Your most welcome , I hope you leave her . ;)

After a 2 year relationship my girlfriend left me for another man. They dated for two month, she ended it with him and now has said sorry manytimes for how she treated me after the break up. She admitted she kissed him when she was with me. We met for first time in 3 month yesterday and it went well and she told me she wants me and loves me but wants to start as friends and work our way up. I don't get the feeling that she truly means it. What do I do? Does she mean what she says?

Go with your gut feeling! That's what I would advise. I can't tell if she truly means it but why was her feelings not strong enough to begin with?

She left you for someone "better", now she's come crawling back because the grass wasn't greener? Kick her to the curb!

My gut feeling is she is a liar but also that if she loves me again we could be great together and I wouldn't want to throw that away. She did love me once but she felt we grew apart and she kept it to herself and has begged me to forgive everything and has promised to prove her love and trust to me but she wants to start fresh as friends and work our way to bigger things, its just she seems like she does not really want this even though she said it to my face

Like I said, go with your gut! I know I'm not giving a lot of advice here but it's the best advice I can give, I have read your other posts and I know what I would do in this situation, it seems to me that she's just settling for you and you should not let someone treat you this way. You're better than just a "settle"

I get the impression that it is the relationship that you thought you had with her that you are wanting back. I am sorry but things will never be like you thought they were before again.

Look back and see where the red flags and warning signs were. This time be open to seeing them for what they are instead of overlooking or ignoring them. She didn't have the same feelings you had and chose to kiss and run off with another man instead of communicating.

Now, you don't trust her. You shouldn't. She is still playing games with jumping from one relationship to the next. Three months after she left you she is back with her baggage still dragging along behind her because she hasn't taken time to learn how to be on her own and deal with her issues. She needs to be on her own for awhile without keeping anyone (especially you) on a string while she figures out what she wants.

You need to take more time for yourself so that you aren't tempted by memories to pick up her baggage and add it to your own. Give yourself more time to heal.

Well I honestly was doing better two months in to the break up and I was starting to realise the pain would leave but then she got in touch and we made peace with each other... that was great until she then told me she was in a relationship with the person she left me for... a few days passed and she broke it off with him and claimed to want me and a future with me blah blah blah.if she is actually feeling like this then that is great and I would wait its just not knowing for certain that's bothering me. Your rite I did not see the warning signs from last time but when I look back it only went sour in the last couple of mmonth between us but the majority of the two years we were together it really was love and I do want that feeling back with her I fear that I will live the rest of my life regreting not been with her if I mess it up now

If you get back together, make sure that you repair the damage properly (i.e. trust issues, reasons that broke you up, etc.).

Otherwise, things will blow up again and you will break up again anyway.

Oh trust me I will learn from my mistakes I just hope she learns from hers too. We went out again last night and she said she had a really good time and we hit it off and kissed which felt amazing after so long. And I told her I will give her space and I will. I can ignore her though because if she wants me back we can't go from not seeing each other to been in a relationship. Something has to grow from these dates we have and so have I can see progress. I mean I went from thinking I would never hear from her or see her again to her texting me saying sorry, then phone calls, then we met!! And then the last thing was a kiss so I'm not saying its certain things will progress more but if the patern stays the same taking it slow is working. My main problem was I was too focused on a future with her when we were saving up for a house together that I neglected her in the present.we both agree though that if we learn from our mistakes we can make each other so happy.

That was meant to say I can't ignore her not can lol

Giving her space is one thing, if she actually needs, but could she actually want the opposite?

There seems to be a lot of questions up in the air that need answers. Make sure you're both on the same page before you move forward.

Well thank god things have moved forward and against all odds we ahd an amazing chat and vowed to learn and be better and she said sorry so much and wants to prove she loves me and will do forever. WE ARE BACK TOGETHER. There is still an uncertain feeling I have because of everything but hopefully when we spend more time with each other that feeling will go. I'm not going to get too atatched yet and this is her last chance, I hope for the best and I will try and hope she does.

OK people just as I thought happy time was ahead I need help again!! The night we got back together was amazing we shared a lot of passionate kisses and she told me it was for ever this time and she promised me everything would be better and that she loved me and she really did have that look of love in her eye I once saw manytimes before. I walked her home and we had a hot kiss and grope fest and said goodnight. The next day she text and we spoke on the phone and she said she thinks we have moved too fast and she said she is scared that she will hurt me again and then she told me she thinks we should not have sex or even hug or kiss for about 3 month so that she knows its not just about sex!! ( its never just been about that to me ) and then she said she needs space again and does now know if it will work out but that she does want me and then basically we broke up again.I slept on it and rang her and said I can't give you even more space hoping that you will love me after you made me so happy that night and took it all away the next day and that we can never be together. She did not want to believe that we would not be together again.I told her we should meet up one last time to say goodbye once and for all and she said she does not want to ever say goodbye but she does want to talk in a few days, I told her until she knows what she wants don't contact me and she agreed to it. Any thoughts? I have many but am very confused about the whole thing

I think you need to get some distance from her and the memories.

Both of you need to use No Contact to end the confusion and to be certain that you are thinking of the future and NOT caught up in how good it was.

Please read the thread again and again until you are thinking about what has been said instead of counter arguments to the points made.

I know I am in love still and I think she is scared to let me go and scared that a possible future with me won't end well because she told me she knows what she wants. She even wrote down a life plan and on it is a future with me and a family. Your rite what we had is gone and dead but I would like a future with her that could be better and we both fear it could also be worse. Its hard for us to let go of each other completely this much is true. We are in no contact until the next time we meet in a few days to talk. It very well could be a final chat for us. At least we have a few days to really think about things

End the confusion and end all contact with ''miss I'll crack my whip-you jump''.

Why be her puppy dog when you can be your own person-in charge of your own life?

She sounds like a confused little thing, so is she into any one else? What did she do that hurt you? And if she needs space give it to her, let her know that if needs be you'll learn to move on but that you are willing to work on things and if she wants to take it slow for your sake its also for hers so listen

You did the right thing. Don't put your life on hold waiting for her to make up her mind.

Say goodbye and walk away. No contact. Date other people, find someone that wants the same things you want.

This girl is too confused. Let her figure out her life without continuously putting you on the back burner.

Your right she is very confussed and changes her mind a lot. To answer you question she hurt me by dumping me for someone else who she is no longer with now. She said after a lot of meeting up that she does not want anyone else and she knows she wants me but I'm taking that with a pinch of salt these days.I will give her space but not hold my breathe waiting. We are meant to be meeting up for almost one last talk before we let go or start slow but again I can't see her sticking to her plans lol.. but I will tell her that I want to take it slow but will try to move on if she wants other things. I mean she the time she started liking this other guy was about January this year just at the same time her nan died and it made her go off the rails... she has since admitted this and all her troubles once she realised she did not love the man she left me for. So I befriended her talked her through it and said YOU NEED TO BE ALONE but once I said that she kept trying to come back into my life through texting calling and meeting up,I honestly can't see this girl I love ever been out of my life it's a scary thought

You should walk away and not turn around-she's messing with you-and you're letting her.

No contact.

Harshness Warning

Every time you talk to her you get the same crap over, and over. Why is the next time going to be any different than it was before. I think if you could leave her alone for a year, then she wouldn't confuse you and yo wouldn't be a fool for love. Lets be clear, she isn't confused at all, you may be, but she is not. She is just very good at stringing you on until she finds what she wants and you allow it, so we can't blame her for anything.

You are foolish because you want to be. You have had many chances to do what's right for you but again, and again, you have chosen the path of misery. What a rut your thinking is in. Go ahead, talk some more, and use the NC rule to make you feel better. Of course a few days of not talking will change her mind, and you can have a day of hot kisses, gropes, and some more looks that melt you arse. Then she will say "more time" and you will say NO Contact, and here we go again.

Get off the roller coaster my foolish friend, this ride has been over since the failure of her January affair.

I truly understand what you are saying and I fear I am like a drug addict but that is what I feel like. I got a hit and now I would do anything to feel that high again no matter how brief! And sadly I am not strong and I am the sort of person who will spiral into a bad path over this. Its no way to live I know, I honestly was doing a bit better a few week ago even though I still thought about her every day but seeing her nad kissing her and hearing her tell me she loves me and wants a future with me and that this time its 4eva has made me need that feeing again even if I have to put up with this horrible after feeling. Look how pathetic I sound!

Stop making excuses, and get off the pity pot! Truth be told, if you wanted to do better, you would!

Seems like you're not completely ready to give up on her. We can tell you all day and night to go 100% no contact, but eventually, you'll end up giving up on your own, since this roller coaster ride is going to end at some point whether you want to or not. No contact right now just means that you have an opportunity to get out of the roller coaster earlier.

If you feel that you need to see the ride through, then we can't stop you.

Thank you I know what you are saying I have to want to quit my addiction to actually quit and if I'm honest not one part of me was ever ready to quit. We met yesterday and had inexpected break up sex which I thought would never happen

If you really want to stop the confusion and craziness, use No Contact. Don't have any contact of any type with her for as long as it takes to let it all go. You don't contact her in any form (not even looking at her FaceBook page or through friends) and you do not accept any form of contact from her. Your best friends right now are Block, Ignore, Delete, and Spam Controls. She can't add to the confusion if you don't allow it.

Get involved in your life. If you have hobbies, use them to keep yourself busy. If you don't or as another way to change your thought patterns and habits, find/develop a new one. Hobbies, volunteer work, the gym, continuing education classes, etc. are all great ways to stay busy mentally and physically. They also have the added benefit of meeting new people and making new friends.

Give yourself a chance to heal properly. IF you have contact with her again, tell her the same thing. If you don't heal and let all of the emotional dust settle, you are just going to continue the pattern that is already being set.

I missed the March portion of this thread; although, no surprise to find out where it lead.

As T-man mentioned, this is total B.S. (not word for word, I'm much more uncouth).

This whole 'addiction' drivel is just an excuse to continue talking to her. Also, no shock and awe to learn sex is involved.

You are right about one thing however, you do sound pathetic. Not in the sense that your love for her has turned you into a fool, but rather that you are trying to convince yourself, and people on here, that this is why you just can't heed advice you really don't want to heed. It's not like most of us have not been through situations like this (I had a reallll dumb one years back) so trust this is a great place to gain some pretty valuable information (it also has a Home and Garden section, wonderful!)

All in all, you are not serious about leaving. You like the girl, the drama, the sex, etc. The question we should be asking you is: why are you even here?

We make choices in life-it seems yours is to stay in this soap and not actually listen to any of the advice you're being given.

Hopefully you'll grow out of it-another couple of months down the line.

Sometimes we all need proper closure. You just need to get everything out of your system so that you can start moving on properly. It takes time and effort to get it out. But before time and effort, the first step is to be willing to get it out.

At the moment, it seems more like you're holding on to some sort of hope that things might work itself out if you continue to hang around. That's what we call false hope, which is why the others are telling you to let go now.

False hope means that you're going to be disappointed in the end. Some people just need to see the disappointment for themselves to get that proper closure. You just might be one of those people. Nothing wrong with that, but it does drag out the pain longer.

The bad part about dragging out the pain is that you're missing out on other happiness around you.

After a few weeks of been in and out of no contact with each other we both met up and realised we will always love each other. We are back together and taking it very slow. She has said sorry for everything and is eager to make up for it and understands what she did and how it effected me. We are both very happy and if it does not last only time will tell but I do believe people deserve a second chance and it may go wrong but we may have a very happy life together I say its worth the time and effort and so does she. I will keep you updated because there are not many success stories on here about getting back with exes and if this is one I want to give people hope that it can happen.

If the two of you have really healed and are working together to rebuild your relationship, then I hope it all works out for you.

Please make certain that you both keep the lines of communication open and let the past go. Otherwise your updates are going to end up being more of the same confusion.

Good luck and best wishes for a happy and healthy relationship.

Hey peeps this is my first update. I would say that things are definatley different than before. I do have that horrible feeling that when she is not with me that she is with someone else. And she is ALWAYS texting more than before and I do second guess everything she does and says. I'm hoping that will go over time but at the moment it is a problem for me. She is very depressed lately because she has no job and I know that feeling its horrible but I can't help thinking its more about me that she is depressed. We have spoke about it and she says she loves me and that its nothing to do with me why she is down. We do have good days and have lots of fun but sometimes she does not want to be close to me and she does not want to spend as much time with me as I do her. First time round she was very needy and I was annoyed at it and now it's the exact opposite.its a very confusing time but I know I love her and I hope for the best its still early days