I think when you or anybody came to this web site you were looking for people to tell you yes he's coming back including me. I wanted people too tell me yes she will be back. At first that is not what I wanted to here. I would sit here rite down every little bit of info about her so people would say yes she's coming back. The reality of it, he's GONE. You need to come out of your shell and listen to what people are telling you or you are going to be miserasble for a long long time. Trust me I know what you are going through and everyone else here listen to them. Because if I didn't listen and Tal giving me a kick in the butt, I would be at square one rite now.

I need to say thank you, again, to everyone who has answered my posts. I know that I can be a lot to handle... and for this I am sorry. I am just trying to get through this, anyway I can. Like I said earlier, there are such moments of clarity that make me think I am so much better off... almost like he did me a favor... But then, out of no where, the other side comes back in and it seems to be so much stronger and last so much longer. I am beginning to think that I'm just as crazy as he is. Time... time... time... Breathe is all I can do. I know this will get better... Everything happens for a reason... Everything works out the way it's supposed to, it always does, No Matter What.

No need to be sorry for how you feel. Those are your feelings and no one can change them except YOU. Like I said it's been 3 months and I still have those feelings, but their not as intence and my heart doesn't hurt as much. But if you don't start the healing process YOU will be just like you are 3 months from now. And I'm still hurting over her breaking up with me but once you let go of him it gets easier.

Stay calm... Go take a nice cold shower and tell me if you feel the same when you get out... Remember, if he broke up, it's up to him to contact you. As for you, you should find something to do like watch a television show and then go to bed or go out with a friend. It's going to drive you crazy for a while. If he broke it off, then you should think twice about being with him. If he was able to do this now, he will do it again later on... Believe me. You don't want him to know that you are dying for him, so stay busy and try for all the hope in the world to forget about him. ANother advice would be to go on youtube.com and search for "relationship clips" They show nice relationships and you tell yourself that your next one will be like that and that you don't have to worry. Believe me there is always ALWAYS better out there. Perhaps not the same, but different and better. Good luck, tell me how you're doing. I'm going through the same thing and just telling you how I'm getting by.

If it helps you I am currently in exactly the same situation too. I think about him all the time and I love him so so much. I can't bear that it might be over - I can't even really believe how its possible that he is my one and only and he doesn't feel the same. I guess now we have to try and be strong and sensible. Someone else on this site reminded me to focus on what else I want in life and work towards it. We will be happy again.

I know you are all right about all of this. For now, I know that I need to focus on getting my head and my heart in the same place. I need to focus on me getting to a better place so that I don't make myself really crazy. We never know what the future holds for us... but until then, I need to make my own way.

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

I have posted in other threads....but am hoping for as much help and advice as I can get.

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You can post all the threads you want and YOU are going to get the same answers from everyone.

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

I feel like I am not going to make it through this.....(my head knows I will....my heart is completely unsure.)

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If you don't start listening to what people are saying your NOT going to make it through this.

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

It has been a week and a half since our "break/breakup" began.....NC....and it is excruciating.

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Yes, Your still in shock and you are in the early stages of breakup

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

Most nights I have been unable to go to him....(probably lucky...) but tonight I would normally be with him.

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Don't think about it

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

I want to go so badly....and wish he would just say that everything is going to be ok.

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Why he treated you like crap

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

The hope of him coming back to me is driving me (and everyone else) insane.

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If you don't start to heal it's going to continue and you may start to looseing friends like I did when my ex broke up with me for the first time.

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

My gut is telling me that since he has made no effort to contact me....that is truely is over.

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Then move on.

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

The thought of him being with someone else literally makes me gag.

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I still feel the same way?

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

(I can't eat or sleep...)

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Your still in the early stages and Yes, I still have trouble.

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

Is the story in my head better than what is actually happening?

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In the early stage I thought of us getting back just to mak emyself feel better but I don't do it all the time because it's unhealty.

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

Why can't I stop waiting for him to come to me?

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Again your still in early stages and once you let go it's not as bad

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

I am going crazy.

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If you don't let go you will.

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

How can I allow someone to have this much control over my emotions??

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Because you are letting him. Let go!

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

It is all I think about.

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So did I in the beginning, but as time goes on it gets better.

Get used to the occasional shove when we see you get stuck,:eek: and we are here for the long haul,;) you just have to grin and bear it.:D

I'm sure I just answered this... (scratches head)... go to the other posts you have made and read the answers,just because it's a different thread it doesn't mean you are going to get any clearer answers

Hurtingalot: Sometimes I feel like crying while reading your posts... It's really sad to know you are going through this. You must pray a lot. Im sure you still think of the good moments, but the moments will come back with someone else... Look at 60 year old people. Do you know how much heart break they have gone through? They are still alive and some are still smiling. Don't let this one man in a world of billions make you a sad old woman. Have fun and let go and in the end you will be the happiest person in the world. It's not about money or looks or anything. Show me your happiness and I'll show you what you're worth!! You can do it and I know you can. In fact if he ever calls you, ignore him this time! I'm sure he won't and if he does it won't be to get together so do yourself a favor. Pray and let go little by little! You are a woman and you have a strength that us men don't have, so use it to your advantage. There is a guy out there somewhere tonight feeling the way you do and hoping to someday find you. The two of you just don't know it yet!

You will be fine.

It just take time.

Stop the drama.

You are driving yourself nuts.


Take a deep breath and one day at the time...


Good luck

It will get better doesn't seem like it now. The best thing to do is try and do something to take your mind off it or lay down and try and have early nights in bed. Go swimming have a massarge have a spa

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1347759
Even though I merged 3 of your post to cut the confusion, you still have 9 in the last 6 days. When is enough, enough. The only thing left to do is or me to warn others, and start deleteing all your duplicate questions. So last advice is go see a doctor, and beg him to help you.

Yep... hurtingalot is driving herself nuts.

Why are you so surprised that he has not contacted you during these two weeks when he clearly asked you for this time to think? You shouldn't even be expecting to hear from him yet. If after the two weeks are up and still nothing, then you can start to wonder about it.

We don't know if he is thinking about you. We don't know if it is over. We don't have a crystal ball. But yes, based on what you have posted, this relationship may truly be over. It hurts and it sucks, but you have to prepare yourself for that possibility without falling apart like this. If you have been this dependent on him all the time and in such a frame of mind as you can't live without him, he may well be overwhelmed and indeed want out of the relationship for good. We have all been through breakups and yes it's hard. We know and we understand.

Surely you must have been through breakups before? Think back how you got over them. If you show him this needy side of yourself by contacting him and crying and begging and wanting to talk before he is ready, you will ruin any slim chance of a reconciliation (if one exists anyway). Even if you do get back together with him, is the relationship really THAT great or are you just panicking at the thoughts of not being in a relationship? I suspect the latter. I think that you need to work on your neediness and dependence issues if any relationship you are in is ever going to work anyway. Neediness is one of the biggest turnoffs in any relationship. Anyone will tell you that. So even if you do reconcile, you really need to work on that if you don't want this same thing to happen again.

I don't know your life story or your history, but you sound like you don't have much personal strength, patience, or sense of independence (or much pride really). You really need to work on developing them. If I am wrong, I apologize. But I am just going by what you post. You might want to see a counselor and work on these things so you can handle life's ups and downs better. You may even need to be treated for anxiety and panic attacks so you don't drive yourself nuts over this. Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.

You keep saying over and over again that the relationship wasn't that good, so why drive yourself crazy with this?
My last relationship was a bad one,when it was over I felt relieved.. so I don't understand.
Give him the two weeks like he asked, then contact him and talk about it.that is all you can do. I feel like I have answered this question multipul times just in different threads, and if you are starting different threads it means you are not getting the answers that you hoped for.posting different threads on the same topic isn't going to get more answers its going to pee people off...
My partners ex left him one day and never came back, he got no explanation,other than a little note she left saying she was going to be with his friend. He was with her three years and she didn't even tell him to his face.she then moved abroad with my partners mate. My man had no choice but to move on. I know its not the same I'm just trying to tell you that sometimes relationships don't work out the way you planned... im sure he wanted to contact her a few times,but he couldn't becuaes one he didn't know where she was and two he didn't have her new phone number... everyone has been where you are,its hard but its not the end of the world...
Please try and get a grip here and listen to what people here have been telling you.

Ok... so here's an update. I have been thinking a lot about what everyone here has said... (not surprisingly... It's pretty much what all my friends and fam have said... but I guess, sometimes it needs to be heard from people who are really on the outside) and my current situation... I think that I have come to some sort of a turning point. I realize that I am a good person, that I did nothing but try to do good in my relationship and was constantly putting my own needs aside to make someone else happy, and that I didn't deserve the treatment I got nor the tears or sadness that I am experiencing now. I wasn't very happy in my relationship... but maybe this relationship was brought to me so that I could learn more about myself. I have made an appointment with a counselor so that I can try to figure out what is in myself that I would accept such poor treatment in a relationship, AND miss such a bad thing so much! I know that I deserve much better than this... and I am hoping that a little time and self-reflection will make the difference. Thank you again to all who listened and gave their advice, even when I made everyone crazy... I truly think (and hope) and believe that I may be on the right path to recovery! I am not going to say that my tears will be gone forever on this... and that there aren't going to be rough times ahead... I can't say that I'm through this... but I'm going to get there!!

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

I have posted in other threads....but am hoping for as much help and advice as I can get. I feel like I am not going to make it through this.....(my head knows I will....my heart is completely unsure.) It has been a week and a half since our "break/breakup" began.....NC....and it is excruciating. Most nights I have been unable to go to him....(probably lucky...) but tonight I would normally be with him. I want to go so badly....and wish he would just say that everything is going to be ok. The hope of him coming back to me is driving me (and everyone else) insane. My gut is telling me that since he has made no effort to contact me....that is truely is over. The thought of him being with someone else literally makes me gag. (I can't eat or sleep...) Is the story in my head better than what is actually happening? Why can't I stop waiting for him to come to me? I am going crazy. How can I allow someone to have this much control over my emotions?? It is all I think about.

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May I ask exactly WHY the break up happened?? It is completely normal for you to feel like this after a break up! All you need is time... lots of time-eventually you will just get over him completely! How old are you? Spend time with your friends.. meet new guys(that always helps get over the last one, haha) Spend time with family.. you will officially be over it in NO time... good luck :)

To catch up,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1349351

Something else I think I have learned... You are only responsible and able to control your own self. Not anyone else. If you always strive to do right... that is all you can do. I guess I need to be a little more guarded next time and only really give of myself when it is truly being recipocated. Spyher answered one of my posts a while ago... He said something along the lines that if someone doesn't show respect to others, don't be so naïve to think that he will respect you. This guy doesn't respect anyone. He is all about himself... a product of his bipolar... Maybe... but either way, I deserve more.

Good for you GF!

And you know what else? (God this roll feels good!! Hope it lasts... ) My mom has said for years... "People don't change...circumstances may change, but people don't." So... to me this means... that he was a jerk to me while in our relationship, he was probably a jerk to the ones before me... and he'll be a jerk to whoever happens to be next... He's 32 years old... this is who he is and he's not going to change... (at least without meds for his bipolar anyway... ) Well... GOOD LUCK... Let him be someone else's NIGHTMARE! I deserve better!! I certainly tried.

Hey I know its bad... and I have split up with my boyfriend a few months ago and I still want him back and can't stand the idea of him being with someone else... I have been dating guys and at the moment I'm going out with some really nice guy, but in my heart I know that I still in love with my ex... which does not help me to move on. I know exactly how you feel about it and I know that hard is to get through first weeks of break up... its terrible and you feel like you want to die...

It will get better:) you will feel much better soon, just stay strong and think that everything is only for the best. If its faith he will be back sooner or later, but you can't hope on it, you have to move on. Its hard but everyone has been in such situation and it is not the easiest time... but we all will be happy at the end:) just let him go...

So I am struggling again... (it's always worst in the mornings... ) The weekend is here, and I would normally be spending it with him. This weekend will make the 2-week mark that he said he wanted to "see if he misses me." Am I supposed to call him to find out what's going on? Or should any first contact come from him? I am thinking that maybe his pride would make him not call and I should contact him... My heart hurts, but my head says that if this is ever to work, he needs to realize some things and come to me. Help?! My heart is telling me to go to him... I've given him the 2 weeks he asked for...

I would wait for him to contact you Trust me if he still cares for you HE will call you. If he doesn't come back you will stuggle for months and months.

I am sad that the weekend is here and we won't be together... It hurts to think that if I don't initiate contact, that I may never hear from him again. My head tells me that if that's the case, then I am truly better off. BUT IT STILL HURTS SO MUCH.

I also know that in order for any of this to even come close to coming back to where it needs to be, He needs to be missing me as much as I am missing him. Tal would say, You're a fool, girl, he is not. In my head I think this may be true... but my heart keeps yearning for it to be otherwise. I imagine time will tell and I just need to be strong. It is so hard.

I am already talking to two other girls. One I banged to see if I could get over my ex more quick, but I was honest and told her that I can't do that to her anymore. But she likes me. The other we are just talking and I think I could make her my new girlfriend if things keep going well. I'm not sure... but I'm going out tonight and looking forward to that. I can't keep miserable. Last night I listened to a christian station while I went to sleep and I had the greatest sleep in a long time! God is good all the time. Keep God first and this will be easier. Go to church! Push yourself. Don't let your ex enjoy that you are hurting. Let him know he made a mistake. If you just wait for him, he won't care at all. Move on and that's the only way he will realize his mistake. If you find someone else and you are happy then too bad for your ex, you are better off anyway. No girl deserves to be treated like this. Good luck hun!

I think its true and we have to learn to be on our own. We have to learn do things on our own and try to be happy again... but sometimes it could be really hard. I know you can loose loads of your friends because of you going about it all the time. So you have to stop yourself if you feel its too much, but you need to talk about it too, because you just can't keep it inside!! No way!! You will go mad and its not healthy.

I see my ex every day now and its hard to deal with it sometimes, but today I have said hello and we had a friendly chat... it was nice and we both had smiles on our faces... I still love him, but he doesn't know that, I would not want him to know it now. He is going to France this summer and then he has his new life after uni ahead of him. I think I should let him go and think about my life. I don't think there is any chance of us getting back together ever again... so I think its better to forget. I have to be honest and say if he say he wanted me now back in his life, I would say yes... but would it be the same again I don't know. Its true if he didn't want me from the beginning, why would he want me now? I have to be honest with myself and I think we all have to be honest. Its all only for the best:) Good luck with getting over with your ex's and always think of future, not the past!! Its gone... move on;) And always remember you are not alone in this big world and we all coming through such stages in our life;) be strong!!

HurtingaLot... Did he ever curse you out? Hit you? What was wrong in the reltionship exactly?

I honestly don't think I loved my ex the way I should. But I know it's because the way she was. I'm noticing this after 2 months. I loved her sure. But not the way true love should be. I am crazy about her body and her personality, but she was really mean to me. I remember during the relationship I wanted to do so much more for her, but I wouldn't because I knew she would be bad with me again. I gave too many chances. I told her to swear and not curse me out, she would the next day. Even in front of my brother. I loved the sex we would have but I'm sure it would be good with the next one too. I was a freak. I liked her feet on my face while doing her, I liked her choking me a little and I miss massaging her. The taste of her liquids. It was really passionate love but it was not at all healthy. I miss playing basketball with her, and the pics together and times together in my car and grabbing her butt every time she walked out and her telling me to call her. It was great but she left me which gets me mad because I should've been the one to left her. Just hope you get my message, that as special as you think something is and as much as you want something, it doesn't want you back so why continue. Honestly I loved her way too much. She could've cheated on me and I would've taken her back. I did anything for her. At any time. I helped her study till late and wed go out to eat. It was great having a girlfriend, but I was sad a lot and she disrespected me way too much and soon enough I was doing it back and I hated it. We messed up the both of us. She made scenes anywhere. I couldn't stand it but I dealt with it for a year and 6 months because I loved her and I didn't care how she treated me because when she would kiss me and give me an eskimo kiss and make whining dog sounds, she won be back all the time. I know it wasn't healthy and I'm sure I will find someone who loves me completely and respects me!

Ya emo, I still love my ex but she yelled at me a lot and didn't do anything for me and toward the end I didn't do as much for her because of that. Maybe I should have told her how I felt. And what you describe above kind of sounds like me except the choking part?
We were together for alomost 5 years but the past 3.5 she was some what mean to me. I think she held back so I wouldn't dump her A**. But she would yell all the time at her mom and son.

Hey whether she dumped you or you dumped her, they are ex for a reason. Leave them exed out. We had them, enjoyed them. Someone else can have our sloppy seconds. We did the best we could.

He was def. verbally abusive. There were so many times where I woud walk out of his apartment at night and ask myself... "What the hell am I doing, that's it! I can't do this anymore...." But I would always go back, 'cause there were good times too. I miss his hands, his deep blue eyes which I thought I could see straight to his heart through... I miss the sex (it was good... ) He is smart and funny, I miss his laugh. I don't miss how h thought it was OK to talk to me like I was an idiot... or how he isolated me from my friends and family... I don't miss the fighting... but I miss the making up. I guess I am afraid that he will become a good boyfriend to someone else... He is not social... in any way, but has told me how he will put on an act until he "snares" someone else... (his words... ) Do these people ever change? It would kill me to see that he has actually become a good person with someone else/for someone else. I wonder if he'll find what he's looking for, if it even exists. But most of all, I wonder if he'll ever realize how much I cared for him... with all of his faults... (not that I don't have my own... ) and that I truly thought we could have been happy together. I miss so much, but don't miss other things. He certainly gave me plenty to not miss... I don't think his take on our relationship would be the same since I was nothing but good to him. Does he ever see it and realize what a mistake he's made?

Just need some reinforcements... I def. should NOT contact him, right? We are nearing the 2-week mark of "time" that he said he wanted to see if he misses me. My heart is wanting to go to him and see what he's thinking. My head is saying that if anything, he NEEDS to come to me. Suggestions on making the right choice here? I am afraid that he might be really gone this time...

But these questions are not letting you move on. You know what I do all day? I go on YouTube while I'm bored here at work so that I don't hang myself... lol I watch videos of romance and different movies to let myself know there is so much more out there. I make plans for tongith. I get myself haircuts and please myself since she can't do it anymore. I don't look at her pics and I don't even check her myspace, because I know I will get jealous and I don't want to bring any feelings back. I'm doing good on this process and I'm with you here just like you are with me and Thank you for that. I want to help you the most I can. In every relationship there is good and the bad. Of course you miss him so your seeing the good. You think of the bad but you just really see the good. I know at times it comes and goes like a roller coaster, but just remember that you are suppose to feel this way. You are going through the process and you should be happy. We are both young and I'm sure we may fall in love again and it might happen all over again and be hurt. But knowing we got through this one, will help the next one. And maybe God is putting us through this to get ourselves together to stop depending and then truly finding the perfect ones for us. I think the miserable people are the ones who kept what should've been disposed. So let's be strong so that we can let the right one in and stop wasting our time on losers who don't deserve us. Please stay strong and know that this is def. for the best. I can see you writing here 5 months from now really happy with your life!

I think everyone def misses the sex but remember he was verbally abusive and no one dserves that. With my ex I never cheated, hardly went out to bars with friends (maybe 10 times in 3 years) aways working on her house, bought nice things for her, nice dinners, was good to her and her son, Hardly ever yelled at her,did everything she asked me to do. I wasn't good enough for her again. Know she's sniffing around again because she new she had it good with me. But only thought of herself and I don't believe people change unless they really want to. Like me I was willing to change me for her a**. You can lead a jacka** to water and expect him to drink it. But trust me he's not going to change and years down the road you'll see him miseable with someone else.

What is bothering you is that in your mind you hope and wish that there is hope for reconcilliation... right? You desperately want to get back together. Is he dead or in a coma... Has he indicated that he just needs time to think or has he actually cut the strings and ended it? If you don't know than you need to find out because the stages of grieving process can't begin until you know it is actually over FOR GOOD.

Hey... take it easy... by getting reaffirmations from people over and over again, not going to get you anywhere I guess... it hasn't so far... I guess you need to make a separate diary and write all this down... because this forum is not a diary and people can't keep writing the same stuff for you again and again... you're definitely upset and not thinking rationally as what you should do... naturally none of the advices have done the trick(quite unfortunate though)... so I suggest... vent all this frustration in a separate diary and then think about it with your own mind... one day you will sail through. Amen!

Hey I think you should defiantly go and speak to him... you should know where you stand!! It will make worse if you are going to sit around and wait for him to come and tell you what he wants. You can't just do it and its unfair on you:( Listen I have been there myself just a few month ago and I had loads of questions on my mind and it didn't give me to sleep at night... I was absolutely sad... and you know what I did?

I went to see him and said everything what I felt and ask him to answer on all my questions. It helped me so much and I could move on. It was hard to do, but I did it. And though he knows now that I love him... I don't care... I have done everything possible to get him back, he didn't respond... well now I have to move on, I can see he isn't interested and never probably was. I know how hard it could be, but you have to be strong for your own good. Do it and you will feel so much better, talk to him and you will see how much things will get clear. You have to be ready for everything though and it doesn't mean you may get back together, but its better for you to know there you stand. You have to know! Best of luck to you and all my best.