Ask Me Help Desk - Need some advice

Well, it's a good thing you didn't have a child with your ex. Having a child with someone you don't end up staying with is hard, and sometimes hard for the child.

My on and off girlfriend wishes the same thing, to have a family together and she knows we have our problems to solve. She does love me deep down, but she has issues that have affected our relationship, our lives, that she knows, but doesn't admit to. So during this slow phase, I will continue to get my own life together and give her the space and her own thinking to resolve her own issues. The advice I got on here, Im much more clear headed to do this the right way. With what you and Talinaman, Friend4u and everyone else has been saying, Im not going to worry about the things I cannot figure out and put my thoughts on getting a new job and just being a good dad. And with what Kitkat said, even though some of it wasn't called for, the thing about being a man about it really got to me. I was letting things get to me, or maybe letting myself get too let down by them instead of having more control of myself. And I think by being calm and more in control of myself, it will have an impact on how my girlfriend views the real problems in our relationship. She will see that I am better capable of handling our problems and our lives once again.

Exactly. There's no wasting time on thoughts that do not serve us.
Whether it be you or me, now or later.

If you can master that one. Well.

You are on the right mindset. Taking a step back. Realizing what your agenda is daily with confidence and control. Not being "too" worried about the product. Just that the product is good when you rest your head.

First things first.

And things aren't looking as bleak as they were now that I've adjusted my attitude about them. I have much more confidence then I did.
Im glad there was a place like this that I could tell my problems to and get advice and support from all different types of people. It's amazing how much of the same problems people share.

Yamon.

Glad (and sorry) you're here asking.

Hehehe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Yamon.

Glad (and sorry) youre here asking.

Hehehe.

Yeah, so am I. Lol.

Uhmmmmmm... so I'll just leave you 2 guys to it then :cool:

Seriously though glad to hear things worked out darkdays , just don't fall for that dreaded Demon "False Hope"

Wait, don't leave me, friend4u... Hehe

Yeah, that's the real demon.

Exorcism.

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Uhmmmmmm ............. so I'll just leave you 2 guys to it then :cool:

Seriously though glad to hear things worked out darkdays , just don't fall for that dreaded Demon "False Hope"

Thanks buddy. I'll stay strong. And if I don't, I'll let you guys know about it so you all can kick me in the butt again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Wait, dont leave me, friend4u... Hehe

Yeah, thats the real demon.

Exorcism.

Hey, you guys did a good exorcism. Sorry you couldn't see my head turn around the other day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkdays

Thanks buddy. I'll stay strong. And if I don't, I'll let you guys know about it so you all can kick me in the butt again.

Don't sweat it , your not the first and I guarantee you won't be the last ;)

I guess I screwed up again and Im back in the same spot as I was with my ex-girlfriend and I don't know what to do. I feel like hell all over again. Everything was fine with us. And then yesterday she got into my emails from her computer at work. She saw that some women I know had emailed me, mostly friends and one that wants to go out with me. I haven't responded to any of them in weeks, I just delete them when I get them. Well she saw them. After I got back into my email account, I asked her for the password to her email account and then she asked why. I said that if she can get into mine, why shouldn't I be able to get into hers. What's fair is fair. And then I remembered when we were together on Saturday with our son, I saw two guys names on her phone and they were in her favorites. Anyway, I said if she didn't have anything to hide, then she would easy give me the password. Well she didn't, so I changed the secret question and password so she would never be able to get into it again. But I thought somehow she was still in it because right after I changed it, one of my friends emailed me and she said something that made me think that she knew. I didn't think that she would admit to still being in it, so I figured that if I said something about her to my friend that she wouldn't like, she would definitely respond to that. So then afterward, I called my friend and told her that I didn't mean what I said about my girlfriend, I was just trying to figure something out. So anyway, I wrote my girlfriend asking if she was still there, and she came back saying "what, are you done bashing me now?" Then I knew somehow she was still into it. I told her I just did it to find out, and she said that she seen enough to know that I was up to no good and I couldn't be trusted. I told her that she must be hiding something if she can't let me into her email account and with the fact that she has two guys numbers in her phone. Well anyway, she just says she's done with me. Like it's my fault or something.
I just can't make heads or tales out of any of this. I knew she could always get into my account and I never minded because I never had nothing to hide. Like I said, I don't reply to emails coming from other women, I just delete them. And she makes me out to be the one with something to hide? What about her not letting me into hers and her phone having other guys numbers?
Can somebody hit me over the head and make me understand this.

Don't trip over this stupid stuff, just leave her alone.

Never argue with a mad female, give her space to cool off. If you weren't trying so hard to be right, and logical, (which you were) then you would have just let her vent, don't argue, and dropped it. Like who cares?

This is her trip, leave it to her. You're not together, and what you do is not her business, so don't get into her guilt trip with her, your only business is with you're child together, personal stuff is off the table. Kissing her butt is not acceptable, no matter what buttons she pushes. Dude, she has issues.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't trip over this stupid stuff, just leave her alone.

Never argue with a mad female, give her space to cool off. If you weren't trying so hard to be right, and logical, (which you were) then you would have just let her vent, don't argue, and dropped it. Like who cares?

This is her trip, leave it to her. You're not together, and what you do is not her business, so don't get into her guilt trip with her, your only business is with you're child together, personal stuff is off the table. Kissing her butt is not acceptable, no matter what buttons she pushes. Dude, she has issues.

Tal, I know she has issues. I just don't know how to deal with them. I mean, why is she blaming me for things when she hides things from me and has guys numbers on her phone?

That's all some childish sh**t. Adults with kids acting like kids.

Well, the game playing is still continuing.

It thought this was going to be about your son. How the BS won't affect his relationship with you later.

All I see in this post is jealously & dishonesty.

Not good things to base anything on.

C'mon, man. You got to be kidding here.
So what if you talk to women.

Your not with her.

How is it that she knows your passwords anyway?

I don't give that info away. To anyone, not my mother, girlfriend friends or anyone else.
Some things are yours not hers.

I have nothing to hide. And if my girlfriend or anyone else wants to read them, then I say go for it. But at my invitation, not anyone else's.

Sounds like maybe you got something to hide.
Otherwise you wouldn't be so keen on her emails.

What are you guys 16?

I don't have nothing to hide. The only reason I wanted into hers is because I think she does.
I didn't give my password to her. She knows the answer to my secret question, and all she has to do is answer that and change the password to get into it. And she always changes it to an old password that I had that she knew so I could get back into it.
No, we're not together. Then why does getting into my emails to check up on me matter so much to her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Thats all some childish sh**t. Adults with kids acting like kids.

Well, the game playing is still continuing.

It thought this was gonna be about your son. How the BS wont affect his relationship with you later.

All I see in this post is jealously & dishonesty.

Not good things to base anything on.

C'mon, man. You gotta be kidding here.
So what if you talk to women.

Your not with her.

How is it that she knows your passwords anyway?

I dont give that info away. To anyone, not my mother, gf friends or anyone else.
Some things are yours not hers.

I have nothing to hide. And if my gf or anyone else wants to read them, then I say go for it. But at my invitation, not anyone elses.

Sounds like maybe you got something to hide.
Otherwise you wouldnt be so keen on her emails.

What are you guys 16?

Leave the woman alone and concentrate on you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Leave the woman alone and concentrate on you!

Then why won't she leave me alone and stop getting into my personal business?
She said on Saturday that she wanted to work things out and now this.

Change your passwords and your secret question , it's none of her friggin business :rolleyes:

Damn too much drama if your ever going to get over this thing.

Change your secret question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Change your passwords and your secret question , it's none of her friggin business :rolleyes:

Damn too much drama if your ever gonna get over this thing.

I did change it, but she was still into it somehow.

"The only reason I wanted into hers is because I think she does."

You are trying to hard. To get back someone that isn't right & get that family together you've been hoping for.

The wrong reasons again.

Concentrate on you & the love you have for your son.

She's got issues & not worth wasting anymore fantasies over.

You have yours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Change your secret question.

I did. Now how do I deal with her. Now she thinks Im up to something just because other women that I don't even talk to anymore still write to me once in a while just to say hi or something.

Quote:

QUOTE by darkdays;
Tal, I know she has issues. I just don't know how to deal with them... Now how do I deal with her.

You don't, if it doesn't concern your son, you don't care. That's how you deal with her issues.

Quote:

Now how do I deal with her. Now she thinks I'm up to something just because other women that I don't even talk to anymore still write to me once in a while just to say hi or something.

Ignore her, and don't explain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

"The only reason I wanted into hers is because I think she does."

You are trying to hard. To get back someone that isnt right & get that family together youve been hoping for.

The wrong reasons again.

Concentrate on you & the love you have for your son.

Shes got issues & not worth wasting anymore fantasies over.

You have yours.

I know, I just can't stop. I want so bad to have this family work. I try so hard and give into everything and take the blame for everything. Im always telling her I love her. Im always there when she wants me. I've tried so hard to do everything right, and everything just gets worse.

Quote:

You don't, if it doesn't concern your son, you don't care. That's how you deal with her issues.

But what about the relationship between me and her and trying to work things out?

Tal, I know you and some of the other guys on here are experts and all on relationships. Im just going crazy over all this. I know you say to leave her alone and ignore her. But I don't see where that's ever going to get us. I don't know, I just don't understand this kind of stuff when it comes to relationships.
Am I just going about all this wrong or something? I mean what do women want from guys? I try so hard to do everything right? Is that wrong or something?

Long shot.

What about your son. Haven't heard one word about him.

Just her silliness.

At some point you are going to realize that this needs more effort than its worth to be in a relationship with her.

The relationship with your son can be amazing. Don't let another one slip away because of another bad choice in women.

You're not ready to work things out, so focus on what's important, and right now the relationship is not important.

Look DD, I feel you, but until you both are ready, it ain't happening, and she ain't ready. And your trying too hard, way to hard. Back up, keep it simple by giving her space, so her issues can be dealt with by her, in her time, not yours.

Trust me, a cooler head by you is what's needed, and forget the family thing, and forever happy for now. FOCUS, really FOCUS! No more relationship talk, let her get there on her own, without you, or you have nothing anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Long shot.

What about your son. havent heard one word about him.

Just her silliness.

At some point you are gonna realize that this needs more effort than its worth to be in a relationship with her.

The relationship with your son can be amazing. Dont let another one slip away because of another bad choice in women.

Vanheart, this has nothing to do with my son. He is fine and I will continue to see him as long as she doesn't give me any problems about it, in which if she does I'll get legal about it. Im talking about her and what she does and what to do. I thought her and I were trying to work things out and now this. Everything went great on Saturday, and we were like a family together. Now she thinks things are going on with me and other women and they are not and now we're back to square one again.

Doesn't sound like she wants to. Just you.

Stop pushing. Chill.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Long shot.

What about your son. havent heard one word about him.

Just her silliness.

At some point you are gonna realize that this needs more effort than its worth to be in a relationship with her.

The relationship with your son can be amazing. Dont let another one slip away because of another bad choice in women.

Little children did not ask to be brought into this world. I wonder why people bring chidren into this world if they are going to put them last. These children need a loving, stable home. Start thinking about your child and leave the woman alone:(.

Quote:

now we're back to square one again.

No your not, your letting your desire for a relationship get in the way of common sense that's saying leave her alone about a relationship, because she is not ready, and you can't make her ready.

I know what your saying Tal, and your right. Then why does she want to get into my emails for if she isn't ready? Im willing to take all the time it needs, but in the mean time I got to deal with stuff like that. And it only gets worse.
So what your saying is that I should just take things light with her when she blames me for this and that and act like it doesn't bother me? And that will make things better? Or for the possibility of working things out?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Little children did not ask to be brought into this world. I wonder why people bring chidren into this world if they are going to put them last. These children need a loving, stable home. Start thinking about your child and leave the woman alone:(.

Trust me Kat, I never planned my son to be born into this. I tried with all my heart and effort to create a stable home and family for him.

"And it only gets worse. " quoted...

Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Concentrate on the job search.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

"And it only gets worse. " quoted....

Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Concentrate on the job search.

So just let it go right? Ignore it and let it go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkdays

I know what your saying Tal, and your right. Then why does she want to get into my emails for if she isn't ready? Im willing to take all the time it needs, but in the mean time I got to deal with stuff like that. And it only gets worse.
So what your saying is that I should just take things light with her when she blames me for this and that and act like it doesn't bother me? And that will make things better? Or for the possibility of working things out?

Concentrate on your child! There's a loose woman around every corner.
You must like the way she's treating you or else you would take advice and tell her to take a hike. How in the world can you go hoping and letting her pull your strings?

I do not understand your reasoning at all. Do you know women despise
Weak men. They tell their friends about how they can have that guy anytime. How do you like being a puppet. How do you think your son is going to grow up to be strong when he's looking at the way you live.
You are not a very good example for him to follow. You or your squeeze!:mad:

Not ignore it.
Recognize.

Concentrate on you.
Without a vision of a relationship with her driving your whole existence, thoughts & actions.

I doubt you ever get with this female, and think you're driving yourself crazy trying.

When they act crazy, and unreasonable, leave them alone, not freak out on them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Concentrate on your child! Theres a loose woman around every corner.
You must like the way she's treating you or else you would take advice and tell her to take a hike. How in the world can you go hoping and letting her pull your strings?

I do not understand your reasoning at all. Do you know women despise
weak men. They tell their friends about how they can have that guy anytime. How do you like being a puppet. How do you think your son is going to grow up to be strong when he's looking at the way you live.
You are not a very good example for him to follow. You or your squeeze!:mad:

So now Im weak? Why is that? I guess I just don't get it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I doubt you ever get with this female, and think you're driving yourself crazy trying.

When they act crazy, and unreasonable, leave them alone, not freak out on them.

Good Tal, can't spread the reputation. But you are right.