 |
I actually think that mobiles, texts, myspace, mobile technology has a bigger role in modern relationships now more than ever! They create undue stress... I wonder what life would be like without them.. Thing is we become so used to these stupid things, personaly I think if we got rid of them all a lot more relationships would be succeeding.
It is easier to reach out and touch someone , but I think that it still boils down to how people deal with each other. I will admit it was a lot easier to disappear from some ones life back in the day.
I agree with a lot that the others have said. I have an ex that had the nerve to ask me not to "give it up" to anybody else, even though he didn't want to be in a relationship. He even admitted to me that he knew it was selfish of him to ask. My point is that whether people want the responsibility of being obligated to you or not, they still don't want to know that you might be doing a little bit better with someone else because that raises the question of how much of an effect did they really have on you. I had to learn that. The more that you stay away and do your thing. The better. I learned that from a great book that I read. I'm not really into reading but it's the best book I've ever had before in my life. I cleared up sooooo many of my questions about relationships. I would suggest that everyone check it out. www.myspace.com/heartrxQuote:
Originally Posted by missbeach123
Tal this is one of your best responses although i cut it down. I have no doubt this is vital information for everyone, i have realised so many people who get dumped don't think that there dumper may be missing them. This can definitely happen especially when they say i'm just not sure i'm cinfused i need to think. Well this is spot on why stick aroun and call them when they are confused hell if they really are unsure and can't thin let them do that on there own let them get upset and unsure by themselves half the time the only reason they are still unsure is beacause the ex is still calling and hanging around a truye decision can only be made when you walk away and let your dumper realise exactly what a break is not having you there to lean on and be with.Quote:
Talaniman leave them in their own confusion. You can be manipulated into sticking around till they find whatever it is they think they want. Stop wasting time, and get some fun and happiness and let the ex be confused while you strut your quality.
Problem is not many let there dumpers handle this on there own and they all say well i want to make sure he doesn't forget me i want to know what his her thinking / i want to know if we are getting back...
This should not matter to you hell they didn't want you last week or month so if they want you back they are going to have to contact you. Geeez leave them tro wonder what they have actually done by breaking up with you.
No one gets this if they break up with you they lose you most people just say i lost them well they are sitting there without you now let them do what your doing wonder.
Give them the treatment of missing you and if they want to come back or have contact hell it shoudnt be easy for them they can't walk in and out yourve got options plenty of people arnt like that why would you let someone tret you inthat way.
I undestand some people do need time as i thought my ex may after 3 years. But i realise now she may need time and that could be her honest truth she was deciding on the rest of her life but i now know why should i make and try and sway her decision for if im hanging around she still has me and doesn't realise what life will be without me in it. That's what the ex needs to feel for anyone to have a chance of reconcilliation. They need to know what it is like with you gone and some people do need a break to realise this just don't let them decide with you around show them you are a winner you don't take breaks...
I still haven't heard anything. Im having a really hard time with my own life, the saddness has been overwhelming. It should be easy. I dream about him, me chasing him, every night, so I have horrible mornings. Its been 10 days no contact. I want to talk to him so badly, is there any smart way I can go about talking to him?
That's so true Talaniman! I feel like when I run through memories I only think of the love, comfort and fun times. There was lots of bad stuff, but honestly, I have a hard time even remembering it, even though I want to. Its like erased from my memory! He didn't cheat on me, just to correct you. He did start screwing a girl not even two weeks after we broke up.
I don't want to want him back. I'm trying, but I'm not feeling any better. I am feeling so hopeless and uncapable of a life without him, which shouldn't be the case. Literally, I feel lost without him. I Don't WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE. Its been 10 days NC and its touturing me because I feel like Im not contacting him to get him to respond in a certain way, not really for my own healing, its sick. I ideally want him to realize what he's missing and come back to me, but he's so stubborn and has a new chick so I don't think its probable. But yet Im holding on. I'd lie if I said I was better, I'm better for a day or a few hours, then its back to this.
MISSBEACH... I'm sure you know what is the right thing to do. If you contact him right now, that would not be smart. It's like drugs (not that I have any experience, but any addiction). Once it's not there, you want it so bad. It can give you a quick fix but then what? You're back in square one. Right now you need your drug. But you know it will certainly not do you any good. It will please you now but then you will be miserable longer and the process will continue. So far you are doing great. Keep it that way. Don't let yourself and us down. Stick with us... We are now a team! Emotional Team! We are here to save you! Believe me, you will feel this way for a while. It's only natural. We all have felt that way. Heck, most of us feel that way now. Life gets better.Ever heard how the sun is always shining somewhere else? Well, right now it's in China. Don't worry, it will come back again. But first you must go through this process. It's the best thing to do. Everything will be all right!
In your nightmares.Quote:
I want to talk to him so badly, is there any smart way I can go about talking to him?
Lol... Once again T-Man saves the day!
Grrr stop being so right T ! I swear I have the mindset that can rebound to knowing nothing in a minute. Im impulsive and easily taken by emotions. Im staying the course of NC. Thanks for bringing me to earth. Damn I need some hobbies besides the gym, swimming, and hanging out with friends. Any cool suggestions?
We all go through that. You are not alone, and if you can wrap your head around this, HE HAS MOVED ON WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Move on.
Then you need to find something to do besides thinking of him, RIGHT?Quote:
I Don't WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
The rest of your post is just another repeat of other posts, so I won't even bother with it. Now go straighten out your closet, and stay busy till the feeling passes.
the guy i was involved with says there's a saying in his country something like" you shouldn't break up a sure thing for someone you're not sure of".... i wonder if he even heard himself when told me that.....Quote:
Originally Posted by sypher373
Ok so today after 12 days no contact I called him. He answered right away, which normally he didn't in past times, so I don't feel like a complete failure for breaking down and dialing him up.
He was at a bar, by himself which is a little disturbing. My voice was strong and unaffected, I sounded happy and upbeat. We talked about day to day things for a few minutes and then he asked me abruptly about my "new bf".
This is when things got confusing... He kept saying things like "Yeah, why don't you go talk to your new bf" and I would reply "Hey, I'm not in the buisness of getting into another relationship right now". He kept asking me whether I was sexually involved with another guy, and when I would answer, "I don't sleep around", but I didn't want to say anything to reassure him that I'm not seeing other people, I wanted him to wonder. And, I asked him why he was judging me when he was screwing new girl anyway, and he replied, "well its not like I have something with her, theres no emotional ties" ( classy, I kept thinking, just screwing.) He was clearly jealous, but not asking for me back either, just so unclear.
I started to wrap it up because he was clearly frusterated. I said, "you know, I'm not going to try to make things work between us, because I know they can't since I'm going back to college in a few months, but I would like to have a cup of coffee with you sometime" he never gave me an answer, he went off about the "new bf" I apparently have. I finished by saying strong and confident "well matt, if you dont want to get together with me I'm not going to waste my time, because really, it's your loss in the end".
All in all he sounded a lot different from how things were a few weeks ago, he clearly was jealous about me potientially with other guys, but yet he made no distinct move to see me. Our conversation really threw me back because we were so normal, and I could here he was happy/relieved I called. I'm going to leave it alone again, but does it sound like maybe there can be a reconcillation? I still love him, and I'm thrilled he told me that he does not have anything on an emotional level with skank face.
What do you all make of this? Why would he be sooo jealous and offer the info that he and skank face aren't emotionally getting into anything? Is he maybe beginning to see what he's lost?
AND ANOTHER THING read "Letting Go" by Dr. Zev Wanderer It shows you actually techniques to "thought stopping" and other exercises that help you put your ex lover back in perspective and help you get on with things.
If two are destined to be together, they would be happy for the happiness of another, and sad for sadness of another. Since you have been apart, why not forget the past. There are more wonderful things in the future awaiting you, and I am sure when you look back on those confusions someday, you would think it very trivial. Talking and caring your situation with other one, he is just immature. But you could keep your friendship in a proper manners.
Wish you good luck!
Well it does seem like he is thinking a bit. But to be honest if he really wanted you back he would have said why don't we catch up. He has nothing on an emotional level with this girl but that could be becaiuse she may have said to him I don't want a relationship with you at the moment. You can't trust anything he says. Think about this he says that yet he is still screwing you. Im a guy you screw the person who you wasn't to be with this is the truth, Why when he could have you would he be screwing her. Maybe though at the moment he thinks you have aanother guy and he cannot screw you which is good for you. But I just think he is playing you and does like this other girl but is not sure where it ois going. The only way you will know for sure weather he wants to reconcile. IS TOTOTALLY Disappear DO NOT ANSWER COUPLE OF CALLS WAIT FOR HIM TO RING IF THIS IOS GOING TO WORK HE WILL BE THE ONE WHO HAS TO ASK YOU TO CATCH UP. THIS IS SO IMPORTABNT HE MUST MUST!! MUST BE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO CATCH UP. THINK ABOUT THIS IF HE DOOESNT HE DOES NOT REALLY WANT YOU THAT MUCH SO WILL NOT WORK. HE MUST BE KEEN AND HE WILL RING!! WAIT IT OUT HE WILL CALL HIS STILL KEEN... HIS WONDERING LET HIM WONDER. YOUR WINNING HERE YOU HAVE NOTRHING TO GAIN BY CONTACTING HIM ALL YOU ARE DOING IS LETTING HOM KNOW YOUR STILL THERE
Move on! You're toying with each others emotions.
Who knows what he wants. Who cares. The two of you aren't together anymore. Simple as that!
Do no contact properly and for the right reasons and concentrate on your life. Not his!
You still think it is all a game don't you mac? Silly silly mistake!Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
You will learn in time that tactics and game playing only hurt you more. It prevents you healing and moving on with your life.
I know your right, false hopes are so easy to get though. He sounded so like my man again, not cold and bitter. I just miss him so much
Silly girl, common after our chat on MSN! Don't call. Get a life where your happy, you're a very attractive girl - there's plenty more out there for you. The more games you play the worse it will be. Maybe one day you will meet or be friends again but that's not going to happen until your fully over him. YOU NEED TIME!
SKELL this is a partly a game weather you believe it or not and to get the most out of it she should use every advantage that she can. He is still trying to find out about her life qnd the only reason someone will do that is because they care or they just want to check in. Ive only suggested she should just disappear nc which in the end will helher or will ge him back either way she won't be so confused. There is no use contacting someone who doesn't want you . That we know.
Ok well things got bad. Never mind, the call meant nothing. He does not want me and he pretty much exploded on me. He is such an . We are meeting for coffee on Saturday, there must be something wrong with me, I practically am making him meet me, but yet there's nothing to say. WOW can you say ten steps back? I really feel worse than EVER. Geez, what the hell am I going to say to him on Saturday, he does not want me anymore, god there is nothing brilliant I can possibly say? Wow Im starting to really hate myself, I look psycho to him.
Just cancel the meeting!
I couldn't agree less on this. I did the same, held a forced meeting long time ago, and guess what happened? He didn't even look at me... very cold and insulting. And all I got to hear was that it was all my fault... r u willing to hear all that crap? Listen, don't run after relationships especially if they have been strained... r/s r to be worked on from both ends and when both ends are ready to do this, you will know and it will happen. Why don't you just wait for right things to happen in your life than the wrong ones... trust me, if he would be interested, he will call you back but if not, then my girl, by you calling him will surely push him away further and I suggest, in the meantime, prepare yourself mentally that it was not meant to be... and do your own things... lots to do right?Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
Its probably best that you not call him as you did for a while. Although it hasn't bothered you quite so much, it obviously has you thinking a lot about him, which you really shouldn't be. "The last thing you should be doing at this point is thinking about him. your best bet is to try and move on, and by keeping him fresh in your mind, you might be setting yourself up for failure.
I know the feeling of "excitement" at the thought of a reconciliation in the future, but I also know the feeling of that being ripped away all too welll...
Please be careful
What he says is irrelevant. What he does is irrelevant. How he feels is irrelevant. Him and the skank irrelevant. What's relevant is your healthy and healing and moving on. Leave the bum and miss skank alone and worry about YOU.
So I really have done it this time, just so you all know, your comments are not wasted, I printed them out so I can read them when I'm feeling weak. I think I'm going to talk to a therapist too, well after you hear this you might agree I should...
I went to the "meeting" on Saturday. I spent a lot of time getting ready, looking my best. He met me in the harbor, because he didn't want to go anywhere on either of our grounds. Let me remind you guys, he did not want this meeting, it was something I pushed for, nay demanded.
When I got into his truck, he would bearly look at me. A friend of mine coached me on this one, it was like my last effort. I wanted to see if he really was completely over me. I talked nothing about us, our fights, the skank, I sat there, looked cute, and made small talk. I could tell he was fighting not looking at me, and I caught him looking me over when I would look out the side window. He told me about his day, warmed up more, asked about my life, which I said was "really coming together for me" with a smile. I offered, "hey lets get a bite to eat, I'm a bit hungry". He wouldn't, he said he'd already eaten. I didn't want to push things, because the more I discover about my ex, the more I realize he doesn't want to be pushed into a decision, he wants no responsibility these days because of how serious things were getting between us before it broke off.
I learned one thing, I run my mouth too much, so I did a lot of looking, listening, and smiling. I wanted him to see the down to earth girl he fell in love with in the first place. 20 minutes passed, and I felt the need to end the meeting on my own time, as to look completely okay with not proding him into taking me back. As I was hoping out of the truck, I offered, "you know, you could come over and watch some LOST with me, I just got the season on tape" to which he replied, to my complete shock "ya, okay see you there".
I felt victorious, like I had melted the wall that he put up. It felt great to use my womanly charms and careful construction of light conversation and silence to warm him up, like I used to be able to. IT FEELS LIKE A GAME, NOT SO MUCH ABOUT THE Result, BUT THE DISTRIBUTION OF POWER, and this is why I'm going to tlak to someone, because this could never be a healthy relationship ever again. BUT for the stories sake, please read on to enjoy the debauchery that followed
Once at my house... we sat on the coach, we were US again, or so it seemed. Two hours went by. I KNOW I DID THE WRONG THING, BUT READ ON. I felt his gazes, and asked if he was seeing that girl still. He said, "ya were dating, but its not serious and its not going to be, I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU" I held back tears, not even a glisten, but I wanted to cry because I had really believed that he was completely over me. Another hour went by, and here it comes. Oh the shame. I suggested the unsuggestable, to which he replied "won't that make things harder for us?" I just wanted to be close to him again, and there was no reasoning happening in my head at this point. The experience messed with my head even more, because of all the slow kissing and tenderness that was there. This was not the kind of bang-were-done sex that two people who just want sex have. This was like a complete reverting for the night, but only for the night.
When I asked him to leave because I was meeting friends, I kind of lost it. He said, "what, see? I knew this wouldn't be good" and I said, "It wasn't the sex, its that, I still really care for you" and long pause, gazing eyes. "I'm not asking you for anything, " I said, " but I don't like sharing". And then I shut up. He couldn't walk away, his face became red, eyes glassy which is very uncharacteristic. He must have stood over the chair I was sitting in for 5 minutes, my eyes were teared, but no crying or yelling. He leaned down, kissed me, and started to move for the door. When he was sitting in his truck outside, he sat there for 5 minutes, I was wondering why he was just sitting there. I could see him through the window just sitting motionless. I went to my door and call him back inside. I said, "things don't have to be like this" and I gave him a huge hug, and then shut the door.
He drove away. Im going to leave him alone now, but I don't know how to reason this. I know I mean a lot to him, and I thought his feelings were completely gone. I'm not sure what to make of this.
This morning I was driving home early from a friends house, and he (what are the odds) was behind me on the highway. I didn't notice until he got into the passing lane and I waved. He texted me saying "Looks like you must have slept at someones house last night, too drunk? Your never up this early" I replied "Thats not how it is" and left it at that.
I know its all drama, that I opened the door for when I slept with him yesterday, but I feel like I have the answers to some of the questions that were killing me. He does still love me but as he sees it, "we just can't be" and I respect that a whole lot more than him just wanting to mess around. Were long distance 9 mo out of the year, and young, so it all makes sense.
I was just hoping to have my man this summer, one last time before I went back for junior year. NC re-instated, I hope you enjoyed the story.
Yea he definitely said all that out of anger. You should give him space because you don't want to seem too available to him or else he will take you for grantit. "you dont know what you have untill it is gone". Definitely give him space and you need to keep your mind off it for now and smile and try to enjoy life (I know its hard and it is easier said than done) but be positive and give him his space for now. You should be happy and if he isn't making you happy then you could definitely do better, a healthy relationship is a happy one.
I never thought I'd be writing this post. About 5 months ago my boyfriend of three years broke up with me and started a relationship with a new girl. I was utterly devastated, I sunk into depression, and I cried everyday.
I'm here to report that I am now Ok and I have a new respect for the quiet workings of the world. I wasn't meant to be with my ex, and the breakup was actually a very good thing in retrospect. I met WONDERFUL guy, and we are in love. He treats me like a queen, and I never worry about what he's doing or have any insecurities (something that was a problem in my last relationship) because his actions show me he only has eyes for me. We've been together for almost 3 months now and although I thought maybe it was too soon to be in a relationship, it felt stupid to pass up on this wonderful chance at love simply because of a 'rule' that doesn't really apply to every situation. Everyone takes a certain amount of time to be ready to date again, and this guy (I hate to say it) helped me back into happiness and made me ready.
Where ever you are in your breakup now, just please think of the mystery the future holds for you! I am so HAPPY my ex never came back for me, because it might have caused me not to allow myself to see my new boyfriend. It's a breakup because its broken, and the person that will make you happy is truly just around the corner, you just have to be ready.
Thanks for all your support, I really appriciate everyone who posted and helped me when I was ultra low. Good Luck!
CONGRATULATIONS!!
Isn't this the BEST feeling? I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling good and are happy post break up.
Wish You happiness forever!
It really is, like a fresh start, and I feel so grateful to be out of that dark stage! You only suffer as long as you allow yourself to, I've discovered. A famous quote about sadness "THIS TO SHALL PASS" and it always holds true
I hope that our folks who are now in their "darkest hours" will find some inspiration in your experience. Thanks so much for the update.
Congrats... Hopefully in about 3-4 months I will be where you are at. I'm 6 1/2 months post breakup.
I am so happy for you, and thank you for the advice, because this site really does help people with a lot of thing, just to know that you have people out there that care. Good luck to you and your new love. I wish lots and lots of happiness for the 2 of you.
I wrote about the breakup between my ex and I and a lot of you helped me through it. We've been broken up about 5 months, went out for three years... HEARTBROKEN after he broke up with me, and then shortly after got into a relationship with another girl, a down grade on all accounts... (easy, not too cute, un educated, clingy etc... )
I drunk dialed him when I was on vacation one month ago, but he didn't answer ( I assume he was with her). And the truth of the matter is I'm dating a guy I really like now, but my feelings for my ex are still so strong, and sometimes I want nothing more then him to contact me... WELL...
30 minutes ago I was doing some reading for college and he texted me. "hey whats up".. This is the first contact he made first the entire period we've been apart. I didn't text back but I couldn't stop starring at my phone. I know he doesn't really care what I'm doing, I see it as an attempt to talk to me. He's very stubborn and sticks to his convictions (especially stubborn in breaking up with me, in the first week he refused to see me and I couldn't get him to break).
Why the text? Does he still care? A man's opinion would be great. I heard through a mutual friend that he is annoyed with his rebound girl and he said that "she won't leave him alone" but yet his myspace says he's in a relationship. I know they are on the rocks.
Comments??
I would leave it and don't text back. Not only would it be silly to go back after you have done all this healing it's not really fair on the person you are dating at the moment. If he is annoyed with his current girl that's his problem , NOT YOURS.
Hewants to check your still available. E may want you back. Stay silent if he really wants you hen he will let you know...
I wouldn't give him the time of day sounds like a creep...
I wouldn't say that he still cares... to me it sounds more like he wants to know you are still an option. Jumping from one relationship to another doesn't give the person the time to sort through their emotions. The rebound relationship is only filling that void left by the person before. If he realize the new girl isn't all she started to be, he will start to long for the confort he had when he was with you. Let's face it though, who wants to be with a guy who considered them comfortable? Sounds like you are doing the right thing by not responding. Keep moving forward and let the ex figure things out for himself.
You are moving on MissBeach and that's the important things. As everyone else here said he just wants to see if he can still pull you in hook, line and sinker. Problems arise with the rebound girl all of a sudden you don't look so bad. But honestly, after 5 months and him dating someone else there is no reason to go back to him. He really just wants to see if his options are open. Delete him out of your phone if necessary block the number.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:32 PM. |