How's the nc thing working for u? Did u give in?

Hello - well I am happy to say that I have kept up my full no contact since my last big update - going on a full week tomorrow. What's even better is this includes me not even checking her Facebook or online pages as well. This is a must because I used to be hurt by things I would read. I can tell I am improving.

I also thought that after I told her I won't be friends and to not call me she would listen. But you guys are right (like usual) and she sent me a text message 2 days ago asking how I am and what I am up to. It actually made me laugh and I immediately deleted it and ignored it.

As for how I am feeling. I still feel pretty bad and think about her all the time. But I am starting to see time heals. I've been going out with friends, which is fun, but it also makes me see so many girls I would have no interest in whatsoever. I also went out on a sort of innocent lunch date yesterday with a different girl. I didn't end up being interested in her but it was therapeutic to hang out with a female and just talk, laugh and have a good time etc.

I do often have low times where I feel lonely and find myself thinking about the past. Often at night or in the morning, or when something reminds me of her (which happens a lot). But I am hoping this will fade more and more as time goes on. I know I am still scared about the difficulty of starting new with a future person and really can't imagine getting to the same level of comfort. BUT I KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN, and I am positive. I also talked to another friend who went through a big breakup recently - and it made me realize it's just a fact of life. And EVERYONE thinks they were going to last forever.

Thanks all I will keep you updated! You are a great help and I find myself looking forward to posting here, either when I have accomplished more time of NC or when I am feeling down

You've got things in perspective now-and you are on the right path!
Keep ignoring all attempts at communication,the hint will be taken-somewhere along the line.

Great job and I totally feel you on the different emotions you are going through, I've been in a break up going on 7 weeks starting the new week today.The constant thinking of HOW someone we love could reject us like nothing,that hurts me. I had to temporary delete my Facebook so I don't keep looking at his page, because he adds a new girl weekly and it hurts.But time will heal, hopefully soon...

Hello again - so the good news is I have continued NC and completed an entire week (on day 8) - very happy about that. This is the first time I have gone this long without knowing what she has done (I haven't checked her online pages) - It feels weird to know I am completely losing her, but I haven't been hurt more which is awesome.

The bad news is that for some reason today I am in a funk thinking about things. I woke up and found myself thinking about all the many signs that my ex was cheating with her boss. I had this gut instinct through the long breakup period and there were these signs that added up to it, but she never admitted it and I couldn't prove it. The funny part was that I wasn't thinking I want to run and get her back, it was more of an anger for her thinking she pulled this over my head and that she left me with me not knowing anything about her possible infidelity.

I know you guys will say "Stop thinking about her and the past", and I know it's true. AND I have been doing a great job at blocking out past thoughts. But I felt very hurt today, worst day in a while, and wanted to vent it out, and I am trying to move on from this feeling. It is ironic, because a few weeks ago I would have loved to send a text or email or respond to her text saying please come back. But today, I want send her a message or respond to her next attempt with sort of a message saying "F*** off, I know the truth and you're a cheating liar"

I guess this is an anger stage LOL, I hate her thinking she was smarter than me on this one. I don't know - maybe some kind words of encouragement or personal experiences of healing will help me today!

Thanks

It's a rolercoaster my friend. You will have your ups and downs for the weeks/months to come. Im glad you are doing well with NC. Keep it up and keep venting, it helps. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not the only one going through this. The more I realize that breaking up is a part of life, the better I feel. The more at ease I feel knowing I am not alone. Life is about change and everything happens for a reason. You may not see it now but you will come out a better person having gone through such change.

Yup ,I think you're in anger mode-again normal and that too will fade with time.
Are you keeping a journal for yourself?

That will make interesting reading after a while!

Thanks guys - I am keeping a journal, it is not daily but I have many entries since this all started. I also have this thread on the site to look back on.

It is so difficult because it's my first time for all of this, my first long-term relationship (2.5 years), my first breakup obviously, my first time getting dumped, and the first time probably being cheated on. These feelings are all so new to me and its like an emotional overload.

What I have been doing is following the advice of everyone who has been there before (the forum, family friends). So much of it seems wrong at the time, but a little while after I realize it was the right thing to do. Many times I don't even know if it was the right move, but I guess there is no right moves.

It is such a sad occurrence in life to have to literally and immediately block out a person who has been your everything, your best friend for such a long time. It is like her death, but even worse because there's no finality. Who knew I even could experience such inner feelings.

The pain I have been feeling makes me wonder as well. I don't even know if I miss her so much because my love was "that" strong, or if I am more missing the comfort and the loss of a best friend/companion. Probably a combination of all. I am no longer living in the memories of our past. Now I am working on learning about this whole experience so I can improve and take it with me. And be able to know my feelings more as I move on to new relationships.

This whole experience has really made me question life and myself. I don't think I have any more answers at this point, just plenty of questions. All I know is the girl I fell for no longer exists and I impatiently await the day to have a new beginning with someone more special, as impossible as it may seem now.

The hardest thing to do after a break up is learning how to be YOU again. We immerse ourselves so much in a relationship that when it ends we forget who we are. So take this time to learn more about yourself. The someone special will eventually come around, but more importantly now is the time to rebuild your ego and your emotions.

Been a few days since I updated - Good news is today I have made it 2 full weeks, I am on day 14 of NC. She actually hasn't tried to contact me in this period either, like she was doing before. It feels weird and I still have my bad moments, but it is gradually sinking in. And you were right, every day it gets better by the SLIGHTEST amount. I think about her very often still, but it is not in the same "on a pedestal way". It is more in the I lost my best friend way and I can't believe it wasn't forever way. It also feels weird that I haven't looked at her Facebook in so long. I truly don't know what she has been up to and I have to tell you, ignorance is bliss.

I am still upset about the whole situation and clearly adjusting to single life. I am still also overwhelmed about the starting over / finding someone new phenomenon. Very scary. I walk around now with my "eyes open" to the girls around and it is not too reassuring. I know it probably is because I am trying to look too hard or whatever but it still is scary.

My ex's birthday is also on Friday - I will definitely keep up the NC and do nothing, you guys agree? Feels so weird because she was my best friend for 2.5 years and now I will ignore her birthday. BUT she did walk out on me and break my heart. She doesn't deserve my wishes.

I also felt better after talking to a bunch of my friends recently. Turns out they all didn't have the best things to say about my ex. They thought she was mean and that overall I will find someone better. They also said I am only 24 and about to start working as a lawyer and will be meeting a whole new group of females on a different wavelength in all aspects. I am starting to agree.

Well here's to the next update - Probably on her birthday

And for any of you reading this who happened to be going through the beginning of a break up - NC from the get-go. I already regret my few weeks of limbo and limited contact.

You are doing great.
The more you get used to not responding, the easier it will get. It will just become a habit.

The less you know about her the better.
Cause she's no longer a part of you, only the past.

Ex's can't break our hearts & expect to hang out, talk, text or whatever.

Let her live her life and you start living yours again. Except this time w/o any BS, just a new lesson.

Ya know Robin,

Some people paint this idyllic fantasy about what they want their partner to be and get blinded by it. Not seeing reality.

Its funny, my ex used to find fault with me for no reason, make me feel like crap as I was bending over backwards. Sacrificing and ultimately giving to the point where myself was gone.

She would say things like "I want us to be a such & such couple" or " I want I bf thats this and that"

My guess is that my ex is now busting someone else's nuts.

Im sorry for that guy.

Haha - thanks Van. I feel that I was facing the same situation with my ex. I believe she had these unrealistic expectations about what she deserves or will find in a partner and she thought that I was an amazing person and she showed her feelings throughout our whole relationship, but she thought I was "not good enough", or not her ideal mate.

I have a feeling my ex has this ideal picture of the guy she wants that fits more into a Disney movie than in reality. Honestly, she had it pretty damn good with me. She may never be satisfied and may move from person to person looking for this mystery man. She also probably won't regret leaving me because she is stubborn and will drill it into her head that I was not perfect. I also found out at the end how materialistic she was becoming and how money was really sooo important to her. She just was different than who I thought she was, and as the time goes on I am seeing it more and more.

I am praying that some time from now (hopefully not too long) I meet a someone who makes me feel amazing and I realize that her leaving me was the best thing that ever happened to me

You sound pretty well adjusted.

Sometimes its takes this heartbreak to realize what we already knew, but denied for one reason or another.

You will for sure find someone, but not with looking. It will be presented when you least expect it.

Just have fun fun & live your life for yourself & the people that truly matter to you. The ones that show love & respect without question.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RobinBoston

I am praying that some time from now (hopefully not too long) I meet a someone who makes me feel amazing and I realize that her leaving me was the best thing that ever happened to me

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You need not pray to meet someone. It is coming off as a desperate ploy on your part that you want someone so badly in your life. You DO NOT need anyone to be happy. First learn to be happy by yourself - learn to make yourself feel amazing. I think the issue is starting to become that you rely on someone else for this sort of non-self fulfilling happiness. That isn't how life works and no relationship you ever have will survive if you base it upon that.

Stop, breathe and just take it one day at a time. Fill your life with your own happiness.

KC - I agree with your last post. I do not know why I am thinking I need someone else to fill this void left by her leaving. This was my first long term relationship, thus, I lived for 22 years without the support of another person and was very very happy and content with myself. I need to remember this feeling and get back to being happy alone.

I know the common advice is to get happy about yourself and eventually you will meet someone again when you least expect it. I just am having a very hard time adjusting. I keep thinking that finding another girl who shows interest will make me see who is out there and move on.

Do you guys have some advice on how to transition quicker to loving myself, by myself, and to not feel I need another to fill this void. My head knows the truth, my heart says I need someone else. Will just time and keeping active eventually allow me to feel this?

Quote:

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Will just time and keeping active eventually allow me to feel this?

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Yes it will, especially if your doing positive fulfilling things for yourself. AND leaving her alone!

Exactly.

You know, all of the fun things you did before.

Forget the notion that you "need" someone to be happy.

Just live for those moments that make you feel good & create more of them.
As many as you can.

VERY UNEXPECTED UPDATE... PLEASE HELP!!

So, tonight I was out with some friends and we ran into a mutual friend of mine and my ex (more her friend) . I haven't see her in a while and we never discussed the break up. I told her how I was trying to stay out of her life and moving on, etc.

HOWEVER, I was very drunk and she said she needed to tell me something. So I was dumb, when I should have walked away but I listened and this dumb situation literally pushed me back to day one. For some reason I am crushed right now.

Well here's the deal, what I always had a gut instinct feeling about was that things with us went sour partly due to my ex having this thing for her rich boss who was a scumbag. This guy is 35 (she's 23) and he is out of control rich, BUT he has a wife and 2 kids. I just always had this fear and feeling in the back of my mind that he was trying to get with her, but not knowing was great.

WELL - The friend told me that this boss paid well over $5k for the two of them to go on a trip to Europe for my ex's birthday (which is in 2 days)... All of my fears have come true. I no longer have my ignorance is bliss feeling. This is sick.

I guess I never actually knew this girl. The same girl who badmouthed cheaters and homewreckers etc. SHE IS THAT GIRL. She is a disgusting goldigger and I cannot believe this is the girl who I loved for sooo long. The only good thing is that I guess this came out now and I got away when I could.

They say everything happens for a reason, so better to get away now then let this drag on and then her true self finally come out.

OK WELL - I am done venting - this night went totally sour fast as you can imagine. Please guys, give me some responses to this, I REALLY CAN USE SOME WORDS OF COMFORT.

Though this was not technically contact, I will continue on my way towards healing. This actually made me just hate her even more, I do not want reconciliation as I now know who she is, I am just upset that the past 2.5 years was with "someone else"... Goodnight guys, I will be back tomorrow.

Well its good morning from me here in England-ok-so alcohol is not a great mate-and you allowed yourself to be the recipient of gossip.

I don't think you are back on square one, see it as a moment of folly and a minor lapse.
Tomorrow is a new day.

When you sobered up a bit you realizes that it was you who put her on this pedestal in the first place, and drunk or not at some point reality was going to smack you with truth.

Shake your head, and keep it moving, as you were blind before, and now you can see what you avoided. Your feeling got stirred up, but just like a hangover, you deal with it till its gone, and this is only a big crisis, if you make it one.

You will get drunk again, and maybe hear, or see more of what she is doing now, so what, its her problem not yours, and doesn't affect you unless you let it.

That's your answer to news about her, so what!!

Hey guy, so I am sober again and it's a new day. I am still upset about what I heard, but I guess I am back to my original mindset. It was only a matter of time until I found out the truth (her and the older guy). Just shows that you guys should usually go with your gut instinct. I just can't believe you are best friends, lovers, everything with a person who you think you know with all your heart for over 2 years, and in an instant you find out they are someone different. Guess it's my first major life lesson in love. It's the betrayal that hurts.

WELL, I have made up my mind that I will not sit and dwell on this, though easier said than done. I realize that no matter what she does now, I am not involved and probably not even thought about. So I will try to pretend she does not exist again, and I will continue as I was doing before I heard this news.

The amount it hurt made me also realize I am FAR from over her, though it has only been about 5 weeks. I have been "sweeping my thoughts under the rug". I know this will take time and I was hoping it would be over quick I guess. Clearly I will need plenty of more time.

Well here's to continuing healing and not paying attention to her. Thanks for the support guys.

AND - It is by reading through many of your past stories of those who were hurt even worse than me, and have gone through this pain and healed and then ended up sooo happy in the end with a new mate, that keeps me moving on with strength and excitement. :)

October 2008: KC was doing awful. A truly low point in my life for a long time.

February of 2010: KC is living it up and having the time of my life.

I know your pain and all I can say is that it will get better. Good luck!

Also, just to inform you, it has been a LONG time since my breakup, but even now some information I hear about my ex can have an effect on me. That is natural, so no worries.

Robin,
Everything you say is true. So glad you realize this BS.

Even though it hurts. Its not worth worrying about those rejects. They don't give a rats a$$ about anyone but themselves. Users. And she's young. Lots of growing up to do. But also doesn't have values or respect. Just what floats her boat.

Sorry you had that altercation. That's the closure. On both ends.

Never ever waste your time on someone like that. Be aware of people & signs.

The reward in all of this is that you became a better person. She didn't.

Thanks Van - your post definitely helps keep things in perspective. I know the truth but hearing others write the truth also helps me allow it to sink in and continue to heal.

WELL - today is kind of rough as it is my ex's birthday. It feels very weird to ignore her, but I have done so to this point and will not message her at all. So, instead I will wish a happy day to all of you guys. You all have been so supportive and genuine and all have great hearts. You deserve my well wishes. She doesn't deserve anything else from me and will not get it.

Here's to a great rest of the day and to me getting past today and continuing on the healing process.

You're doing all the right things.

Her BD or any other day no longer involves you. You no longer need to offer your heart, only for her to decide. Screw that.

She's her new BF's problem now. Hehehe.

Thanks for your sentiments & know that this is a godsend. Congratulations.

You rock, buddy.

One thing to realize is that 2.5 years is a bit.

It takes time. Be patient, strong & good to yourself.

Its been 9 or so months for me after a 5 year one with a selfish narcissist.

A mind screw, I wish I could take that time back in a way, but Im also grateful for what Ive learned about that & myself. I worked my butt off to do so & I still am.

Been battling insomnia lately & woke up after a crappy & vivid dream about my ex. Haven't had one of those in a while. And honestly, it shook me. Even after a good day before.

I guess what Im saying is this is a process. Be cool & proactive.

Its different for everyone. At 24, or any age, the world is your oyster.

NC is SOOOO hard! I know how you feel...

Hey guys - just got back from a night away with a few of my guy friends. They knew it was my ex's birthday so that took me out of town for a night to go out, party and stay over at a hotel. Overall it was fun, though a little sad at times because we were at a lot of places I used to go with my ex. I guess that is going to happen after being together for so long, we went everywhere.

But despite being sad and it being her birthday I successfully did NOT contact her at all and managed to have fun.

SOOO the UPDATE is - her birthday was Friday, and tonight (Sunday) I get a text from my ex. First contact from her in almost 3 weeks. It simply said "Are you telling me you did not wish me a happy birthday".

This MADE ME LAUGH and then ANGRY. Like are you kidding me lol. I ignored it. Some nerve. She's deserves sh#* from me! O well I wanted to vent and tell you guys so I don't answer her haha.

Have a good night all, I made it past the birthday!

Fantastic, buddy!! Congrats.

Feels good to be in control, huh?

She's a user & abuser, just like my ex.

What a laugh.

Robin,

I can relate so much to your story.

The thing to keep in mind is that not everyone is wired the same way.

We both got with selfish snakes.

Can you possibly fathom dumping someone while obviously deceiving way before, then wondering why no birthday love?

Just imagine her lying in bed w/her new boyfriend texting that one.

As if.

Some people are sick & twisted. Get with the good ones.

Read up on narcissism. Or better yet run.

Well done you!

She sounds more and more like a textbook narcissist,so good riddance to bad rubbish.

Have a good week and be good to yourself.

Thanks Van & Amicon. I have read some past posts relating to narcissim, but have not really learned about it. Maybe I'll check it out when I get some free time.

Anyway, I feel good that I made it past her birthday, her text, and now almost 3 full weeks of NC. Van, a funny thing is that you asked me if it felt good that she texted me about ignoring her birthday. The truth is that it DID feel good to get a text from her showing that it affected her, but the weird thing is that I felt kind of bad. This is because I am a very nice guy and it is abnormal for me to be mean to a person who I cared sooo much about.

BUT I know it was the right thing to do. And now I realize that all she did at the end was TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD. Everything was about what I did. I didn't appreciate her, didn't tell her she was the best, didn't do this, didn't do that.

But you know what I didn't do, I didn't shatter her heart in a million pieces and talk to other guys and lie to her for the past month before dumping her - SHE DID ALL THAT

It scares me to see you are 9 months in and still not 100% healed. I am about 5-6 weeks in (3 NC) - and I can't take it anymore haha. I still think about her much too often, even though I am trying not to and to move on. I am hoping time will heal. We all know she isn't thinking about me, I shouldn't be thinking about her. Wish it was that easy.

Oh well, here's to a new day, and a new week of NC. Let's hope time continues to heal, hopefully quicker!!

You have reached some valuable insights in quite a short time,and NC is working wonders for you.

We all heal at a different pace-if it helps I can tell you that it took me about 2 months to get over my ex.

Just got another text from my ex. I didn't respond to the first message commenting that I ignored her birthday. This time she just writes "are you ignoring my message".

UMM YES - haha. I am ignoring you from my whole life, I disappeared and you have "passed away" in my book. It is actually funny. She is like annoyed that I actually did not address her birthday. It truly confirms what you guys have been saying.

She doesn't want me anymore, but can't stand the fact that I am not sitting around and still there for her to do things such as wish her happy birthday. It's pretty sick.

Oh well, back to the grind. Thought it was humorous/confusing and wanted to vent/post

Nice.
Keep up the good work.

Pat yourself on the back.
Let her sit there and be sick.
You're lucky to be rid of her!

Well the ignoring of her birthday and her texts afterward must have "woke up the beast" haha.

Just saw my ex was trying to CALL me this time. First attempted phone call in quite some time. I guess she is getting desperate for some contact, or curious or whatever. I am smarter now though than I was a month ago and I canceled her call and ignored it immediately. I will not respond.

Very, very weird. Was this brought on because by ignoring her birthday she doesn't feel in control of me anymore?

Whatever it is I will continue the NC - had to vent!

Now delete & block her number & email address.

Yup, she thought she had you pegged & you would come running. Then give you false hope, relieve some guilt, get her jollies, then skate away.

Haha.

You're the one in control now & she doesn't like that one bit.

Oh, well...

You blew her theory of being a friend who would chase her for more, and be her emotional tampon, clear out of the water. Keep NC, as next she will be really PO'd that you're unavailable for any further misery from her.