong and that women are not, you are generalising!I was saying that there are strong and weak in both genders, this is different from what you are sayin...check out your original post and the above!!

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Girl, I'm trying to say to a guy to stop acting like a girl. I don't know why you don't want to get it. We are used to make a difference, right? Aren't girls more vulnerable? The guys keep their feelings under control. We are not used to cry. Ok, sounds tought, but I can't see a guy crying, it discusses me. Its not a male thing. And when some guy cries, you can assume how weak he is, or powerless. Ok, there are things, that really is need to cry, but not because she left you! Common, where is the power? She took it all from the guy. You want to cry? Cry somewhere alone, get your anger out, do what you want, but not in front of a woman!

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Originally Posted by kiki_doki

Yes and that makes him wussy?

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Being desperate, crying, etc, are all things that make me realise he is a wuss in his being, or at least, he was. Its not a accuse, is just something that I was, he was, all the guys here, who were left and come here desperate and crying, are. And that we need to take care of it as soon as possible. In the end, where is the lesson?

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Originally Posted by kiki_doki

No it makes him human,someone ended something and he had no control over it, he feels powerless (as he didnt have a choice) but somehow he has to accept it....you may be able to get over relationships real quick but he can't...and there is nothing wrong with it.

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My weakness belongs to me, no one else. You wrote it before, and he shouldn't act like desperado, didn't you? I'm telling him what he has to do, if this thing happens again.

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Originally Posted by kiki_doki

No men are subjected to different emotions then females...and if you are talking of the male/female from a scientific point of view then the males always go after the females! (ref:national geographic channel) Sorry to say this but I actually think women are more logical then men, We can multitask....and thats very logical!!!

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OK, that's true, that you are multitask :)

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Originally Posted by kiki_doki

What other way is this then? I like words and actions, I provide both means and expect to receive them both back!

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We can take care of our girlfriends. Isn't that a way? Why is the need to tell her also the words? OK, sometimes its needed, but not to the boring stage. Instead focus on the actions more.

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Originally Posted by kiki_doki

well I have never heard of anyone saying "gosh that mans sexy, he's so distant, he's a leader" I dont find that sext, i dont want to be lead by a man, I dont need a leader I need to feel love, and occasionally hear it... You are right in one thing, if you say it too much it becomes a habit and then is just said without the emotion attatched.

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If I could got you a crying baby as a boyfriend, you would see what I mean.

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Originally Posted by kiki_doki

As you said this was a miscommunication (the above) I can understand what you are saying, will let this one slide...he he he (",)

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You liked the teasing thing, huh :)?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Breaking up with someone does not make you a bad person. It depends on the reason. Sometimes you break up with a person becasue they are not good for you or you for them. Sometimes you break up because the relationship is not working. That is not a bad thing, but the right thing to do. It is better to breakup with someone than to be miserable with them or they with you. If you can still check in with the peson, I see nothing wrong with that.

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Yes, but leaving them for someone else, won't make you a better person. Anyway, in his case, if this relation was so important for the dumper, he could at least give her the chance to know about why he didn't felt OK with her, before leaving her. If it was a mutual breakup, OK, I can understand that, and I'm really into it, and at least something can be saved. Instead he leaves, lets her alone in her confusion, wondering what she did wrong, waits until she heals her wounds, and now comes like with victory, and even to the point of "taking care" of her.

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Originally Posted by BMI

I'm not suggesting she e-mailed you b/c she wants to resume anything, some girls can't stand being ignored or not wanted, even if they don't want you they want you to want them. N/C is working for you my man.

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Exactly, some girls. Is her in this case? How do we know ? Common, let alone the clishes, every person is unique.

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Originally Posted by BMI

She wrote an e-mail and said that she cares but not in that way??????

I would not appreciate an e-mail like that at all and not responding was the wise move. If you did not contact her she has no basis to "update" you on how she feels. Perhaps she re-established contact to get your attention, she wants you to chase her. If she broke up with you and you have not spoken to her than it seems to me that she is probably wondering why, maybe she thinks it easy for you?

I'm not suggesting she e-mailed you b/c she wants to resume anything, some girls can't stand being ignored or not wanted, even if they don't want you they want you to want them. N/C is working for you my man.

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Thanks for going through the whole post. I did respond with a short reply,which was followed up by another email asking how I was doing. I didn't respond and that has been a week ago, with no further communication. She does think that I have moved on or forgotten about her, she has said so and included that in the email. It's not the case, I haven't forogtten about her. Which is why Im wondering how she is feeling. Does she want to know if Im really doing great, or if Im still missing her which would mean I still care. It doesn't matter does it, at this point, how I care or feel about her? Like everyone says, she would make the move if she wanted to be with me. Can her asking about the friend thing be a step toward that? Im just reaching, reaching in a bad direction.

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Originally Posted by Matteus

yes, but leaving them for someone else, wont make you a better person. anyway, in his case, if this relation was so important for the dumper, he could at least give her the chance to know about why he didnt felt ok with her, before leaving her. If it was a mutual breakup, ok, i can understand that, and im really into it, and at least something can be saved. Instead he leaves, lets her alone in her confusion, wondering what she did wrong, waits until she heals her wounds, and now comes like with victory, and even to the point of "taking care" of her.

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How do you know that was the circumstance? He did not say why he broke up with her.

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Originally Posted by needofhelp

Thanks for going through the whole post. I did respond with a short reply,which was followed up by another email asking how I was doing. I didnt respond and that has been a week ago, with no further communication. She does think that I have moved on or forgotten about her, she has said so and included that in the email. It's not the case, I haven't forogtten about her. Which is why Im wondering how she is feeling. Does she want to know if Im really doing great, or if Im still missing her which would mean I still care. It doesn't matter does it, at this point, how I care or feel about her? Like everyone says, she would make the move if she wanted to be with me. Can her asking about the friend thing be a step toward that? Im just reaching, reaching in a bad direction.

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Listen guy, here are really a lot of responds as you see, which can make you really confused of what to do. Questions and answers. She makes you confused, you make us confused, we make you confused, then you make her confused and so on. The best thing to do in this case, and stop playing the games of confusion is: tell her what she needs to hear. Tell her the relation doesn't worked out, and you both know why. And so should be the friendship. Everyone should take care about the way they used to act during the relation. You had some problems, but that's your problem, and you are going to deal with them. And she has to deal with her own problems. But she should stop talking to you and make you more confused, if she just wants to know "how are you doing". End of the discussion. This way you aren't disrespecting or being rude to her, but trying to heal your own wounds and you are taking care about yourself.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

How do you know that was the circumstance? He did not say why he broke up with her.

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I supposed. But it was not about him, it was just in general. The rest of my post is about him.

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Originally Posted by Matteus

listen guy, here are really a lot of responds as you see, which can make you really confused of what to do. questions and answers. she makes you confused, you make us confused, we make you confused, then you make her confused and so on. the best thing to do in this case, and stop playing the games of confusion is: tell her what she needs to hear. tell her the relation doesnt worked out, and you both know why. and so should be the friendship. everyone should take care about the way they used to act during the relation. you had some problems, but thats your problem, and you are going to deal with them. and she has to deal with her own problems. but she should stop talking to you and make you more confused, if she just wants to know "how are you doing". end of the discussion. this way you arent disrespecting or being rude to her, but trying to heal your own wounds and you are taking care about yourself.

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I really thank everyone for the support and responses. It's good to know that Im not facing it alone completely. It is confusing because I can't talk to the person causing it. I wish I could, but I guess it isn't appropriate. I'll keep NC unless she makes the move, or when we see each other. Even then, Im not sure how I will responde.

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Originally Posted by Matteus

you liked the teasing thing, huh :)?

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He he he, I like all of your posts, even the ones I may not agree with!! The teasing thing (after u explained it again) I understood it and actually I love to joke! because I also love to laugh! And you REALLY make me laugh :) :)

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Originally Posted by needofhelp

I really thank everyone for the support and responses. It's good to know that Im not facing it alone completly. It is confusing because I can't talk to the person causing it. I wish I could, but I guess it isnt appropriate. I'll keep NC unless she makes the move, or when we see each other. Even then, Im not sure how I will responde.

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Need of help, I am glad to see that venting and this disscusion has somewhat helped! You need to make that decision now. Stay strong and positive, you have a role in your own destiny! I wish you all the best and please keep us posted.:)
Blessings
Kiki

She contacted me and we decided to talk on the phone. Which lead to seeing each other in person. She explained how she felt, and it wasn't easy for her. Said that she missed me and realized how she felt. I care about her and told her how I felt. She says she wants to work it out. So we are working it out. We are both happy being with each other, but we both know that it will take time and we have things to work out. I know that what ever she did during the break up is none my business, and vice versa. But I feel that if we have questions and ignore them, those things will be problems later. I think any guy (maybe even gals) know what question I have. It probably has no good answer, but you know. I also want to know the timing of how she left, and if she stay in touch with guys she met recently. She admitted to having many suiters. Any advice?

You can either deal with this or you can't. You either trust her or you don't. You guys broke up, she dated. But if you must ask her do it and deal with the answer and let it go. If you don't think you can, leave her alone.

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Originally Posted by needofhelp

She contacted me and we decided to talk on the phone. Which lead to seeing each other in person. She explained how she felt, and it wasn't easy for her. Said that she missed me and realized how she felt. I care about her and told her how I felt. She says she wants to work it out. So we are working it out. We are both happy being with each other, but we both know that it will take time and we have things to work out. I know that what ever she did during the break up is none my business, and vice versa. But I feel that if we have questions and ignore them, those things will be problems later. I think any guy (maybe even gals) know what question I have. It probably has no good answer, but you know. I also want to know the timing of how she left, and if she stay in touch with guys she met recently. She admitted to having many suiters. Any advice?

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I have different logic than you. I think that whatever she did during the break is your business. In fact it allows you to see how she acts when she isn't thinking about you. I don't think you should let it rule your reemerging relationship, but it is something you should use to build a better image of her character.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I have different logic than you. I think that whatever she did during the break is your business. In fact it allows you to see how she acts when she isn't thinking about you. I don't think you should let it rule your reemerging relationship, but it is something you should use to build a better image of her character.

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I do agree with you. I know that we aren't the same people as we were before, hopefully she grew and is more mature and ready. Is it fair to ask her not to speak to the guys that she met during the break up? I don't want it to be where I make her feel like she has to choose, and goes behind my back. NOt saying that she would, but I guess I need to get it out in the open.

Just tell her your concerns. If you don't, you are always going to be wondering. I have a feeling you're going to be wondering anyway, but I wish you the best.

I think digging up what she was doing and not doing will just make things worst. At least for me I don't want 2 know. Lol

I guess curiosity killed the cat, but it's going to bug me not knowing and my imagination will get the best of me. What a place to be in.

If you don't trust her then you don't need to take her back. This will mess things up between you two. What if you had moved on and dated other people then went back to her, do you think it would bother her?
If it bothers you and she tells you, are you going to believe her or are you going to bring it up all the time?
If you two are back together what difference does it make?
You are still hurt and have a little ego thing going on. Get it in check before you two get back together or you're not going to make it.

TRUST ME! You don't want to know ANYTHING about ANYONE she dated. Abosolutely no good can come from it, please believe me or you'll end up in the situation I'm in and u DON'T want that.

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Originally Posted by needofhelp

She contacted me and we decided to talk on the phone. Which lead to seeing each other in person. She explained how she felt, and it wasn't easy for her. Said that she missed me and realized how she felt. I care about her and told her how I felt. She says she wants to work it out. So we are working it out. We are both happy being with each other, but we both know that it will take time and we have things to work out. I know that what ever she did during the break up is none my business, and vice versa. But I feel that if we have questions and ignore them, those things will be problems later. I think any guy (maybe even gals) know what question I have. It probably has no good answer, but you know. I also want to know the timing of how she left, and if she stay in touch with guys she met recently. She admitted to having many suiters. Any advice?

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Yet another dilemma... Well if you are happy to be with her given the circumstances of the break up and even though you saw he with other men... you are kind of committing yourself to dealing with what she's done. My question is: How can you ever be sure with this woman? How can you be sure that she's not just with you as a way of escaping a questioning and having to fess up to what she'd done?If she did love you (truly) then why did it take going out with others to fulfil her?