Of course its hard, and it hurts, that's the way its supposed to be because it shows you cared. Don't forget that. You are reacting like a caring human who hurts. That's not a bad thing, just painful.

When you feel nothing is when you should be really worried.

I wonder... should I send her a text message wishing her Merry Christmas? Or should I just ignore?

Ignore!

Yes, she doesn't deserve it

I thought it would be nice to wish her a merry christmas but then I guess that would likely set me back to square one again. I won't send any even though I care for her a lot. Thanks, Tal.

It's OK to feel those emotions. But its not OK, to be in love with someone who has physically and mentally abused you. It is a blessing she is out of your life.

Quote:

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She physically and verbally abused me such as slapping, choking, and said really nasty things in front of her house mate

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And you want to kiss her butt with a holiday greeting to show you care? NO WAY!

Guys, I've made it! I didn't send her any greetings... It was a tough decision. I still think of her somehow.

She's been asking around including my friends where to get the facial stuff I used to get for her. I must say that it's kind of hard to find it in the normal local stores. I had to ask one of my friends from another state to buy it at that time. Should I help her this time or let the new guy to figure it out?

I still care for her and I do not expect anything in return. Of course, I won't give it to her personally. I will get someone to pass it to her. What do you guys think?

Let the new guy figure it out, of course. Mind your own business, and share the holiday with those who want to share it with you, like your family.

Guess that's the only thing I can do -let the new guy to figure it out. I know deep inside we can never be together again, but I do hope that the new guy will treat her good and she will find happiness in him. I admit that I'm not a perfect guy and I still think of her every now and then. I strongly believe that it will hurt me if I get to know her new guy is mistreating her. I know it sounds a little crazy and absurd but I still care for her a lot..

Sometimes I just can't understand myself. At times, I wish that I could make her see and on the other hand I just want her to be happy with whomever she's with. It's so contradicting.

It's a contradiction because you're human and that's the way we can still feel about someone.
But its time you took care of you now.
Move on with your healing and leave this in the past.

Your breakup is still relatively fresh , so it's not abnormal to still want to contact her , and the reason is normally to get some sort of reaction from her and that's the False hope that she may change her mind.

Tragedy
You just need to be patient and accept the healing process takes time , you'll have weak moments where you may want to contact her , like this time with the Xmas text , it's just an excuse to break the NC and sometimes we play games with ourselves to try to justify it.

Be Patient , it takes time , and believe me and everyone else here when we say it will get better. And a few months down the track you'll realise it and thank us for helping you to keep your dignity.

You are still trying to give to her.

Out of routine.

Take that effort and time and use it other ways.

Give to those who actually care.

Don't worry about her or if her new boyfriend is treating her well.

Concentrate on yourself & getting back to reality.

Realize what is happening.

I guess you guys are right. I have not completely over my ex and I really have to start getting up from this failed relationship. It's eating me up. At times I could hardly breathe. But I have much control now as compared to the previous months and still keeping NC. It hits me really hard, I wasn't prepared and was too blinded till I couldn't see the red flags. I let her get the best of me.

It has been months since we broke up. She's having fun, completely removed me out of her life and I'm certain that she doesn't think of me... not even a second. Meanwhile, I'm here struggling and still thinking of her every now and then even after what she had done to me. Worse, I wanted to help her to get the facial stuff. How silly is that? Guess I was still holding on to false hope... Hoping that she would talk to me again (not romantically, but as friends). How silly can this guy be?

I really want to heal but the road seems kind of bumpy and it has been a nightmare for me. I've found one of her tops is in my wardrobe yesterday. Should I throw it away?

Its just a top so I don't see why not-another reminder gone. Be patient with yourself but look forward and know that the road will smoothen out.
We're all saying the same thing here because we've been where you are now and we've reached the end of the tunnel.

Thanks, amicon. Should I throw away her top? Or mail it back to her?

Just bin it. No point in wasting postage on her I think.

It's the time of the year again. Still I find it so weird knowing she will be in another man's arm counting down to 2010. It still hurts but not as much as before. I must say that I have more control over my emotions now. Sadly, I bumped into her again when we were heading to our table. I spilled my drink. It's crazy, I know but I didn't look at her. I was hoping that I won't see her again because it stings. I know it takes time to heal and I hope everything will be over soon.

It's kind of true what you guys posted here. There's a point that I no longer have the desire to be her friend anymore. Maybe because I do not know how to face her again. I don't know. But I still care for her... that's for sure. Of course, at times I feel something is burning deep inside my heart, angry for what she has done to me. It's silly, I know.

Now, I have to concentrate picking up the pieces, trying to put them back together and make myself whole again. I keep reminding myself not to look back, I used to be a worry free man and I should gain back my old self. Yes, she may have moved on pretty quick this time. I should have known or see the signs much earlier. Let me jog my memory... Maybe I was her rebound when she broke up with her #10 boyfriend. She fell out of love with him relatively quick and she beginning to like me in a month's time or maybe less.

It's funny how things work. If she can do it to her previous exes, she can do it to me too and maybe her present or future partner. All I need to do now is to focus on myself. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. But I guess it's going to take me some time to get back in the game. I hope it won't be long. Anyway, she has her new man to take care of her now and it's not my business anymore.

Thanks guys for all your advice. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Of course, there will be ups and downs. But please bear with me. In the meantime, I would like to wish all of you HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

You'll be fine! And you will find the happiness you deserve.
Happy New Year!

It is a new year, so make the best of it!

I drove passed her house to pick up one of my friends who stays in the same neighbourhood for countdown (back to my place), which will happen in a few hours time. I shouldn't have taken that route, as my instinct kept telling me that I will bump into someone that I do not want to see. Yet, I didn't listen to my heart because I thought if I could see her new partner's car in front of her house, I will be able to move on faster. I'm so silly, such an idiot. I saw her housemate walking towards my direction as I was passing by! Now I wonder if she sees me and what if she tells my ex. Ugh, they will look at me like I'm needy, desperate... basically, a stalker! I feel like an idiot. It's like my dignity has just been crushed again. I shouldn't have taken that road. I just shouldn't. I've learned my lesson and I will never ever do that again...

No you're not an idiot you're a person who has a right to go about your business doing your thing.
Never mind what goes on in her life-this is your life.

I still miss her somehow... and it's bad. I know...

Finally, I'm letting go... I never thought I would feel this good. Well, I went ahead asking my friend to get her the facial stuff from another state and FedEx to her place. To my surprise or maybe not, she puts up a note in her myspace saying that she will toss it in the bin (that's what I heard from one of our mutual friend). The reason why I decided to help because some part of me still consider her as my friend and I no longer have the intention to be with her anymore. More like acquaintance. Somehow, she thinks or sees it differently. Surprisingly, I no longer have the urge to analyze why she wants to do that. With no questions, I would say that she doesn't need to do that. Ahh Well, my house mate called her a B* for doing that. ROFL. She can continue to hate me. I don't care about it anymore. I used to care a lot but not now anymore. I'll leave it to the universe to take care of the rest. I've lost count on how many days I didn't speak to her since I started NC. I think I'm getting there.. or maybe I'm already there that is I'm finally healed. I think with what she's doing now it really helps me to move on. What do you think?

That's a good attitude , to realise that no matter what you do the situation isn't going to change.

Get on with your life and stop wasting your time and energy on someone who obviously won't do the same for you.

Good advice.

A waste of time.

Yeah, finally I know it's a waste of time. I'm really really very glad that she did that. At least, it gives me a sign that she's not worth my tears or effort! Good that I've finally come to a conclusion. It's kind of like you're doing it out of courtesy and yet you still get a slap on your face! How cruel is that? LOL... Well, that's life I guess... :)

She can go on with her hatred... I simply don't care. To me, what goes around comes around. I'm happy to see her true true true colors! To a certain extend, I think I'm kind of glad being dumped. ROFL. If not, I think will still hang on to this relationship. In other words, it's a blessing in disguise! Don't you think so?

Don't hang on. Hang out. Later for her.

Everything you said before was right on.

She can hate, she can breakup, she can do whatever. One person in the world that wasn't right for you. Oh well, a sh**ty & painful life lesson. Not your last lesson yet, I hope...

Give this time & put your energy elsewhere.

Cool, now go NC.

Don't be afraid to stick your middle finger out.
You know when.

True-what goes around comes around-and now you've realised how wrong a relationship this was-for YOU.
Move forward in the knowledge that you are the(much)better person.

ROFL... You know, vanheart, never in my wildest dreams did I think she would behave like this. We are all grown up. Why can't she take it easily and let the bitter past pass? Past is past. There's no point for being so BITTER. I just don't see the point.

I helped her to get those stuff out of courtesy without asking for anything in return. Not even a damn dime! Nothing at all. I will do the same for those who know me. I'm getting texts, calls in the middle of the night from our mutual friends telling me that I don't deserve what she did to me. I didn't get it in the first place until they told me what she wrote on her wall.

Sometimes it's not worth being a nice guy. Although the facial stuff doesn't cost that much, but Hey! Is that how she says thank you? How thoughtful!

Amicon, you're right! It was so wrong! When we first broke up, like most of us here, I thought she was the one for me even after I was being physically and verbally abused. I can't sleep well because she was always on my mind and I couldn't stop thinking about the time we shared. To think it back, it doesn't worth my tears. It's an eye-opener! Huge! I don't know what she's trying to prove to put such a post on her wall. Maybe she thought I will be reading her myspace and feeling hurt. Too bad, my friends filled me in and I think I had worse in the past. So in this case, I no longer feel the pain but just "Whatever".

She has already moved on with a new guy. Why can't she just leave the past behind, take it easy instead of being so bitter? Again, I helped her just out of courtesy. Nothing else. Can't she see? Or she thinks I'm playing trick to win her back? Err.. it's a definitely definitely 'no no'! ROFL.

Yeah whatever-as you said-because Trad,it doesn't really matter anymore,does it? I hope this has given your selfrespect a boost.
Generally speaking,sad bitter people lead sad miserable little lives-decent honest ones have lives where they can be comfortable being who they are.

Amicon, it does boost up myself respect and self esteem too! I was stuck in a dark tunnel for months. I'm glad that I could finally see the light. I'm even glad to see her true colors. When I think of her post in her myspace, I kind of chuckle. How childish is that? Can't she grow up a little? Yes, she was involved in many relationship as compared to me. But what did she learn from the past? Not even a simple word called 'Respect'.

I couldn't believe that I've invested 2 years for this woman who ended up taking away my dignity and self respect. What a waste of my time! I'm going to do whatever it takes to regain it back. She no longer has control over me. She no longer has the upper hand. It's a huge relief to have it over and done.

Way to go! The healingprocess is about to be completed-good work-and I'm sure you've learned a lot about yourself as you've gone from despair to relief.
All relationships,good or bad,are learning experiences.

I told myself I must update this when I get back! ROFL. My ex threw everything, took a picture of the bin and posted it on her myspace! How interesting! Well, of course I feel a pinch but that's all. If that's what she wants to do, by all means. I have no control over it. But seriously, I don't think she needs to be this bitter. It's just a small gesture out of courtesy. Nothing else. Why being so bitter? I would love hear from a woman's perspective...

Stop checking her myspace page.

I didn't... my friend showed it to me when I was at his place. ROFL. Seriously, why does she need to be this bitter?

It doesn't matter.
Its over. She can waste her time posting stupid stuff for you see.

Wondering isn't going to get you anywhere.

Be more concerned how you are going to rock it from now one.

And honestly, someone that does vindictive stuff like that after the fact isn't worth a second of your time.

BTW, tell your friend that you don't need to see stuff like that & respect your feelings.