Remorse, sadness, and guilt, are feelings that you don't dwell on. It is what it is, as not all things have good outcomes, or the ones we worked for.

But that's a good insight you caught, its probably more to do with what's going on in her own life(and mind), that makes her text you.

Maybe she needs sympathy, or attention, or is bored, or is curious, or just needs an emotional tampon. Who knows, maybe she doesn't know.

But all the more reason not to dwell on her motives. Just stay on your own path.

I would like some opinions on this. I am very curious as to why my ex-girlfriend would tEXt me. I know you guys are just going to say: It doesn't matter--Just move on--or that only she knows what those tEXt means. But, nevertheless I would still like to know what's going on. Because I feel like knowing the actions, would surely give me a BIG ego-boost from knowing that I am winning in this game of life. She broke up with me early Jan. of this year.

First Message was on May 30th, and it was a text that read:
"Just wanted to clear some things up. I didn't cheat on you and I would appreciate it if you stopped telling people that. Thanks"
->I don't even know any of her friends, anyone she knows, nor have I ever said she cheated on me, to anyone.

Second Message was on June 12th and the text message was:
"Hi"

-> Remember, that I have never responded to her messages, ever. And I am cold turkey N.C. because that is what I believe in.

Getting a girls opinion on this would be interesting. And knowing what's going on will surely give me an ego-boost. Remember: I am not going back to her, nor will I ever--ever--ever--ever--ever--ever think about going back to her.

-> Also, after the "Hi" message, I changed my number. ^_^

This is an overly used technique. Accuse the other person of something they are not doing, the person will try to defend him/herself and will get involved in an emotional argument.
Her second text to me confirms that she wants to still have some type of relationship with you, and now that the "argument" technique did not work, playing nice might.
Here is my general opinion on the issue of contact/no contact. It is a great way of putting the relationship behind you, and coping with the loss/regrets. It is not about winning. I see this argument about winning over her/him all the time. It is not healthy to think of these events in life as competition, they are not. She broke up with me, so now I got to do what I can to be the "winner". Let's be honest, there are no winners here. Every time there is a break down in a relationship between two human beings, we lose part of ourselves, and we also gain some insight about ourselves. We become a little less flexible, yet wiser. What we can do at the end is learn from these experiences, and move forward.
What my ex-girlfriend did to me was absolutely wrong, and unethical. But that is not what bothers me the most. What bothers me the worst is the way I reacted to it, in an angry fashion. The relationship had to end, and no matter what happens now, no matter how many texts she sends me, I will not feel like winner, because I know that I lost part of myself, self-respect, and dignity that way. I learned my lesson, and will not repeat it, but I did not "win".

One more thing on "winning", your ego-boost should come from your accomplishments in life, not from how many texts or messages you are getting from a person who dumped you. Your ego, integrity, and confidence should not have been dependent on that person anyway.

I am a female. :D

Lifeistough is correct. "Accuse the other person of something they are not doing, the person will try to defend him/herself and will get involved in an emotional argument" and "now that the 'argument' technique did not work, playing nice might."

Little kids do this all the time on the playground. Sally won't speak to Susie. Susie tells Sally, "Everyone says you are fat." Sally forgets she isn't talking to Susie and hotly declares, "I am not fat!" Bingo! Susie got Sally to talk to her.

If that doesn't work, every time Susie sees Sally, she smiles and says, "Hi!" If Sally doesn't respond, she risks being classified as a meanie.

It all has to do with power and control.

Why does it matter now? It's not like she is stalking you. Texting "Hi"? What's that, after not talking for months - it's totally meaningless and I wouldn't waste my time trying to figure it out. Ask yourself why do you care. Do you regret changing your number? Do you hold out any false hope that later on she'd contact you again and actually will have something to say?

There are no winners after break up. When relationship ends, no matter who dump who, both have to deal with feelings of loss. Her meager attempts to reestablish contact may give you an ego boost of a kind - like she still wants you after all this time apart - but in reality, if she'd want to talk, she'd pick up the phone and would have a real conversation with you. Not just sending "Hi". So forget it, and good luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It all has to do with power and control.

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What do you mean here?

Why is she even bothering tEXting me. She left me, she told me she didn't love me anymore. She told me she didn't know what she wanted. And she also said: I don't see a future with you, so why bother being with you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shadowburn

if she'd want to talk, she'd pick up the phone and would have a real conversation with you. Not just sending "Hi". So forget it, and good luck.

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Which is my point. If she wanted to have a conversation with me, or wanted to have any type of relationship with me. Wouldn't any normal human being pick up the phone and talk to the other person. Which is why, this does not make sense.

Also, as I have said in the OP, I don't have any false hope. And no, I do not regret changing my number. I am just curious as to what this means. I just can not accept things for what people say. Which is why during class, teachers are always calling doctors to explain things to me because they are not educated enough to explain things to me with their backgrounds.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It all has to do with power and control.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adapa

What do you mean here?

Why is she even bothering tEXting me. She left me, she told me she didn't love me anymore. She told me she didn't know what she wanted. And she also said: I don't see a future with you, so why bother being with you.

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What happens in your non-relationship if you reply?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What happens in your non-relationship if you reply?

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I don't really understand what you are trying to get at here.

Quote:

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Why is she even bothering tEXting me. She left me, she told me she didn't love me anymore. She told me she didn't know what she wanted. And she also said: I don't see a future with you, so why bother being with you.

---

All right, since you're so persistent, I'll try...

1. She is lonely.
2. She is bored.
3. Her next relationship didn't work out or god forbid she got dumped - so now she runs back to her comfort zone, which is you.
4. She knew you cared for her and tries to see if you still do - which is an ego boost for her.
5. She doesn't want you, but she doesn't want you to move and not to want her.
6. She tries to see of she still has power over you and is able to drag you back into her old drama.
7. She wants you as a fallback until next guy will come around - and then she'd dump you again.

And so on, and so on. The only thing those pitiful texts do NOT indicate is that she wants to reconcile with you. Or as I said before and you agreed - she'd be having a real and mature conversation with you.

So why exactly do you care? Her last attempt was on June 12, which is almost 1.5 months ago. Why are you asking yourself these questions now?

Wow. I have never met the most rudest people in the whole world. You guys are really being ignorant.

I thought this forum was suppose to be about answering questions. Not bashing someone for wondering, and wanting advice.

Holly $hit. Please have a mod delete this. And this forum has just lost a member.

I'm going to take a stab at explaining what WG said. If I'm wrong, sorry WG. :)

What would happen if you respond? Would it make a difference? You've already said it's over, you're done, not going back, you're over it. So why does it matter?

Here's my interpretation of why she's texting.

She broke up with you. She left you. She's female. We female's tend to be nurturing caring beings. We don't like to hurt someone. It's much easier to walk away if we're the ones that are hurt. So, by texting you and claiming that you're spreading rumors that she cheated, she can put the blame on you, make you the bad guy. Then she can feel like she had a good reason to leave.

It doesn't make sense, because really, the only reason she needed to leave you was the one she gave, that she's not in love with you, but I'm sure she feels guilty that that's the only reason she had to leave. Making you the bad guy makes her feel better for leaving.

Forget about the texts and move on, or obsess about what they mean, drive yourself crazy about it, and put your life on hold even more because you can't let it go. Personally, I like option A.

As for your ego, if you need her in order to boost your ego, than you need more help than we can provide. You are the one that either makes your life great, or bad. It's in your hands. You ego should be boosted because of who you are, not because other people are failing in your eyes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adapa

Wow. I have never met the most rudest people in the whole world. You guys are really being ignorant.

I thought this forum was suppose to be about answering questions. Not bashing someone for wondering, and wanting advice.

Holly $hit. Please have a mod delete this. And this forum has just lost a member.

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Wow!

Did you come here for validation or advice?

If you want someone to mollycoddle you and tell you what you want to hear, go to your friends, or your mom.

You wanted advice, and you got it. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but it is good advice.

You can choose to ignore the posts you don't find helpful, but considering that you can't even ignore texts from your ex, I guess that's not something we can expect you to do here.

Do you want the truth, or do you just want to hear that you're the best, she was a fool to leave, of course she's texting because she wants you back?

If it's the second option, then call your friends, they'll tell you what you want to hear, because they're too afraid to tell you the truth.

Good luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I'm going to take a stab at explaining what WG said. If I'm wrong, sorry WG. :)

What would happen if you respond? Would it make a difference? You've already said it's over, you're done, not going back, you're over it. So why does it matter?

Here's my interpretation of why she's texting.

She broke up with you. She left you. She's female. We female's tend to be nurturing caring beings. We don't like to hurt someone. It's much easier to walk away if we're the ones that are hurt. So, by texting you and claiming that you're spreading rumors that she cheated, she can put the blame on you, make you the bad guy. Then she can feel like she had a good reason to leave.

It doesn't make sense, because really, the only reason she needed to leave you was the one she gave, that she's not in love with you, but I'm sure she feels guilty that that's the only reason she had to leave. Making you the bad guy makes her feel better for leaving.

Forget about the texts and move on, or obsess about what they mean, drive yourself crazy about it, and put your life on hold even more because you can't let it go. Personally, I like option A.

As for your ego, if you need her in order to boost your ego, than you need more help than we can provide. You are the one that either makes your life great, or bad. It's in your hands. You ego should be boosted because of who you are, not because other people are failing in your eyes.

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HOLLY god damn in a bucket.

I guess you have to watch what you say on these forums, or, everyone is out to cut your throat--in one second.

Does no-one understand what an ego-boost refers to? I mean, I guess I should have rephrased my message a bit. But, I meant it in a way about feeling good about her still wanting me.

And it really saddens me the way people are responding to my messages. Its as if they don't even read my OP, nor do they even know my story.

I am an active member, and read everyone story, and give great detailed advice in every post I give. I answer the questions that the OPs asks. I do not BASH them, or put them down, or cut their throats.

Did we really need to bash me, and ask rhetorical questions that do not pertain to my question?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Wow!

Did you come here for validation or advice?

If you want someone to mollycoddle you and tell you what you want to hear, go to your friends, or your mom.

You wanted advice, and you got it. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but it is good advice.

You can choose to ignore the posts you don't find helpful, but considering that you can't even ignore texts from your ex, I guess that's not something we can expect you to do here.

Do you want the truth, or do you just want to hear that you're the best, she was a fool to leave, of course she's texting because she wants you back?

If it's the second option, then call your friends, they'll tell you what you want to hear, because they're too afraid to tell you the truth.

Good luck.

---

Uhm. Yeah, its called "Ask me Help Desk". Which refers to: Asking questions, getting some opinions. Which my questions were, if you read the OP:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adapa

I would like some opinions[/B] on this. I am very curious as to why my ex-girlfriend would tEXt me. I know you guys are just going to say: It doesn't matter--Just move on--or that only she knows what those tEXt means. But, nevertheless I would still like to know whats going on.

---

:rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

You can choose to ignore the posts you don't find helpful, but considering that you can't even ignore texts from your ex, I guess that's not something we can expect you to do here.

Do you want the truth, or do you just want to hear that you're the best, she was a fool to leave, of course she's texting because she wants you back?

---

Keep cutting those throats. Is it needed?

She broke up with you in January... sent you TWO meager texts over this whole time. One of them was accusing you of something you didn't do, another saying "Hi", and even that was over a month ago. What kind of ego boost you can get out of this, and what is it to win here?

I really want to help, as I am sure others do too, and this board is full of very empathetic people who are willingly offer their time and wisdom to anyone left in relationship darkness, but I guess we all misunderstood your question.

Good luck though.

Quote:

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I am an active member, and read everyone story, and give great detailed advice in every post I give. I answer the questions that the OPs asks. I do not BASH them, or put them down, or cut their throats.

---

Really? Because I found this post of yours rather harsh.

Quote:

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What did we say? Why can't you listen to us?. Delete, all ties. This includes but is not limited to:

Facebook
Myspace
Any Blogs
Any Social Networking sites
Youtube

F###K, also, do me a favor and CHANGE your number, and your e-mail address... and for your own dignity, please put your AIM on Privacy.

Yeah, it sucks, but you need to completely ditch any loose ties to her, any connection she can have with you, and any connection that she could easily get a-hold of. This is also for YOUR benefit also. Out of sight, out of mind.

---

etc.

Found here;

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lp-489900.html

Post #20

Shall I post more?
.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Really? Because I found this post of yours rather harsh.



etc.

found here;

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lp-489900.html

post #20

Shall I post more?
.

---

Yeah... And if you read the quote:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tango696

Well guys, thought I wouldn't update this but after today I feel compelled. To be honest with you, I hate facebook. When moving my things out of the apartment today I took the time to look at it and it only hurt me (I know shouldn't have done it). It hurts to see that only 4 days before we break up she says, "Eating dinner with my cutie watching TNG." Then she goes to state about our break-up, "We had issues that we couldn't work out over the 3 years and he wouldn't respect me not wanting to workout". Well, I guess there is one of my screw-ups there. I wanted her to take care of herself but guess I should have shut my mouth (I know, don't bash me... lesson learned).

I just don't see the need for her to broadcast our break-up and problems on a social site. Since then I have made my friend change my login and pass to something I don't know. That way I won't look at her page and even if I wanted to I couldn't do it. This sucks guys, I didn't want this to happen.

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And if you read the Whole thread, you would see that we have told him what to-do. And the post is not harsh at all.

Go ahead post more. :rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Altenweg agrees : I don't think he's looking for help. He's looking for validation..

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And there we go again. Cutting throats. Keep diggin' your hole. Cause you're the one who's being harsh here. You are the one who is being condescending, and assuming things.

You're acting like a child. You even went as far as to find post I have made. And acting like they are harsh. God damn, thanks for my ego-boost. ^_^

umad?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adapa

Does no-one understand what an ego-boost refers to? I mean, I guess I should have rephrased my message a bit. But, I meant it in a way about feeling good about her still wanting me.

And it really saddens me the way people are responding to my messages. Its as if they don't even read my OP, nor do they even know my story.

---

This will be merged to your story where it should have been posted in the first place. Posted here it is out of context and context is most of he meaning in communications.

If you get an ego boost out of her contacting you, then you are still involved emotionally. IF you had asked these questions a month ago, it would have been more understandable than it is now when you claim it doesn't matter.

That you have been thinking about this for over a month, says that you need to examine why it is so important to you to know that a month ago she was thinking about you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

This will be merged to your story where it should have been posted in the first place. Posted here it is out of context and context is most of he meaning in communications.

If you get an ego boost out of her contacting you, then you are still involved emotionally. IF you had asked these questions a month ago, it would have been more understandable than it is now when you claim it doesn't matter.

That you have been thinking about this for over a month, says that you need to examine why it is so important to you to know that a month ago she was thinking about you.

---

Just delete this thread please.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adapa

And there we go again. Cutting throats. Keep diggin' your hole. Cause your the one whos being harsh here. You are the one who is being condescending, and assuming things.

You're acting like a child. You even went as far as to find post I have made. And acting like they are harsh. God damn, thanks for my ego-boost. ^_^

umad?

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Mad? No. I find it really amusing that you think you're the victim here.

You're the one that attacked us. When someone takes a swing at me, I don't sit in the corner and suck my thumb, I fight back, especially when the swing was unjustified.

So continue to play the victim. The big mean people on a website told you the truth and you couldn't handle it. No wonder your ego needs a boost. :rolleyes:

Good luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Mad? No. I find it really amusing that you think you're the victim here.

You're the one that attacked us. When someone takes a swing at me, I don't sit in the corner and suck my thumb, I fight back, especially when the swing was unjustified.

So go ahead and continue to play the victim. The big mean people on a website told you the truth and you couldn't handle it. No wonder your ego needs a boost. :rolleyes:

Good luck.

---

Umad?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by adapa

umad?

---

Lmao!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Mad? No. I find it really amusing that you think you're the victim here.

You're the one that attacked us. When someone takes a swing at me, I don't sit in the corner and suck my thumb, I fight back, especially when the swing was unjustified.

So go ahead and continue to play the victim. The big mean people on a website told you the truth and you couldn't handle it. No wonder your ego needs a boost. :rolleyes:

Good luck.

---

Where does other post bra? You got that post or what? Or u just admiting that you got notin? Cause you be madden 98 all that bra.

Umad brah?

I still be waiting for dos other posts. So Pm me those bra. :)

I don't believe the poster wants help, of if they do, they want someone to merely agree with them. I could be wrong, but in any case, thread closed.