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Er, um... Maybe they think you're a gay guy? Take solace in the fact that since our responses are similar in a lot of places that it must just be the gender of the name that does it.Quote:
Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow
I prefer to think of it as bumping the thread. But you're right, let's get back to the letters!Quote:
Sorry - we are seriously highjacking this thread! I now return you to your regular thread broadcast LOL Let's seeeeee those letters PEEPS!
Dear Ex,
As expected you skipped again yesterday. I've accepted that things between us are over, but why am I still so sad. I want to just be happy and move on. I hate how we don't talk at all anymore, it's like you don't even want me to be your friend. I hate how you would talk to all these different girls but me. I wish you would just stop hurting me. But I know that the only person that's hurting me is myself, by not letting go. I know we have no chance to be back together, why can't I just move on. I wish I can fast forward time, so I can fast forward my healing.
Dear Ex,
I can't believe you tricked me into believing you were the catch of a lifetime for almost 2 years. You are so self-centered. Sure, you took me out on dates and would stay up late talking all night with me... you also flirted with every girl you came in contact with. Oh, and let's not forget the 2 or 3 times you took me out to lunch with your EX GIRLFRIENDS. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I thought maybe everyone's boyfriend did that. I was so wrong. Then you got mad at me whenever I'd bring anything about it up. I hated how you kept all your exes gifts and memories out in the open. You need to move on from the past and get into the present.
I'm still in shock that 4 weeks ago you told me you loved me so much. You felt like no one would ever compare to me, but you just couldn't be with me. Just 2 or 3 weeks after you said that, you're off with some other girl that you knew the entire length of our relationship. What the hell is that? I mean really, if I meant soooo much to you why did it take you 2 weeks to get over me? I think that's what hurts the most, you said you cared so much... but actions speak louder than words.
I feel so betrayed by you. You were my best friend, and now you just throw me away like garbage. I feel like the past two years of my life are a giant lie.
And NO I will never be your friend. Just because you can trick all your other exes into being a part of your life doesn't mean you can trick me too. I don't need someone like you in my life. All you do is bring me down.
OH, and let me not forget your HUGE commitment problem. Have you noticed that you haven't been single since you were about 14 years old? You can't cope with a breakup. You have moved onto another girl within a month of your last girlfriend since you were FOURTEEN years old, and you're now 23. You should really get some help with that problem. And I guess on that note, I can't take it personally that you moved on so quickly to another girl. It hurts me because I'm a rational human being and can see that it's definitely not normal... but you are crazy. You've done it to every girlfriend, so it really has nothing to do with me.
When I told you I didn't want to be friends with you or talk to you while I was getting over this, that was sort of a lie. I don't want to be your friend EVER. I hope we never talk again. I hope you never try to call me, or write me. Please leave me alone, you have hurt me more than anyone in my life.
There, that felt good... :)
Well I am enjoying being your echo or you mine or whatever it is! LOL :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Nosnosna
Dearest Ex,
I think we were neither at fault that we broke up, much rather our relationship crumbled because we rushed into things too fast. We should've gotten to know each other better before getting into a relationship. I wish I realize this sooner. Now I just feel sad that things between us are over, and ther'es nothing we can do to fix it. Nevertheless I learnt a lot from this experience, and I will never make the same mistake I did with this relationship. I'll take things slow from now on. Thank you very very much, for teaching me this important lesson.
Maybe one day we'll be friends again :)
Wow forget the NC thread becoming the sticky for the relationship forum, I vote for this one instead!
It just keeps on impressing me.
Okay, I have a tale that will give EVERYONE some solace. I was married for 24 years to my high school sweetheart and she found someone else. After marriage counseling that didn't work and moving out and in and again out, I took MY therapist's advice and I saved myself. Long story short, its 3 years later and last year I found and married my real soul mate. I have always been religious and I like to think that GOD sent my Maureen... my saviour. In any event, I too, before I met Mar, wrote the letter a couple of times. I still love you, I forgive you, blah blah blah. After I wrote the letters, I always waited a day and Every time, the next day. I threw them away. It felt good to unload but now it feels better, obviously, that I let my head lead me and not my emotions. My best advice (and its free and worth every penny) is to try and save your relationship. Do what it takes and again, after 24 years. I was willing to try anything. But when she continues to profess her love for someone else, allow yourself to realize that its over. If you can't save your relationship then SAVE YOURSELF! I took a week and went to Cancun by myself and it helped me to realize that I can survive and stand alone and that life is VERY INTERESTING... a story for another time! Lastly, rely on your friends and relatives. I landed on my feet and so will you! Take care and GOD bless.
I had to spread the love ouch, but had to acknowledge the uplifting beauty of this post because it brings home the point of healing, Great post.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaitou
I think writing things out really puts things in perspective as well I believe it is truly healing. I think it is such a safe way to say what you want to the person. Also, I think it gives closure to oneself. Hope this makes sense!
I'm in trouble guys. I meant everything I said on my last letter, but now I feel absolutely horrible. I'm sad at the fact that I can't do anything to fix my mistakes. I can't seem to forgive myself for rushing into things so fast. I'm really hoping in the future that we could become friends, but that highly unlikely. I feel bad for ruining a chance of having a great relationship or friendship. It sucks how sometimes in life, you cannot change/fix decisions that you have already made, or things that you have done. What is done is done.
I just can't stop blaming myself for rushing things. I tell myself I should be grateful that I can learn from this experience, and that at least now I know I won't make the same mistake. I should forgive myself for not knowing what harm I could've been doing, when I didn't know better.
I pretty much spend the whole night sleeping and waking with thoughts like those. This is draining me like crazy. I want to shake off the guilt. I keep telling myself, stop blaming yourself about it, just don't do it again. What should I do? How can I stop blaming myself?
Hi kaitou,
You have just broken up and began no contact... the first few months you will analyse everything , whay you could have done better and changed...
This is completely normal and normal to feel drained... but all this will prepare you better for you next relationship... use this time wisely so you will never make the same mistakes again... slow is the way...
Take care...
Oh my Kaitou, I have been in your shoes. I want to just wrap you up in a hug and rock you while I tell what I know about this important topic.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaitou
It is such a painful lesson-- to learn that you contributed to that which hurt you but it is also an incredibly powerful lesson, a life altering lesson and I am not being overly dramatic here. And it comes with such benefits too.
This is where you must begin to hate the sin but love the sinner or you'll get stuck like this again and again-- over all the other mistakes you'll make (yep more are coming LOL) and the ones you will see more clearly now others make. We don't know we are making them when we make them and forgiveness really needs to start with that appreciation.
You will see in time that you only need to make them once (I wish everyone was this awake!) and that many many many good things come to those who learn the lessons -- my god, my whole life is one long testiment to that!! So if our creator can forgive me and the cosmic universe can forgive me, who am I to hold out forgiveness on myself? In a way, that is really bad manners!
Learn now that to atone for the mistake by learning the lesson and therefore being changed by it and not doing it again to the best of your humanly flawed ability is really good enough. It is all that is asked of anyone here, sweetie. Good enough Kaitou -- you learned the lesson!
I'm in the same boat, kaitou. But really, the other side can learn not to be such a baby about getting themselves into emotional entanglements.
So they ended up getting into a relationship a bit faster than they wanted. The best way to solve this problem is pretend that the other person doesn't exist? I will never understand that mentality, not for as long as I live. It's straight up cowardly.
So, yeah, you made some mistakes kaitou... Your job is to learn from them. But this other person had their problems, too.
kaitou, Join the human race my dear, we all go through the part of our lives where we have emotional trauma in our lives and it is so hard to deal with it and our feelings. First there really is no way to change things that are beyond our control so never feel guilty or responsible for something that just happens, also never beat yourself up for making a mistake as this is merely a lesson to be learned and it can be corrected, maybe not now but certainly next time. Good positive action will help you to see that life is out there and there is a lot to do and learn. Stay busy learning, enjoy, and working on yourself. Volunteer work is something I highly recommend to all who think they suffer alone and is a great way to see a bigger picture. What you are going through now is only life getting you ready for your next step. Hang in there.
Wow, you guys responded so fast. Reading your post actually made me cry. Which is good, I needed that outlet. My little frustration cry. Thanks a lot :)
I want to tell my ex GF that I am feeling much more relaxed and happy.Now I am enjoying every bit of my life that I always wanted to.If u think that you are feelingless ,then it doesn't matter to me anymore.Go to hell
It does suck that there is no dress rehearsal in life but at least its fair in that this is true for everyone. I can still remember the day I finally acknowledge (to myself) that I am powerless over others -- it changed instantly a lot of how I operated. And even more enlightening (again, for me) was how later on I realised just how powerless everyone else was over me BWAAH HA HA HA (LOL) and that changed me some more. We are for the most part powerless over each other - the best, if we even get this, is to influence only. That is something to consider and again its arranged fairly too, how nice! You MIGHT influence me, and I MIGHT influence you. But in my case it took professional help for me to get that I am not powerless over myself, nor is anyone else unless they choose to be. That was really a life altering awareness.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaitou
The best we can do is wake up, and live a life with eyes open, minds alert and hearts as loving as possible-- to ourselves first and foremost and then to each other. Lose the pollyanna mindset of childhood and see the world and its inhabitants as they are -- both good and bad. It is your job to take care of you -- that is your mandate as an adult. No privileges for us without the corresponding responsibilities. The only real victims on my list are kids, animals and the infirmed-- they do not have the same resources as we do, on many levels.
So, when you see someone who looks like bad news, just quietly duck across the street. Don't be so quick to believe people. Some of us are very deceived and decieving both. But don't take on being jaded either, for that is just as bad. Instead cultivate (along with this realistic discernment about the world) a positive overall outlook because the best is yet to come. Notice the word "overall" and don't put the burden of your happiness on any one person -- its too big of a load for any mortal. And the good stuff that does arrive, be mindful that may not take the size, color, or form you imagined but it does indeed get better and better in the long run -- at least so far it has with me. That is the truth as clearly as I can put it.
In one of the responses "someone talked about volunteering", doing something for others is truly healing and I truly believe it does a lot for oneself. You learn skills and grow from this experience. It is unfortunate that as adults we have lost our skills taught at childhood and I think it is true - we need to find a way to protect ourselves as the world can be harsh at times. Good luck.
I just think that it sucks how sometimes you learn one thing from one person, but the price for learning is losing the person who you learn from. Learning the lesson is good, and it hopefully prevent you from doing it again to someone else. But I think it sucks that in some circumstances you can't fix your mistake, no matter how much you want to things just won't go back to before. And also you can't show the person what you learn from him/her.
I hope I'll realize my future mistakes sooner, so it's not too late to fix it. Just so that I won't completely lose a friend in my life.
Unfortunately those are things beyond our control, we never know what life brings us or why.
For a time I went through friends like they were water and I felt very sad about all the loss. But one day, it began to slow down and I have come to realise two things looking back (man, hindsight really is 20/20) --
1. I needed all those people because I needed the gift each one had for me. A lot along the lines of when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I needed or wanted lots of "teachers" apparently. I was doing a lot of changing myself too which added into that.
2. I was lousy at determining who to take on as a friend and who not to. Only by gaining experience (through repeatel failures) did I hone my skills and begin selecting people who, for lack of a better way to put it, lasted longer. LOL That's what I mean by "discernment" -- that kind of knowing what will work and not work for me.
These same principles might be said about the initial relationships we take on too, I think.
I am happy to report this is exactly what started happening Kaitou -- "I hope i'll realize my future mistakes sooner, so it's not too late to fix it."
Now its possible to have things that impair your ability to learn and I can make you a list if you like -- active addiction, willful denial, learning to live unhappy, growing up incomplete but not recognizing it, minimizing problems, fear that makes you hide things-- to whip off a few. And when a person gets stuck in one or more of those it mostly takes professional help to get out. And if I hear any stuff that remotely resembles any of this from anyone, I tend to suggest seeking professional help. It works and it beats the crap out of staying stuck. But I am aware of what a stigma I am up against about how people view that too.
Life is strange that way - we have a relationship right in front of us and we aren't able to work through it till it ends... I think people are mean't to come into our life for a reason, season or lifetime!
Kaitou,
Hi. You are such a dear dear girl. First, how about not thinking of things as a "mistake". Rather, think of them as choices. You made certain choices in your life, some good with great results and some not so good with unexpected results. Life is full of choices to be made. As we grow and get older, we then make informed choices. So all that you are going through now, is going to help you in the future when it's time to make another choice. But you will be much more informed this time, won't you?
Okay now, you seem to be way too hard on yourself and putting everything on your shoulders as though everything that went wrong, or didn't work out, lies solely with you. The great thing about relationships is there is always someone else there, who by the way, is not perfect and did contribute to the relationship, both good and bad. This is a shared learning process. Sadly, I know, when it ends, we have to learn as individuals. That is tough and yes it sucks, all over the place, but would you prefer to be one who never made a choice, who for the fear of being hurt, never showed another individual that you loved them? Believe me, there are people out there like that, but I know you are not one of them. Take some comfort in knowing that you heart will heal, you just need to give it some time.
Kaitou, you have to remember, you are looking back on your relationship, through eyes filled with pain and with a heavy heart. Through a view such as that, it only seems to magnify those things we wish we could change, the things we think are our fault or even know to be our fault. You have got to give yourself some time to heal before you can even begin to determine where things went wrong.
To try and sort all of this out now, when you are so torn, and in so much pain and confusion, will only end up confusing you more and may delay your healing.
Take a break from thinking. Take a break from dwelling. Do something totally unrelated to your relationship. Mostly, give yourself some time to heal.
Remember, life is one big classroom and we are all students striving to get that A. With support, self-love, acceptance, a desire to do and be better, that A isn't as far off as you think.
My heart to you Kaitou :)
Oh Kaitou - it's good to cry and get it out. Now don't go beating yourself up about thinking about it too much. Okay? Just know you have a place to come to when you need to vent.
Have your vent time, allow yourself that, and then go and do something wonderful and different. Something that you know for sure will make you :) smile.
m9 would go summin lyk this...
Dear ex
Jump off a cliff you little prick hope you rot in hell
God I feel much betta
Yeah I'm doing sometihng else. Something wonderful and will make me smile :) *cough* not *cough* studying for my 2 stupid midterms that coming up on Monday <_<;;;
Sigh, I better go back to studying now. I'm not really prepared, been down in the dumps for too long. Anyway thanks for all your help :). At least now I'm in a good mood, and can concentrate on schoolwork!
I'll expect a good grade on your mid-term young lady :D ( Okay I don't have any kids of my own, let me role play a little :D )Quote:
Originally Posted by kaitou
Now go fill that wonderful mind with all that knowledge you will need for that mid-term!! Do yourself proud!!
To the man who thinks is the only one who exists,
I know you will regret it some day. The girl who spent nights crying, and hours thinking about you doesn't exist anymore. You will see me passing by you and not even recognize your existence. I have more important plans than caring about you; I tried to give you a chance but you kicked it. So go to hell with your selfish.. because you going to be invisible to me .
I suck. After everyone left the house, and I was left alone, I started crying for quite a period. The realization that we would never be together again just makes me so sad. Breaking up after only being together for a short period sucks as much as breaking up for a long period. I think the pain differ in the way that I don't really miss him, but the fact that I ponder about how wonderful it would've been if we continued, because no conflict between us has arise yet. The reason we broke up was because he was scared by spending too much time with me, he would not have time for all his friends, and therefore lose them as a result. It happened before with his previous ex. Just because things went wrong with his ex, he automatically it'll go the same way with us. We were still getting to know each other, of course we had to spent time together, but I never said he can't spent time with his friends too. I didn't expect to be his life. I didn't try hard enough to convince him that it won't happen, not that I know how to anyway. How can I ask him to trust me, when he has so much doubt? But still I didn't even try.
So after our short but wonderful time together, he decided he wasn't ready for a relationship, because he wasn't ready to sacrifice his social time for me yet. Now he completely moved on, and justifies his reason for breaking up with me by going out with his buddies 24/7. He's having the time of his life, and I'm here grieving, crying, and being pathetic.
BAH! I need to move on...
kaitou, The next time you find yourself alone find something to do anything. Clean closets, rearange your shoes, anything. Call a friend or take a walk. Don't just sit during those moments but practice every time you start to think of what if... do something to take your mind elsewhere. Good luck!
Ah Grasshopper Kaitou-- Knowing what to do and doing it -- two very different things.
Example:
Three frogs are sitting on a log and one decided to jump in. How many frogs are sitting on the log now? LOL
I know you know the answer, so now... JUMP! :D
It is true "actions" say it all. I think though in life we all have the answers deep down, however matching the two and following through is very tough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Kaitou,
Great advice above from Tal. Give it a try and then... study, study, study :)
Keep in mind, in a way, this young man, spared you heartache down the road. What if this went on for a couple of years and he then decided to pull the plug? Your feelings would be even deeper and so would your pain. He knew that he just wanted to basically just hang out with his friends and be young. That's exactly what you should be doing (after your studies, of course ;). So when you feel the sadness creeping over you, jump into action, and do as Tal suggested. Really try Kaitou. You don't know if it will help unless you try. K?
Dear Ex,
I know you're a good person and this is what makes it so hard for me. Why is it you turned aside my every attempt at friendship? I know I wasn't my best when you first dumped me, but did you really want me to be? I didn't call you every day - I barely called you every week. I didn't write incessantly. I was hurt that you felt the only way to deal with me was to dump me, and yes I said some angry things, but I never said anything so terrible...
Your last response to my extended hand was so unbelievably hurtful that all I can do is close my eyes and walk away. I can't ever reach out to you again because every time I do you grow more cold and vicious. Why are you doing this? What did I do to deserve it? I wrack my brain but there's not a damn thing I can come up with. I know I didn't give you the maximum amount of space, but for goodness sake you're on the other side of the world... Even if I'd made the ultimate effort to contact you (which I didn't do), you'd still be as far away as you'd ever want to be!
So I'm left to sit here and wonder why you decided your life without me as a friend is better than your life with me... I may be able to forgive you for this, one day, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forget. And I won't ever stop asking why... We were best friends, once. I just don't understand why you had to push me so far, so fast...
I'm sorry that I made you feel guilty. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'm sorry that it's as though my best friend has died... If it were at the price of never seeing you again, never touching you, I'd pay it in a second to get my friend back...
Love,
LBP
That's what a lot of people said to me after my break-up. "Would you rather she did this when you were married or worse, had kids together a few years down the road? be grateful in that you have had a lucky escape." I really think it is better when it happens before things get complicated and I would hate for something like that to happen where kids are involved and it ends up in divorce e.t.c. I have seen that happen and it must be very hard, especially for the children.Quote:
Originally Posted by Allheart
Dear Cheating Ex,
Since April 3, 2006, my world has been sheer misery. I gave you the power to make me miserable. Today, I take it back. 13 years yield lots of memories, most of them good ones. I will take them with me and forever pray that you are at peace. I am going to get this pain out by purging my thoughts to you on this post.
I would have hoped that you could have just told me that you wanted to experience another woman in that way. I would have let you go! I could have let you go. Why you had to disrespect me that night, I will never know. I honestly thought I would never get that image out of my head. Alcohol is NEVER a good excuse, although it is just that... AN EXCUSE. So many times I have wished I could have just beat the crap out of both of you, but we all know that it's just not how I am made. Do you remember what I said to you two? "Are you having fun?" Well, was it fun? Was it worth everything that it cost you? I know you have said how sorry you are... I agree. YOU ARE SORRY. I hope your new wife never experiences the hell you put me through that night. I pity her, though. As my new window decal says... SIZE MATTERS! (couldn't resist)
It is now my goal to put back together the shattered pieces you left behind. With a new outlook and determination to STOP letting your actions that one night sabbotage all I have now. You tore down myself esteem, myself worth, and my dignity. It's time for me to start the rebuilding process.
When you told me the other day that the song "MY WISH" reminds you of me... Well, here is one that reminds me of you:
I've been livin' with a heart on the mend
Wonderin' how will I ever be strong
I know I'll live to love again
I just leaned on you too long
It's been an uphill fight
But I'm going to be all right
I didn't know my own strength
'Till I had to pick myself up
And carry on without your love
I'm gettin' back on my feet
It's been a long hard fall
But I'll make it after all
I didn't know my own strength
I've had oceans of tears to get through
And the weight of the world on my mind
There've been mountains of memories to move
And I've been beating back the blows to my pride
But 'Til the times got tough
I never knew what I was made of
Then the times got tough
And I knew what I was made of
How right you and Allheart are on this one Geoff. People do not have nearly enough appreciation for how bad parental relationships and careless divorce permanently harms kids. People like to excuse their irresponsible behavior by claiming kids are resilient. I got news -- they aren't that resilient, at least not in any numbers. The studies are alarming conclusive. I consider it the number one contributor to the downfall of American culture. We are all paying the price for this one and, like bad environmental mistakes, will be for a long time to come.Quote:
Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane
Sometimes I wish I was a fish or something, so I can just swim all day and be happy. So that I won't have complicated feelings/thoughts/emotions. So that I don't know how to ruminate. I'll have a shorter life-span, but at least for the most part I'll have a stress-free life. The only thing I'll have to worry about is being eaten by predator.
People are complicated, life is complicated, if you're not stressing over one thing, you're stressing over another. Some people are more sensative/emotional/genuine, while others are less so. Different people are drawn to different personality, and so no one is better than anyone else, we're all just different and have different preference. But I guess all these differences are what make life more fulfilling and interesting.
On a side note: I wish mermaid exist LOL. And is allheart old enough to be my mom o.o
I agreed with most of what you said Kaitou except for this little innocent looking one here. LOL I think its important to realise that what you illustrate here is a chosen pattern that people don't even realise they decided to have as their way of operating. Its possible to become a stress junkie and that is not good! We choose the lives we lead. We sign up for as much or as little as we want. Stress is really you saying to you: "I don't take care of myself." And I think that is worth listening and responding to, for our sake.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaitou
There are a number of other ways to view this one too. My personal favorite is this:
If you're not learning one thing, you're learning another! :p
Why not see if you can come up with one of your own? Or borrow mine, if you like...
Additionally, its important to know how to build "breaks" into the schedule. Everyone needs moments to regroup, zone or veg.
If you don't choose constructive things to take your mind off it, you may seek not so constructive things. Even I don't like learning ALL the time! That's what some of my other interests are for mostly -- to allow me to shut off the head and just do and be instead of think and feel.
You can always take a mini break by doing more of exactly what you suggested! Sit back and really ruminate about what being a fish must be like. I mean really really get into it, eyes closed and all. Feel the weightlessness, imagine how much swimming must be like flying, think how strange the surface of the water must seem, the food -is it yummy to them too, etc etc. LOL Just be sure to eventually surface, okay?
Another good one is singing. Put on those tunes and let 'er rip! Its hard to think and sing at the same time. Chanters learned that long ago and there is something about the actual act of singing that they've discovered is good for us emotionally or physiologically. Another mini-break of sorts.
And I hear you about Allheart, she is mother earth indeed and I am very glad she is here.
If you're not happy with one with one thing, you're happy with another :D?
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