Ask Me Help Desk - Rebound Boyfriend

YESSSSSS!! That's exactly what I hope will happen, BUT I am scared to be let down again, because I have tried everything but give her space. We never fell out of love... she just tired of all the fights and my crap. I pray to god everyday to get another chance with her... and I hope to become a better person for myself.

Realizing that she needs space is a good step in the right direction. The reason she has let you down is because you haven't given her that time she needs, good job for doing it now.

You should work on that verbal abuse issue. Even if you did it without realizing it, you should still work on it. She is more liable to come back into your life if she sees improvement.

Once again I agree... I am seeing a therapist once a week... I am going to the gym and doing a lot of physical activities. But she goes to college 2 hours away so she really can't see me. But her space is most important right now.

You may not think it is a good thing that she is 2 hours away, but honestly it is. It gives her that space she needs. Have you cut out phone/email contact too?

Good job for going to therapy. You realized you have a problem, and need a solution. And going to the gym and doing physical activities will help keep your mind off things. How is therapy coming along?

I have cut off every single form of communication with her because she might put a restraining order against me... lol. So I am def. backing off! Therapy is going very well, I am learning ways to control my anger and I am doing breathing exercises to help calm myself down when I get depressed about her. Every little bit helps.

Good job! Have you tried meditation? I have never tried it personally, but I hear it is very relaxing.

No not really, nothing like that... I just sit down and just start breathing deep and it really helps. There are points in my day where I freak out and need to call her. It is so hard. I keep getting the feeling that she doesn't love or care about me anymore. I also cry about her just about everyday. I am truly in love with her. Though, this break up is going to teach me how to stand on my own two feet and that's what I want her to see.

Your therapy should help you with this feeling that makes you cry.

Sometimes we have the best intentions and don't realize we are actually hurting the people that we love. I know you probably didn't intend to make her mad by contacting her all the time, and may not have intended to verbally abuse her, but those are lessons you have learned.

Hopefully the break up will teach you, as you say, and she will see it and how much you have changed. I know breaking up can be hard, but it can also be a learning experience.

Yea it is a learning experience that I will never forget and I never ever would do anything out right to hurt her in any way shape or form. Also, her new Boyfriend has me a little worried, he might distract her from thinking of me.

It sounds like you made a big impact on her life, so she will probably never forget you, no matter who she dates. The new boyfriend could be her way of moving on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

Hmmm.......yea you guys are right........i mean i still love her a lot and last thing i want is a restraining order from her. So you guys think i shouldnt talk to her what-so-ever anymore. If i really want her back....what i am going to have to do?

You won't get her back, she's gone and most likely will never be coming back. I would imagine she is quite scared of you given the abuse you dished out to her for all that time. If you love someone, you don't do that to them. You are a person who likes to be in control I don't doubt and now you want to control what she wants. If you did this to her for some time and only realised what you did at the end when she left you, then you should seek counseling because there must be something going on with you that you may not be consciously aware of. You need to leave her alone and accept that you pushed her away forever, no amount of time is going to heal what you have done and you are in danger of putting yourself into very dark territory unless you sort out your issues and move on without her.

Then things will improve for you, it can all be turned around for you. Sadly for her, she has some healing to do too and I hope she does.

Yea I could see her doing that... but I am just wondering how long they will last. I just want to give her as much space as possible, then I really want to try again with her.

Go to therapy for one full year specifically addressing your abusive behavior THEN you can start to think about contacting this girl again and only if your therapist believes that you will not dissolve back into a disgusting abusive jerk

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

Ok, my girlfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago.....I have tried everything to get her back except for giving her space. I promised I would leave her alone a couple a days ago. Of course she is very angry with me. How much time is enough to give her space and will this cool her off? Do you think this will give her a chance to reflect upon us even though she has a new boyfriend?

You have to realize that she has moved on and she doesn't want to be with someone who verbally abuses her. You may change, but she probably will not take you back. People go their separate ways, not everyone is meant for each other. Maybe what you need to do is move on, look forward, not behind.

I don't think you're in love, I think you're obsessed. There is a difference. If there was always fighting and drama there, it was not a healthy relationship.
You keep on with your therapy and stay away from this young lady.
If she has a new guy this means she has moved on. You need to get yourself together and move on as well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

Yea i could see her doing that...but i am just wondering how long they will last. I just wanna give her as much space as possible, then i really want to try again with her.

I know it may be hard, but if she wants to be with you again, let her come to you. It is her choice to make. If she never comes back around, then you know she doesn't want to be with you and it wasn't meant to be.

Love can make you do some crazy things. I just hope you have learned your lesson.

Wow some harsh repsonses... but trust me it was love... this started about 8 months ago. I had a lot of stuff happen in my life... my parents got divorced... my dad moving away from me and she understands and she just got tired of the way I treated. I want to show her that I can change and its as simply as that. Trust me I want to give her space.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

wow some harsh repsonses..........but trust me it was love....this started about 8 months ago. I had a lot of stuff happen in my life....my parents got divorced...my dad moving away from me and she understands and she just got tired of the way i treated. I want to show her that i can change and its as simply as that. Trust me i want to give her space.

Good luck hun. I hope everything works out for you and I hope through therapy you get the help you need. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

wow some harsh repsonses..........but trust me it was love....this started about 8 months ago. I had a lot of stuff happen in my life....my parents got divorced...my dad moving away from me and she understands and she just got tired of the way i treated. I want to show her that i can change and its as simply as that. Trust me i want to give her space.

You realize that none of that makes it okay to do what you did to her, right? There is no sympathy for abusers around here, sorry doesn't work that way. If it were me you would've had a restraining order the day we broke up. She has been very fair and very easy on you.

Again. Therapy for one full year no contact to this girlfriend until after that and that's only if your therapist truly believes you will not resort to be an abuser.

Huh... hmmm OK and I know that its no excuse. I will let everyone know how it goes.