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Originally Posted by needofhelp

I know how you feel. I'm going through that myself, and almost the same time frame. It's hard to see her moving on, doing her own things, while your world has stopped. BUT remember that time doesn't stop for anyone, even though it seems like it has stopped for you. This is going to be easier said than done, our mind can only carry 1 thought at a time, so try to think of something else vividly and that might help preoccupy your mind. It's normal to replay everything, I'm stuck on repeat as well. It's a greiving process, and find some solice that you are not the only one to experience this. Keep your head up.

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Dam that was posittive, thanks. So your in the same situation, I also no there are other like us but it just feels so weird... and its almost a physical pain its amazing how the human mind could work and hurts us at times.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

But you know what Chris - you aren't living your life for HER you live your life for YOU.

if she thinks she made a mistake 6 months from now chances are you will be on with your life and happy without her.

Ever seen the movie Swingers? I swear it should be required viewing for guys post breakup. Its the way the universe works that the ex doesn't come back until you are totally over them and moved on.

Honestly would you really want her back? She walked away from you and for what? When someone is willing to walk away let 'em.

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Yes I hear you and your right. Im just scared of loneliness and change. I'm still fighting don't get me wrong and no I don't want to be with someone who is not content. This feeling is just consuming. I am a worry worth to begin with I need a way to relax and just not think about it. And I gues if she did come back after I was over her it could be cause maybee she tried other relationships that didn't work and she wants to settle for me now or even just needs someone and it could still be temporay I guess and not be a foreva thing. Everyone is telling me its not her or my fault she just needs to find and figure herself out. I believe that to ./

Okie so I'm still alive, the sun still comes up, I still eat I still have family and so on and so on. I no all these things and don't get me wrong I'm so greatfull. I would always give my right arm to become to me I want to be. I would love to walk into a place and meet to people to instead of waiting for someone to approach me I would like to approach them. I would love to get another shot with my ex. But since that's a pipe ddream id rather do something great for myself and make myself a much better person in the meantime. Although sometime so simple sounding really is one of the biggest challenges in my life. I had a lot of crazy things happen to me that most people never experienced but meeting new people and being the center of attention is my weak spot and I would love to be there. Each day that goes by since my split 8 days ago I walk away with more knowledge. The 64, 0000$ question is when does this utter loneliness go away and how to I break out of my shy shell to meet to fun people guys as well as girls...

The loneliness goes away whenever you make it go away. You have two options, either A. sit around thinking about the past, making yourself even more lonely, or B. get up and go out and do something about it.

Breaking out of your shell is actually quite easy, you just need to build up the courage to talk to people. Go to some of your favorite places to hang out; whether it be clubs, bars, pool hall (I love playing pool.. lol), etc. Just find someone and start talking to them. I know I make it sound simple, and its really not all that simple, but you just have to build up that courage. Sometimes you can make friends even when you least expect it, like at the grocery store, doctor, etc. You just have to keep your eye open for interesting people, and spark up a conversation when you see some.

I know you can do it, just try. :)

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Originally Posted by chris28

okie so today was the first day that i have not talked to my ex i kept buisy all day even buisy a few times i felt saddened . one thing i could say is i havnt had much of a urge to call her yet.... i did start to doubt myself saying im not going to call and then if i dont will she think i dont care ??? or if i call would i be a wuss and make thinga worse but point heere is that i dint call but i do feel pretty down a few times today.....

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Take it one day at a time... then the next thing you know a month has passed and the urge isn't as strong. Then 6 months and you wonder why you were ever so upset.

Yes I am opening myself up to new things that's what I have to do. ITs going to be fun I no once I get out there. I got to stop feeling bad for myself first step ASAP

Did you read the links in my signature??

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Originally Posted by chris28

Dam that was posittive, thanks. So ur in teh same situation, i also no there are other like us but it just feels so weird...........and its almost a physical pain its amazing how the human mind could work and hurts us at times.

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It's crazy to find out how many others experiencing this same situation. Not everyone stumbles across this site when they search for advice.

Our minds are more powerful than we realize. I haven't had an appetite since IT happened. I only eat because I know I need to eat. It seems like a curse because of all the pain we are experiencing, but think how you can use this to make yourself happy and better. I mean better in terms of taking care of yourself and picking yourself off the ground, don't lay there and expect it will bring her back.

As hard as it may seem, it does get better, whether small or big steps each day. It's going to hurt, but we will get through this. You aren't alone.

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me and girlfriend

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Married 5 years and my name isn't on the mortgage

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Please clear up my confusion.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Please clear up my confusion.

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Your guess is as good as mine someone used my name I don't no who posted that comment and I can't delete its I have been on a lot of computers recently and I'm thinking I left something signed on somewere but what's weird is someone actually posted something nothing surprices me after what's going on with me anyway...

Okie so yesterday I alos actually fumbled gave in and called my ex. Instead I went out to uno had a few beers and there were a few buddies I ran into and hung out with. So that worked out well thanks god. I think whatt it is that's really bothering nothing is the same for me and I'm having a hard time adapting I don't want to ruin my life but I need to control this... just need to stop thinking about her what's she's doing were she's going ughhhhh I'm so tired of it...

Chris... it is always hard when you lose someone you love. No one will ever say it is going to be easy, if it was easy then there was never any love there to begin with. The thing you have to do is to accept that it is over and that all this extra "time" you have is meant for YOU. To work on yourself, improving and exploring a life without her. You are going to drive yourself to the edges of insanity if you continue thinking about her and what she is up to. Take up some new activities :) Stop making this time about her...

Okie so I'm going to just have to stop talking about her cause I'm starting to break I'm losing it and the urge to call now is worse so I'm beating myself to insainity and it must stop now... ughhhhhhhhhhh so I have to stop wondering and thinking...

Every time she enters your thoughts get busy with a chore. Or exercise, polish the nike's, any action that changes your focus for a while.

Ok so here goes today is my 10th day me and my ex are broken up. She texted me this Monday for all her things and I dropped them off at a friends house as she requested. Since then she has not contacted me and I have not contacted her. So I really miss her. Some times are harder then other. Last night one of her friends and her friends mom went to go visit a mutual friend and they invited me so I met them them there. We were talking for a while then we started talking about the breakup. The pretty much told me they think it's the best thing for me and all things like that and how she is asking if she did the right thing and if people think she's going to regret it. But anyway we continued to talk and they mentioned that she says she won't call me and she knows I won't call her but she made a few coments that she I revolved my life around her and that she hopes I could move on and her friend said she wasn't trying to insult me it was genuine care that she thinks I can't move on. Her friend told her to be honest I don't think its over she told me she thinks were going to get back but my ex says no way. Her friend keeps telling me how this is the craziest breakup she ever saw we didn't fight didn't arguee didn't curse and don't hate each other. I heard a few stories from my ex friend how my ex is cold she was in a 15 yr friend ship they went there own ways and she didn't shed a tear. Now keeping this all in mind I miss her like hell I don't no if hanging out with her friends is stirring uput I mixxed emotions but I felt like crap last night and this moring. My ex also made a few comment to her friends she felt of us more as friends or looked at me as a protector I treated her well and I'm having hard time going on. I think I might be holding a lot of false hope now from what her friends been sayong and all that everyone things she's going to call me. But do I want to go back if she does?? I don't no I never had a breakup this smooth I just miss her and wish I could see her and its so hard not calling am I doing the right thing not calling?? Am I ruining any chances?? Or is caling a sign of weekeness?? Its weird my exs friends told me a story yesterday how my ex wants me to hang out with all her friends and keep in touch since I made friends with all her friends and dropped all of mine. Then 1 or 2 hours later she's turns around to her friend and goes you better remember I have priority I'm what you have to worry about I'm your main concern. She here friends tells me how she doent understad why she changes her mind so much... people I don't no what to do... im so not sure if she was the won?? Will I be alone foreva 28 I'm not ugly not the best looking guy but have tons to offer why am I so stuckk...

Anyone have any more wisdon for me??

Ok first of all, you are doing the right thing by not calling. The mutual friends talking about her might be doing you some harm, you might have to ask them to not talk about it/her if you really want to get over her. From what I'm hearing your ex has said, it sounds like this particular relationship is over. Its going to suck, and hurt a lot but it is normal. You ARE going to miss her, and probably for a long time (maybe not what you wanted to hear).
Im in 2 months since my ex and I broke up and I still really miss her. But you will realize one day that life does go on, and that you can be happy without her and you WILL meet someone else who will make you laugh at wasting so much time pining over your ex.

To truly begin healing, you have to let go of the false hope of being with her again. Your ex has said that she isn't considering getting back with you, so that should be your sign to move on. Prove her wrong(that you CAN get over her) and live a great life without her.

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Originally Posted by madaman

Ok first of all, you are doing the right thing by not calling. The mutual friends talking about her might be doing you some harm, you might have to ask them to not talk about it/her if you really want to get over her. From what im hearing your ex has said, it sounds like this particular relationship is over. Its going to suck, and hurt alot but it is normal. You ARE going to miss her, and probably for a long time (maybe not what you wanted to hear).
Im in 2 months since my ex and I broke up and I still really miss her. But you will realize one day that life does go on, and that you can be happy without her and you WILL meet someone else who will make you laugh at wasting so much time pining over your ex.

To truly begin healing, you have to let go of the false hope of being with her again. Your ex has said that she isnt considering getting back with you, so that should be your sign to move on. Prove her wrong(that you CAN get over her) and live a great life without her.

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Ahhhhhhhhh spoken by a tru expert I'm sooo happy I have people to talk to in the same or similar situation its ggives me some comfort it still hurts but I no it is for the best no matter how much I hate to admit it thanks and anyone has a opinion or helpful advice shootttt I need it lol

Thanks chris

Dude, its easy to beat yourself up over a break-up, lose that will I be alone for ever mentality and things will get better, obviously you weregood enoughfor her and she seems special right.

That's the good part, the bad is that her comment about hoping you can be friends and hoping you move on carries more weightin my opinion that what her friends say. I would not call, I havementioned this before in other posts but calling or not calling has nothing to do with changing the girls mind. I mean if she has set her mind on not getting back than whether you call makes no difference. Same is true if a girl likes you, if she likes you than she likes you, people spend wayto much time thinking about whether or when to make the first move, regardless of when it WILL happen, this is the same thing.

I fear thatthings like this often end in it not working out, especially if she is "hoping you can be friends". It's going to hurt, its going to suck, your going to want to call, but you will move on, post me back in 5 months and it will be a totally new outlook. Just be strong, but learn from what happened and take time to correct what needs to be corrected, in thattime you will heal and be better for it, we all got to go through this at least once my man, its almost like a rite of passage before you findthe ONE!

Best of luck.

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Originally Posted by BMI

Dude, its easy to beat urself up over a break-up, lose that will i be alone for ever mentality and and things will get better, obviously you weregood enoughfor her and she seems special right.

Thats the good part, the bad is that her comment about hoping you can be friends and hoping you move on carries more weightin my opinion that what her friends say. I would not call, I havementioned this b4 in other posts but calling or not calling has nothing to do with changing the girls mind. I mean if she has set her mind on not getting back than whether or not you call makes no difference. Same is true if a girl likes you, if she likes you than she likes you, people spend wayto much time thinking about wether or when to make the first move, regardless of when it WILL happen, this is the same thing.

I fear thatthings like this often end in it not working out, especially if she is "hoping you can be friends". It's gonna hurt, its gonna suck, your gonna want to call, but you will move on, post me back in 5 months and it will be a totally new outlook. Just be strong, but learn from what happened and take time to correct what needs to be corrected, in thattime you will heal and be better for it, we all gotta go through this at least once my man, its almost like a rite of passage before you findthe ONE!

Best of luck.

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Aboutly perfectly put and I no your right and in a few months I can see myself looking back and almost laughing I just have to get to that point and keep strong my taking all this great advice... thankssss 11 days now.