She wants to have control, its an ego thing for her, don't give her what she wants.

This woman has you tripping over yourself and controls you like a puppet. Everyone can see it but you. This is denial of the facts and no self respecting male would put up with this treatment. Call it whatever you want but unless you accept the facts that you better get a life, you never will be happy and healthy. After 9 pages don't you think its time to see reality and stop being stuck or are you just trying to keep us going?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rol

she sounds confused.
she has not experienced the single life and does not want to regret later on...this is common for a girl who has been in a long relationship since teenage years.
many posters here have had the same experience...ehh geoff?....

but the best thing for you now is to cut ALL contact and move on,
This is for you ok?to heal and become strong again.
Living in limbo is not a way to live...

Right now she needs to do what she wants and you need to do what you want.

Go and read Geoffs post , its very similiar to yours and read all the advice.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...FERSONAIRPLANE

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Absolutely agree, this is quite similar to what happened to me in some ways. She (My ex) wanted the single life, explore , have fun.. Difference is she cut me out of her life altogether but ended by saying "I just think we should leave it for a while" thereby hinting at time off. I agree that quite often women who get into a serious relationship quite young at some point want to experience the 'Wild Girl' stage. That is what my ex is doing, I met her when I was 23, she was 17 and I was with her for 3 years and also engaged to her. She was not ready for the commitment that I was and basically just wanted to have a good time being single. In some ways, it was not her fault, she just wanted her freedom rather than regret it later, or worse, leave me when kids were involved. It broke my heart but I had to let go, in the end, I had to. It has now been 6 months since that terrible day... I got through it though and with a lot of help from great and supportive people both in my life and also from here on AMHD. It is hard to accept it but it is inevitable and time will heal these wounds you have.

My advice is to stay away from this woman, she is treating you like a doormat and wants you as plan b while she has fun with her single life. You can do better I am sure.. I don't know you either but no man or woman deserves the treatment you are getting. Cut all contact and begin a journey of moving on. It will be very tough, I can't lie, it will be tough but you will get stronger, I promise you. It took me time, and after 6 months I still have those passing thoughts but I find it so much easier to reflect on positively and I feel better in myself than I did 5 months ago. Check my thread, you can see how confused and upset I was, I really did not know what to do. Many people here on AMHD go through a very similar process and not many situations are that different, you only believe it is in your own head. This is kind of a denial thing and denial is a big part of the grief process but once you get through that part, acceptance does not take too long. Don't push yourself to get over this, give yourself time to grieve, as much as you like, months, perhaps even up to a year...

Everyone is different and deals with it differently but for you, YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST CUT ALL CONTACT, and that means all contact. You do this as a means to heal and get healthy again, not so you can try and win her back. This is an illusion that many people fall into that No Contact is a game plan to win the ex back and admittedly, I too thought in this way but it is not so and a very bad idea to latch onto. You will probably think that way but in time, your motives will change when you realise that the No Contact is helping you accept and let go and most importantly >>>> to move on!!

I wish you all the best in this Journey.

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Originally Posted by TESTER2799

OK, I've decided (I don't know how long it's going to last though, but I'll do my best).

NO CONTACT! It's the final thing I am willing to do.. and it's the best thing I am willing to do.

She wants to talk to me? So? If she was my friend, she wouldn't do that to me..
NO CONTACT! It's the only way she will realize what I mean to her.. good or bad.. I don't care! It's the only way..

Please help me keep this.. I want to do it.. I know for the first 1-2 weeks this will push her towards him.. If she comes back, this means she wants to come back. If not, then she never really wanted me..

I have to be strong.. I need help!! No contact! If she calls, texts or emails.. I dont care! I will not respond back..

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Its good that you have decided to implement No Contact but I think you are approaching it with the wrong intentions exactly as I pointed out above.

Ask yourself, why would you want her back after she did this to you?

You must value yourself more, she has really treated you badly, if you took her back you would be her doormat, her revolving door.

That is what I would be if I took my ex back too! LOL

See the whole story here,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1124639

Omg DRAMA ! You have to move on !
Don't let this girl walk all over you !
\find someone who wants to be with u !
Also u should probably tell this girl you do not want to be her friend or her b#$%H!

Hope I helped
-nina-

Well I have news guys..

It is over!

Last night, I've sent her a text message telling her "take as much time as you need.. you live your life and I will live mine.. no rush"

Well, I didn't know that her new 3-week boyfriend is checking on her mobile, and he saw the message.. They argued, and probably (she didn't tell me) told her "Choose, either him or me"..

She came home 3-4 hours ago, and she wanted to talk to me. She called me. She told me what happened and she told me she can't take this any longer, hurting everyone etc etc..
And she was forced to take a decision now (even though she wasn't ready)..
She chose him!
I told her OK, good luck with your life.. She told me she wants me to be her friend. I told her "NO F***ING WAY.. Friends don't treat each other like this.. Forget about me.. I don't exist anymore"
She told me "I don't want to remember you like this".. I told her "You made me like this"
She told me "If you need anything you can always talk to me" I told her "We'll see.. but I don't think so"
And that's it guys..

Honesty, I fell a lot better now.. I am relieved! Something BAD has just departed from my life.. I know tomorrow I am going to feel really bad.. But at the same time I know that this girl is not for me.. she never was. I don't deserve her. She never respected me! Why should I?

Anyway, I still need you guys to help me here, until I get over her! I know its not going to happen any time soon, but at some point it will..

Thank you for everything guys..

Well that's great in a way Tester,at least it has ENDED now.
What a b****
If she contacts you again do not answer!

What a complete mission and a half that has been! Tester give it a few months and you will start to feel much better. The more you keep busy - the better. Its going to hurt when your alone but hey plenty more life left yet to find another.

Hi guys,

Today I really do feel better.. I mean.. Like nothing happened. I guess this is because I was expecting it.. I don't really know..
I don't care about her right now.. I hope this feeling stays.. You should know.. Is this normal? Will I feel bad later?

The breakup is one of the most confusing things about life! Well in mine anyway. You enter your transition phase, its like your entering a new life a new you. It will take time to get used to it - you will do!

Don't forget there are millions of others just like you and most if not all of the people on this board, wherever they are in the world have been through heart ache. We have to take something from it and make ourselves stronger. Perhaps one day you will meet again and be friends but for the time being you have to become you, once more.

Yes, but why do I feel nice?
Why do I feel like something good happened?
I do love her but I don't really care about her right now..

I forgot to tell you.. 2 days ago she told me "hate me.. it's going to feel better".. and last night on the phone she told me "Don't hate me".. and I told her "Hehe, you told me to hate you" hehe..

She really is a B***H!
And you know something? This new relationship of her will NOT work! Because it started on dishonesty, and the guy is not trusting her.. 3-week boyfriend and checks all the time her cell phone (mobile).. hehe.. She will regret it! But I am not here anymore guys.. There is no chance I will take her back! Trust me!
Great Alexander said (translation from Greek).. "What can't be solved, cut it"

I will keep you posted on any attempts she tries to contact me.

Block her number, get rid of all ways she can contact you. Yeh - in a way you don't want to so you can feel the power of her trying to ring you. But so what? Block all her attempts and move on with your life. In 6 months or so you probably won't ever want to go back.

It's nice feeling trying to reach me and I ignore her.. Trust me.. I do feel nice today.

This is her message on MSN "If you ask yourself the question: is it really worth the pain? The answer might surprise u.. because the sun is worth the rain..." What does the F**K this mean? Can anyone explain this to me? Because English is not my first language..

And she sent me an email telling me:
"My Nicholas,

I just want to let you know that I will always love you... I will miss you too much and I honestly hope that some day we will both be happy, either together or not... I am sorry for everything I;ve done to you. I will pay for the pain I've created for you, I will never forget you, neither what we've had together, and always you will have a piece of my heart. I hope that you look after yourself, that you are always ok and happy in your life.. I want you to know that I will be here for you anytime you want anything, and you can always come to me for anything, where ever you are, any time... You will always be my best friend... I hope that we can talk sometimes... But I'll understand if you want to run away from me, especially during this period.. I will see you in the UK during the summer.
Take care always...

Kathrun XXX"

You understand? You understand nothing sweety.. Enjoy your life and forget about me.. I don't deserve this kind of treatment.. Friends don't do that to each other.. At least friends are honest with each other..

Anyway guys, don't worry.. I am not going to talk with her.. And when she comes during the summer, I will get her a hotel apartment hehe..

I still need you guys so don't run away from me yet :o)!

Thank you for everything..

Block her on MSN! Block everything all her contact.

When you come to the U.K. come stay with me on the beach :P

Will you have to see her in the summer or is there a way to get around it.

I am in the UK man.. I live at Kingston right know.. I am doing my masters degree..

She has to come because the flat is on both right now.. So she has to come to remove everything and cancel the contract!
Don't worry.. hehe.. Its better like this.. u know.. Its better now that I know the answer (though she will regret it 100%).. Look at her email.. she even thinks of coming back in the future. Hehe.. What a stupid girl..

Get your masters and go get a good job and earn a lot! Concentrate on that rather than some relationship.

Good news Tester. I wish though that she did not have to make the decision for you and you saw this coming ahead of time (as all the posters stated). It blows my mind as to how selfish people can be - she could have saved you a lot of pain by calling the shot a lot earlier, but she put her need to "keep options open" over the pain she was causing you. This, my friend, is why there is no unconditional love in the world and in the end, you ALWAYS have to look out for #1 (yourself) first.

In any case, it sounds like you are handling it well right now. It will get harder, but stay busy, meet girls as much as possible and stay active (sport, gym, etc). Lean on your friends now as well. Good luck and I wish you the best.

Hi guys..

Today it's the 4th day of not talking with her.. and I do feel great! I am happy, and surely I can live without her..
I've also met this girl.. I missed a lot of stuff from life during all these 8 years with her.. This is my time now!

Yesterday morning, I was in the MSN appeared as offline. She didn't see me in, and she tried to login using my account (I forgot that she knew my password). She tried 3 times.. Immediately I changed my password and blocked her! What she was trying to do? To see if I added girls in my account? So what? She doesn't care! How immature this girl is?

Last night she tried to call me.. She called 3 times and then she stopped. I don't have the need to talk with her.. I don't know what she wanted to tell me, but I really don't care! I know that if I talk with her, I will feel bad for the next 1-2 days.. So why do that to myself?

That's my news until now.. I told all my family and friends what this girl did to me.. I did this because if at some point I try to contact her, they will stop me.. I don't want to get back together with her.. Yes she is very beautiful (9.5/10), but if her heart is made of rock, I don't want to see her ever again.. I prefer a girl who understands me and loves me because of who I am and not of what I offer to her..

Life is great guys :)!

Thank you for your support

Nicholas

I am allways tempted to unblock my ex on msn! Its so hard, but stay strong yeah? For yourself

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TESTER2799

I've also met this girl.. I missed a lot of stuff from life during all these 8 years with her.. This is my time now!

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I'm so glad you've left miss cruel heart behind, but please don't jump right into a rebound relationship. You need some time to regain your center and find an emotional equilibrium within yourself. Without doing that, you will likely repeat the pattern and spread the heartache around. Neither you nor rebound girl deserves it, so go slow and be careful.

Don't worry my friend.. She is the one who moved into a relationship before we even split-up for good..
I am 26.. I am not 18 and I know what's the best for me now..
First meet new friends.. re-unite with old friends.. Build my life..
And whatever good comes, enjoy! Right? :)
Of course I don't want to hurt myself, or hurt this girl like the b***h hurt me..

I have news guys..

She sent me the following message:

"Nichola, sorry for writing to you but can we really not be friends? We said that we will always be here for each other whatever happens.. I know you hate me and its your right to feel like that, but if you choose not to talk to me again I will understand.. You will always be my best friend"

2 hours before the message, I wrote an email to her sister, asking her to tell Kathryn some things I wanted to say.. When I got this message from her, I forwarded the same email to Kathryn (Her sister's name is Anna):

"Hi Anna,

Sorry to bother you from here, but I do know that you are talking with K almost everyday, therefore I would like you to tell her something!
I don't want to talk with her, simply because everytime we contact each other, I want to kill myself! This is too painful..
I am trying to move on here Anna.. I am meeting new people (males and females), I am reuniting with my old friends.. I am trying to build my life here all over again.

It's not that I am ignoring her. I know (because I really know her) that she thinks I am playing a game or something here. This is not true. I am moving on with my life without her.
I am NOT playing hard to get or whatever she thinks right now.. I am moving on Anna.. Please make sure she understands that. I am not a game anymore.

Please tell her that I am ok, I am happy (at least I think I am), and that she doesn't need to worry about me. I hate her little games she is playing with me.. But this doesn't make any difference.
Please make sure that she is careful on her decisions. I know this is her life, but she is doing things that I can't really believe.. This is NOT K! This is not her.. Please take good care of her because I know she needs your advice and your experience..
I do love her Anna.. its been 8 years! But that's all.. Everything has changed (including myself)..
And I was clear with her from the beginning.. "If you tell me to move on, then I will move on, and there is no way to come back".. I really mean that!
I was honest with her, and I don't think she understands that..

Sorry for bothering you Anna.. But I can't talk with her anymore..

Thank you for everything you've done for me during all these years.."


When my ex read the email, she wrote me 3 more messages without getting any replies from me:

"You will have to talk to me sometime"

"I am sorry, I will disappear so you can move on.. This is what you deserve. I will pay for everything I've done for you Nicholas, I swear. I am not me anymore, and you deserve better anyway... I will miss you.. Take care of yourself always x x x"

"I will really miss you.. I hope that we meet again some day.."


This thing is killing her.. Oh well.. I am stronger than ever now..

I left a bit out! Now move on and block her email etc so u can't here from her again.

You did very well, excellent mail to the sister, really good.
That way she knows you are not playing games or hard to get(which I thought you were doing)
Everything is clear , very good and honest.

All you have to do is move on now.