After 3 months,I have been doing a lot better. Christmas and New Years was great. I have done a lot of shopping for clothes and I have been working in my room which is still in progress. I have been working out a lot. I have registered for school and I am going full time in 2 weeks to become an Accountant. I have a 3.3 GPA and I am okay.

Still, I find myself at times still thinking about my ex and how sad it is that it is over. I sometimes still blame myself and not even just for the last thing I did which was payback. Its thoughts like that one day at her house I shouldn't have wanted to go home and play xbox. I shouldve stayed longer with her. And the times I wanted to go home and sleep in my bed while she would grab me to stay longer with her. And other times we would hang out and play. I don't really get it. I mean sure the last few weeks together I missed her a lot because I worked a lot and it was new, but why couldn't she understand that I missed her? She didn't have to sneak behind my back. Am I okay for 3 months?

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Still, I find myself at times still thinking about my ex and how sad it is that it is over. I sometimes still blame myself and not even just for the last thing I did which was payback. Its thoughts like that one day at her house I shouldn't have wanted to go home and play xbox. I shouldve stayed longer with her. And the times I wanted to go home and sleep in my bed while she would grab me to stay longer with her. And other times we would hang out and play. I don't really get it. I mean sure the last few weeks together I missed her a lot because I worked a lot and it was new, but why couldn't she understand that I missed her? She didn't have to sneak behind my back. Am I okay for 3 months?

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Are you okay for three months? I don't know. I don't live in your brain. I know only what you post on here and every time I think you are moving forward, I read posts like this that truly make me wonder.

Emo, you have made so much progress in so many ways, but you keep holding on the memories keeping them fresh in your mind. I don't think you realize how much you are holding yourself back by going over every event in minute detail trying to put blame on someone for what happened. It is past time to stop blaming-her, yourself, both of you, events, the weather... It is time to accept that you can't change what happened. It is past and gone.

Tell me would you decorate two different rooms the exact same way? Would you take the basic lessons about painting, lighting, etc. from the first one to have a better idea of what would work in the second one?

Emo, I was like you before. My mind was flooded with 'What if', 'Should have' and the list goes on. The problem here is it is not completely your fault. It takes two for a relationship to work or fail. You can't turn back the clock and undo the pain. The only way to heal is to accept the truth that you guys were not meant for each other and move on from there. I think you're still stuck in the past, wishing you could have done this and that. So, in my opinion, I don't think you're okay yet. Sometimes, our mind likes to play tricks on us. We have to learn how to control it, when to think about it and when should not. The most important part is one should not stay in an abusive relationship because it will get out of hand one day. It's time for you to let go of this old baggage that you're carrying for months and start a new life without her in the picture. I'm sure you will get there...

It really is time to let go of all these thoughts Emo. Whatever happened is in your past now-concentrate on moving forward and enjoying all the good things in your life.

I should stop thinking about it. Sorry for bothering everyone. I thought it was normal to still miss an ex a little bit after 3 months. I know people even after a year that are still bad. I guess I'm not doing well. I don't know, I thought I was.

Emo
Your right , it is normal to still miss your Ex after only 3 months and we're not saying that's wrong.

What we're saying is you need to stop asking yourself why this and why that over and over because that'll delay the healing process.

If you really want to feel better quicker just follow what we say and let it go , if questions come up in your head dismiss them and start thinking about the future and the endless possibilities that will come your way once you stop dwelling on the past.

And your not bothering me , I choose to answer you and try to help , but you have to help us as well and show us your willing to put in too.

Thanks Friend4U for your answer. Yeah I am pretty much over her as in I don't feel any pain even when thinking about it and my heart doesn't beat fast in the mornings. I just missed a few things of the relationship today. Its just not the best day for me I guess but overall I feel happy that I have been doing good and moving on and trying to stay strong. I always look at how hard I've pushed as inspiration that it gets better. I think I'm just really bored right now at work. I appreciate it!

Things I am happy for. I am happy I don't get cursed at in public and embarrassed anymore. I am happy I can talk to friends and not have someone jealous that I spoke to someone else. I am glad that nobody puts their middle finger at me as well. I am glad I don't get thrown out of a house nearly everyday. I am glad I don't have to wonder if she is smoking even though she said she wouldn't she still did. I'm glad I don't have to worry if someone is sneaking behind my back. I'm glad I am going full time to college. I'm glad I am redesigning my room. I'm glad I have so many great people on this site! I'm glad I am healthy. I'm glad for my car and my family and for having God by my side. I'm glad for my new itouch and I am glad that I am doing better overall.

Emo, yes it is Taking Back Sunday, from their first CD, before they became sell outs

Emo, I'm a little over 5 months since my break up, well that being around time NC was implemented when she stopped being wishy/washy and didn't want me as anything anymore. I still think about my ex from time to time, mostly when I'm bored. The important part is to move past the what if's, etc... To be honest I really don't care what my ex is up to, or if she's even with another guy right now. It's funny because some girls at work will ask me every few weeks, are you and such and such back together yet? I'm like... umm I haven't talked to her in months. Just keep on keeping on, there are a lot of things to be thankful for in this world.

Look at it this way... anything she says at this point is just a shallow attempt to continue to dupe you and control you.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for her to make major changes without a near death experience in a short period. Major changes take people years or even decades... sometimes they never change at all. Pretending to change to get their way is a form of manipulation. But its always a lie and eventually they fall back into their old habits.

You are best served by no contact, no text, no PM, no phone calls, no letters, no passing messages via common friends... just pretend she never existed. She should be dead to you.

Count your blessings you aren't dealing with a manipulative b*tch every day, and focus on your studies. Find a new woman to date... and trust me they are not all manipulative. If they are drop them like a hot potato.

Life is what YOU make of it. Keep thinking about a loser instead of looking for a winner and you will never get ahead or be a real success.

The sky is the limit with a partner that shares the right positive attitude with you, but if either one or both of you have real negativity then neither of you will ever rise from the muddy ditch.

Whining about it or just thinking about it isn't going to change anything... this is one of those things that you HAVE to just do.

Wow I don't trust my g.f too...
She lied to me a lot until well... one day I saw her with her ex :)

I was heartbroken... I forgave her and she dumped me...

And now she wants me back and I don't...


Don't be stupid like the rest...

Talk to her or dump her... trust is very important in a relationship...

Never trust a girl who lies to you or starts making up stories or starts talking to you is nice \ sexy ways so you'll forgive her...
Love isn't a game you should know that...

Let her tell you everything she does... ask her friend where she goes if it makes you feel better... but she'll get mad because you don't trust her...

The choice is yours... talk to her about it or dump her

He hasn't spoken to her in months. Did you read the whole thread brokenhearts?

Unless I have missed something, she doesn't want emo back. He is in No Contact and it is just memories that keep playing up.

So much has happened since the beginning of this thread even with the treadmill moments.

emo, I am very glad that you have accomplished so much and I know that starting classes will be very good for you. It will be another place to make new friends and memories. It will also give you something else to occupy your mind.

I think boredom especially at work is a big part of the problem now. That boredom is allowing your mind way too much free rein. Can you think of any ways to keep it busy so it doesn't go wandering off on its own? Puzzles (crossword, seek-and-find, logic, sodoku, etc.), get a book of houseplans and think about how you would decorate them, sketching, anything that can be picked up and put down as you do your job.

Wao Cat, can you actually do that? Keep yourself busy all the time. I actually is on holidays and pretty much bored myself.

I'm a thinker, I spend most of the time thinking about how to be a better person after the breakup. Anyway emo keep it up! I broke NC and I look like a loser to my loser ex now, but that doesn't matter as you know. Its passed 8 months and I'm still on healing progress, don't lost your foot!

Not all the time, but most of the time. After my break up, I reconnected with friends, spent A LOT of time at the gym(I mean hours) went for jogs, worked on my truck, did work around the house. Anything that kept me busying, if I started to think, I'd go for a run

Boredom is the sign of a lazy and unimaginative mind.

There's always SOMETHING to do. Clean the house. Straighten the basement. Learn a new skill. Exercise. Cook something fancy that takes planning. Hang out with friends. Catch up on movies. Play a new game. Go for a walk.

If you STILL can't think of something to do, then VOLUNTEER. There is NOTHING more rewarding than getting out there and helping other people (or animals! The humane society uses volunteers too!), and realizing how good you really do have it.

Make a list of your blessings, and run through them when you start feeling down.

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Originally Posted by bswc

Wao Cat, can u actually do that? Keep yourself busy all the time.

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Pretty much. My mind loves puzzles and learning and can find a puzzle or educational opportunity in almost anything. My philosophy has always been: if I am not willing to learn, then why should my children.

Boredom is like loneliness. It is a state of mind. You can be bored even if you are physically extremely busy. The trick is to not let yourself think that what you are doing is boring and to give your mind direction as it attempts to wander down paths where you don't want it to go, which is what it sounds like you have been doing.

I get bored easily but I'm usually not bored. When I wake up I shower immediately in case thoughts overwhelm me. Then I feel good and I watch TV for an hour and eat something if I'm off from work. Then I decide to do my errands or go shopping. Its winter so it's a bit difficult to play sports out but football sometimes with family. Or watch a movie or play a game. If I'm at work, people come in and out and the people are very nice. I like going to work if I have to... lol I went to the gym last night and felt great afterwards... Im going tonight after work again. I mostly feel lonely...

You've got quite a few things there to be happy about!

As for lonely,we all feel lonely at times,but it's better to feel lonely on your own on occasion than to feel lonely in a bad relationship.