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Originally Posted by little firefly

I hit a really big wall last night as far as trying to heal myself. I went to the movies with my sister and as we were walking in i saw my ex bf at the snack counter. He was with his gf, his 5 year old son and her six year old daughter. My ex and his girl had their arms around each other and they looked like a little family. The pain i felt was indescribable. He and i used to go to the movies like that with his son and my 5 year old nephew. We used to do so many things like that together and we felt like we were a family. He looked so happy to be with her the way that he always seemed to be with me. I haven't slept all night. It's been over six months now. When is the hurt supposed to stop. I don't know how much more of it i can take.

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That's my question as well, WHEN is the HURT supposed to stop? I've been lucky in the fact I have'nt seen my ex with his new girlfriend and all her kids but my friend seen them at McDonalds on Halloween. Just hearing about it broke my heart. It's almost like the faster they get on with their lives the slower we heal. I have'nt heard that they are getting married or anything but I did have a dream that they did and he chose my Birthday as the date just to be mean.

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It's almost like the faster they get on with their lives the slower we heal. I have'nt heard that they are getting married or anything but I did have a dream that they did and he chose my Birthday as the date just to be mean.

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I know what you mean MissingHim, one thing that still gets me is the fact that I got an e-mail from my ex a while back telling me that I had done nothing wrong and that his feelings for me had been real. So, why now her and not me? I haven't had any dreams about them getting married, but I could so see them choosing a day like my birthday just to be mean. The thing is, it wouldn't be my ex that would choose that day, it would be his girlfriend.

She and I had become friends while I was with my ex (she had been his best friend for a few years) When he broke up with me to try reconcile with his now ex wife (they had been separated for a couple of years), She acted so upset for me, and wanted things to work out between me and my ex. According to her I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. When the reconciliation didn't work and the divorce proceedings started she and my ex suddenly started seeing each other in a different light (only a month into his divorce). I honestly believe she was just waiting for the moment to come that she could have him for herself.

[QUOTE=little firefly]I know what you mean MissingHim, one thing that still gets me is the fact that I got an e-mail from my ex a while back telling me that I had done nothing wrong and that his feelings for me had been real. So, why now her and not me? I haven't had any dreams about them getting married, but I could so see them choosing a day like my birthday just to be mean. The thing is, it wouldn't be my ex that would choose that day, it would be his girlfriend.

I don't honestly think he would choose my Birthday to get married. It was just a bad dream. He was a good boyfriend and treated me really good throughout our whole relationship.

I don't really think he will actually marry this tramp... I hope he has more brains then that. Rumor has it he's only with her to get a baby. For some reason we were unable to have one and something he said to me about a week before he left leads me to believe it might be the case. He said he wanted to have a baby with me but if we couldn't he would have one with some random girl..

Yeah that is something I've been wondering myself, when IS the hurt going to stop? Its getting ridiculous at this point. Im lucky that I live in a big enough city that I probably won't run into my ex (fingers crossed) but I dread the day that happens if so.

There is an old saying time is a healer !

Everyone is different when it come's to a break up, some people can heal over night and for some it takes along long time before the hurt goes away..

A lot of times the Ex can play in your mind and playing a cd, going out to a bar eating out at a certain place can bring a lot of hurt back to the front of your mind.

That's why its good to keep yourself busy and moving forwards, that person will always be a memory, but over time people learn to let go ! In time that person may only crop up at certain times of the year etc, but for the most part as time goes by you will maybe wake up one day and not think about them.

I usually experience that the posters on relationships have to endure a lot of time getting over their latest mucked up relationsip and I try to help them through the process.

My relationship ended abruptly because I received a diagnosis of cancer recently. When HE found out, the lock on his apartment door was changed the next day. No 'sorry but I cannot handle this', no 'too bad', no emotions whatsoever. It hurt like heck, and I'm upset because some of my stuff is still in his place, but guess what, I'm so happy that I'm rid of this unemotional self-serving egotistical %&stard, that it does not bother me to be alone. I am enjoying the time I have left doing things I like doing, staying up all night watching sci-fi, or playing on my computer, going out with my grandson, and spending more time with my neighbors and friends who know both of us and they have noticed a positive change in me.

So, guess what, it does take time to heal, some slow, some fast, it depends on the circumstances..

There is hope for all of us, and happiness at the end of that road, no matter how long we travel on it.

Wishing you all a wonderful journey in any and all of your relationships and hope they are better than mine ever was!

Love,
Chery

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_15_15.gif Sure do.. not to spend it with anyone that irritates me and enjoying every moment!

I've not long been dumped myself, and it's starting to really knock my confidence, I just seem to do too much for my girlfriend or try and be as nice as I can if you know what I mean, my ex had no job and I did everything for us, paid for holidays etc. it really upsets me. It's as though I feel scared of having another relationship, the fear of getting hurt again just hits me.

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Originally Posted by chris08

I've not long been dumped myself, and it's starting to really knock my confidence, i just seem to do too much for my girlfriend or try and be as nice as i can if you know what i mean, my ex had no job and i did everything for us, paid for holidays etc. it really upsets me. it's as though I feel scared of having another relationship, the fear of getting hurt again just hits me.

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Build your confidence back up, that's priority number 1.
If you cannot learn how to handle rejection - which is something we all have to live with - then you need to build a log cabin way out in the woods, become a hermit for the rest of your life. That's the only way to prevent you from further experiences, good or bad. That's life.

When you were a baby, you fell down a lot, got back up and kept on going. That was all a learning process and now you can walk without falling down, and dress yourself, use a fork and knife, and don't need diapers anymore. Well, that was also a part of life you had no control over until you had help, guidance and gained experience..

Do the things that you can control well, be confident in them, and then let life just happen as it does to all of us and learn. You'll have new experiences, make new memories, make new mistakes, experience new interests and happiness - all that - until the day comes where you take your last breath. And at each step of the way, you'll find good people that will help you, bad people that will try to hinder your progress, and support from family and friends that you didn't know would ever come... so live life to the fullest, dear and I promise - it's not all that bad.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif Welcome to the Human race. It sucks some times, but it's better than being a roach or fly, at least from our point of view. They might love their life, but humans are different.

I was doing Great! Until yesterday I go home to find a package, with a bottle of wine some lottery scratch off's a note and some kind words! He personally delivered to my house and I was not home thank GOD because I would have went back to day one... THis was the first form of contact since we broke up and I think he was expecting me to be home! He could have mailed me my keys, and Emailed me a letter But why did he do this? He promised to keep in touch, and the letter stated I would always hold a special place in his heart(he sprayed his cologne).. yada yada he loves me, it's so hard to be away from me but he needs this time to think... As It was a nice gesture and he didn't have to do that... I didn't know how to respond, I just texted him very generic Saying Thank you. I didn't get all mushy although I did get butterflies to see something waiting for me when I arrived. This EFFORT he made has really confused me, and I was doing great without the contact I would have preferred he mailed my things As he told me he would. Why Did he do this and why go out of his way, making a 2 hour drive, I think he was expecting me to be home..

Great topic.

I went 3 months NC and it was hard some days and real easy the next. ALAS I caved and called her after 3 months, not really sure why? She picked up, we had a good talk about nothing and now we chat on MSN. It goes against the NC, which makes perfect sense, I guess it will depend on how things turn out to say what would have been best.

I guess that's the killer part, the "what if" I call or "what if" something changed, leads us either one way or the other. I hope you all are content with whichever road you chose, cause relationship pain really,really, sucks:(

Time to dredge this topic back up again I think.

Its been a month since I posted this one, and its been a bumpy ride. I find myself getting depressed every few days, but on the bright side its not really about her anymore. My buddy let slip last night that he saw a picture of her with the guy she left me for, and it made me feel like absolute dirt. It wore off after a couple hours but it still sucked. My buddies think I'm over her so they do bring up the subject every now and then. The good part to that is that apparently the guy looks like a total loser, balding and fat, but then I start thinking about the fact she left me for him. Its really a lose-lose situation to think about haha. Its slowly dawning on me how messed up she is though, and that nothing I could have done would have saved the relationship. The guy is almost 10 years older than her (shes 19) and working the night shift at a warehouse.

I plan on getting myself something great for christmas this year, to ease the pain of being alone on that cursed day.

I feel for you madman, I really do:( I woudn't wish these situations on my WORST ex-girl, but they happen.

I think its hard that your friends think your over her and they bring it up. My ex knows my brothers and I let on that I'm over her (not), but I worry that they'll tell me things thinking I'm over her. I'd tell them to NEVER tell you anything, I know a pic with another dude is like an arrow through the heart, its always best not to know.

Wish I could make it go away but some things have to happen I guess. If it makes you feel any better... I hate your ex-girlfriend and her new man too:)

Hope it helps.

I really wish that I could say that I'm starting to feel better, but I can't. It seems like anytime I try to move forward something happens to push me backwards again.

Unfortunately, I have to pass near where my ex boyfriend works when I head home from my job in the evenings. Tonight on my way home I passed him and his girlfriend leaving his work to go get something to eat together (something that he and I had done many times when we were a couple). It made me remember how very much I miss him, and that I feel so totally alone.

I just really want to be able to feel happy again.

Well I do feel sorry that you have to see them together, as I know I would be a lot worse if I had to see my ex with their new person.

Is there no way to avoid seeing him? Taking a different route? I can guarantee not seeing him will allow you to heal more quick. I know just seeing a picture of my ex or hearing her name, it is like a kick to the stomach every time. It can actually cause physical pain, which is crazy and I try to avoid those situations as much as possible.

Even though it will be a couple of miles out of my way, I do think it would be best for me to take another way home. It made me feel physically sick when I saw them yesterday. I was reminded that it wasn't long ago that it was me that he was with, but now he has someone else to love.

All my friends tell me that I need to just get back out and start dating again. I would like to, but I know that I can't until I feel that I can give my full attention to whoever I'm with. It wouldn't be fair to my new guy and it wouldn't be fair to me either.

Well it's been four months now... I'm pretty sure that I've finally grasped the concept that it's over for good, but the thing I want to know is. WHY is it when I tell myself it's time to COMPLETELY LET GO it sends me into a PANIC?? Why does the thought of totally letting him go scare the hell out of me?

I'm currently 2 and a half weeks NC. Relationship ended by my ex for no decent reason about 5 weeks ago. I look on this site everyday and the help and support I've had is undescribable. I am definitely over the worst, but still going through the "what if" stage but I'm sure I'll soon get over that. I'm only 21 and it felt like my life was over, I'm also quite low on confidence at the moment, to go out and meet a new girl, I've never felt like that before so I just don't know what it is. I just feel like wanting to settle down, I know it's such an early age but do you know what I mean?

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I'm pretty sure that I've finally grasped the concept that it's over for good, but the thing I want to know is. WHY is it when I tell myself it's time to COMPLETELY LET GO it sends me into a PANIC?? Why does the thought of totally letting him go scare the hell out of me?

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I can totally relate to that MissingHim, I still have pics of my ex on my myspace profile. I know I need to take them off but I know that by doing that I'll be letting go and that really scares me, almost like I'm cutting him completely out of my life... I guess I should though because I know he's cut me out of his.:(

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Originally Posted by little firefly

I can totally relate to that MissingHim, I still have pics of my ex on my myspace profile. I know i need to take them off but i know that by doing that i'll be letting go and that really scares me, almost like i'm cutting him completely out of my life....I guess i should though because i know he's cut me out of his.:(

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That happened to me my ex girlfriend wasted no time in taking the pics of me and 'us' off her myspace, it really hurt and it felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. Like she didn't care. I kept my pics of 'us' up but after a few weeks I just had to take then off I was making myself look stupid. It's the right thing to do. Do the same. Don't let them get to you, trust me. We are better than them. We will find the one for us, there's somebody out there who wants someone like me and you, just keep telling yourself that. Over n Over if you have too.

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We are better than them. We will find the one for us, there's somebody out there who wants someone like me and you, just keep telling yourself that. Over n Over if you have too

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Thanks Chris, just having someone say that makes me feel better. You're right, we ARE better than they are and there is someone out there deserving of us. I need to stop wasting my time and tears on someone who probably never deserved me in the first place. If I can just get my heart to agree with my head then I think I'll finally be OK. :p