Maybe I needed to go out which I did last night... I had a great time with this new guy. But like you said Missy, its like he doesn't understand what I'm going through now. This guy is really super nice but I'm curious to know why he wants something right away. He does make me feel good... better than my ex ever did... but I just don't know. Yes, we did have a good time last night but since I feel the pressure of him wanting something to become more of this.. makes me feel like backing totally away too!
My intentions are to get to know people for who they are first rather than jumping into a romantic relationship to then come to a surprise... here are my true colors type thing.

And Piran your most definatley right. I just feel rejected... One thing I noticed though last night is that I sensed that this other guy felt like a million bucks being next to me while my ex on the other hand was like all into himself. This made me feel appreciated in so many ways. These are things I'm just learning and observing though. ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LoveStoned

Maybe I needed to go out which I did last night.....I had a great time with this new guy. But like you said Missy, its like he doesn't understand what I'm going through now. This guy is really super nice but I'm curious to know why he wants something right away. He does make me feel good...better than my ex ever did...but I just dont know. Yes, we did have a good time last night but since I feel the pressure of him wanting something to become more of this.. makes me feel like backing totally away too!
My intentions are to get to know people for who they are first rather than jumping into a romantic relationship to then come to a surprise .....here are my true colors type thing.

And Piran your most definatley right. I just feel rejected...One thing I noticed though last night is that I sensed that this other guy felt like a million bucks being next to me while my ex on the other hand was like all into himself. This made me feel appreciated in so many ways. These are things I'm just learning and observing though. ;)

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Then you have your answer, be with someone that appreciates you, rejection is an awful feeling and people who never got dumped don't know what it feels like until it happens to them. Then they will know how it hurts and think twice before doing it to someone else.
But guess what, after rejection, there is?. yes, Acceptance. Someone else will be there and accept you and cherish you just the way you are. And if you tell them how your ex treated you, they just won't believe it and ask you, ''why did you stay with that person?''
And you will say, love makes you blind, lol. Then once all emotions are gone you see the light and understand that you were in the dark.

Then you say, how could I be in the dark when I loved that person. Well simple, if you are the only one giving love and not receiving, hard to accept but we are in the dark and sinking deeper in a black hole. It will keep getting dark until one day, boom, the relationship is over. In the future I think we should open our eyes sooner and if we get a gut feeling to get out of there cause it's not healthy, well Just do it! Get out before the damage is done. A partner who is into himself like your ex was and my ex was, are called selfish self-centered individuals and accuse us of being too sensitive, but in reality they are the ones who are not '' in tune '' with their emotions and are careless and the proof is right there in their face THEY LOST US.

That rejection will fade, just because on man doesn't want you doesn't mean they all dont- as your new friend has proven, you are still wanted. I had to spread the rep piran is right.

Sounds like my ex too, selfish, self-centred individuals and accuse us of being to sensitive. Piran words are true they lost us. You sound like a nice lady and I'm sure the right one is waiting for you somewhere. Just give it more time

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Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

That rejection will fade, just becasue on man doesnt want you doesnt mean they all dont- as your new friend has proven, you are still wanted. I had to spread the rep piran is right.

sounds like my ex too, selfish, self-centred individuals and accuse us of being to sensitive. Piran words are true they lost us. You sound like a nice lady and im sure the right one is waiting for you somewhere. just give it more time

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I isn't no lady, I am a man! Lol

I was responding to lovestoned :)

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Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

i was responding to lovestoned :)

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Oh , lol
My bad
Thank god I feel a lot better now :-)
You just put a smile onmy face!

So guys and girls, I have a very good question for you guys.

What is the best revenge possible you can do for an ex that dumped you?

I believe someone has posted this before in these forums, but I just want to see some new opinions on this.

What is the best revenge to make you feel better?

Revenge is for losers.

The best "revenge" in my mind is to move on with your life and build a truly better life around you without that person in it. Do it for yourself though, as doing it just to get back at your ex gives them way too much power over you.

I think revenge on an ex is no good, I think KC is right. The best revenge is happiness with oneself and moving on to a bigger and brighter future.

Yeah there right. Revenge will only make you look spiteful. They will resect you more if you left with dignity. If they were being spiteful towards us... well they are the ones who will think back to how stupid and immature they really were for acting the way they did.

I swear I felt like my ex was looking for somehting for me to do or say to make him hate me. Maybe that's why he kept trying to come back for something.

I agree, showing you moved on without them and having happiness and met a new person and things are going well is a great way to show them that they dumping you just made your life better. Always see the good things from a bad situation. I won't call her or contact her to let her know I met someone. She will soon find out by Facebook or by friends.

Abit of topic I know, how you feeling today lovestoned?

I glad you didn't break down too much to break your NC by calling him. Your feelings ar nature and it is okay to cry. It helps to release all those build up emotions instead of keeping them. Besides that you seem to progressing well.

Good actually... I'm reaching my 3 months of NC on Friday.Thanks for asking Missy! :p
I try to be understanding about the whole thing. We were together since we were very young. So we don't know what it is like to be with anyone else. We both need to grow (in this case apart from one another) as much as it hurts but it's the truth. There are some things I need to work on as well. Even though I left I should have spoken up for what I believed in and not have backed down. Maybe that's why it got too out of control.
Time is key I can still see that I'm in the grieving stages... well I guess its where one day I'm okay maybe the next not okay type thing.

How's everyone else doing? :D

Glad your doing OK, I'm fine :).
Sometimes we need to do things even if it hurts us, for the best. I Hate the ups and downs of a break up. It's a pain. But the main thing is that You have acccepted the situation, and now your grieving for your loss, which is only naurtal.

Hey guys
My ex's birthday is around the corner and I don't know if I should call to say happy birthday? I don't want to do NC in an immature way.. what do you think?? :confused:
Then again I feel like he don't even deserve that after everything.

No, don't call him. Calling him will only set you back and you want to continue moving forward.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LoveStoned

Hey guys
My ex's birthday is around the corner and I don't know if I should call to say happy birthday?? I don't want to do NC in an immature way.. what do you think???:confused:
Then again I feel like he don't even deserve that after everything.

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Don't call, NC is NC, meaning birthday, xmas, easter, etc... My ex's birthday is coming too, early June, and I have decided I will not call because I am doing NC. Let's leave them alone and make them see how it is to be on their birthday without us. I am sure they won't call on our birthday either. If they do call, will you answer? Or just ignore...

Threads merged

Hey everyone...

I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I'm taking a little spill. I've partied, kept myself busy with work and school and found myself bursting into tears today. I've been fine...

I understand and realize we were not cut out for each other... I just feel like talking to him sometimes... I thought about calling him just to say hi, but I know Im not completely over him so I don't know if it will do me any good. I didn't call for is birthday, ignored his parents greeting emails. I feel like a mean heartless person.

The thing is that he was seeing this other girl while I was trying to fix what I had broken. That to me is heartless. He met her like two weeks after breaking up long term relationship almost marriage.

I think about how he's dealing with us not being together too... And I know that's not where my mind should be wondering but it happens.

On the nights when I do go out, that's when I THINK ABOUT HIM THE MOST!!!!!!
Than again how am I going to meet different people?

I'm a total mess right now. It hurt me to stay in the relationship and hurts me like hell to be living the breakup of it.

One contact is all it takes for you to lose months of progress.

Stay strong, you have been doing great and you are strong enough to make it through this.

No contact is what you need/needed to heal, no one will think that you are cold-hearted or mean. You have/had to do what is right to help you make it through this a stronger person.

Going out is difficult, you see couples and you want that companionship as well, but it isn't necessarily that you are missing your ex, but that relationship component to going out. Don't worry that will come in time.

Keep your head up and if drinking sets you back in your progress, then take some time off the drinking nights out. (Just a guess about the drinking)

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Keep your head up and if drinking sets you back in your progress, then take some time off the drinking nights out. (Just a guess about the drinking)

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Right about the drinking... I guess it lets your inner most feelings out. I just think if we were ever going to have a chance to work things out, how would we if we don't talk at all...

Alcohol is a depressant. Along with lower you inhibitions, if you are feeling blue it intensifies those feelings. Drinking may help pass the time, but it will also cause you to dwell and miss old times in your depressive state.

You have to wait until you are completely over someone before you can begin contact again... if you want to by that time. More often once you have completely cleared your head from the relationship, you are able to evaluate it on a objective scale and most often you see why the relationship failed. It is then when you can address whether those original problems have or can be corrected by both parties.

No contact is the right way to go, you can make it through this and when your mind is a little clearer, say tomorrow morning, you will be proud of yourself for fighting through and staying strong.

[QUOTE=LoveStoned;1809771]

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I feel like a mean heartless person.

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You are not a mean and heartless person. You are LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF AT THE MOMENT AND THAT IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO... If you weren't doing that, you might be acting heartless, but towards YOURSELF... and I don't think you deserve to be heartless towards yourself... because you are the best thing you can get for yourself!!

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What I had broken.

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I react very sensitive on such sentences. You look back and think it is your fault? Who broke up? Why?
It takes two people to break a relationship usually. So it is not your fault alone. Actually it is not about faults after all. It happened and that's it... I am a huge fan of FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Only if you can forgive yourself and take ownership of your past actions, you will be able to find peace. There are many many things that might went wrong in the past and it is hard to deal with them sometimes. This proverb sums it up nicely:

" You need to live life forwards but you are only able to understand it backwards.

Looking back in time with regret will make it much harder in the presence and future. It will prolong the ache. Looking back and realising that you acted in your best knowledge those days, with the best intentions, with a clear heart and maybe out of intuition is very important and healing. Knowing that this time there was nothing else you could do. You went down that road and it was for a certain reason. You will learn from that experience and do it different next time. Grow from this experience and I am sure you will!!

Do not regret... do not look back and don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself, use it wisely for the presence and be grateful to have learnt.

Hang in there, girl. It takes much longer than 5 months after such a serious long-term relationship to get over someone. Allow time to heal you and be patient with yourself and your feelings. Embrace you feelings and embrace yourself.

"Time is our dear friend... it does not heal all our wounds, but it will move the most severe pain out of focus. Allow it to happen...

There is no time limit to getting over someone. I'm the same as you are now and its been 7months. I know exactly how you feel and its horrible. But we have to keep our heads up and keep moving on.

You are not a mean and heartless person. NC is a tool you can use to take care of yourself when you're in pain. To not call on his brithday... well you need to take care of you.

Like Justwantfair said: one contact with him can really set you back months when it coems to progress.

As for the alcohol. Seriously, drinking when your all ready down will bring you further down, so if you feel that the alcohol keeps you back when it comes to progress, well then I suggest that you cut back on the nights out and find something ese that is fun and keep your mind busy.

As for NC in itself, even though you are still hurting after 5 months, then you need more time and that okay. We all go at our own speed.

As for meeting someone else; you'll be ready when your ready and right now your not.

Have you thought about joining any types of clubes or sports etc... that might be a good place to meet new people who share the same intersts as yourself...

[QUOTE=Tando;1809849]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LoveStoned

You are not a mean and heartless person. You are LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF AT THE MOMENT AND THAT IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO... If you weren't doing that, you might be acting heartless, but towards YOURSELF... and I don't think you deserve to be heartless towards yourself... because you are the best thing you can get for yourself!!!



I react very sensitive on such sentences. You look back and think it is your fault? Who broke up? Why?
It takes two people to break a relationship usually. So it is not your fault alone. Actually it is not about faults after all. It happened and that's it... I am a huge fan of FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Only if you can forgive yourself and take ownership of your past actions, you will be able to find peace. There are many many things that might went wrong in the past and it is hard to deal with them sometimes. This proverb sums it up nicely:

" You need to live life forwards but you are only able to understand it backwards.

Looking back in time with regret will make it much harder in the presence and future. It will prolong the ache. Looking back and realising that you acted in your best knowledge those days, with the best intentions, with a clear heart and maybe out of intuition is very important and healing. Knowing that this time there was nothing else you could do. You went down that road and it was for a certain reason. You will learn from that experience and do it different next time. Grow from this experience and I am sure you will!!!

Do not regret... do not look back and don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself, use it wisely for the presence and be grateful to have learnt.

Hang in there, girl. It takes much longer than 5 months after such a serious long-term relationship to get over someone. Allow time to heal you and be patient with yourself and your feelings. Embrace you feelings and embrace yourself.

"Time is our dear friend... it does not heal all our wounds, but it will move the most severe pain out of focus. Allow it to happen...

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I know things happened for the best... I just miss his company and how the relationship could have been if we could have just compromised with each other. And all along it was me who always wanted to keep trying (mentioned counceling and all that) until I couldn't take it any more... so I left. I later realized how broken hearted he was over it and felt bad. Then I guess he found someone else and put me on the back burner... I guess that's what hurt the most... But yes your right about understanding life backwards:o

Quote:

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Originally Posted by roxypox

You are not a mean and heartless person. NC is a tool you can use to take care of yourself when you're in pain. To not call on his brithday... well you need to take care of you.

like Justwantfair said: one contact with him can really set you back months when it coems to progress.

As for the alchol. Seriously, drinking when your all ready down will bring you further down, so if you feel that the alchol keeps you back when it comes to progress, well then I suggest that you cut back on the nights out and find something ese that is fun and keep your mind busy.

As for NC in itself, even though you are still hurting after 5 months, then you need more time and that okay. We all go at our own speed.

As for meeting someone else; you'll be ready when your ready and right now your not.

Have you thought about joining any types of clubes or sports etc.... that might be a good place to meet new people who share the same intersts as yourself....

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I guess I'm hurting consciously and unconciously so yeah drinking at all will put me down. While I'm doing it I realize I'm trying my best to move on and have fun without him... but that's the thing... HE'S IN MY THOUGHTS WHEN IM TRYING TO GET OVER HIM! As for me calling him... I know this... We broke up in August... ever since then to January I was ttryingg to get fix things... It was waste of my time and prolonged my healing. I do go to the gym and hang out by the beach a lot... Believe me I try to have planns booked for weeks to come.

Hello everyone!! I haven't posted anything on here it seems like in ages... in a way I am proud of myself for doing so... 7 months with No Contact with my ex helped me so much and I thank all of U's for helping me stay strong through this. :)

Something happened today and I was in total shock!! He called and left a message. I didn't check it. I don't know if I want to check it? The last time he called was back in March and I did not return the call or hear his message for that matter.

The question I would like to ask is
WHY CONTACT YOUR EX IF NO CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED? WHY NOT JUST TAKE THE BREAKUP FOR WHAT IT IS IF BOTH UNDERSTAND IT IS BROKEN?

Why contact your ex if no children are involved? Why not just take the breakup for what it is if both understand it is broken?

Meh... some people just can't let go...

They don't know what's good for them and they aren't strong enough to break away for good. They let their emotions control them and that can be dangerous sometimes

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LoveStoned

Hello everyone!!! I haven't posted anything on here it seems like in ages....in a way I am proud of myself for doing so....7 months with No Contact with my ex helped me soo much and I thank all of U's for helping me stay strong through this. :)

Something happened today and I was in total shock!!!! He called and left a message. I didnt check it. I dont know if I want to check it? The last time he called was back in March and I did not return the call or hear his message for that matter.

The question I would like to ask is
WHY CONTACT YOUR EX IF NO CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED? WHY NOT JUST TAKE THE BREAKUP FOR WHAT IT IS IF BOTH UNDERSTAND IT IS BROKEN?

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Hi Lovestoned! Nice to hear from you again !

In my opinion there is a good chance the girl he was with was a rebound, and now he is really missing you. I always said it, once they are done with the rebound, their pride and ego just collapses and they call you back. It took 7 months. Now is up to you if you want to give another chance and forgive or if you don't want to go back in the past.

Do you still have feelings? Mixed emotions? Or no emotions at all ?

How are you feeling? Do you feel like talking to him? Do you miss him?

Yeah I mean its been monnnths of NC and now he calls...

He may have been trying and trying not to contact you, but then he gave in. It happens... lots of people fall off the NC wagon, and its hard to get back on, but it's the right thing to do

That's like asking why dogs bark. They're hungry, they're mad, they're bored, they're dreaming, they're happy, they're threatened and because they can. I suppose you would have to ask each dog why it barks when it barks. Unless you have more details for us: like... you kicked it, it's a stray, just been neutered, needs to be neutered, it's in heat.

Hey Piran!! I'm good... just keeping myself busy with school and work... These past couple of weeks its been very exciting!! I reunited with some of my best friends from years ago...

But back to this whole ex thing... I don't know what the reason for the call was for? I didn't check the message.

And my feelings towards him have changed... I just have hurt so much through this I don't think I could ever put it past me...

I completely understand how you feel lovestoned.

It's hard to go back and pretend nothing happened, the pain is just too much.
I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive her. I am going to start dating again, I feel I am over her now, it's been 5 months, soon 6 months in a couple of weeks...

This time I will try to date italian women because we have same traditions and mentality.

Are you ready for dating again?

Okay guys so today is my Birthday and I am very Happy yet somewhat upset... Its like Im happy I've learned so much from life and so much from my past relationship but somehow I'm sad. I ignored my ex last call a few weeks ago but then am sad that he didn't call me for my birthday... I am so confused. Its not like I called him for his birthday... I don't want to go back into that relationship... so what is it.. :(


I guess I don't make any sense so I am just venting out my thoughts/feeling...

Hi lovestoned

first of all HAPPY Birthday!

Don't go back in circles. You've come a long way to road to recovery. Contacting him will just bring you back. Trust me I know I'm going through this myself right now and its been really hard.

You said you don't want him back anymore. Maybe deep inside somewhere beyond the hurt you still want him back. Perhaps you're just missing that special someone in your life but that person is definitely not the ex.

Wait patiently and love will soon be in your life once more. For now enjoy being single lol you can do what ever you want right now and plus you have lots of time for yourself.

^_^

Happy Birthday LS, and many more. Don't make a big deal out of your dissapointment with an ex, about missing your birthday. Be happy with the ones who didn't.

Enjoy it.

Happy B-Day! I know I won't be calling my ex on her birthday next week. She has plenty of people to wish her that and I will not be expecting a call from her on my birthday. Just the way of life! Enjoy and celebrate the good not the bad.