She contacted you and said we need to talk. Let her contact you again when she wants to talk. You should not initiate contact at all.
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She contacted you and said we need to talk. Let her contact you again when she wants to talk. You should not initiate contact at all.
Sometimes the best lessons are learned painfully.
Tal, does this remind you of a member we had a few years ago? I think he had Blue eyes,
I'm grateful for your help but let's not get negative there might be a good outcome she is a very loving and understanding person and she might not end things but we will seeQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
You just don't get it do you? Or are you just naïve?
In woman speak "we need to talk" or "we need to speak" means... I have something to tell you that might hurt your feelings.
I do get it but honestly people why always go negative she might of just had a really stressful week and she might just shut off as her way dealing with the stress. Why go into a relationship when there is a lot going on in her life ?Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
We aren't being negative, we are being realistic.Quote:
why always go negative she might of just had a really stressful week and she might just shut off as her way dealing with the stress.
If you haven't read before, I am a woman. I know how a woman thinks. When we say we "need to talk/speak," that means we are going to say something that you won't like, or don't want to hear. It's just our way of communicating and letting you know that there is something on our mind about the dynamics of the relationship.
You don't get it.Quote:
I do get it
Three months isn't a relationship. Three months is the "getting to know you period," especially in a long distance relationship.Quote:
Why go into a relationship when there is a lot going on in her life ?
Its not negative to accept a female doesn't have time for you. It's realistic, and with one date and no future one set getting all excited is NOT realistic. Having a Plan B is.
Pinning all your time and resources on such a female is crazy. Not over a few texts.
Sorry I have not got back to you sooner but me and the girlfriend have just taken a break to chill.
I found out through her parent that the situation was more complex then what the girlfriend told me.
It appears that there has been family issues that have occurred over the past few years from legnthy parental separation whilst studying at both higher and further education then that was followed by several close bereavements and also she has not taken a break from education and then went straight to been a trainee teacher where the school is in special measures and she is not receiving the professional support necessary. She is only 21 and found out this is her first proper relationship so is a bit naïve so she the reason she is confused is that she is still making sense of the past few years, her job, personal life and so it has been agreed to give her the time to grow and once things are calmer then maybe try again. I was told that she has been quite ill and is crying for no reason and she feels it's impacting on her work as she only gets one shot at her teaching qualification.
So I'm only texting her and leaving the calling to her when thing's get better so I'm going to use this time to work on myself and see what happens
I don't want to be negative but do want to point out, we can't clear our lives and schedules for our relationships. If the expectation is that the relationship is on ice until everything is neatly tied up with a bow in our lives, it never happens. I believe a person who is new to a demanding job likely will be very busy . However, they will also find some time for a date if they want to go on the date. It sounds like she gave you do many crisis situations, there will be no end her store of excuses. I would stop texting and let her know, "if things change and you have time, give me a call".
Doesn't that obligate her to respond? What if she doesn't text back?Quote:
Originally Posted by jj2014
She can respond to texts when she wants to but she git a lot to cope with and this is her first proper relationship so I'm I'm just letting her respond when she is readyQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
This is her first proper relationship so I said to her she can call me when thing's are a lot calmer in her life ! I'm just getting on with life and she can get back to me when she is in a better place mentally the fact that she is not sleeping and eating properly and crying for no reason suggest that something is not right she did say that she did not really want to do this but she feels it's not fair on me and needs to sort stuff outQuote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
If she is under stress, she does not need you texting her every either. Leave the woman alone. If she wants to talk or text you she will. I think you are taking this way too serious.
This is not a proper relationship, you've been talking and texting for 3 months and you met once. Is this your first relationship? Leave her alone.
Okay I think she probably will talk again she needs to get herself together and she is not in the right place at the momentQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
If her head isn't in the right place right now, don't add to her confusion by sending texts. Give her some time to recover and sort herself out without feeling obligated to respond to texts. You are starting to come off as stalkerish. If she were my daughter, and I do have a 20 year old daughter, I would have her number changed so that you couldn't contact her. Don't force her to take such drastic measures.
I left her a text yesterday morning just apologising for the night before and saying "If you want to chat once you are better and things are calmer for you thrn that be great and I'm always here for you"Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
I did not realise that there were deeper factors and plus her mum does protect her instead of letting her find out for herself she is a lovely girl but just needs to grow like all of us to be honest
Leave her alone! Stop stalking her.
You sound very much like the boy my daughters used to date. You know what happened? Her number got changed and he got slapped with a restraining order. That's not what you want? Is it? You ARE going down that path.
You need to leave her alone. I think you are acting rather childish.Quote:
Originally Posted by jj2014
Cool, now leave her alone as obviously you have no clue what you are dealing with, or how to deal with it. Go about your own business and maybe more will be revealed later, or better yet, you will lose the obsession and gain a better understanding of this situation.
How dare you judge her and say what she needs to be doing, and you have yet to do for yourself. Don't mean to be harsh, but that kind of assumptive thinking is way beyond your control. The urge of wanting to help and pursue your attraction is what keeps you from seeing a bigger picture, and you do more harm than good for you both.
What mom with a dependent child would allow a stranger to influence their child's future adversely? Oh you say you care, but are NOT the one responsible for her. Mom is, and you have said your peace, now leave her alone.
I have left her alone and it's down to her once she is in a better place things won't seem clouded as they are and time is a great healer tooQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
If you are texting her everyday, you're not leaving her alone. Maybe in time you will see things more clearly. You are obsessed with this girl you have only seen once.
You haven't left her alone, you texted her yesterday.
I'm not telling her what to do or think Iam infavour of people improving lives and making a difference too. So I was not telling her to give up her career and yes I probably got too involved too soon but it's fine I'm just doing what I need to do and letting her do her stuff thank youQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Since yesterday I have left her aloneQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
If you are in favor of her improving her life like you say you are you will leave her alone. You will stop texting her.
Let her improve her life on her terms not yours.
The last time I texted her was yesterday morning to apologize that's allQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Then don't text her anymore. Let her make the next move but don't expect to hear from her for a while, if ever. Get on with your life. Get busy and have fun with friends during the holidays.
You honestly don't think she come backQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
I don't think she will. This all started after your meeting. She said she wanted to break it off and you would not leave her alone. You are obsessed with this girl and I would imagine you have freaked her out.Quote:
Originally Posted by jj2014
The reality is that this was an online relationship. You met in person once. You became obsessed with her to the point of scaring her. She has other issues in her life that are a higher priority than an online relationship. No, I don't think she will come back.
Take this as a learning experience to use in your next relationship. Don't be so needy... Make yourself more unavailable, and for goodness sake meet women in person, not online.
I think this was a case of right people just at the wrong time and maybe I should look around for others just in case she does not get back to meQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Don't wait for her either - she's not interested. No girl gives a guy that many excuses if she has any interest at all. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings but doesn't want to date you either. Family issues, job issues, stress and so on and so forth - she covered every category of excuse and added a few more. She's NOT interested. Move on. Date other people.
And for future reference, know this - many, many people say the right things but they are just trying to be nice and bow out gracefully. Your job is to pay attention to their behavior. If you ask them out and they say they are busy, you can ask, "is there a better time for you?" If they don't come up with a better time, you have their answer - they aren't interested.
If they text back a fraction of the times that you text them, they are less interested than you.
If they tell you it's a bad time, chances are it will never be a good time. The reason - when things stink, but something good happens, like we get a great new job offer, or win the lottery or meet the perfect man or woman, we don't say, "Oh, well, my life sucks now so I am turning down everything positive that comes my way for the time being." Rather, we might say, "If you can bear with my work schedule, I'd love to see you".
Okay thank you for that apparently I was her first proper boyfriend which I did not realise because she told me she had been with a couple of guys.Quote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
Anyway she is 21 so she probably does not understand relationships? But all I have done is leave the communication open for her and she can contact as and she feels.
I'm already looking around I hope I'm not doing it too soon
I don't think you understand relationships either, otherwise you would have realized that she is just not in to you. It's good that you're looking around.
As long as expectations are reasonable and you are not just replacing the high hopes you had before with more high hopes of getting what you want. This female is not relationship material for sure at this time, for whatever reason. Not with you anyway.
Most encounters with the opposite sex or romantic partners are fun while they last, until it's not, and its time to heal, and move on. Let yourself heal from this disappointment.
talaniman is right. Get over this and don't get so intense right away.
To be honest we both got intense too soon and we all have issues and we need our own time and space to sort them out. The sad part for me was she is a decent sweet girl and very supportive too hopefully I will find that again in someone else or maybe her one dayQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Why is she not girlfriend material with me ? What's the difference with other guys ?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
The biggest is the distance, and her priorities. Even bigger is her mom's influence on those priorities. To many obstacles and issues to overcome. Bad timing, really bad.
Her mum is loverly and I enjoyed meeting her but she was texting her quite a bit when we met but my girlfriend said she does this on first dates despite hher been 21. She has been in some odd relationship s for example she met this guy who she did not feel comfortable with so she met him instead of taking het own car so if something happened she could leave quickly she called her mum to pick her up and I said to her did you not think of taking driving to the restaurant so you could leave with out any hassle she did not think about that .Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I don't regret meeting her and how is the mother been an obstacle
In my experience when a female is not yet ready to cut ties with mom and seek her own path, there is nothing you can do. I have seen many mothers smile sweetly and are engaging and charming while they work against undo contact or influence of the guys that date their child.
You may think such an attitude is wrong, but I doubt you will change anything. There may be a million scenario to speculate on. What good would it do but make you defensive? This could be as simple as YOU having an unstable or uncertain future to risk HER future on getting too attached. Who knows.
It is what it is! Possibilities are ENDLESS, and for sure it's not working NOW! That's the bottom line, and the reality you must deal with.
If it makes you feel better to say this woman and her mother are flakes, so be it but leave her alone. If you continue to want to hang on, the problem could be you.
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