It doesn't matter what she thinks, it matters what you think. What she thinks is invalid and distorted. YOU know why you would delete her, not her... and THAT'S all that matters. Let her think what she wants, it will change a million times anyway.

Glad to see that you are taking the first steps & that's doing things for your well-being.

One thing I was thinking is that when go go total NC, YOU become the one in control. Removing any drama from your ex.

You will battle with your feelings and run all of those conversations through your head, but have eliminated all current or future personal pain caused directly by her.

To show YOURSELF how strong you can really be despite her. She didn't and will never know.

To change your habits.

Don't mean to keep inundating you.

But your situation brings back a lot for me.

Ya know after a week or so after I went NC. I got rid of everything that reminded me of her. The saved sweet voicemails, emails, photos, love notes, mementos, gifts, personal belongings. Even furniture, towels, bedding, dish cloths...

I had enough in my head. Didn't want the visuals.

Felt awful about it too, all though tears & despair. But did it & glad for it now. Never did that before.

I think now about those personal things & only think that it I was just her hotel. And associate it with trying to leave a mark. Like a dog peeing on a hydrant. "How does it smell?" "Still attracted to me?"

Its all about actions.

By deleting all the photos.the voicemail, emails and when we get rid of whatever belongings of theirs they ve left behind we are left with the one tool we need to recover -ourselves.
Keeping 100 % NC is essential
Yes there will be memories good and bad and that can be hurtful-for as long as we let them.
And in the longrun the relationship was another learning experience.

NC is hard, your right it puts you in control but it also normally means they come running once they no they are losing you. The even harder bit is to say no and mean it. Your def right about getting rid of their stuff too, its still a piece of them in your life and home, the visuals make them real so much harder to deal with than your thoughts. We have all been here or are still here like me and every day you hope it gets easier and better but it will, just remember that.

Forgive my analogies, Im in advertising. I think that way.. but those are to help at whatever moment. To help me too. No manipulation here.

We will laugh and cry through this. As everything we experience as humans with a heart. But only if we truly listen. If we don't then, we don't evolve.

But as amicon says, learn. Willingly..

One other thing. You can tell me to shut up.

For me, the hardest thing is the realization. To remove her.
Asking those questions. "Did she, does she or will she ever care?"

The answer is no.

... and so why should you. Why should you care anymore?

OK everyone... the update...

She wrote me a long email... saying that it was all my fault and that she needs to break it off with me for "herself" respect and that she needs to do things for herself now... but that maybe we should take a "break"... for now, and if I or her find someone new... then that's the chance shell take... but that for now... she needs to be alone... but then again, she said... maybe in a couple of months... we can revisit it...

I wrote her back... said... well OK. No ones to blame.. etc... just being a nice guy back to her but saying... that its OK.


So , after that... I thought things were done... right? Well, then 2 days later, she texts me... saying something stupid... like passing along an mass joke email... "thought you might like this"...

Then she texts me for help with her remote control... the following day... both times I text her back just answering her questions... nothing more...

Haven't heard from her yesterday or today... and I'm not contacting her...

That's the latest guys and gals...

I feel OK... but I have to admit late last night, it was hard because I wanted to text her or email her... because I was lonely and missed her believe it or not.. after all the bs she's put me through... but I didn't...

Comments?

Comments: QUIT TALKING TO HER!

You are broken up, so act like it. How long are you going to let this confusion linger?

Same advice as before, disappear, this time for good. Things aren't going to change the 3rd time around. How many times do you honestly want to ride this ride? Things get hard, that's life. I wonder how she's going to handle real life

That's what I thought too... im like... honey... its over... YOU broke it off. What the heck? Why are you contacting me? Leave me alone. Its like she's trying to ease her guilt of breaking off with me I think... that if I respond to her, she's like... well he's taking it well so... everythings OK what I did to him... I don't feel like she's still giving me any respect my texting me... oh... she just texted me to ask if if I wanted to go to lunch tomorrow..?

And... I just got a call right now from her friend saying that she talked to him and now... just wants a BREAK or TIME Off being together... she doesn't want to END it completely? I'm thinking... what? Then... she wants me as a BOOTIE CALL?

Question... if she asks me to be her friend with benefits... do you think I should do that? I mean... it is great sex and all... or is this just childish.. thanks...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

question.....if she asks me to be her friend with benefits...do u think i should do that? i mean...it is great sex and all...or is this just childish...? thanks....

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**Harshness warning**
Do you seriously not know the answer to this? What do you think would be the smart move? To sit there and be used like a condom or to grow up, leave each other alone and find a more functional situation to be in?

You cannot possibly tell me you have lost your brain in this entire process. Act like a man and move on. That is what a break up is, a fresh start, not a path to meaningless sex.

Yup, he's still not listening.

Yeah... the smart move would let it be. No I haven't lost my brain... I was just asking what the heck is she thinking?

What is wrong with this woman?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

yeah...the smart move would let it be. no i havent lost my brain...i was just asking what the heck is she thinking?

what is wrong with this woman?

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She does what you enable her to do!

Write this down: Ignorance is bliss!

Cut her out of your life and you are better for it!

That's fine... I just don't understand what her deal is? Is she Borderline Personality? Plain crazy? I not letting her do anything now...

After all this, I just want to know what her problem is? If anyone out there has been with a woman like this... what did you think was wrong with her?

Immature? What?

Her problem is not wanting to let you go but not wanting you either and your letting her keep you hanging on!!

More fool you if you do

Again, you aren't getting what we are saying. Take it from me, you can spend YEARS trying to understand the female brain and it will just confuse you more. You will have better luck trying to do Chinese Mathemathics

Don't worry about her 'deal'-just ignore her and get on with your life.