Does it really matter? You're not together anymore. She's with another guy. You're history as far as she's concerned. Do NC and move on. Avoid all this drama, and get emotionally healthy.Quote:
Originally Posted by prowaker
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Does it really matter? You're not together anymore. She's with another guy. You're history as far as she's concerned. Do NC and move on. Avoid all this drama, and get emotionally healthy.Quote:
Originally Posted by prowaker
This is why NC is good! Once you break it, you start wondering, worrying, all those bad feelings. Just continue NC, don't worry of what she's been doing. Just think of this as a lesson learned when breaking NC.
Aw here we go, back to the wondering what she is doing, what she means, why this, why that, and all over breaking NC, because you got drunk.
None of that matters because how can we know why she is doing her thing and you trying to get back in it.
Learn the lessons of NC, and get back to it. Leave the phone at home when you are drinking, whatever it takes because that was a perfect waste of a good drunk.
She is getting on with her life as you should be getting on with yours.
Stop texting her.
The thing is I haven't been like texting her excessively or anything the only one I did send was goodluck on her exams last week that was it. Then a few nights ago when I was drunk I don't even know why I did I've been going out every weekend since we broke up getting drunk and meeting girls I don't know why I did this particular night.
I don't know why I care that's she's with this guy. I just do deep down and it bugs me. But yah back to NC. I've been having a lot of fun being single and going out, no worries in the world.
I think I'm just jealous that she is "seeing" someone already and I've been going out trying to meet girls and its taking longer than her.
Don't you get it? NO contact, NO texting, NO thinking about her. NO jealousy. She does NOT care about you.Quote:
Originally Posted by prowaker
And you wonder why it's taking you longer than it is for her??
You might want to lay off the booze if it make you do things you'll regret the next day. It does not help you forget, it just makes you do stupid stuff.
Wondergirl,
I did go no contact except for the text I sent her on her exams, it was friendly. All I said was good luck hope you do well. How do you not think of someone when its almost been 4 years together. How do you not be jealous.. if you have a good answer for that I will do whatever! Because she's on my mind a lot!
Home girl,
I love the booze. So far I haven't done anything I wanted to regret except that text a few nights ago. Going out with my buds to bars, even if I don't drink, makes me forget about her. Because I'm having a good time!
You're missing the point, and I'm not trying to be rude. I only got the idea 6 days ago about what NO CONTACT means, entirely. Yes. It sucks thinking your ex might be with someone else, but now that's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
It doesn't matter if you wish her luck, leave her alone and move on. I know, ITS HARD... don't ever think you won't think about her, and the good times you had together... it's what you do with those thoughts that matter.
Don't text her, call her, email her... take advice from someone going through the same thing, and who only got the real idea of NC about a week ago. I feel stronger everyday
I know its none of business and it shouldn't be but its hard not to think about. Its just weird picturing her with another guy.
But 4 years created so many good times that's the hard part. No matter what I'm doing its like we used to do it together. Or a certain place we used to go.
I'm stopping everything I deleted her number, don't have her on Facebook.
Well, good. I know what you mean, certain things/places remind me of her too. It's just, what you have to deal with. Ill be having a great time at work and a memory of us snuggling watching a movie, or holding hands at the mall... nothing even substantial will pop into my head. It's bothersome, to a degree but it was just a time I was really happy.
She's not exclusive to you anymore, what she does... is her business. It doesn't bother me at all, thinking about my ex with someone else... cause one day, Ill have someone else.
Leave her alone from now on, ball is in her court if she wants anything. Thing is, she may never touch that ball ever again. Sorry man.
I work all the time try to keep busy every time I'm not working! Its just weird and like you said things pop up into my head.
I know I'm not exclusive to her anymore I get that. I'm nothing to her. It bothers me because she was I could say my first true love. I dated before her but nothing serious like we were. And I was her first for EVERYTHING and I don't get how she's moving on so fast. And one day I'm hoping to have someone as well.
Yah I'm not going to try and get the ball. Ill wait until its served and if its never touched oh well. She's the one losing, to be honest.
Yeah, things will pop into your head all the time. It's what you do with those thoughts, and don't act on instinct. One of my ex's was my first true love as well, she had someone TWO WEEKS after breaking up with me. I'm over her, I don't care about her anymore. It's just, time will heal all wounds buddy.
Trust me on that one, I'm dealing with another breakup now... and know time will heal all wounds.
Yah I know time heals everything. I was actually doing pretty good until I sent that text a few nights ago and then when we talked for a bit and she told me about this guy. I thought I was through the tough part but now it just got worse, knowing about this other guy.
Just out of curiosity how long were your relationships?
It just got worse because you ripped the scab off the wound, and now it's bleeding again. You're back to square one.Quote:
Originally Posted by prowaker
There's an addition onto that saying. Back when the rocks were still cooling, we used to knowingly pass it on to someone in your boat --
"Time heals all wounds, and Time also wounds all heels."
Here is my story prowalker, learn from my mistakes too:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ea-452762.html
Quote:
Originally Posted by prowaker
Dude that's why you don't talk to her, you didn't need to know about that... its not serving any purpose but causing you to think more and rack your brain... I am going through a similar situation as you... and you know what, ask yourself HONESTLY, why would you want to know what she's doing and why do you want to be friends with her for?
I understand you've known her for a very long time, my ex I knew for 8 years and we were together FOUR times (yes to anyone who may remember my last thread it was attempted AGAIN, against all my best judgement)... but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how long you've known her and if you guys weren't friends before you were just a relationship from the get go, what makes you think you can be friends? Not only that but as I said, what's the point? Your just going to cause problems in your head by doing that, you need to cut her out of your life completely... she blocked you? So block her on facebook/msn/e-mail... delete her number and any texts you have from her, any pictures, get rid of it...
A painful lesson I've learned is that when people here say NC is the only way, it really IS the ONLY way to get through it properly... It hurts like crazy, especially when its still raw within the first week or so... you said something about you being fine before you sent a text the other night... I made the same mistake... I went days without any contact and caved one day and felt even worse for sending one, now I'm back on track trying to stick to NC because I know inside it works just like it did for almost 3 years for me with her but then I broke it last year... before that I didn't even think about her and it was a nonissue
But you... basically, NC, stick to it, don't talk to her in any way, TRY not to think about her (I know its very hard, this is coming from someone who suffers from OCD, but its important), don't think about anything to do with her... work, exercise, go for hikes, play games, watch a movie... just listen to some music or go for a nice cruise if you have a car... hang with friends and talk to people... anything to keep your mind off it, as with anything it will get easier
If you want to talk or anything I will listen as I'm going through the same thing so its nice to talk to someone in the same boat
The last post says it all.
On top of that though, if you really did love this girl and you believed she loved you... don't be resentful or spiteful about the break up, you can love someone and they can love you inside but not be IN LOVE... if things won't work out they just won't work out... take it from someone who tried FOUR times with the same person, if something doesn't work out the 1st time, 9/10 chances it won't work out the second time... and 100% I can say it Definitely won't work out any more times... this is why its useless to hang on, because your just hanging on to a memory of when you first met and how things USED TO BE as opposed to focusing on now and how things ARE, sure... keep that memory, but don't dwell on it, and definitely don't keep yourself in love with the past
As someone in my life, who is important to me always says "If its meant to be, it's meant to be"
Wow BWK10. Its like the same thing except the kid and moving in. I really don't know what to say.
MYBrain, honestly I was IN love with this girl. I can't explain how strong my feelings were for her. The way we looked at each other, the way we held each other... etc. I really don't know why I want to be friends I guess because of the fact it has been 4 years and we've been through so much together and the fact we put a lot of our time / effort into building such a strong relationship. Your right though I'm focusing on the past, instead of working on the present. I just can't see not being friends with someone you had such a great past with. Every break up ends "oh we can still be friends" well I wanted that. But I guess in the long run bad idea?
So I woke up this morning looked at my phone and of course she texted me "hey hope you had a good weekend, have a good week at work." now I talked to my buddy about this because he went through something similar. And I didn't have access to a computer to ask you guys this morning. And I wasn't going to answer, but I thought maybe something was wrong, she never started a conversation with me since we broke up. Now my friend said say this "hey nice to hear from you, yah i had a good weekend. thanks" come to think about it I shouldn't of even sent that text because obviously didn't get an answer back. She was probably looking for info on what I did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by prowaker
Basically, she was prodding, ignore it... and YES it's a bad idea, you cannot be friends with her, not with an emotional history with her like that, no way is that a smart idea... you need her out of your life completely, if you cell phone carrier allows it put a block on her number so you won't receive texts from her... texting is the most invasive form of contact... and this sounds hard but, depending on which phone you have, if you see you get a message from her, delete it... don't read it, after you delete it you'll probably think it over and wonder what it said and maybe regret not looking, but realistically, whatever text you get from her is just a can of worms you don't want to open because it will get you thinking deeper about things and you will be compelled to reply, it's a vicious circle, don't get caught in it
OK. Sounds good I deleted her number last night before I got that text and this morning when I did get it I was like who is this, then I looked at the number and was like ohh its her. What confuses me the most is that she has this other guy to talk to and yet she chooses to send me a message like that. And like I said before she never started a conversation with me since we broke up. So it caught me off guard. And that's the only reason I responded. I told my friend that I know I shouldn't respond and he said I shouldn't either but, again, like I said I thought maybe something was wrong.
Stop being so easy! All she wants to do is pull your chain.Quote:
Originally Posted by prowaker
What's it matter if something is wrong? You're not her backbone anymore.
But who cares if something is wrong? She is not your responsibility anymore, as harsh as that sounds, let this other guy worry about it, let her friends and family worry about it... it isn't your concern.
Wondergirl, that's exactly what my friend said.
Mybrain, I don't know. Because I'm a caring guy?
Dude, you sound like a good guy and have a lot to offer someone, and one day you'll find her. I know you think THIS GIRL is the one, but she isn't or it would have worked the first time. I'm sorry your going through this, trust me. I wish nothing but the best for my ex, she has a brain tumor and will probably pass away in the next ten years. I wish I could be there for her, but she made her choice.
You're not the one for her, and I know you care... but it's time to let go man. I'm going through the same thing, we're on the same recovery journey. I'll be on here, everyday so I can help you through this the best I can and so will everyone else on here.
You're not her rock anymore, don't concern yourself with her. You need to take care of yourself before you worry about her anymore, because you come before her, and you're clearly still hurt by this. You have to heal yourself.
I realize you're a caring guy, as am I... but you need to stop doing this to yourself, and I need to take my own advice as well... All it does is cause you more pain and strain on your mind than its worth.. and when you really get to thinking about if its worth it, the answer is most definitely no, no its not...
Was she thinking about your feelings and how you would react when she broke up with you the night after prom? Was she concerned with if you were having a problem or if anything was wrong with you when she ignored you? She needs to learn the lesson of "treat people how you wish to be treated"
By the way. BWK check your pm's
I did check my PM's, I added you.
This is short. I just got off work 12 am my time and got to get up at 6 for my other job.
Honestly, I think I'm the most caring person ever. Like I would do anything to make a girl happy. I respect them, I like to please them. I never push my limits with them I don't try anything. I'm not some nerd or anything but I'm very respectful person unless you tick me off. Which she did. I just get caught up in things very fast and easily. And when I sent her that drunk text and when we talked for a bit the next day and told me about this guy. I lost it. I just thought the worst and stuff. I'm letting go. I had enough.
As well you should. There are better things to do, and worry about, than someone else's business.
OK so worst night ever last night!
I went out with my friends and guess who I see? Well it was all right. We ignored each other the entire time. Until 1 second we made eye contact and of course she grabs a guy and they start making out! I was holing it in until my last straw. So I went over broke it up and almost knocked the guy out. But I didn't only because I knew him. After that happened all I wanted to do is fight so I left.
Why did she do that. It feels like my heart has just been ripped out!
She did it in hopes you would behave exactly as you did. Now she is smiling, smiling, smiling. She knows you still love her and can be affected by her actions. She doesn't want you back, but she wants to know she's still in control.Quote:
Originally Posted by prowaker
She did as she did to make you jealous, she's playing a dirty game, if this happens again, ignore her turn your back to her and engage in some conversation with someone else, don't play her game, act like you don't care, shell soon get fed up with treating you badly, if you ignore her enough times, but whilst you play into her hands and react like you do she is loving it.
Serious get real, dump her from your life. She's not worth it...
I am dumping her from my life I went out to have a good night not to see her making out with some other guy. I wasn't going to go up. But I couldn't help myself something inside of me was like GRRR. Its hard to explain. I tried turning my back but like I said something inside of me I never felt that feeling before. Honestly, how could I of just stood there and watched, I know she's playing little mind games, but it hurt me. I got home and blocked her on Facebook, deleted her number and called my phone provider and blocked her number. I had enough of this BS. I know she's known of my business but to do something like that in front of me is a LOW BLOW!
You said you did all of that last week.
Only you can stop her doing this to you...
We can advise you but you've got to make it happen...
I couldn't block her on Facebook because she had me blocked, but then I noticed I wasn't anymore last night that's when I did it.
And I had her number deleted but I didn't call my phone provider...
Just a question for the girls out there.
Did you ever do such a thing to your ex after 4 years and just a month of being apart? I'm just curious because she is being so immature!
You had no right to do what you did, it was totally stupid.
You said yourself you two ignored each other the whole evening, so how do you know she was looking at you before she kissed her guy?
I think you let your temper get the best of you. You are not over this girl but you need to do something about your temper.
You were drunk when you text her, were you also drunk when you approached her and her date?
You need to get yourself togeher man. This girl is no longer yours.
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