I don't want it to hurt though, I feel like I shouldn't care. And really hanging out with this girl is going to turn my ex into a junkie, and possibly worse. I feel like crap right now god I'm glad this job is done

The hurt will fade, and you WILL cope!

Her issues are hers, its her choice what she does.

Guess it would be easier, if we had control over others, but we don't.

I know... I will cope and I will get to the day where I look back at this laugh. Like this is what she left me for? To go back to friends like these? What a joke... all that progress just to be reset. I know that the next few days will drive me nuts though... wondering what she's doing, what kind if trouble this girl is getting her into... any advice on how to forget this?

Dude, that is a suckfest.

I am not sure if this helps to know, but what she said and did is NORMAL.
High-school sweethearts, young couple. I have seen it over and over... People need to go through phases or they get stuck and have to get back. She is trying to sort that out. I would not take it personally. You are just the symbol of lost time and place. See if you can get a new job and be a gentleman. She will know what she lost one day. But you may be surprised by the unexpected things that you may discover if you push yourself as well. She's doing you both a favor. If you are supposed to be together, the universe will take care of it... if not, you will have found there's more to life than that store and a life that is too predictable.

FOCUS ON TODAY. NOT HER.
AND AFTER DOING THAT FOR 90 DAYS, YOU WILL BE SOMEWHERE NEW...

A

Dude, your post was amazing. The no contact for sure starts today as tonight is my last shift at this store. The problem is though, seeing my ex hang out with this girl... like words cannot describe how bad of an influence this girl is. She left me for space and to hang out with friends and have fun, but if these are te friends she is going back to, I want nothing to do with her. Once I get home I'm marking 90 days on the calendar, and I pray that my ex does not contact me.

I have been a gentleman though, since the breakup at the end of January I have dropped some compliments, and been a nice good guy in general. She doesn't seem to notice or care though, like she has completely emtionally detached from me. I hope one day she does realize what she lost.

When we said our goodbyes the other day, she had nothing to say. It was pretty much all me... it does suck bro

7 more hours and I'm a free man though. Real nc starts

What did you mean when you said I may be suprisedby the unexpected things I may discover?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by the_original

What did you mean when you said I may be suprisedby the unexpected things I may discover?

---

LIFE.

LIFE man... She is searching and her discoveries sound kind of weak. You sound strong and hopeful, I bet you will discover people, places, new things. Don't fight fate. She just may have done you a HUGE favor. Hear me now, believe me later. PS - do you have degree? I think it's time to buckle down and reach a little higher... why not?

No man I don't have a degree, I'm actually in the middle of applying for the Canadian forces so hopefully that works out. All my friends have told me she just did me a favour, especially since she needs about 20 more high school credits. Doesn't change the fact I love her though, I needed to quit this job sooner lol

Your friends are right.
Why? If she comes back (which I would not count on or wish for)
You're already getting a chance to get
More out of life and be your own man. And you are getting more perspective.
If she doesn't you will be too. And you will have a better life.
Congrats on the new job and if you do not join the Canadian forces, get a degree. (community college?) You will thank me later. Life is what happens when you are making plans my man... But sometimes you can take a little control. But it always requires digging down and suffering. Then reward. That's how it works. I am thinking good things are ahead. Just a guess :-)

You're going through the hurt and pain that comes with a breakup-that's normal and can't be avoided.

As soon as you get yourself into proper NC you will start to feel a real difference.

As for who your ex befriends,that's her business now-and not you responsibility.

Spend your time thinking about you and how you can improve your life,rather than thinking about how she might be ruining hers.

Ash and amicon... you guys are getting me through this shift I don't know how I can possibly thank you enough. I'm slowly realizing that yea, she is really taking backwards steps by bringig this girl back into her circle, and that is her fault/problem. I know 90 days from now I will look back and laugh at this. Part of me still hopes/wants her to come back, but I'm confident that after tonight when I never have to see her again these feelings won't be as strong and they will change.

And I am going to get my life on track. Everyone in my family and all my friends tell me I can do big things... a few years down the line she will regret this I think :)

Lol,a few years down the road,she'll be a distant memory!

Do your outmost to live up to your own potential and do the great things I'm sure you can do.

Bet you you'll be grateful she's no longer around to hold you back.. .

ahh so finally... real NC begins :)

when she showed up at work this morning to replace my shift there was a brief conversation about work related things, and than good bye. No long, drawn out conversation filled with emotion, no hug, nothing. It felt good... really good.

Her mother did drive her to work, and thus gave me a ride home as well, and me and her talked for about an hour. I said my thank you's for all of the support she gave us during the 3 years we were together, and we just talked about how I was doing, how "d" (my ex) was doing, our pets, and a whole bunch of random stuff. I just walked in my apartment door, and honestly, I'm so glad things got left on decent terms with everybody. There is no bitterness, no hate, everything ended peacefully and I guess that's the best you can ask for.

So it starts today ladies and gents... I thank everyone who posted in this thread and gave me all the great advice and insight I needed to get to this point. It stings a little knowing this girl is no longer a part of my life, and that I WILL NOT speak to her again (anytime soon at least) but I know its for the best and again at least things ended peacefully all around with her, and her family.

Don't think I'm saying goodbye though. I'm sure like everyone else I will have my down days and feel like breaking NC, so I will come back to this board (probably very often) to let you guys whoop my a** and set my head straight if I'm having one of those days. I'm also going to post in any thread I feel I can contribute to (its actually very therapuetic) and do my best to just live life and get things together.

Hey day ONE -good luck and stay strong.

Come back whenever,and your advice here is good so keep that up.

Take care now,and do stuff that makes you feel good!

Your perspective is valuable, and welcome here anytime guy, so you better not make yourself a stranger.

Hello all:
So its one week in today... probably not a good sign that I'm still counting the days lol. Honestly, it is getting tougher and tougher each day. The urge to break the no contact is pretty big at times... though so far so good and I keep telling myself each time I feel compelled to message her that absolutely no good will come of it.

Still though, part of me wonders how it is so easy for her to shut me out completely. I didn't go into NC hoping I would get her back... I truly do feel like it is a lost cause at this point. But I often find myself wondering, does she feel the same way? Is it as weird for her as it is for me?

The old store we used to work at together has a gas bar, and I have been very careful to stay far away when I know she is working. The other night I was out with a friend, and he had to get gas and that store is the only one open in town. It was midnight, it wasn't her shift, but there she was working. I saw her, I'm pretty sure she saw me, but I just sat in my friends truck, didn't make eye contact, didn't wave, nothing.
It feels like kind of a set back of sorts, because since then the urge to break NC has been getting stronger... but I won't do it. I refuse to let myself feel worse.

I don't know what the point of this update was... I feel like I'm getting weaker and weaker each day, because I have been doing my best to take pro active measures to get my mind off things. I hang out with friends, I have been keeping busy with my correspondance course, but there's still a lot of empty time in this apartment where my mind wanders to all the "what ifs" and thoughts of her. Life is weird right now, I'll say that much. Thanks for reading.

Do not weaken or feel sorry for yourself.
It sends out bad vibes to her, your family and yourself.
FAKE IT for now... until you have logged 90 days... just find ways
To not contact her or you will regret it.

A

It is tough-but I'm kind of thinking you're strong enough to see it through.

And I think you'll find that you'll lose count of the days after another week or so.
That's the way it works,generally speaking.

As for 'the empty hours'-find things to do.
Find new interests,make new friends,do some volunteering-come here and help out.
Go on a minibreak if you can.

Use your energy to move forward.

Life is all about having weak moments, not just in love but in many areas of life. You manage by knowing and accepting the weakness, and coping in a positive way. Its not a set back, it's a moment of weakness. It will pass, like any other storm in your life. The waiting is the hard part, but you KNOW, reason, and sunshine will always follow, the storm.

KNOWING is the answer to temporary feelings. To have feelings, good or bad is human, that's what we do is feel. But we KNOW we can't always act on those feelings. FACT is maybe a better plan for those stormy days would help. Its called making adjustments to the situation. Hmmm, you seem to do quite well helping others. So maybe you are alone in your apartment, but you don't have to be lonely.

Thank you all for the up lifting words... I honestly felt a lot better just by typing that out... I think I'm one of those people who just needs to get things off my chest once in a while. I am faking it, I do my best to not bring her up around my friends, and I feel happy when I'm out and about, I think its just the fact that the new job is still a couple of weeks away, and I have A lot of spare time right now that's getting to me.
Amicon-i KNOW I won't contact her, as I said I keep telling myself that things will only get worse. There's only so many times you can tell a person you love them and want to be with them, and as much as it hurts anytime I said those things to her the feeling wasn't recipirocated, so I ask myself why put yourself through that again? So far that's been working, and will continue to work I'm sure. Can't make someone love you after all.
And Tal, that's exactly what I'm figuring out. I KNOW things will get better, I guess I'm just impatient right now and hoping the days would pass quicker, but your right. I was wondering if you could clarify to me what you meant though by "I dont have to be alone in my apartment." Are you referring to having friends over (I usually can get at least 1 person to come over each day for a bit) or trying to date and bring a girl back to my place lol? (been down that road, felt like crap after, smart enough to not do it again... yet haha)

Or you could just go out and do things.. .
Gym,jog etc.
Staying stuck indoors is a bit boring sometimes.. .

Don't date yet,too early-but spend time with your friends.

Yea, going for a run every morning could be a good idea! I have a weight bench in my place that I have been using, although not as routinely as I should I must admit.

I realize its to early to date... I made the mistake of getting in touch with an "old flame" so to speak a few months ago when the break up was very fresh. This girl had a boyfriend (lied to me when I asked her though and told me she didnt) and came over anyway... and well you know. I never dated this girl officially, but we had gone out in the past a few times and this wasn't the first time we had sex either. The next morning she left to go back to school/him, and there I was by myself again... with extreme feelings of guilt. So you... wont do that again.
Thanks again for the advice... lets see if I can dish it out for the next little bit!

Good idea-dishing out the advice, I mean.
Keep going.
Or jogging.:-)

All right AMHD... it happened... she sent me a Facebook message. This happened about 2 minutes ago, and as I type my arms are shaking because I don't know what to do.

The message itself is pretty basic. All it says:
Hey just thought I would say hi, what's up? How's coffee culture?

(coffee culture is the place I was supposed to start at in a few weeks, I actually start tomorrow, but that's a different story)

Anyway, so do I respond to this? It doesn't sound hopeful, and I honestly don't think I have anything to gain by it because if I do send a message and nothing past a little correspondance develops from this, I will be devastated. Please advise on how to proceed. I don't want to be her enemy, but I can't handle a straight friendship with her and I told her this when we said goodbye. Bahhh I'm confused.


... props to me though I didn't break NC once so far!

Don't reply-come on-NC is NC.
Block her-no need to be polite when exs come fishing.

Delete!

She is blocked... its actually weird that she can message me. I know I blocked her when I took her off my friends list when this happened, so I guess she searched me out..

Either way, after taking an hour or two, I will stick to NC. The message has "friend zone" written all over it, and nothing is to be gained by replying. Message was also deleted so I don't have to look at it again.

Keeping strong

Yes you are strong.

That was a atop in the road-a tiny one.

Now go out for a run.

Well, she's done it again. I went over to my neighbours just to have a quick beer and watch some TV with them. I come back a half hour later, and there is a missed call from our old work number (it would be her working there at this time). I kind of feel like, fate saved me tonight. My neighbours came and invited me over at just the right time for me to miss that phone call.

... Now the hard part is admitting I kind of wish I was here to take it. I mean, I ignored her ridiculous Facebook message, why would she take it a step further and call me? BTW, I think we are still less than 2 weeks into full NC.


I'm sorry I just don't get it... I ignored the message, that must have been made clear to her. Why would she feel the need to call me? Simply to say "hi, whats up" from work? What is going through her mind? I said, stay away from me, don't send messages, don't call, UNLESS you want to get back together. (Mistake, yes. But how I felt a few weeks ago). Is she simply just being this ignorant and I'm blind to see it?

If you keep ignoring her, it will dawn on her you don't wish to be bothered. That's the point of NC. Right?

She knows your tempted, and wondering what she is up to. She knows old feelings get stirred up by the mystery of her call.

She just can't believe you can move on, and is dying of the curiosity of it all.

Stay with NC!! Its more important now than it was before. If she was a guy, I would say she was checking her "trap" to see if she had caught any thing in them, but since she is a female, she is checking her "traps" to see if she had caught anything in them. See my point? Don't be her prey, and get caught up in her traps!

Thank God you know about NC! Get it now!?

Haha oh yes I most definitely get it. I didn't call back or anything, just kind of shocking really. Again, I'm a lot calmer now and I have realized that her phone call was nothing more than a continuation of her Facebook message. Probably needs some guilt relief or something. NC works though, I feel better each time I ignore one of these attempts.

At this stage, be concerned with you. Not her.

You have other more important things.

Don't let seeing her, or the thoughts of the past sway any of your future decisions. Those are yours and not for anyone but you.

Just make sure that you are looking after your best interests.

From your original post:

"and the one thing commonly said in all of them is that No Contact is an aboslute necessity:

Yup.

So two more texts today. The first one said "hey i messaged you the other day are you too good to talk now?" followed by "??"

What the h-e-double hockeysticks is her motivation? I don't get it, this can't just be curiosity. I ignored them both, and will continue to do so, however now she's making ME curious. I just want to know what goes through her head when less than two weeks ago I said "No contact, unless you want to get back together". It's gotten past that now, and I don't think that's what she wants, can anyone provide insight?

Staying strong though, haven't broken NC on my end once yet! 2 weeks tomorrow!

Stop being curious-she's fishing-probably feels she's not in charge anylonger and that might be p**sing her off.

You are doing really well,just keep busy and keep ignoring her messages.(if any).

Often exes like to test our words, and she thinks you will cave and do things her way, if you will just respond..!

Don't fall for that.

You guys are probably right. I never knew her to be so manipulative in the past... I guess this goes with all the other changes in her I have witnessed.

We live and learn.

Move past it-her bad.

Is there any way of knowing or prediciting when this will stop? I mean in past situations does the ex give up after a certain period? Because honestly, I'm fine 95% of the time until I see that she has called or messaged me in some way, than she starts dominating my thoughts and it needs to stop. So do they usually give up or is this going to persist until I say "back off" kind of thing?


This whole thing shows me how childish/cruel/immature she is as well. It's almost to the point where I laugh at it...

You seem to be recognizing things that you didn't before and your right, her contacting you is starting to be a distraction and annoyance.

Two options,

1- stay on this course, and wait for her to get the hint to leave you alone.

2- Tell her straight up to leave you alone.

Both are viable options, and both require you to follow through with the correct actions on your part.

Option 1 requires you not to give in to returning her contact with you.

Option 2, requires you to never contact her after you have made a stand for yourself.

Nice to have options, so try the first, and do the second, if it becomes necessary.

Eventually they give up, but may come back later, no set time table, sorry, it depends on them. How you cope and deal with her actions, depends on YOU though.

Whoo Hooo!!

Act like she no longer exists.
Because essentially, she doesn't.