Totally agree with rol and talaniman. If you get a true life purpose you can finally find yourself. I was reading in one book how a women who was once so dedicated to her lover that their relationship ended, the whole co-dependency thing.

She found her true passion in mountain climbing, at the top of the mountain she was at total peace with herself. Her new boyfriend in fact got increasingly irritated because she would not sacrifice her passion for him. The point is, find something you truly love and work on it!

Despite many times I have told him to stop contacting me, my ex of 5 years continue to call me about every 2 weeks to check on me. Few days ago he called again, asking how I am doing and wonder if I'm seeing anyone. I insisted again that I want to be left alone as I'm still hurt as he's seeing someone now soon after he broke up with me. (It hurt so much that I couldn't bear to stay as friends with me. Reason we broke up was because we're on long distance, thousand of kilometers apart.)

He asked me on the phone when can we be friends again. He said he still has feelings for me. He even said he'll break up with his girlfriend now if that is what it takes for me to talk to him again. At the end, I just politely told him to leave me alone.

Am scared to believe his words. Does he still love me? If so, why is he still with someone else?

So I have finally changed my phone number so that he won't be able to contact me anymore. Am scared that I'm unable to move on. Yet, am scared that once the contact is cut, I may regret later if he really wants to get back together.

Can someone tell me if I made the right move?:confused:

I think you have made a good choice : ) you did ask him to leave you alone but he didn't. It isn't fair of him to leave you hanging on, in case things don't work out with the other person. The other thing you could have done was maybe get his number blocked.

If you sincerely want to move on, then yes you have absolutley done the right thing :)
Keep strong.

I have done what you've done several times now and have yet to live to regret it. Staying only buys you more of the same. If you want things to be different then you have to take steps to make them different. I say BRAVO to what you did and it may take a while for you to see how brave and worthwhile it was. Look forward to good things coming! Only look back to gauge how far you've come.

Thanks. It's very strange that I start to miss him a lot today when I went to change my number. For the past weeks I have been doing quite good, haven't thought of him for a while and generally stayed in a happy mood. But today, I feel I still love him and this feeling scares me. The main reason why I changed the number is because I try to limit any chances of speaking to him. Every time I talk to him on the phone, I still feel that there's a connection and just made me miss him more.

Very good! Despite your feelings you had the strength and courage to do what you had to do for YOU. Bravo, Origin, Bravo!!

One question WHY on earth did you keep answering? If you let it go to voice mail and then delete before listening.

BUT, you did the right thing.

He's a complete JERK for keeping on calling if he is seeing someone else AND he broke with you.

What an a-hole - keeps pounding home the hurt.

You should never be friends with jerks like this. He broke but keeps calling?? Stringing you along - your plan B - NO ONE should be plan B.

This is partly your fault for answering - so something isn't right there. But changing the number will help emensly.

Absoultley did right by changing your number and cutting all contact.. Now you will be able to move on in life.. may take time but yes you will get your life back together now.

Remember you are "worth it"!

Thanks gals/ guys for your support! Hope this will finally give myself a new start.

Wildcat, just want to let you know that I don't have caller ids on my phone. Yet I admit that a part of me have been waiting for his calls, hoping that one day he'll call and ask to get back together. But after many disappointments which are mostly my own faults, I have already given up hopes on him.

Have just signed up some interest short courses today to keep myself occupied. Hope things will be better tmr! :D

Well, I did what you did 3 months ago, 3 months after my breakup where my ex of 3 years left me (Gosh, I noticed a lot of 3s there.. LOL). Did it help, well, to be quite honest... YES

It allowed me to make further progress, a further step to moving on. Of course, she still knows where I live and has my e-mail address if she really wanted to contact me but for me it helped, it stopped me wondering if that phone would ring because the number was changed and so that was not possible. It was kind of a positive psychological step forward so to speak. I think you did the right thing, it is not right for him to expect you to be Plan B which is exactly where he wants you. That makes him a bad person in my opinion and I am sure others would agree too.

I particularly agree with Val's response above and believe that you will come to realise the logic to what you have done and are unlikely to regret it.

Maybe this will wake him up to smell the coffee beans.

Thanks Geoff! Yes, I felt the change of number was done more for myself than to block him out. I felt weak for the past months, always checking my phone to see if I have any missed calls and yet am feared of getting disappointment. I have drove myself nuts! Again, thanks for the support.

See this is where the wheels have changed direction because now you have control and power whereas before you had less control..

That's a major step forward even if it does not seem so right now.

See, the strangely interesting thing is even though you've been left, you have to leave too! And changing numbers, deleting email addresses, putting away photos, etc. all serve as affirmations that you have also left-- that the rejection is in fact mutual now. Once you leave too some amazing healing begins and you begin to see the madness of continuing to want someone who doesn't want you or who treats you as a second class citizen. You leaving is a very very important step toward recovery.

Agree with everything here. I blocked my EX on MSN, deleted her no, stored it on work comp just in case. She can contact me if she needs to and I can for her, but there is no reminders of her anywhere. So much easier :)

Even if you wanted to move on, you really couldn't. He was still there.

Its absolutely better this way. Really, really, really.

You are going to wonder, in a month or two, why you didn't do this much sooner.

He WANTS you to hang on. It's a self-esteem booster to think your ex might be pining for you. Guess whose self-esteem gets booted down in the process?

If he had any noble intentions he would have done something long ago. Don't fall for any sob stories now. Won't be surprised if he tried some way to contact you again. He thought he still had you and it'll be a shock to him. He has been playing games, intentionally or not. Game's up.

Right move for you. Period.

You made the right move. No contact means just that ; absolutely no contact at all. If it took changing your number for him to get the message then so be it.

I know oyu want him to call and get back together. But it rarely happoens - why be plan B??

Why would you wANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS?

You're very right, Wildcat! A part of me still dreams that he'll call, tells me he still loves me and get back together! Yet, I also know this is only a wishful thinking and very silly of me to even dream of it. I also did ask myself if he does ask me back, what will I do? I know I should say NO as I can't believe his words anymore. Every time he calls, he tells me he still has strong feelings for me and yet he's still seeing someone else. This is why I changed my number because I don't want to let myself to keep checking if I have missed his calls and to give myself false hopes.

Thanks guys for your support and reassurance. I think I did the right thing and hopefully I can move on from this feeling soon. =)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by origins13

You're very right, Wildcat! A part of me still dreams that he'll call, tells me he still loves me and get back together! Yet, I also know this is only a wishful thinking and very silly of me to even dream of it. I also did ask myself if he do ask me back, what will I do? I know I should say NO as I can't believe his words anymore. Everytime he calls, he tells me he still has strong feelings for me and yet he's still seeing someone else. This is why I changed my number because I don't want to let myself to keep checking if I have missed his calls and to give myself false hopes.

Thanks guys for your support and reassurance. I think I did the right thing and hopefully I can move on from this feeling soon. =)

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You are no longer feeding the fairytale you two were co-authoring. You pulled the plug on your end of it. Good for you! Dreams are for when our eyes are closed. Reality is where its at and you are working your way back there nicely. Bravo, honey, Bravo! :)

You don't want guys like this calling your anyway. He's stringing your along... waiting to see how things go with the current gal.

What a jerk.

No you don't take guys like this back ever.

GOD I hope he tried to call you!! Love to see the look on his face!! The woman he thought he had this power over - actually has a spine is cutting him out of her life FOR GOOD!! Way to go!! Way to be so brave!!

I reckon you made the right move!

I was in the same situation in which he left me after 8yrs relationship with a reason we didn't click anymore, but on the other hand, he was seeing someone else 6 months before he dump me.. I was so devastated and down and took me at least a year to recover from everything... he contact me, asking how am I doing?Seeing someone else? He still have feelings towards me.. and all those bla bla crap... and I decided to make a move that CHANGED my no. so that he won't ever contact me anymore...

Good question, if the guy still love us very much, why the hell they are still with the other girl? Don't you think that they have to think wisely before saying it out.. but I tell you what, you have nothing to lose, in fact SAD and PITY to the other girl in which the guy still trying to contact their EX-gf behind the girl,hence I don't think the guy LOVES the new girl as THEY did to the old girl :)

Hi, for those of you who have follow my threads, I'm now in the process of moving on from my ex whom I started dating with since undergrad.

Was just reading the alumni news and learned that there will be a major change in the campus of my old uni this coming summer. The student center will be demolished and replaced with a new building. I suddenly feel quite sad learning this, especially because it brought up so many good memories I had with my ex. We spent so much time there, studied together, numerous chats at the coffee house, and so on.

I don't know why I suddenly feel this way. It seems that any small or big changes in my life have become very difficult to cope with and upset me. Have I become too weak or too emotional as a result of the break up? Is this normal?

I would not call it becoming too weak. You could be suffering from some mild depression - that can leave one feeling emotional and unable to get past certain events. Have you talked to your doctor about how you feel? Realize that is normal to feel some sadness but if that sadness is blocking your emotional health, then perhaps you should see your doctor and get some help. Good luck.

Normal.

Human nature.

I dated a girl through HS, colllege and after. Hige breakup. There were places we frequented that I still tie to her. Even though I am a dozen years removed from this relationship and happily married for seven... I still think of her when I go to particular chinese food place in town and when it was going to maybe close I felt sad.

Normal. Normal. Normal.

It'll also pass to some degree in time. Really.

I'm going to turn my Dr. Phil on here but I thinkt the tearing down of the building maybe representative of the relationship finally coming to an end in your mind. Perhaps you consciously knew that the relationship was over but on a sub-conscious level you had not accepted it and the building coming down finally triggered the reality in the sub-conscious.

In all though I'd say it's normal. Although this isn't exactly the same thing, I recently visited the town in Minnesota I grew up in until I was 14 years old. We then moved to Michigan and the move was difficult on me and I was never really the same. I had actually long since forgot about that town but just going back there this past November, I've had a lot of memories pop up since then. I have no doubt it's related to that visit, but something that was emotional can be triggered by various things and I think the building coming down did just that. In time I'm sure it will pass, just stay positive and forward moving.

Hi guys, am just writing to vent. Have been thinking a lot about my ex these days. Haven't thought of him for awhile. NC has continued for almost 1 and a half month now, ever since I changed my mobile number. But it'll be my and his birthday in few days time (our birthdays are only few days apart), and I suddenly miss him so much. We used to celebrate together. Now, I couldn't help thinking that I'm still alone while he now has someone celebrating his birthday with him. I know I shouldn't feel so bitter and this is very unhealthy. Have been trying to keep myself busy these few days but it's just so hard? It's been almost half a year since we broke up and am frustrated that he's still on my mind :mad:

Always give yourself credit for being so strong ;)

Wish I can be more stronger. I really want to know how long it takes to get over with a 5 yrs relationship.

I have been having the urge to call him and I know it's a BIG MISTAKE if I do it.

There is no set time.
5 years is a long time. You have been pretty well, so just going that way :)

Don't call, unless he calls, you got dumped. He knows its your birthday, if he gives a shout out respond. As far as a five year relationship, that's probably going to take awhile. Be good to yourself!

Concerning some of my ex's, I still remember and think about their birthdays and the good times beyond those. And, I'm talking about women that I was together with as far back as twenty, thirty years ago. It's okay to remember good things, but not to feel sorry for yourself that those things that you hoped for never came to be. Some things are just not meant to be. Remember that there are lots of fish in the sea - many others who like the same things that you do and who would like to share their lives and be with you.

You'll get over it. Just please give it some time.

It is good that you are keeping yourself busy.

I have many woes in my own life. If I don't get out and do things then I tend to feel sorry for myself and just mull them over and over. There is a dance band with whom I play the piano. Sometimes our gigs are several hundred miles away from where I live. When I play with them, I am so much at peace. And, I really forget all about my woes because they are such a great group of people to be with and we are all aiming for the same goal, which is to entertain people.

By doing something with a group of people that you like and for a common purpose, it helps to clear you head so that you are better equipped and able to tackle the things that are bringing you down.

It is about making a choice...

No sense being down in the dumps when you don't have to. :)

Hey! A birthday at anytime is cause for a celebration! How about inviting some friends and people you know over for a party! Doesn't have to mean a lot of preparation. Getting ready for and doing something like that should help to take your mind off things.

I wish you well! Time does help to heal things like this.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for venting! I just did to, but in a different way. We all need to do that once in a while. Nice to be able to share with other people.

Not sure if anyone can help me analyze my dreams or I simply need to seek therapy from professionals. For those who followed my threads, it's been almost half a year my ex of five years broke up with me and started seeing someone else. The process of recovering is difficult, but am trying hard to move on. Since I have changed my phone numbers two months ago and stayed NC, I felt a little better.

However, recently I have been having the same dreams - dreamt my ex and his new girlfriend. It's really annoying. I don't know his new girlfriend. Perhaps because my ex had been swining back and forth between me and his new girl, and kept telling me how she was was jealous of me. I really hate thinking that my ex is now with someone else but I couldn't help from dreaming about my ex and his new relationship. Why am I driving myself nuts? Do I need therapy? :confused:

Dreams frequently are a way that our minds sort through and deal with the situations and problems that we are having while we are awake.

Being formally close to someone and dreaming about them and what is happening to them is normal.

You don't need to see a therapist unless you are obsessing about the situation and dreams so much that the obsession is keeping you from functioning productively in your day to day life.

Also, dreams can be really weird at times if something has been stressing us out. This also is quite normal.

I believe you do not need thepey however you still have a soft corner for your Ex boyfriend and you keep imagining how his life would be without you.The more we think about something through out the day is what we see in our dreams.you should either divert your thoughts or patch up with your ex and start a new life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sonuannie

I believe you do not need thepey however you still have a soft corner for your Ex bf and you keep imagining how his life would be without you.The more we think about something through out the day is what we see in our dreams.you should either divert your thoughts or patch up with ur ex and start a new life.

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Yes, I admit at times I still wonder if my ex would think of me. The last thing he said to me was that he doesn't want me to be out of his life and he would break up with the girl if that is what it takes for me to stay friends with him. I was scared to believe his words and that's the reason why I cut all contacts. I do wonder at times whether I made the right move.

Since then, I have been finding and trying all means to move on. Am still quite hurt from the break up. I have done NC, kept myself busy with work and new activities, and even reasoned out why the relationship end and convinced myself that I should forgive my ex and move on. Today I realize perhaps the best thing to do is to do nothing, and let things flow naturally.

Sorry to those who have read my stories millions of times. I am starting to get tired of myself of not be able to move on completely.