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Listen to what she is telling you man. You two are of diffent faith and her is saying that you two will never have a furture. So I would just let her go and move on. I know you don't want to right now but first off you don't have a choice because she broke it off and seconde she could have did you a favor. Now you are single and you get to find the RIGHT girl for you who could possible have a future with.
Sometimes when people of different cultures and faiths can look beyond that, it's best to move on. She could be using that as an excuse to spare your feelings.
Trying to win over a confused female is nowhere to be and will only drive you crazy. It doesn't matter what you do or say, she will just come up with some other reason why you can't be together.
It's best just to cut ties and move on. She doesn't know what she wants and is basically saying, in a round about way, she doesn't want to be with you.
It's hard, but it's best to realize this now, than spin your wheels trying to convince her otherwise. Plus, if you do convince her to stay with you now, what saying 4-months down the road she doesn't pull this stunt again. You have to look out for yourself and your own well-being in these situations and make some hard choices. Many times those hard choices you make will pay off big later.
Wow she wants me back now :\
Maybe she found out her ex doesn't want her so she ran back to you. Good luck mate!
brokenheartls, I am a woman and I feel for you. I also think you are a doormat and still too young to know and understand relationship. Listen to some of these guys who's had so much more experience. So now she wants you back today. How about tomorrow? Would she change her mind again? She's so young she doesn't know what she wants. Wait until you are a little more older to go into a serious relationship.
Hey guys... I listened to your advice and now she wants me back.. so after talking about it we got back together :) its all perfect and she is really too nice now that its awesome :D
Just one problem... she is really kissing me less and not trying to hug me or anything more then before.. I tried talking about it.. she told me I felt wrong doing that kind of stuff..
How can I let her change her mind? Into thinking its OK because I'm her b.f please help me , thanks :))
Well.. I asked in this site on how to get my g.f back and I worked :) now there is a new problem :( my g.f changed she kisses me less or touches me less she never lets me touch her she hugs me less... she talked to me about it... she said what we did was wrong and that we are still young , I told her its OK because we are in love and she's my g.f and will always love her... but still it didn't change her mind..
So what to do? How can I change her back :( I need help..
p.s there is a chance I'll see her tomorrow...
The answer to your question is simple: you cannot change her back. Not only that, but it would be very disrespectful and manipulative to even attempt to.
Only she can change herself. And if she talked to you about this, and nothing happened, there's a good chance that she doesn't want to change.
Physical touch is important in a relationship. If your partner is not willing to give you a hug, there's a problem. Talk to her about it. Sit down and have a chat. It couldn't hurt. Find out what she's thinking and how she feels.
Both of you probably have romantic feelings for each other. You have to remember that love is more than just feelings, it is trust, respect, honesty, communication, commitment.
Your totally right... but I need this physical contact.. she says that she is more comfortable without any physical stuff... I tried talking a lot about it but she always changes the subject... I mean I'm really happy she is comfortable but what about my needs? She said that this physical contact doesn't do good for her only make her feel sad.. and that it only makes me happy.. can't I arrange something I mean how can I let her feel what I feel ? And what about my feelings? What doesn't she care that I'm sad..Quote:
Originally Posted by jaime90
You have a different love language then her. You "hear" and "speak" love through physical touch. So do I. I know how important physical touch is. But, there's a good chance that her love language is NOT physical touch.
There are 5 love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Ask her what her love language is!
A relationship has to go both ways. Even though it might be awkward, my fiancé gives me random kisses throughout the day, and it's a little weird to me because I don't understand how me cleaning up our apartment makes him feel loved.
since she is your girlfriend, she should give some thought into how you feel, and even though she doesn't want to, she should honestly, suck it up and give you a hug and a kiss if it means making you feel loved. That's just the way relationships go when you truly love someone. You BOTH need to feel loved.
I wrote her 39 love letters... I give her a special gift every month..Quote:
Originally Posted by jaime90
I bring chocolate on every date... I like text her 200 times a day , I once slept beside her house for 5 hours so I could say how sorry I am for my stupid mistakes... I always respect her , but I'm a guy I need physical contact.. I also play her songs on my guitar and piano , and I'm very romantic... so I'm not just physical... I just want to know why she changed :( if it's a good reason trust me kissing her and hugging her is all I need , even seeing her makes me happy..
I just want to change her back , like a changed back for her after we got back together
You can't change her back. Only she can do that. I'm a young woman, and I need physical contact- like I said, it's my love language, it is how I speak love, and how I hear love.
You can't change her back. That is her choice.
The problem physical contact was very normal and I really liked that... and suddenly she changed telling me its wrong.Quote:
Originally Posted by jaime90
Can't I at least say something to her so she'll change her mind?
The thing is, if you try to MAKE her change, or influence her to change- it isn't really by her own, free-will, it's because you convinced her to touch you again. Do you really want to try to change her mind for her, or would you rather her do it herself because she truly loves you? If you change her mind, there's a good chance your relationship won't last. I suggest sitting down and talking to her about this. Having a serious conversation. Tell her that you NEED physical contact, this isn't an option, and if you are going to feel loved in the relationship it is something you need. Work on making her feel loved, but make sure that she understands that it goes two ways, and she needs to pull her weight in the relationship.
But she doesn't want to talk about it... and when I do she just leaves.. someone probably fu** her mind by telling her its wrong...Quote:
Originally Posted by jaime90
I've change after when got back... she talked to me and I listened and changed back... why can't she do the same... I mean.. isn't that what people do if they love each other...
She also said that she physically touched me before because she loved me.. she said that I only enjoyed it and that's why she stopped...
I think there are 3 solutions...
1. I stop thinking about this kind of things..
2. let her feel what I feel
3. be selfish just like she is now and telling her I don't want this relationship ( this is like the last thing I would do )
If you got any other options I'm willing to listen
Enjoy the roller coaster ride
I agree to the above - you can't change her back...
... but I think what you are feeling is the confusion of WHY she changed in the first place.
Have you talked to her about it? Have you asked her why the sudden change of heart?
Maybe I don't know the back story, but why did you break up in the first place? Was it cheating?
You've got to talk to her and see why she changed. You're not going to understand it if you don't talk about it.
How old are the two of you, anyway?
You may have tallked her or somehow got her to physically come back, but she is not "back" and there is so much more than "telling" her that you love her, there is no one way to show another how you feel, to some words mean little, it is actions, to others it may be time and to others, other issues.
But at the end of the day, if she is not happy being back there is nothing you can do plus unless we have all aged during this post, she is still just 16, odd are she will have several other boyfriends before the "forever" one comes along
And during the next few years she will be changing greatly as she matures ( don't start with that "she is mature"} she is young and we all change, you will be different at 30 than you are today, and different at 50 than at 30. Most couples as they mature learn to adjust to each other,
At the end of the day, you are obsessed, to the point of what I would call a stalker for this poor girl, she may have come back out of fear than any other reason,
Threads merged
First of she is NOT mature at all that's for sure... I don't say I love you unless I mean it... I DID a lot to show her that... you can't imagine how many gifts, poems, love notes and risking my job for her and even my health...Quote:
Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck
She came back because she wanted to... I actually left her alone to think about it... she called now and told me she is with her mom... and that she misses me a lot and she can't wait till she sees me and kisses me...
I felt better when she said that because that's the old her...
I just want her 100% back and not just physically back
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem
Thanks for the merge :D
There is something bothering your ex, whether with her ex, or your best friend, or someone else, or the religion. Well, I'd say your girlfriend is very confused. Its not going right, she's like a roller coaster, at the age of 16, very normal. Mean time very dangerous for you, be caution as you might bungee jump your heart. Take things easily, don't be desperate and keep us updated if your need support and advise :)
I talked to her on the phone... she said she didn't change... she said she feels loved when we only kiss and hug often...
Without any physical contact...
She also doesn't talk to me about sensitive subjects... I told her to try.. she said she will see me tomorrow and talk to me about something going on with her family.. that's on thing solved.. the other thing is that I don't feel loved...
It bothers me that we kiss like 5 times in a time of 30 minuets when we used to kiss each other like 100 times in 30 minuets...
She changed.. I want a solution please suggest something
The only thing anyone can suggest is that the two of you talk it out.
The only person who knows why she has changed is your girlfriend.
Have a serious,honest conversation about where this is going ,and if you can't communicate, there isn't much of a relationship.
OK I talked to her she understood my situation and she said she will try her best to change back to normal... she said she will prove it tomorrow when we'll go out... I'll fill you in in another 15 hours...
Thanks for letting us know, brokenheartls!
I hope that all goes well!
OK I went to see her... she lied to me.. she doesn't want to change.. so I broke up with her..
And now she says she will change if I let her come back..
What should I do :S she doesn't want to listen to me , she never wants to suggest something that both of us will accept...
She told me she wants to prove she changed this Thursday
Please advice me on what to do next.. any ideas are appreciated
Thanks!
Stay broken up-you don't need this emotional rollercoaster in your life.
Don't try to flog this dead horse any longer.
Go NC and ignore her forever.
Hey brother, we all know that girl is immature and she will not change if you take her back. She's going to take your for granted. How about taking a break and let her change?
My neighbor is interested in me... she is new around so I got to know her a week ago... and she talked about a relationship with me... I think I'll go for it :)Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Not a great idea. That's called a rebound and they're not fair on the person you rebound with.
First you heal completely from your breakup-then you'll be ready to start dating and get to know someone new.
There's no law that says you have to be in a relationship-
Just learn to enjoy being single for some time.
No she is not a rebound... my ex dumped me like 3 months ago... ( October ) I think I got over it by now... and I really like this new girlQuote:
Originally Posted by amicon
And just like how some people are addicted to smoking, sex , pot... etc..
I'm addicted to love :P and I'm awesome at giving love and I think there is a new relationship on the way
You want to talk to her, and see how things are but also want to start a relationship with someone else. It sounds to me that you are co-dependent.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
You seem to have forgotten that you got back together only recently and have now broken up again.
So,no,you're not over her,unless that was the most quick healing process ever.
In which case you should bottle your formula and sell it.
You're trying to get over your heartbreak by going for a new relationship and that's not a good road to go down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
My ex doesn't want to change back...
I mean.. how can I be in a relation with someone that isn't honest ,she keeps lying to me , she doesn't want to kiss or hug me , she doesn't want to show affection...
Do you call this a healthy relationship??
Because I found a girl that wants to give me all those things...
I told my ex I can't be with her...
I feel like dating a friend... I can't touch kiss or hug her... she doesn't want to tell me about things that's bothering her...
When she is sad she keeps telling me I'm an a**hole because my help isn't enough..
I can't be with a girl that keeps criticizing me about everything I do , she keeps reminding me of my mistakes..
Well, lets about the new girl then. I bet you're going to come back here and say you miss your ex's hug and kisses and get confused all over in a short while.
I got over my ex... it has been 3 months you know...Quote:
Originally Posted by bswc
I got back to my ex the first time because she threatens me... she said she will commit suicide , what the hell am I supposed to do about that :(?
I don't want her to kill her self because of me... I used to love her.. she changed and I don't know.. my feelings for her died..
That's good news, move forward!
Feelings come and go- because love is a choice. It is not merely feelings for someone.
If you want to get involved with another girl, I suggest getting to know her better than you did this one who you say lies to you. You got to show a little patience, and be cautious. It's called 'protecting your emotions until you completely trust someone, and actually KNOW them, so you don't get hurt.' You need to be WAY more careful than you have been or you're going to end up in a relationship with a girl that, surprise, isn't the 'nice' girl that you thought she was, or in, yet another breakup. People cannot hide their negative qualities forever. If you find a girl you're interested in, be her friend, and sit back and take a chill pill. You need to WAIT until her true colors come through, because chances are, at least some of what she's doing is just for show.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaime90
I'm actually taking it very slow... I got to know her sister they are really very nice... her friends are awesome too.. except one lol...
I will follow your advice and take it slow...
And by the way... my ex is a liar , I was walking in the street yesterday and then boom she is in front of me talking to her ex :)
She started saying I'm sorry he called I didn't want to answer...
I told her.. : yeah.. please move I'm going to see my girlfriend...
I never thought someone could be so heartless...
By the way this girl wasent in a relationship before never kissed a guy.. nothing..
And she is really shy.. I mean if I touch her hand she turns red :\
Can you give me an advice on how to make her feel more comfortable with me ?
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