Ask Me Help Desk - SWANS-Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse

OK, For some reason the book The JOY LUCK CLUB comes to mind. Ever read it? It is about women whose mothers are from China and they are all suffering in some way from their mother's past or expectations, or life experiences. Life is interesting. You certainly put a lot of thought into how others perceive you. I say, live life according to your own standards, morals and beliefs. Just don't expect everyone else to, you will be disappointed. Yes, a woman should be self sufficient, able to provide for herself and educate herself for the sake of emotional and intellectual growth or stimulation. Education comes in many forms, life teaches us many lessons that you may never get in a classroom. I have an English Professor for a mother. My Professors in college were all her friends and colleagues. There was a lot of pressure to do well and perform at a high standard of excellence. Luckily, I liked my major and I did very well in Pre Law. HOWEVER, life doesn't always take the road you intended. Instead of going to Law School, I got pregnant with my son and withdrew my application. It was a choice I made, to give my son the time and energy I devoted to my daughter. This wasn't a mistake and I don't regret it. I have learned that I can still achieve my goals and dedicate myself to my family. I have a husband who provides well, but I do not depend on him to take care of me, does that make sense? I work now because I want to help provide. I will go back to school and still be the mom my kids need. I never thought to myself that I needed to be married to be happy or have a certain kind of degree and I have always seen myself as strong and assertive. I don't think life needs to be either/or as you have described. I have met many men who are intimidated by my personality and others who are impressed by it. If you have an image in your mind of what you are attracting and it is all negative, then that is what will be attracted to you. Instead of focusing on what you don't want in a person, focus on what you do want. As far as for smiling, I think it can make or break someone's day, but I don't think has as much control as you think. I think it is admirable of you to be responsible for your family and that is important. Just remember, life is about balance, about finding joy and accepting others as you do yourself. I don't have all the answers but I know that I am comfortable with who I am. That may seem intimidating to some, but then I can't control the way others see me. I can only focus on how I feel about myself. Good luck on your journey through life, don't be afraid to make connections with others, they don't have to ruin your life. You have your whole life to be successful in your career, it doesn't make you complete, it just compliments who you are.

Thanks for the compliment. You seem like a very bright and enthusiastic person and I hope life is full of many blessings for you. Don't ever be afraid to receive love, I promise it won't hurt, or take away from the essence of you... Be wise and intuitive in your choices. Peace!

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Originally Posted by shatteredsoul

Thanks for the compliment. You seem like a very bright and enthusiastic person and I hope life is full of many blessings for you. Don't ever be afraid to receive love, I promise it won't hurt, or take away from the essence of you...... Be wise and intuitive in your choices. Peace!!

Thank you for your wise response. I am loved by my family,my friends and coworkers. Love is all around! I never regret of being single and careful about my choices. I live my own way, nothing brings me down. I deeply believe that there will be A good man for me, who will appreciate all I have done and willing to take the responsibility with me for our future family. :)

<Evolutionarily, men do not want women who are more interested in work than having and looking after their kids, that is the basic way that women appeal to the man's animal instincts. They want their genes propagated.
>

That's a very good reply capuchin A man needs to be a hunter , provider.Awoman needs to let him do these things , ask for his help, and make him feel 'manly'

Many things have changed but this remains the same.
As long as women are trying to be men and vice-versa, the divorce rate will probably continue to rise.

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Originally Posted by rol

<Evolutionarily, men do not want women who are more interested in work than having and looking after their kids, that is the basic way that women appeal to the man's animal instincts. They want their genes propagated.
>

Thats a very good reply capuchin A man needs to be a hunter , provider.Awoman needs to let him do these things , ask for his help, and make him feel 'manly'

Many things have changed but this remains the same.
As long as women are trying to be men and vice-versa, the divorce rate will probably continue to rise.

What if both of them are "manly"?:rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by rol

Thats a very good reply capuchin A man needs to be a hunter , provider.Awoman needs to let him do these things , ask for his help, and make him feel 'manly'

What exactly is the man hunting these days? A good deal on veal at the supermarket?

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

What exactly is the man hunting these days? A good deal on veal at the supermarket?

LOL, I was confused about that too. I only heard that guys like to hunt for girls.
I bet I do better on getting the deal on the veal than he does.

<What exactly is the man hunting these days?>

In my opinion a guy needs to win his girl , he needs to be the one to pursue her ,and in order to keep his interest she needs to keep being a challenge for him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rol

<What exactly is the man hunting these days?>

in my opinion a guy needs to win his girl , he needs to be the one to pursue her ,and in order to keep his interest she needs to keep being a challenge for him.

Good tip-keep being a challenge for him:)

AS long as women try to be men, the divorce rate will continue to rise? On what basis? What does that mean? I am not sure what "trying to be a man" means. Is there a rule book you are referring to somewhere? I don't think you can make such blanket statements about the entire institution of marriage with that remark. Maybe because people have more choices today. There isn't the stigma attached, that twenty or thirty years ago lingered with being divorced. At that time and before that, many people stayed in miserable marriages, or got married to begin with, because they thought that is what they were "supposed to do" . The fact that this isn't the case today probably has more to do with people getting divorced than you believing woman are "trying to be men" . I just don't agree.

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Shatteredsoul]AS long as women try to be men, the divorce rate will continue to rise? On what basis? What does that mean? I am not sure what "trying to be a man" means. Is there a rule book you are referring to somewhere? I don't think you can make such blanket statements about the entire institution of marriage with that remark. Maybe because people have more choices today. There isn't the stigma attached, that twenty or thirty years ago lingered with being divorced. At that time and before that, many people stayed in miserable marriages, or got married to begin with, because they thought that is what they were "supposed to do" . The fact that this isn't the case today probably has more to do with people getting divorced than you believing woman are "trying to be men" . I just don't agree.

Trying to be a man means she is going to be the bread winner. I would be very uncomfortable about it, but if I love her to death, I wouldn't mind.

OK being uncomfortable with something is one thing, but justifying it as the reason the divorce rate continues to rise, is quite the slippery slope of an argument. Well ,maybe the fact that traditionally men were the bread winners does explain the changes that society has gone through, but we have gone through them before. When men went off to war during World War II, many companies needed people to fill their spots. Women were called to work in a variety of jobs that in the past had been considered "man"s work. Women did very well and in fact excelled at many of the positions they were put in. They even played baseball. Well, when the men came back, the women went back home, but it created an interest in working outside the home and a desire in many to excel in achieving a career, outside of being a housewife. How sad would it be if you knew that you limited yourself and your choices based on being a man? Or, if the choices you made prevented women from marrying you? Don't you think the stereotypes placed on people are what creates conflict and immoblizes us from making certain choices or from moving forward? If you were really good at something, and worked really hard to get there, but the fact you made more than your wife made her uncomfortable, wouldn't that be such a tragedy? Why not both be whatever you were meant to be, what does it mean? Her success is not a reflection of your failure. Can't everyone be their own success, and compliment each other? Why do things need to be black or white? If you loved her to death you wouldn't mind, would you marry her to begin with if you didn't love her to death? Just wondering..