Thank you :-)
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Thank you :-)
You just need to keep talking yourself through this... keep giving yourself "permission" to feel like crap and have that be OK... something you don't have to escape from by acting recklessly.Quote:
Originally Posted by peekcachu
I still have moments when my ex will stop me in my tracks. Some days it doesn't take much. The more I can accept that it isn't abnormal to feel like this... its expected, even needed... the less it drives me nuts.
I love the girl. Can't be with her. Still love her. Sucks to be me sometimes. Sometimes its great. The less I take myself too damn seriously the easier it is to just breathe and relax and not punch holes in walls. Or stuff.
Anyway... glad you are still trying.
May I ask, why you can't be with her?
There's the philosophical angle and the historical angle.
Mentally... we are two people who have great fun together but somehow... the best way I can describe it... is we "cancel" each other out. Ever been on the playground when two people are spinning a jump rope but its not in synch? Its like that. Destructive interference is what a science geek might call it.
I don't know why. We care greatly for each other. But we don't belong together. It hasn't been healthy for us overall. And its complicated, as we have a son together. So... it's a healthier divorce than it was a marriage, as twisted as that might seem.
The historical side... she fundamentally betrayed me, deliberately.
I like naughty girls. That sometimes bites me on the arse.
Whatever the reasons.
We learn, that not everyone is meant to be together.
As much as we may try.
But being aware for the next time is the key.
(Who you are & what it is you really want)
There's the forest & then there's the trees. Excuse the cliché.
Omg you and l are relationship twins! If you want to privately contact me do not hesitate x
Today would have been our 3rd year mark... but it is not because there is no "us". I am really sad.
"Would have been" is the key.
The past.
No reason to be sad. Look toward your future.
Those thoughts are just that. Ones that make you sad.
We all have 'em.
Oh well. Keep your thoughts about things that make you happy.
Its going to be 6 for me soon. Glad it ended at 5 now.
All I know is that Ive been NC for almost a year & loving it.
Takes time & effort in your part.
Hey, was just thinking about your comment as I was working.
Thoughts pop up all the time.
And, when we are going through these tragic events, (and after) we can let those painful thoughts enter our heads.
Our whole life is about managing those. Spending as much time as we can on the good ones.
Not only that, but conditioning ourselves, through time and effort.
Learning.
I still think about my ex, and lots of other things that don't serve me.
Sometimes I went into spirals over those.
Now those thoughts of her, when then come up are fleeting.
And when I catch myself tripping over that stuff, I say "Ok, stop now."
And maybe call myself some names, then laugh.
And go about my business.
Yeah. Last week wouldve been ten years. I actually find I get through all the "big days" fairly OK... usually p!ssy and b!tchy... and its afterwards when it's a struggle.Quote:
Originally Posted by peekcachu
But, like I've said, it's a lot easier when you accept that you are going to feel like crap from time to time... expect it... and don't even run from it. Of course it feels lousy at times. It should.
Doesn't hurt I've been through this mental exercise a few times with previous big loves lost... but still, even when you are prepared and have all the mental tools you need, it doesn't mean it still isn't ugly stuff at times.
Just a part of getting to a healthier place.
Sorry that you are feeling down.
Yup, less p!ssy & b!tchy!! Nice one.
Im all for that. Hehehhe.
With anyone.
Update:
My ex. Said he will meet with me tomorrow at a musuem after I lightly suggested we meet up and hang out. I am looking forward to this meeting, but very scared at the same time.
I'm scared this meeting will make things worse for me in terms of keep wanting him.
Why did I casually contact him for a meeting, you ask? Well, I saw him on a dating website and phone texted him to tell him how charming his profile was and how I wanted to meet up and get to know each other. I suggested maybe meeting up at a musuem. He texted back, two days later, that it sounded "nice."
My reason was to start over. I learned a lot from our past relationship and I want to use what I learned to make my next relationship a healthier one.
I am very scared and nervious for tomorrow. I'm scared he might back out. I'm scared he'll tell me he's seeing someone. I'm scared he'll tell me I need to stop putting in the effort and let him go. I'm going to try my hardest to go into this with no expectation of winning him back. I will enjoy seeing him again and expect nothing. I'm just scared.:(
Just go into this as friends with no expectations what so ever.
If you can't do that, I would suggest cancelling the meet up.
"This is why you are scared:
"I lightly suggested"
"more fasle hope"
"I saw him on a dating website"
"phone texted him"
All wrong things to do.
Theres no reason to do this or meet up.
Unless you like feeling like crap.
Heres the one nice thing you said:
"make my next relationship a healthier one"
You don't need a meetup to do that. You already know.
Its been over.
No, I do not want to keep feeling like crap. I've been feeling like crap for the past two months. And this may be the stupiest thing I'll do, but I hope it will open my eyes to reality.
Yup. Stupid.
But, whatever it takes to open your eyes. Hope it does.
Well, then go for it. But I hope for his sake that if he gives you a second chance, you don't repeat the past and hurt this guy all over again. Have you truly learned how to love someone?
peekcachu,
Was thinking, when I signed up here I wrote something in my question.
Something that I was freaking about.
"Now Im out of site, out of mind & devastated"
Its ironic how NC is.
How now she's out of site & out of mind. With the exceptions of a few tweaks here & there. Only by my doing.
That's the point.
Our doing.
Update:
Went to the movie and was a bit awkward. Both of us had our hands on our lap the whole time. Since he treated me to the movie, I offered to treat to a light pre-dinner meal. He said he already eat and maybe another time. He walked me to my car and gave me a hug. I asked for a kiss on the check and he said yes. I kissed him on his cheek and he kissed me on my cheek and than gave me a kiss on my lips. He wishee me a save drive home and I did the same. When I got home, I texted "thank you again for the movie. You looked really cute with that paw hat you had on. I was too nervous to tell you that in person." He responded with "it was flowers and it was nice to see you too." I'm just happy he agreed to see me. I will continue to work on myself and let him see for himself.
Yup.
You have a life to get on with now.
Feeling blue...
Im feeling curious. Would you like to fill us in?Quote:
Originally Posted by peekcachu
I thought my meeting with my ex. Went well, but we barely got to talk. We met for the movies and than that was it. Our original plan was to go to the museum. I'm just feeling needy, I guess. Seeing him made me really missed him and he was so pleasant towards me. I will be fine, I know. Just feeling blue...
Have you and him made any plans to get together again?Quote:
Originally Posted by peekcachu
You had another expectation then he did here. Or does, for that matter.
That's why you are blue, huh. Starting to realize things...
Yup, sucks however you want to slice it, when it comes to breakups, but..
"Seeing him made me really missed him"
Again, your doing. Don't do it any longer.
More heartache? Or...
I like blue sometimes, when I need it, Im on a project where the brand is blue. Yeah, so..
But certainly don't like feeling blue.
Black & white first. Reality. Sketches of how you see it happening. Then the color.
Ok, now you got me confused, you know, the eggshell white satin finish shade of confusion.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Exactly.
Sometime that's hard to crack.
So what say you Peekachu? Is there another date lined up?
Yeah, whattya say?
Hope you guys aren't encouraging her to have more False hope!!
Just sayin' ;)
Nope. Just the opposite.
Didn't think that she should meet up this time, let alone next.
Said so.
Thanks for clearing things up, though. Excuse my cynicism. Just trying to break consciousness a bit.
False hope. That what this tread's about now.
From the sound of it, he is not opposed to another meeting. When we said goodbye, he told me "we'll talk."
Athough right now, I feel more down than anything. I feel very low. I'm not usually the one making all the effort. And that's the thing that hurt the most. After reading all these threads, if one person makes all the effort, its not going to work. I want to wooo him back, but I'm feeling unhappy while doing it. He's giving me sign that he wants to still hang out, but I'm too eager to get back to where we were and I'm afraid that he is not ready to do that. It just hurts no matter how I look at it. :(
With the history you both have why should he be so gung ho to get back to the confusion and conflicts you had before.
That's asking a lot and its not realistic. If things have really changed it will take time to realize it and even more time to believe it.
He is supposed to be very cautious because no matter what you say now, the past is all he has to go by as to what you have been through before.
I would be too if I was in his position. I don't blame him, I'm just very unhappy at the moment. Prior to this, he made it a point to always tell me how much he cared and loved me. Now, I'm just very uncertain. I don't know if he is seeing others while talking to me. Not that I have any rights to him, but it just hurts. I really wanted to text him today, but stopped myself. I'm not going to push and look needy.
I'm going back to getting know me.
Yeah, it hurts when peoples words don't match there actions.
Especially in romantic relationships. And breakups.
But, hang in there. You will get through this. Just don't trip too hard on him anymore. You are already being strong.
"I'm going back to getting know me."
YES, YES & YES!! That's the key.
Being in control of our thoughts, words, and actions.
I want to get through this! I'm afraid its getting worse! I haven't contact or anything, but that meeting really messed up my thinking.
Why?
I am stuck. Before, I told myself its over. I kept repeating it over and over again. After meeting him again, I think there might be a chance, but a very small chance... and sometime I feel that I'm fooling myself. I want to be strong and accept that his lack of contact and effort should speak for itself and even if he doesn't say it, its over. I want to be strong and stop these thoughts! :(
You will.
Meeting with him didn't get the results you expected in the back of your mind because of false hope.
But what it did was push you over the edge to realization.
That's when we hurt the most.
BUT, with that, we can finally get on and find that strength.
I know its incredibly hard not to dwell. And time will certainly help.
Just make sure that you embrace the good things you have going and look for more of them, whatever they are.
When I was going through this, I wanted nothing more to heal & get back to my happy self.
No one was going to stop me in doing that.
You will be better because of this. Remind yourself of that.
Its OK. Happens to the best of us.
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