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Ahhh.
Thanks, that's exactly what I was looking for.
Make-up, break-up, toxic. 6.5 years. Way before this incident last year.
Glad you finally know that.
What I meant was being aware, communicating and taking responsibility.
What was the question again? About her text flirting?
I shouldve left a while ago... the text flirting is what did it inQuote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I hope that you weren't implying that she was texting like that, because I wasn't communicating with her or taking responsibility... Im hoping you meant, I shouldve have ended this a while ago
Yup,
That's what Im getting at. YOU, YOU and YOU.
Not her.
Listen man. I not trying to egg you, or bust your nuts, just help you.
If we truly understand and love ourselves, be aware. We can rule as individuals. That may mean doing some uncomfortable digging about yourself. It seems that its time. Do it now before you waste any more time.
This is your life after all. Don't you want it to be cool?
You can lay back & just let things unfold. You are the one in control of your existence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
Well try to stay out of the "MOOD" until you get over this girlfriend. Sleeping around isn't the answer. How could you sleep with someone you don't love? That is not the answer. I'm being honest with my answers. Either find something to take your mind off her (NOT SEX WITH A PERSON YOU HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR) or spend the rest of your life counting the days since you last saw her or texted her or how many hours and minutes it's been since your breakup.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
My bad, I thought you were saying she was doing these things like texting, as if it were MY fault for her texting... thats what I was about to be angry at. But as you stated, that's not what you meant
Wish I hadn't quit smoking.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
Im just saying Kitkat, I thought he was implying that her actions were a result of something I did wrong. That's what I thought he was getting at
What?
Are you tripping? You don't listen. You got it right the first time.
Jeeez Louise.
No, I DO listen, I'm tripping? Are you really blaming her text messaging incident on me?? Are u saying its because I did HER Bad?! Is that what you meant by you, you, you?Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I was simply telling kitkat that I was mad at first, because I THOUGHT you were SAYing that her crazy act with those messages, was all because of me!
That's like your g/f cheating on you, and I tell you, its all your fault... thats how I took it... I was telling Kitkat, that is how I took it, but you cleared it up and said that is NOT what you were saying... these posts must be lagged
Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
I didn't see anything confusing in Vans post. Since you brought it up, are you blameless in this relationship? I think booze has been a huge factor in your relationship and I mean for both of you.
You can not sit up here and tell me that she did these things because it was my fault... Im not saying I was blameless, but I would NEVER say to you if your boyfriend cheated on you, it was YOUR FAULT... I mean c'mon now. Like I said earlier, people do things like that because they WANT to...
There does not have to be ANY MOTIVE, or something LACKING for them to want to do that. You cannot CONTROL someone from something like that.
So please stop acting as if I am the blame for her sending those erotic texts
You are absolutely right.
You can only control yourself and your decisions.
What's your next step?
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
To continue NC. I am moving on with my life... I just don't think its appropriate for you to say, it was my fault as if I was the REASON she did what she did. As if I didn't talk to her enough, etc
I don't think anyone asked that question except me. I'm not speaking of the text messages. What I am asking is this. In all the time you were together you never cheated or lied or maybe had a few too many and maybe copped an attitude with her?Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
Lied yes, cheated noQuote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
I never said that.
Just am gathering that you don't really want to take any responsibility, then or now.
There's no blame here on you or her.
Maybe you should look at why you getting your feathers in a ruffle.
While you are on NC. Start studying yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
What did you lie about and be honest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Im just aggitated. I know it takes two hands to clap, and I'm not saying I don't responsibility. I ended it because of the Texts, because I didn't trust that. Without trust, there is no relationship
Just small things, like if I said I was on my way over and I was 2o minutes away, I would say like 5 minutes away
Im out guys, later...
Kitkat, why are you getting into that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Good post Vanheart. I'm going to get some cigerettes. Goodnight!
Kitkatt, are you saying I lied about something else?? I just told you
Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
I don't know you so I don't know if you have lied or not! What I do know is a thirty year old man should know when to move on! You say you are, but in a few of your post you have mentioned how many hours and days it's been since you last saw her and you keep bringing up the trashy texts. You didn't answer my question about how much the alcohol affected your relationship. I asked have you ever gotten drunk and became verbally or physically abusive. You didn't answer. Look I'm not being a smart alec but there are always two side to every story.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
Yeah I agree, yes alcohol was a MAJOR factor, I slowed down quite a bit, she didn't, and it was like now that I slowed down, I looked at things from a different angle. Yes, I have went off on her when I was drinking. We would always get into heated arguments when drinking We both are to blame for that. Im not saying that I am blameless. I just know that this situation regarding texting, I'm blameless. But this relationship should have been left a long time ago. Hindsight 20/20. I believe it was a mix of alcohol and incompatibility
Good! Now that you admit you were part of the problem at least you are being truthful you are admitting there were problems long before the texts. I think you still have deep feelings for this woman. After the years you two have been together that's normal..Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
Now be thankful there were no children from your union with her. Children suffer the most when parents drink and fight.
If you still have a problem with alcohol, please get help. I think you are very brave for seeking help. You will meet a nice woman someday and when you do you don't want to go into a good relaintionship with ugly
Baggage from another. Blessings:):)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
Thank you that advice really helps :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
I hope I helped you. I can be very blunt at times but I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. But as the old saying goes, "Plain words are easily understood". Good luck confused.
Just make sure, that you understand what clarity & responsibility is about.
Both physically and emotionally.
Don't just write this lesson off.
Hope you are not confused anymore.
Stick to it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Vanheart, can you give some examples of what you mean by clarity and responsibility both physically and emotionally, just so I don't take baggage with me to the next
Never mind, I just got that meaning/understanding
Alcohol and anything else that affects our ability to ration. That's the physical thing. We already know that was an issue. Physical clarity. Cloudiness.
But those things are fueled by underlying issues. Emotional clarity. (Why)
Basically who am I. What else do I need to consider? History, family, friends, past relationships, basically everything up until you are reading this.
Some research about Confused180...
That's the responsibility part.
Hope that answered your question.
Thank you for all your input, I really take it to heart and am going to incorporate it.
I feels odd, the first 7 days I was completely over it, was no contact etc, and didn't care.
Now I'm on day 14 and instead of it getting easier, I find myself getting the urge to contact her... although I'm not. It's odd because for the first 10 days, the urge did not exist at ALL! I thought this urge usually happens during the first week or so, not this many days into it.
Any advice or past experiences?
Those urges are different for everyone.
Just stay on track. The busier you keep yourself, the easier it is.
The reality for most of us is there is/was no reason to.
You will be glad later that you didn't.
It may prove some inner strength that you didn't know you had.
Strength you can use later.
Take the advice of the people on this forum. It will get better.
Keep a journal.
I wrote lots of notes to myself during my breakup.
About her, about myself. Did some serious digging & soul searching.
I looked at it as a creative project to heal.
Helped immensely.
Don't listen to the songs that remind you of her..
Don't go to places where you might run into her
Don't ask mutual friends about her
Don't get drunk and call her
Start working out or running
Don't drive by her place at anytime
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