No, it was conversation between THEM, and means nothing to you.
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No, it was conversation between THEM, and means nothing to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Don't start getting your hopes up. She was just being Friendly.
My hopes aren't really up... but she did say more then once she does want this to work. That's where I get confused.
Don't be confused, just do your thing and let what happens happen.
Relying on her words is never wise, unless the actions match.
She has never been a person to lie along those lines. We shall see though. Each day I am getting better!
Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time, and I really feel like I've grown from this..
A big part of me really hopes we get one more shot to give this relationship a chance. We have put in six years and had some amazing times, and then it slid a little, but this has shown me how to be there for her, and how to handle something better if anything like this does arise I know better how to prevent it.
But I also have to accept there is a chance that her words are just words, and people change. It would be mean with all she has said, but I would be willing to accept it and move on, I just don't see her lying with what she has said thus far though...
She said something again. She saw my exam grade and said congrats. I said thank you, and told her I noticed she missed class? She said its OK the teacher is easy, (and she is). I then told her how well I water skiid yesterday and she said nothing.
I said ill give you your space again thought you'd be happy to hear about my skiin, and told her I'm trying for her to show everyone things would be different and talk to you later...
Left it at that.
UPDATE: lol
Today was very interesting to say the least!
It started as a slightly difficult morning but I knew I'd climb out of it sooner rather then later because it was a beautiful day!
Then at about 11 am I got a text from her saying "hey babe thinking about you today, just wanted to let you know nothing has changed" she meant that her plans were still the same just needs time
Day goes on I end up passing out at work due to heat and didn't really eat much nothing serious! I guess my friend let her know and she called me worried I wasn't able to answer I was filling out some paper work, so I texted her that I was fine no worries..
So far so good!
I get home from work at 3, She arrives for her class at 3 we ran into each other. I was on the phone still dealing with work issues from earlier in the day. I simply waved, and she immediately turns around and tells me to come to her, I do and she gives me the biggest hug and sweetest kiss I've had in awhile.
I smiled and she went to class. She was texted me during her class, and we ended up getting together for a moment after and talked for a few not about the relationship at all, and she continued to kiss me. She left everything was great.
I left to go water skiing. I sent her a video of how I did! She was extremely excited and said great job and asked some detailed questions about it all with smiles.
Then... out of now where I received a text in reference to one of my ex. g.f's I asked her to call me, and asked what happened where did this animosity all of a sudden appear. Reassured her that it is different, and that my past actions have no reflections on this! Blah blah
Phone call eventually ends really well..
Get home I found out about a tiny lie which story is to long to tell.
I just asked her about it and said I'm not mad or even upset just a little confused on why you felt you couldn't tell me.
She then says not in the mood ttyl.
It turned a little ugly with her saying she doesn't want to talk this is why she can't talk to me for a long time, but I was honestly okay with everything the whole time..
After about 5 texts and a call I left her alone. An hour goes bye and she texts me to go out and quit being dumb.
She eventually calls and asks why I'm staying in I say because of work, then we end up talking things out and all seemed to end fine for the evening...
Today did seem a little bit immature and a rollercoaster at times...
SORRY for length just thought some of you may care for an update.
Thanks for the update. Remember you are going to have to let some things slide. I know you wanted to confront her about this stuff, but it's not going to help the situation. When you are both ready to sit down and talk together about your relationship and it's future, you can bring up lies and fibs, maybe not specific instances, but just something along the lines, of "I hope you can feel you can tell me anything now, I will try not to be so controlling, and I want to feel the same way" you get the point . This is supposed to be a fresh start for you guys, so make sure it stays that way.
It looks like she is starting to miss you, I hope that she isn't trying to string you along. But it does seem she cares about you and your well being. I wish you the best of luck, and thanks again for the update! :)
Well yesterday was pretty good...
Today. I said a few simple things and let her know that a song we considered to be ours was on at work..
Ive been ignored, and no reply all day..
Hot to Cold again.
A little confused, but just not going to say anything else, and respect her space again.
I'm in the same situation. I'm trying to be patient. My ex-boyfriend and I had a nice dinner last night. I sent him a text thanking him for dinner and how great he looked. No reply. I contemplated texting again, but stopped myself. This is really tough. I want be patient and show him that I really do want him in my life FOR the rest of my life.
This break up is probably hard for her too . 6 years is a long time.
Continue NC. Tell her you can't handle the on again off again.
NC is for you, not her.
You just keep on talking to her. You are feeding yourself false hope while she is not hot and cold at all, because she has consistently let you know whatever kind of day she is having, she will not take you back. So keep spinning your wheels until all the rubber is off.
Its your time.
She has consistently let me know that she does want this to work Talaniman...
Even though she says things along those lines every single time I am feeding myself false hope?
Klap, I can't say what she thinks, but it seems to me that she gives you a inch and you try to take a mile.Quote:
Originally Posted by klap33
In this case it isn't as much No Contact as there is wait for her to initiate contact. Unless there is something to do with the living arrangements (mail, bills, etc.) that needs her IMMEDIATE attention, let her initiate contact. You don't have to let her know what songs are playing at your work place. Think about the message it sends her when you ignore her need for space to satisfy your need for contact.
As long as you are thinking in terms of 'hot', 'cold', 'being ignored', etc. when she doesn't get in touch with you when YOU think she should, you are reinforcing in your mind that you control her contacting you instead of her controlling her own space and contact with you.
She may or may not want to work things out, but while she is no longer yours, you need to go about your life as a single man.
When and if she wants to contact you she will, but I would tell her to stop the on an off chit chat, to not talk to you unless it is about something definitive one way or the other.
You could stand a lesson in the art of disappearing from some ones life and be busy and unavailable for emotional BS!
She did break up with me, would completely disappearing be a good idea if my intentions are to try and work this out? I mean I am going out having fun and being involved but I don't want to make things worse...
Just go about your life as you normally would. Do not contact her. If she wants to contact you, fine, be pleasant. But do not initiate any contact. Live your life, go out with your friends, ejoy normal activity. But DO NOT contact her.
Shall do! Thank you to all of you for your help and understanding!
This has been a great place to help me with this issue!
I love all the advice
Unfortunately, after a break up we linger around hoping things go back to the way it was, and we cling to that hope at the distraction of everything else, and afraid to rock the boat for fear of disaster.Quote:
Originally Posted by klap33
Also unfortunately, we are afraid to let go, when we should, and stay in confused limbo, because of that false hope.
You let go completely and leave each other alone to sort your own feelings without influencing each other, and to separate fact from fiction, reality from just feelings.
To continue this chit chat screwing around talking without saying anything does you both no good, and ends in disaster because you are always available to feed each others confusion, through continued contact.
Sorry guy, but hard to have a clear head around this kind of influence and confusion. How can you even think, or see clearly when all you want is getting back together, and being steadily encouraged to do it her way, and wait until she is ready. Yeah, right.
Not one word of any sort to each other all weeked...
You have read and been advise about No Contact, if your still not convinced then by all means, discard the advice given, and follow your heart. Its really your choice what you do.
No I want no contact! She is still telling friends that she wants this to work just needs her space..
That is not why I'm doing the no contact part of it is but mostly for myself. I need this time just as much! And you can't force some 1 to be with you. If she has to say something my phone is on...
You phone is on, but that does not mean you have to answer it.
NC is NC. That means you don't even listen to her messages.
If she wants it to work I do to. So for nc I ignore her as well?
Yeah you ignore her. How do you get yourself together and move on if you are hearing from her all of the time? Is she telling you she is coming back?
Now if you are not ready to let go if you just want to hang on "just in case" then you do what you want.
It seems to me she would be quite content to have you there to talk to when she feels guilty or lonely and if you want to be that to her, it's on you.
She says she wants things to work eventually, what does that mean, what is she going to be doing in the meantime while you're sitting by the phone waiting for a call from her?
If she wants to talk to you, to give you something definitive, she will find a way to do it. But you need to stop allowing her to keep you dangling in her string.
I agree, you can only hold on for so long. Even though it has not been that long since the breakup you cannot go on forever if you do not see the result of getting back together. I held on for 2 months thinking that I was going to get back with my ex, believe me... don't put yourself in that position. Hurts far too bad.
Ya this is hurting a little, but she was very clear that this is just space and finding herself. And she hasn't said nothing to others, and me included that her plans are anything but this working out.
I am just respected her space, and trying to move on just in case, but I still hope a little that this works out. She was very clear that she wants this to work, but until things fall into place with the move and starting over and clearity of mind she just wants some space, but does want this to work...
That's why I don't know how exactly to treat this except to give her, her space right now, I need to have this time alone as well..
There will be no moving on just in case, so make up your mind. Its been a month by my count, so exactly how long do you stay in limbo? How much space does she get? How long before YOU make a decision and end this punishment? How much changing have you accomplished so far?Quote:
I am just respected her space, and trying to move on just in case, but I still hope a little that this works out.
We all get your misery, we all get her motives, and we all get the confusion.
Its been 3 weeks at this point. I don't want to set a date on this, and I know that in all honesty she does need this space. I haven't been exactly miserable or perfect by anymeans but I'm OK..
I do want this to work and there will be a point where I break and explain to her, that you know I gave her the space she asked for and I hope she found inside what she was looking for and now if you can I would like if you could think rationally about us, and if not just let me know because I can't take this at this point anymore,
I may be wrong with this approach, but she is a great person, and a good girl. The relationship was great at some points, and I explained how it faultered, and space is very respectable, and I do believe what she is saying. Part of it is hope as well! in my heart I would love another oppurtunity, and think we could be the couple we were, and we both did a lot of changing because of this I believe it would only make us better..
I can't sit here and harp on that hope though. I fall into that in spurts, but over all I'm OK! I understand maybe the best bet is to move on completely and let go, but right now I am trusting in what she says, until I see or hear other wise, because to my knowledge nothing has happened to show that, except for her asking for much needed space!
I hope I am not blind is all.
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