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Don't contact her, she will reach out to you when she's ready. Girls need their time after a breakup. It will only make things worse most likely if you contact her first, I've been there done that with an ex... and while his phone call was comforting, the conversation didn't end in any resolution that I wanted to hear... that we can work things out etc. Give her all the space she needs, she will respect you more.
Well, if she really broke up with you... you should give her time... "that's if you want to hear about/know about her again." I had broken up with my boyfriend... and I really did want him out of my life... I thought that he wouldn't call anymore, because I asked him too and then he didn't call for like a day... and then he kept calling... I would ignore the calls but eventually gave in and anwered... when I would hear him, I felt like I needed him and missed him... now I'm back with him and I know we have like no future together... he says he loves me... but, I just need space... yet want him and I'm still with him in a way...
So, it probably be better if you wait... it's hard I know... but, there must be more to the story to really give you a good solid answer...
This is the EXACT situation I was in, and the same questions I had. I was worried that if I ignored her for a while, told her to give me my space and move on, that she would never seek to contact me if she had a valid reason to.Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
What you need to realize is that if she does want to talk to you, she knows how. She will get in contact with you. It took me a long time to realize it, but once you let go, and put space between you, it does NOT mean that you are closing that door forever. Your NOT making anything impossible.
And one more note: It is much easier to not answer her calls when you are busy. You don't have to be 'avoiding' her phone calls if you are out and busy - it just happens.
Thanks everyone. I love this girl so much I just don't want to mess up. The more I think about her the worse it is. And I know I have to stop thinking about her. I was glad she called me and at this point I guess I just have to wait and see how things go.
What are people's thoughts on going from lovers-friends-back to lovers? Can this happen? All my friends say stay away from the friend status.
As long as you don't ever want anything more, being a friend is fine. The majority of the time, people are interested in getting their Ex's back, or are not satisifed with simply being friends, and if that is the case, some time to yoruself is the best idea, that way you can clear your head and get a better grasp on things.
Could you see yourself being a friend to her, and having a conversation about her and her new boyfriend? Unless the answer is yes, your not ready.
Do it know just be cool. Text or e-mail to start.
You kind of forced me into a brutal response this time around so, prepare yourself...
There are two possibilities hereQuote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
1 - she is confused (which she really shouldn't be but probably has been thinking about trying things out with another guy or more than one other guy... )
2 - mindgames
Both are bad news.
To me you sound like a lovesick puppy dude
Look at how ;
She's disrespecting what you once had
She's disrespecting you for wanting to do the right thing by her
Basically slapping you in the face
Also take note of how you aren't looking out for your own interests either only hers, while that can be a noble gesture it can also be seen as 1 being a martyr 2 being very very weak.. which most girls find a complete turnoff..
Seriously, at the first sign of any girl doing this stuff, walk,
Or prepare to be walked on.
If your not careful she'll make you into her doormat
Is that what you really want ultimately? I bet it isn't.
Your friends sound like they're catering to your ego, I don't know if you've noticed but simply put you don't have a choice in this matter she's already put you in the friends category, once that's happened your fighting a lost cause..Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
Regardless good luck...
Some people have a break for 6 months and then get back together it can happen. The break is obviously cause she is having doubts. Maybe about the future, she may not be able to see much of a future with you at the moment especially if she is young. Work on yourself and then get in contact with her, it is probably all over now but you can only hope for the best and move along. Let her go out on her own and she may feel that you are the one and then she may not. Yet at the end of the day in 5 months time you will probably say to yourself if she could leave me that easy did she ever really love me at all. I was with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years I probably should have proposed and I didn't, she said she wasn't sure where we wer heading and going day to day and now she's gone for good. She said she needed a break and I know she is seeing no one and hasn't for two months. But she's gone and not coming back. She needed time and she got it and maybe realised I wasn't the one. Let me tell you how hard it is she used to call every night and text on the phone saying she wanted to hear my voice. And then she was gone. I would understand if she found someone else or something but she didn't she just wanted to be by herself for a while and grow. Its so hard to watch someone who wanted you so badly not want you anymore 3 1/2 years is a long time and I'm sure your time has been long too. I still can't understand she told me I depend on you too much well how can you leave if you depend on me... You will never get the real answer you are searching for the truth may be she does not know why herself only time will tell. Some people wake up in 5 years time and say dam I should have made a different decidsion and well maybe I should have proposed who knows maybe she wasn't ready... maybe I was too slow. Everyone kept telling me to ask her... maybe thet would have been the difference, I've got a million things going through my mind like you but just relax and read a book on heaking cause I doubt she coming back...
So I'm driving to work today and my EX girlfriend is behind me and she pulls into the same gas station as I do. She gets a coffee which I know she doesn't drink this time of the year and we see each other and she smiles so I say hi. She then wants a hug so we have a really nice hug. She's leaving for a trip this week so I tell her to be safe in her travels.
This is after the last email that she sent to me that I didn't reply to about 2 days ago. She had a bad day and was really missing me but later in the email saying that she hopes that we can remain friends?
I know I have to go N/C with her but it was really good to see her and I feel she felt the same way. Man I wish I could read minds.
The most dangerous thing is to assume what she thinks or feels, since really you don't know. Stay on the path nomatter how good she looks.
This is what you know for sure.Quote:
She hopes that we can remain friends?
I know what you're saying. Just when I think one thing it's something totally different. Perhaps absence makes the heart grow fonder - who knows. I feel that when we saw each other she definitely looked at me the way it was in the beginning of our dating.
There's your problem. All you know is what you feel, and as far as you two getting back together... what you feel isn't a concern. Until you know what she feels for sure, you need to move on and act as if it will never happen. Assumptions are very dangerous, both positive and negative assumptions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
I am moving on very slowly but surely and if she comes back to me - she comes back to me. I just don't want to misinterpret her actions or missunderstand what she says. I've had breakups before and have missed the signs when my significant other has tried to reconcile and have lost out. I guess I am the eternal optimist.
You need to let her be. People change, maybe she wants to explore other avenues. You should look at it as a positive thing that she doesn't "need " you. You sound like you are young, don't get too wrapped up into this, there are a ton of women out there.
This is from my EX -
Was it okay that I called you on Saturday? I was having a bad day and I was upset and all I could think about was how much I missed you. You have always been there for me whenever I needed you. I really hope I did not make things more difficult for you. I know you are trying to get on with your life. Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends? I guess I will talk to you later. Thank you for being there for me on Saturday. I really needed to hear your voice.
"all i could think about was how much i missed you"
Should I still continue with NC and let her contact me again when she's ready? We ran into each other yesterday and we exchanged a really nice hug, it was awkward but she intentionally went out of her way to bump into me.
Is it possible to go from lovers to friends back to lovers?
My current situation is just that, I want to still be friends with my ex girlfriend in the hopes that we can rekindle what we once had. It was her idea to originally break up.
Yes, anything is possible. As long as you work hard at it.
:)
You are in the friendzone, Whether you like it or not. Now go heal and do the no contact the right way, and end the confusion and questions.
How do I get out of the friendzone? Is it risky to be friends with her in the hopes of rekindling what we had? She clearly said that all she could think about was how much she missed me - what is no contact the right way? Not answer anytime she calls?
SPACE IS GOOD ! IT GIVEs both you and she the ability to see how to best handle the relationship. It sounds like you have a little fear that she may not come back or she is going to go. Now you must work on you, and ask yourself are you the best man you can be. However if you are finding that you are the only one working on the relationship and you are constantly trying to please her, and its crippling you, then maybe you need to consider other options. Also if she had friends and you don't this can cause problems as well. Maybe you want too much quality time, if this is the case, you need to spend more time with your friends and work on you.
If you love someone set them free, if they come it was meant to be...
This is from my EX -
Was it okay that I called you on Saturday? I was having a bad day and I was upset and all I could think about was how much I missed you. You have always been there for me whenever I needed you. I really hope I did not make things more difficult for you. I know you are trying to get on with your life. Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends? I guess I will talk to you later. Thank you for being there for me on Saturday. I really needed to hear your voice.
"all i could think about was how much i missed you"
Should I still continue with NC and let her contact me again when she's ready? We ran into each other yesterday and we exchanged a really nice hug, it was awkward but she intentionally went out of her way to bump into me.
You already have the answer you want, tough as it may be - it's the best way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talaniman
You need to work on yourself a bit first! :] Have some time apart from each other before reconciling any friendship. Chances are also that it may be HARd!! Especially when you see each other with different people.
She broke up with me 2 weeks ago and then called sobbing/crying - had a bad day and was really missing me. We talked a little, I made her laugh and left it at that. Next day she sends me an email and asked if it was okay that she called me - realizing that it may have been hard for me and that she really hoped that we could be friends and that she was really glad to hear my voice. THEN a few days later we bump into each other at a gas station and she comes to me and asks for me to give her a hug (which I do, it seemed like it lasted forever).
In the esteemed opinions of everyone that reads my story - What does my EX want?
She doesn't want to feel guilty. She doesn't want to get back together, you would already know that if she did. She wants you to make HER feel better, and she is being very selfish if you ask me. I could be wrong, but if she said she wants to be friends, it seems pretty clear.
I think her own insecurities are causing her to call you. If you can handle her hugs and calls knowing that nothing is going to come of it, then let her do this. If its making things hard on you, which it seems it is since you wrote this post, stop contact with her. You can't be friends with someone right after you break up I don't believe in most cases this is possible, it takes a great deal of time for both parties to move on completely. Tell her if she wants to be broken up, then you aren't going to be talking to her anymore, and not because you don't want to be her friend, but because you need to move on.
Don't let people be reckless with your heart and drag you through the mud just because THEY are having a bad day. My room mate is doing this to her ex boyfriend, she broke up with him, and she has no intention on getting back with him, she just has weak moments and hearing him comfort her makes her that much more okay with her decision. Stop the madness.
Then why would she want to hug me and go out of her way to bump into me? And she said that she was really missing me, maybe I shouldn't contact her for another week or so and then call her to maybe get together.
You don't seem to be listening to what people tell you. If your going to do what you want anyway, I just want you to know thatt chances are there is no way she wants to be back together with you. We have all been there, and it is not uncommon for our exs to show these conflicting signs soon afterward.
If you decide to contact her, or to cling to these hints, I hope the best for you. Good luck
I am listening - and I'm not contacting her and I am trying to move on but I also think every relationship is unique. My EX has no friends, I am her best friend and it hurts to think that she doesn't have anyone now even though she pushed me away.
She wants you back but tell me why did she break up wit you?Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
She needed to figure out things for herself and grow. Not really sure what she wants. Career, friends.
I understand this exactly. My ex had no friends. For the three years we were together, she hung out with me, and pretty much that was it. Part of the reason we broke up was that she moved away and had new friends, that she had never had before. She wanted to enjoy that, and she didn't want me there at the same time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
Im just trying to save you from what I went through. We broke up 3 months ago, and I'm still deep in the confusion, and it still hurts... but I'm getting better. A few weeks after the breakup, she said things to me which are similar to what you hear. I can remember specifically one time when she called me crying and said "I feel like I can't live without you." Well, nothing came from that. She was confused, having a bad day, and knew I would be there to comfort her.
I understand all relationships are different, I just wanted to give you some insight on what happened with me, and hopefully it won't happen with you.
Good luck my friend.
Thank you.
My girlfriend broke up with me two months ago just like sypher she did the same thing to me called me up after three weeks and got me to go over she slerpt with me and said she never felt better and was glad I was there!! Well that was it hasn't spoke to me since. Its all bull they just want you there to feel a bit better and that's it... forget her and wait to she calls you and if she does then you may be a chance but don't rush and jumop on her!! Make her chase you back your the busy guy now.
If she feels like I'm moving on by doing no contact, which I've been doing - and then she feels like she should move on as well because I'm not reaching out to her - I don't want to be the "one that got away". What to do?
Start talking to her?
If she broke up with you, and your giving her space - if she decides that she wants to be back together, she will let you know. I'm sure that if she realized it was a mistake, or wanted to be back together, she would let you know...
Put yourself in her position: If you dumped someone, then a few months later you realized it was a mistake, would you just assume that she is moved on and let her go? No, you would make sure she knows how you feel, then you would be at the mercy of her decision. Don't worry about what isn't happening now, if it does happen you'll know
Has she given you any indication she wants to get back together?Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
She called me upset and wanting to hear my voice a week ago (she was missing me), then she emailed me the night after asking me if it was all right that she did. THEN she went out of her way to run into me at a gas station this last week and gave me a hug.
Now I find out she's babysitting for some friends of mine in a couple of weeks.
Light contact! However it is healthier to get over each other first before reconciliation. Best to enjoy life being single for a while. Learn from the past and use that experience. If an ex wanted you back I am sure they would let you know. Let them do the chasing, they broke up with you! If they don't come back then there will be someone else in time/...
Will they chase if they think I've moved on - which I obviously haven't. I feel like I don't want her to forget about me.
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