It's not always happy, no.

Sometimes I remember how badly my first boyfriend treated me when I see someone else in a similar situation, then realize how happy I am with my husband.

Sometimes it's just an event, a moment. Like sitting in the hot tub at a ski resort, or canoeing down a river, or seeing a specific band in concert together.

Sorry to hear that he treated you badly, but at least you're happier now then. I just don't want to end up lamenting the loss of my ex and wishing those days back, that's why I was asking.

Oh god, I don't wish those days back for anything.

Even with the boyfriends that WERE good to me, and a lot of fun.

You should GROW from the ashes of a relationship, make yourself better, brighter, happier with YOURSELF.

I lamented the loss of exes--at the time. A couple of those breakups were REALLY harsh (read that as: I ended up in the hospital psych ward for one of them). That doesn't mean I don't have both good and bad memories of those guys. That just means that I learned something about MYSELF from those guys, and grew wiser/happier with MYSELF because of it.

And since I'm pretty darned happy with who I am today, I'd have to say that I wouldn't even change most of it, even the heartache.

Well, I had to spread the rep, but damned fine answer Synnen. That was exactly what I was hoping you'd say. It's sad to be forced to close the book on the ex, but it's better than not doing it...

Sorry about spamming your thread emo :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Is this line forever true?

I can't take my mind off of you, till I find somebody new.

Is that forever true?

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Its only true for people that cling to the past... there are cases that being "Forever true" is really being "forever stupid". What that DOES describe is a rebound relationship... and those rarely work out.

Here's an update. I went to bed last night and I had a dream I was at a store flirting with pretty girls and having a good time. Then I was at a pool hall hanging out with friends... None included the ex. I woke up surprised and happy. Then I went back to bed and it happens. I see her and I say sorry for everything and then she says it too. We are about to have sex. Then just before that we get into argument and nothing happens. The next day she says sorry and I go to her job to say I'm sorry too but at the last minute I change my mind and I say no thanks, now I am done with this. What's going on with the dreams?

Maybe the dream about the ex is trying to tell you that you really know its over? I don't know,dreams are mostly just random images to me,but perhaps sometimes they send us some kind of message?

Dreams are just dreams... don't try to read anything into it. Just keep up the No Contact thing and one day soon you will wonder why you ever went out with her in the first place. Particularly after the first really nice girl you meet.

Nearly every one of us has dealt with this before... those of us smart enough to get out of a bad situation that is. IF it was meant to be then you would NOT have had to deal with all that drama she gave.

Dreams can't be controlled. So because it's out of your control, you don't need to analyze it too much.

Dreams trigger your emotions and feelings when you wake up, so you end up thinking about your situation in the conscious world.

It's similar to walking by your ex's favorite restaurant or even walking by her house. These are all triggers that you make you reflect in greater detail, so no need to beat yourself up over it.

I just thought I'd restate my actions. People said maybe she wasn't lying and maybe she just had a change of plans.
Here's the thing. This was the fourth time she did this. Next, when I asked her where was the music coming from she says she was probably walking by a bar?? The music was coming directly from where she was. I'm not dumb. Plus the fact that she says she was at 7-11 makes it worse because there is no walking pass by any bars. The parking lot is right there. Not to mention she agreed she didn't tell me that she was going out because I would be upset. So she planned on lying. Yes I was a bit angry on the phone but no insults on my part and being that she did this a few times I had a right to be upset. She said to relax and immediately I did. Then she started cursing me out a d hung up on me and didn't care how I felt and stood out all night. I would never do anything close like that to her. Then the next day she showed no sympathy besides a text I am sorry and I love you. No call and then she had lunch with a supervisor instead of putting me first after the drama. Then over the phone she didn't want totalk about it and when I said if I can pick her up at work she said "why so you can babysit me" That was an insult and I had enough and at that moment I gave up and said I am sorry for bothering her and got offthe phone. After all this then and only then did my revenge kick in. Comments? Did I still do the wrong thing?

You're still thinking about the past Emo? I thought we were done with that. You promised.

Stop obsessing about what happened and move forward. Until you do that, there's nothing else we can help you with.

Yup, its time to let go.

Aw emopunk, I think u're a hard thinker. I am one, and I learn things the hard way.

I just need you guys to tell me if she was treating me badly... I don't know... I wouldve never done that to her and she was very possessive and jealous. Why did that have to happen to me?

Also are you suppose to trust a girlfriend going to eat with a guy? Isn't that a date in its own ways? Trust is a strange thing. I think if it goes to that point of her doing that its over because why not eat with you?

Also in the notebook they fought a lot and it worked. How is that an example?

It's in the past,Emo.
Leave it there.

The notebook is hollywood... and also things were very much different in the '40's.

The more important question is this: Haven't you tortured yourself enough over this? Forget about it and do something. Plan a trip. Get involved. Live your own life in the present, and let go of the past. Everyone on here can see how unhealthy it is to hold on to the past like you have been doing with your ex girlfriend...

Movies have a tendency to give people unrealistic expectations about life. They are meant to be fantastic and extraordinary... that is part of the spectacle. People go to the movies to escape from their own lives for a certain amount of time, and to feel the emotions and drama that come with it. However, real life isn't like that. But in your case, you're making it like a movie. You're making your situation something that it isn't. You need to move on pal.

After 3 months of NC:

I have been doing a lot better. Christmas and New Years was great. I have done a lot of shopping for clothes and I have been working in my room which is still in progress. I have been working out a lot. I have registered for school and I am going full time in 2 weeks to become an Accountant. I have a 3.3 GPA and I am okay.

Still, I find myself at times still thinking about my ex and how sad it is that it is over. I sometimes still blame myself and not even just for the last thing I did which was payback. Its thoughts like that one day at her house I shouldn't have wanted to go home and play xbox. I shouldve stayed longer with her. And the times I wanted to go home and sleep in my bed while she would grab me to stay longer with her. And other times we would hang out and play. I don't really get it. I mean sure the last few weeks together I missed her a lot because I worked a lot and it was new, but why couldn't she understand that I missed her? She didn't have to sneak behind my back. Why sneak? I never did that to her. That's what bothers me. Am I doing okay for 3 months?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

I just need you guys to tell me if she was treating me badly....i don't know...i wouldve never done that to her and she was very possessive and jealous.

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Emo
Why are you asking us the same questions again?? We've gone over and over this so many times!! Who cares if she was treating you badly , doesn't matter and it's not going to change anything. Accept it and move on , otherwise we're still going to be here at 100 pages and still be talking about the same thing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Why did that have to happen to me?

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Oh please... lets stop with the "woe is me" attitude , have you read the threads on here , I know you have. This happens to thousands of people every day all over the world. Again "Get over it" get off the pity pot and lets move on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Also are you suppose to trust a gf going to eat with a guy? Isn't that a date in its own ways? Trust is a strange thing. I think if it goes to that point of her doing that its over because why not eat with you?

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Why not? If you trust someone it's not an issue in my opinion. BUT if you don't trust it is a major issue , question answered.


Lets move forward and not keep going back to all the old questions , every time I think your doing well you go backwards again because you start to try to anylise everything.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but sometimes we need a kick in the butt to see it ourselves!